Questions for the married/engaged ATOT-ers...

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

Originally posted by: Linflas
I met my wife in September, we became engaged that November, and we were married the next April. She lived in Montreal, I lived in Virginia. Most people told us it wouldn't last. We will be celebrating our 19th anniversary this April. :wine:

Owned

CPA has a similar timeline.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: Dezign

Originally posted by: bigalt
uh oh is dezign getting married?

I knew mine for about 2 years before we got engaged, and was engaged for about 6 months before I broke the engagement. She married my roommate from college instead, 2 years later.

:Q:brokenheart:

Originally posted by: CPA
Engaged about 2 months after meeting. Married 8 months later. Been married going on 9 years.

How did you know so soon? :heart:

He was desparate.


Dated for 3 years, lived together for two, divorced two years later.

SLOW DOWN!!!!!!

Heh. *hugs for spidey07* I'm a grown-ass woman, dammit.

Not yet you aren't.

I'm very happy for you but you need to think a little more clearly. Love is an intoxicating drug.

I'm in love now as well and am comtemplating marriage but I know that I need to hold off for at least 6 months. Gotta see the bad stuff as well.

No biggie really. Everybody has faults. Its just wether or not you can live with them.

And on the age thing. i don't think anybody really knows who they are until late 20s.

Oh well. I'll exit the thread. Good luck to you!
<---hopeless romantic as well.

 

[AnitaPeterson]

Going out together as friends: 7 years.
Married for five. No engagement period to speak of, just the proposal and the mariage three months later.

 

[StageLeft]

I'm in love now as well and am comtemplating marriage but I know that I need to hold off for at least 6 months. Gotta see the bad stuff as well.

Yep if she can't see the bad she's either not been going out long enough or he's an awful lot like me

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

I'm in love now as well and am comtemplating marriage but I know that I need to hold off for at least 6 months. Gotta see the bad stuff as well.

Yep if she can't see the bad she's either not been going out long enough or he's an awful lot like me

Oh please!

Dude you got issues!

 

[Buttzilla]

so young.... people need to slow down! hehehe, well, if your ready i guess ur ready. i dont know...i guess 25 is too young for people to tie the knot.

btw...did you guys go to college? studies have shown that those w/ college degrees tend to wait longer because they want a career before marriage.

 

[alkemyst]

I have known more failures with long term dating and extended engagements than short whirlwinds to marriage. To me it seems like time is used for hopeful changes. I can't say I know of anyone with a longer than 1 year engagement actually getting to the altar....most find new mates during extended engagements...those that got engaged then went to different states for college had the worst luck, usually ending in one of the people trying to surprise their finance(e) and in return getting surprised themselves.

Longest engagement (and still are) has been around 10 years. They live together, but nothing has changed. First it was the degree, then the job, then the cars, then the house, etc.....I don't know if they are still together or not.

My first wife and I were 1.5 years from first date to marriage. Would have been only a year, but she wasn't 18 (I wasn't much older myself). We were happy for about 5 years until she broke her neck. Long story, but everyone except her own family thought she was ok mentally. She ended up getting fired, losing all her friends (not shared friends, her own personal friends)....everyone told me 'I need to do something about her', but realistically there is nothing I could have done. The popular 'beat her into submission' was a good one I got from single people.

Interestingly enough though, her 'dear sweet cousin' who bought our house during the divorce seems to have a rap sheet of drug deals (appearing to be funded with remortgages of that property) ending 2 years ago with a resisting arrest with battery + cocaine trafficking of 28-200 grams and some marijuana possession listed which was crossed off the report in court. ....seems like a great guy.

The big thing I'd say is if you are going to have to deal with the families in any capacity make sure you all get along. No matter what the other person says about "My family's opinion of us, doesn't matter" is usually under the assumption they will eventually change their minds. Any arguments had are usually going to involve phone calls to family members...if they are already against you, you are doomed...if they only see relatives = always right, you are probably doomed as well.

Other than that if two people truly get along and have a 'real' relationship as opposed to being just happy to be in one....odds are it will work out long term regardless of dating, marriage timelines (which if you think about it makes sense).

Too many people just want to be in a 'happy relationship' so they pretend they are in one....pretending can only go on so long though

&Aring;

 

[Buttzilla]

Originally posted by: alkemyst
I have known more failures with long term dating and extended engagements than short whirlwinds to marriage. To me it seems like time is used for hopeful changes. I can't say I know of anyone with a longer than 1 year engagement actually getting to the altar....most find new mates during extended engagements...those that got engaged then went to different states for college had the worst luck, usually ending in one of the people trying to surprise their finance(e) and in return getting surprised themselves.

Longest engagement (and still are) has been around 10 years. They live together, but nothing has changed. First it was the degree, then the job, then the cars, then the house, etc.....I don't know if they are still together or not.

My first wife and I were 1.5 years from first date to marriage. Would have been only a year, but she wasn't 18 (I wasn't much older myself). We were happy for about 5 years until she broke her neck. Long story, but everyone except her own family thought she was ok mentally. She ended up getting fired, losing all her friends (not shared friends, her own personal friends)....everyone told me 'I need to do something about her', but realistically there is nothing I could have done. The popular 'beat her into submission' was a good one I got from single people.

Interestingly enough though, her 'dear sweet cousin' who bought our house during the divorce seems to have a rap sheet of drug deals (appearing to be funded with remortgages of that property) ending 2 years ago with a resisting arrest with battery + cocaine trafficking of 28-200 grams and some marijuana possession listed which was crossed off the report in court. ....seems like a great guy.

The big thing I'd say is if you are going to have to deal with the families in any capacity make sure you all get along. No matter what the other person says about "My family's opinion of us, doesn't matter" is usually under the assumption they will eventually change their minds. Any arguments had are usually going to involve phone calls to family members...if they are already against you, you are doomed...if they only see relatives = always right, you are probably doomed as well.

