<rant> calling tech support (rants and funny stories)

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NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Haha - but now we have people going "um... I've been gone for four days, away on business. I had Windows ME before, but I came home to Windows XP and I don't have my internet connection."

Then you have to explain how WinXP is different and that you have to do this and that instead and have to look different places for the same damn programs and have to trouble shoot a whole different way, nothing working, then finding out at the last second as you're trying to reinstall NIC drivers that he's somehow logged in with guest privilages instead of admin rights. :frown:

nik
 

ElFenix

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Mar 20, 2000
102,402
8,574
126
i like when tech support tells me something completely wrong.
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Originally posted by: GrumpyMan
When I turn off my computer why doesn't the little light go out on the monitor? It just keeps blinking at me!

Either that or...

me: Okay sir, turn off your computer
<click>
him: okay, it's off
(wow, that was fast! this guy must have a kick-ass computer :)
me: Okay, turn it back on...
<click>
him: okay, it's on.
(uh...)
me: Um... is your mouse still locked in place and not moving like it was locked in place before we restarted the computer because it crashed???
him: yes, why?
me: Are the two windows of Internet Explorer still open on both pages that we had running before we restarted the computer?
him: yes, why? What does that matter?
me (muted my microphone): BASTARD!
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,229
2,539
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: GrumpyMan
When I turn off my computer why doesn't the little light go out on the monitor? It just keeps blinking at me!

I LOVE those kinds of calls as I bill per incident, but the trick is to answer the question without making the client feeel like a complete idiot !
 

pyonir

Lifer
Dec 18, 2001
40,856
321
126
Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Originally posted by: GrumpyMan
When I turn off my computer why doesn't the little light go out on the monitor? It just keeps blinking at me!

Either that or...

me: Okay sir, turn off your computer
<click>
him: okay, it's off
(wow, that was fast! this guy must have a kick-ass computer :)
me: Okay, turn it back on...
<click>
him: okay, it's on.
(uh...)
me: Um... is your mouse still locked in place and not moving like it was locked in place before we restarted the computer because it crashed???
him: yes, why?
me: Are the two windows of Internet Explorer still open on both pages that we had running before we restarted the computer?
him: yes, why? What does that matter?
me (muted my microphone): BASTARD!
wait....so when i push the button on my monitor, that DOESN'T shut off the computer? wth!?

 

djheater

Lifer
Mar 19, 2001
14,637
2
0
My situation is slightly different. I don't have to be nice to the user as long as thier problem is resolved. I deal with prideful arrogant store manager's all day :disgust: I have a few simple rules of engagement:

1) I give as good as I get. Approach me with anger or conceit and I will make our conversation memorably painful. OTOH, be honest and sincere... follow my direction and I will go out of my way to make the call easier on you.

2) Do not lie to me. I have been doing this long enough that I can sense it... If I confirm that you lied to me, I have no problem calling you on it publicly embarassing you and documenting it so that the next tech you get knows you're a liar.

3) You called me for help. If you think you can fix it that's fine but you shouldn't have called me then. If you start arguing with me about the direction I am giving... you can go fvck yourself.... putting you on hold and waiting for you to exhaust yourself is a nice break for me. When you're ready to follow my instructions let me know.
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Originally posted by: pyonir
Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Originally posted by: GrumpyMan When I turn off my computer why doesn't the little light go out on the monitor? It just keeps blinking at me!
Either that or... me: Okay sir, turn off your computer <CLICK>him: okay, it's off (wow, that was fast! this guy must have a kick-ass computer :) me: Okay, turn it back on... <CLICK>him: okay, it's on. (uh...) me: Um... is your mouse still locked in place and not moving like it was locked in place before we restarted the computer because it crashed??? him: yes, why? me: Are the two windows of Internet Explorer still open on both pages that we had running before we restarted the computer? him: yes, why? What does that matter? me (muted my microphone): BASTARD!
wait....so when i push the button on my monitor, that DOESN'T shut off the computer? wth!?

Well, when I inform them of what they're doing, they argue that they're turning the computer off. I tell them that they're turning off the computer's display and that the computer is the box next to the monitor and most of them in this situation sit there dumbfounded as if I'm speaking Greek to 2yr old.

nik
 

GoodRevrnd

Diamond Member
Dec 27, 2001
6,801
581
126
*ahem*
Some of my personal favorites (these are even worse when the morons give you attitude for asking them a "stupid" question):

Are you at your desktop?
Yes, the computer is on my desktop.

Do you have pcanywhere?
Yes, my pc is right here!



Then there's always the stuff like:

What version of windows do you have?
The newest one.

And when you find out their office 'server' is a 350mhz PII on a P2P.


OK, I'm going to stop now before my blood pressure goes up too much.
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Read this...
::evil grin::

..

The Bastard Operator from Hell #3
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I'm working so hard I barely have time to drive into town and watch a movie before I told people their printing will be ready. The queue's WAAAAAY too long to have everything printed (and sorted) by the time I told them, so I kill all the small jobs so there's only 2 left and I can sort them in no time.
Then, after the movie, (which was one of those slack Bertolucci ones that takes about 3 hours till the main character is killed off in a visionary experience) I get back and clear the printouts.
There's about 50 people waiting outside and I've got two printouts. That's about average for me. I thought I'd killed more tho. Anyway, I put out the printouts and walk slooowly inside, fingering the clipboard with "ACCOUNTS TO REMOVE" in big letters on the back. No-one says anything. As usual.
. . .
I'm sitting back in the Operations Armchair, watching the computer room closed circuit TV, which just happens to be connected to the frame-grabber's Video player (sent off for repair, due back sometime in '97) when the phone rings. That must be the 2nd time today, and it's really starting to get to me!
"Yes?" I say, pausing the picture.
"I seem to have accidentally deleted my C.V!" the voice at the other end of the line says.
"You have? What was your username?"
He tells me. What the hell, I AM bored.
"Ah no, you didn't delete it - I did."
"What?"
"I deleted it. It was full of sh!t! You didn't ever get more than a B- in any of your subjects!"
"Huh?"
"And that crap about being a foreign exchange student, that was your girlfriend and we both know it!"
"Huh?!!"
"Your academic records. I checked them, you were lying.. Besides which, you forgot to include your criminal record.."
"How did y.." He clicks. "It's you isn't it? THE BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL!"
"In the flesh, on the phone and in your account.... You shouldn't have called you know. You especially shouldn't have given me your username.." >clickety< >click< "Neither should you have sent that mail to the System Manager telling him what you think of him in such graphic terms..."
"I didn't send any.."
>clickety< >click<......
"No, you didn't did you? But who can tell these days? Not to worry though, It'll all be over VERY soon.." >clickedy clikc< "..change my username back, and..."
"b-b-b.." he blubs, like a stood-up date
"Goodbye now" I say pleasantly, "you've got bags to pack and a life to start over..."
I hang up.
Two seconds later the red phone goes. I pick it up, it's the boss. He mumbles the username of the person I was just talking to, mentions something about a nasty mail message, and utters the words "You know what to do...", with the dots and everything.
Later, inside the Municipal Energy Authority Computer, as I'm modifying the poor pleb's Energy Bill by several zeros, I can't help but think about what lapse of judgement - what act of heinous stupidity - causes them to call. Then, even later, when I'm adding the poor pleb's photo image over the top of the FBI's online "MOST Wanted Armed and Dangerous, SHOOT ON SIGHT" offenders list, I realise I'll probably never know; but then life goes on.
A couple of hours later, as I see the SWAT vehicle roll up outside the poor pleb's apartment I realise that for some, it just doesn't.
But tommorrow is another day
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Oh, and if you're going to buy your own modem to avoid the unit rental costs each month, don't buy a modem that's two or three years old and expect to get a solid connection!

nik
 

NikPreviousAcct

No Lifer
Aug 15, 2000
52,763
1
0
Dude... I just got a lady who tried backing up Outlook Express...
She burned the SHORTCUT to the PROGRAM onto CD before formatting her HDD and reinstalling.
Not the address book... not the inbox... she didn't export to a file and burn that to CD...

The program's shortcut that sat on her desktop.

She's almost in tears, but not quite. Guess it pays to know your software if you're running your business and need to back up key information...

The funny thing is that she's got a PC and a MAC networked...
she's formatted and reinstalled her OWN operating system, completely on her own...
understands the concept of burning CD's
runs her business from home...

...and "backed up" a program shortcut instead :D

nik
 

RGN

Diamond Member
Feb 24, 2000
6,623
6
81
Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Dude... I just got a lady who tried backing up Outlook Express...
She burned the SHORTCUT to the PROGRAM onto CD before formatting her HDD and reinstalling.
Not the address book... not the inbox... she didn't export to a file and burn that to CD...