Other than that if two people truly get along and have a 'real' relationship as opposed to being just happy to be in one....odds are it will work out long term regardless of dating, marriage timelines (which if you think about it makes sense).

Too many people just want to be in a 'happy relationship' so they pretend they are in one....pretending can only go on so long though

&Aring;

how old are you? again...SLOW DOWN!

 

[DT4K]

Met in 88.
Started dating in 89.
Moved in together in 92.
Got engaged in 94, got married 3 weeks later in Las Vegas.
Still happily married with 4 kids now.

 

[Jzero]

Met in March. Started dating in April. Got engaged in November. Getting married this November. As I said in the other thread....when you know...you know.

We'll both be 25 at the time. We're both college graduates.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Buttzilla


how old are you? again...SLOW DOWN!

I am 32 now....about 7 years were between marriages, I have been married 2 now. We only knew each other about 6 months of dating and maybe 3 years professionally. It's a real relationship with sacrifice on both sides sometimes, as well as plenty of good times as well.

 

[mandala]

We dated (a couple weeks after meeting for the first time) for about 5 months before we got engaged (even though we knew by about 2.5 months into the relationship that we wanted to get married). We were married about 5 months after we got engaged, so from meeting each other to getting married was about 10 months. We're coming up on our 2nd wedding anniversary. It was a short amount of time, but we both really felt that "it was right". We loved being together (we spent time together basically every single day), we were good friends, and we just didn't want to spend our lives without each other.

 

[Quixfire]

One & one-half years.

 

[MomAndSkoorbaby]

Originally posted by: Skoorb

I'm in love now as well and am comtemplating marriage but I know that I need to hold off for at least 6 months. Gotta see the bad stuff as well.

Yep if she can't see the bad she's either not been going out long enough or he's an awful lot like me

My perfect little Skoorbie....if all MrsSkoorb's should be so lucky!

 

[cherrytwist]

We knew each other for about 3 years before we got engaged (living together after dating 6 months). It was another 2 years after that when we got married.

I'd never been married before (was 25 when we met) and she was on the backside of a failing marriage (she was 21). She'd gotten married when she was 18.

While we were dating she promised to never marry again (after her first marriage failed.) When she recanted, I knew it was a lock .

Our 2nd wedding anniversary is coming up next month.

 

[Nate-X]

I knew my wife all through high school.. she was always taking my damn gum so I didn't give her any play.. =P We started dating after highschool (I was dating her best friend when we were in high school).. Dated for like 2 years, Lived together for about a year or so broke up for 6 months.. then got back together.. will be married 3 years in June.

 

[DurocShark]

Originally posted by: Dezign
How long did you know/were you with your significant other before you got engaged?

How long were you engaged before you got married?

:wine:

We lived together 10 years before getting married.

 

[Freejack2]

6 months before we got engaged and we got married 1.5 years after that. I wanted us to live together at least a year before getting married. Worked out fine.

 

[ATLien247]

Dated each other for two years prior, and we were engaged for close to 3 months...

 

[kranky]

All I'll say is that it's more important than ever to not rush into marriage. I believe people these days are less likely to be themselves in dating situations. I work with a lot of people right out of college and it's obvious. They'll act, say, or do whatever they think it will take.

Lots of game-playing going on. I think it's smart to not rush into engagements or marriage. Make sure you reallly, truly know what kind of person you're dating.

Just last night I got a call from a friend to tell me her wedding this weekend is canceled(!). It was a 6-month dating period, and a 6-month engagement. As the day got closer, she noticed changes in how he was behaving. Finally last weekend she decided to break it off because she just couldn't be sure she really knew what kind of person he was. Of course, she's pretty devastated as it was only a week before the wedding, but she thinks the guy was putting on an act the whole time, which would have ended once they got married.

 

[anno]

lets see.. we "dated" for.. 3 years and a bit, the last year or nearly so long distance.. engaged for 3 months or so.. married... will be 25 years, this year.

 

[Optimus]

3 months friends
10 months dating
4 months broken up (but friends)
1 year dating again
1 1/2 years engaged

(4 university years from meeting to married)

 

[Tiqua]

Met over the internet in 1998.
Met RL Oct 30, 1998.
Broke up Jan 2001.
Got back together Nov 2002.
Engaged April 2003.
Married July 26, 2003.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: kranky
All I'll say is that it's more important than ever to not rush into marriage. I believe people these days are less likely to be themselves in dating situations. I work with a lot of people right out of college and it's obvious. They'll act, say, or do whatever they think it will take.

Lots of game-playing going on. I think it's smart to not rush into engagements or marriage. Make sure you reallly, truly know what kind of person you're dating.

Just last night I got a call from a friend to tell me her wedding this weekend is canceled(!). It was a 6-month dating period, and a 6-month engagement. As the day got closer, she noticed changes in how he was behaving. Finally last weekend she decided to break it off because she just couldn't be sure she really knew what kind of person he was. Of course, she's pretty devastated as it was only a week before the wedding, but she thinks the guy was putting on an act the whole time, which would have ended once they got married.

What do you think about "rushing" into engagements, but not necessarily marriage?

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Dezign

What do you think about "rushing" into engagements, but not necessarily marriage?

For most purposes they lock you and another together, sometimes even more so than a marriage would as you are still living the fairy tale part and not the 'real' part.

I think an engagement should be as it was meant to be, the time leading up to when the marriage can happen due to availablity of the venue, official/pastor/etc, family being able to gather, etc....

These long engagements especially the kind that happen between high school sweethearts that each go to colleges miles and miles apart on the assumption in 4 years they will get back together and marry usually just waste the best time to meet the best adult match for one's self.

&Aring;