The program's shortcut that sat on her desktop.

She's almost in tears, but not quite. Guess it pays to know your software if you're running your business and need to back up key information...

The funny thing is that she's got a PC and a MAC networked...
she's formatted and reinstalled her OWN operating system, completely on her own...
understands the concept of burning CD's
runs her business from home...

...and "backed up" a program shortcut instead :D

nik







OMFG, There is a real winner... :D

 

Mucman

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
7,246
1
0
Some days it's fun talking to the dolts... one time some guy caught me in the right mood and he was pissed that he couldn't access his website... It turned
out that a major back bone (UUNet) was having problems. His IP was unreachable from my computer. I told him it's pretty much not our problem and he told me what I am going to do about it... I then gave him a 30 minute chat on how IP works and how Client/Server architectures work :)
 

Gooberlx2

Lifer
May 4, 2001
15,381
6
91
I really just wish they'd turn down the goddamn stereo that's closer to the speaker phone than they are!! :(
 

Stiler

Banned
Nov 21, 2001
1,557
0
0
i hate when i call a msn tech and they are like "please install the msn software it will make your connection faster" i actually told them "actually no its ugly and i hate it" and then when AFTER i tell them i'm not computer illiterate and they are like, ok lets go to control panel, to do that click start, then settings and then control panel.
 

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,107
433
136
Originally posted by: Mucman
Some days it's fun talking to the dolts... one time some guy caught me in the right mood and he was pissed that he couldn't access his website... It turned
out that a major back bone (UUNet) was having problems. His IP was unreachable from my computer. I told him it's pretty much not our problem and he told me what I am going to do about it... I then gave him a 30 minute chat on how IP works and how Client/Server architectures work :)

Back when I did ISP support we ran into this every now & then. Sometimes they had 1/2 a clue & would say "Ok, sorry to bother you I guess I'll just wait." And then sometimes they thought everything past their phone jack was our problem.

rolleye.gif


No problem sir, I'll call UUNet right now & make them fix their problems!

Viper GTS
 

Viper GTS

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
38,107
433
136
Originally posted by: Stiler
i hate when i call a msn tech and they are like "please install the msn software it will make your connection faster" i actually told them "actually no its ugly and i hate it" and then when AFTER i tell them i'm not computer illiterate and they are like, ok lets go to control panel, to do that click start, then settings and then control panel.

It's called playing it safe, even when a customer claims to know something you have to assume they don't until they prove otherwise. Otherwise you simply frustrate people by talking over their heads.

Part of technical support is talking to the level of the customer, & until you've walked them through a few things it's VERY hard to tell what that level is.

Viper GTS
 

Mucman

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
7,246
1
0
Viper GTS - The worst we had to put up with was when a major Canadian ISP started doing port 25 filtering. None of them could use our mail server for sending out mail and they were calling us all pissed off! Most of the time they say "FVCK, all you guys do is pass the buck! It's never you #$%#$%ing problem is it?" I told him it's never our problem :)

The pissed off customers are my favorite. Normally I am a shy quiet guy in person, but if you make the geek in me mad, you will wish you didn't :)

Must get back to work, I have 10 calls to UUNet, 5 to Layer3, several to Genuity. I also need to call Cisco, Microsoft, Alliar/MacroMedia, Intel.
 

Stiler

Banned
Nov 21, 2001
1,557
0
0
well i've only called them like oh a million times and even give them the stupid ticket numbers and even after about the 3rd time he's saying "go here" and i say already there he keeps doing it and then when he tells me the EXCAT same thing the last person thats when i just hang up.
 

kgraeme

Diamond Member
Sep 5, 2000
3,536
0
0
Yeah, I hate calling tech support. They're all idiots. They want me to do everything I've already done. If it was that fvckin' simple, I wouldn't be calling tech support.
 

Mucman

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
7,246
1
0
LOL, I just realized this rant is aimed at me (tech-support worker :)), I though this was the other way around :p
 

kgraeme

Diamond Member
Sep 5, 2000
3,536
0
0
Originally posted by: Mucman
LOL, I just realized this rant is aimed at me (tech-support worker :)), I though this was the other way around :p

You had it right the first time, some of us are just turning tables because you all deserve it. ;)