Post your favorite classic geek/nerd jokes in here...

[imported_Tomato]

More here.

 

[skace]

I don't get half the geek jokes. That makes me feel extremely ungeeky, thanks!

 

[azazyel]

Three midgets were sitting on a couch one day. One had the smallest hands in the world, one with the smallest feet in the world, and one with the smallest dick in the world.

They all started talking and wanted to prove their characteristics. So they decided to travel to the Guinness World Records Building. They all sat in the lobby and the first midget goes in. Five minutes later he comes out and says, "It's official! I have the smallest hands in the world!"

The second one goes into the office. He comes out five minutes later and in pure excitement he shouts, "It's official, I have the smallest feet in the world!"

So then the third one goes into the office. Five minutes go by, and even ten minutes goes by. When fifteen minutes has passed, the third midget comes storming out and says, "Who in the hell is ROSSMAN!?!?!"

 

[Excelsior]

Originally posted by: gistech1978

Originally posted by: Jzero
Band Geek Jokes:
Q: What's the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a flute and a lawnmower engine?
A: You can tune a lawnmower engine.

nice.
<---ex band geek

Yeah, but change flute to piccolo.

 

[Pakaderm]

Originally posted by: azazyel
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost....

Expanding on this joke:

A man in a hot air balloon realized that he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me? I
promised a friend that I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I
am."

The woman below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer,"said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the
fact is that I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me so
far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect
people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the
same position you were before we met, except now, somehow, it's my fault."

-Pak

 

[TuxDave]

Originally posted by: azazyel
Three midgets were sitting on a couch one day. One had the smallest hands in the world, one with the smallest feet in the world, and one with the smallest dick in the world.

They all started talking and wanted to prove their characteristics. So they decided to travel to the Guinness World Records Building. They all sat in the lobby and the first midget goes in. Five minutes later he comes out and says, "It's official! I have the smallest hands in the world!"

The second one goes into the office. He comes out five minutes later and in pure excitement he shouts, "It's official, I have the smallest feet in the world!"

So then the third one goes into the office. Five minutes go by, and even ten minutes goes by. When fifteen minutes has passed, the third midget comes storming out and says, "Who in the hell is ROSSMAN!?!?!"

:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:

 

[knivox]

Did you hear that four members of NSYNC recently came down with fatal cases of cholera. And in a strange coincidence the fifth member also died due to a wound infection he got while scuba diving.

I guess Vibrio killed the radio stars

 

[3point14]

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes.

Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

 

[ghostman]

hahaha... i love the consultant/business jokes.

Here's an oldie but goodie:
A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner. "Why so much?" asks the customer. "Because it can program in C," answers the store owner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500. It knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology." The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner. "3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

 

[dethman]

Originally posted by: TuxDave

Originally posted by: azazyel
Three midgets were sitting on a couch one day. One had the smallest hands in the world, one with the smallest feet in the world, and one with the smallest dick in the world.

They all started talking and wanted to prove their characteristics. So they decided to travel to the Guinness World Records Building. They all sat in the lobby and the first midget goes in. Five minutes later he comes out and says, "It's official! I have the smallest hands in the world!"

The second one goes into the office. He comes out five minutes later and in pure excitement he shouts, "It's official, I have the smallest feet in the world!"

So then the third one goes into the office. Five minutes go by, and even ten minutes goes by. When fifteen minutes has passed, the third midget comes storming out and says, "Who in the hell is ROSSMAN!?!?!"

:beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:

 

[ThePresence]

Is It Better To Be a Jock or a Nerd?

$ Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.

$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.

$ If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.

$ If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.

$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.

$ He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.

$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.

$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

$ He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.

$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.

$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you 'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.

$ He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.

$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.

$ This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.

Amazing isn't it? However...

$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.

$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.

 

[TGregg]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't.

 

[DrPizza]

This was the best thread of the day.... kudos to Dezign for this one

btw, extra credit question on tomorrow's math test: (thanks, Dezign)

Q: Why did the identity sin(2r) = 2sin(r) get turned down for a loan?
A: Because it needed a cos(r). (co-signer)

 

[flxnimprtmscl]

Originally posted by: ghostman
hahaha... i love the consultant/business jokes.

Here's an oldie but goodie:
A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner. "Why so much?" asks the customer. "Because it can program in C," answers the store owner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500. It knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology." The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the store owner. "3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant."

LOL! that's great. I'm getting lots of good jokes here

 

[Whitecloak]

nice thread

 

[etech]

Sitting in chemistery class one time.

The professor drew a symbol of benzene on the board and asked the class what it was.

Someone answered benzene.

He drew another ring connected to the first and asked the class what it was. No one knew so he named it, naphthalene.

He drew another ring connected to the first two and asked the class what it was. No one knew so he told us,anthracene.

He than drew about thirty more connected rings and asked the class what the it was, No one knew. So he told us, chickenwire.

 

[cambre]

e^x and a constant are walking down the street. They turn into a dark alley, and a derivative operator jumps out of the shadows and blocks their path.
"Oh no," says the constant, "He's going to turn me into nothing!"

"It's okay," says e^x, "I'm e^x and I'm not afraid of derivative operators. They can't harm me."

So, e^x walks down the alley and greets the derivative operator, "Hi, I'm e^x."

And the derivative operator replies, "Hi, I'm d/dy."

 

[dighn]

gold mine! keep 'em coming!

 

[So]

Why do programmers always get Haloween and Christmas confused?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

 

[DrPizza]

Originally posted by: cambre
e^x and a constant are walking down the street. They turn into a dark alley, and a derivative operator jumps out of the shadows and blocks their path.
"Oh no," says the constant, "He's going to turn me into nothing!"

"It's okay," says e^x, "I'm e^x and I'm not afraid of derivative operators. They can't harm me."

So, e^x walks down the alley and greets the derivative operator, "Hi, I'm e^x."

And the derivative operator replies, "Hi, I'm d/dy."

I already used a similar version at Halloween (d/dx of e^x, costume party for mathematicians). I think I'll use that joke later this year

 

[schizoid]

I don't know if this is original, but I've never heard it before (i.e. if it sucks, it's cuz I made it up).

And this is dedicated to my Logic class (taught by a Turing award winner...easily the most difficult thing I've ever had to bother learning)

Q: How do mathmaticians ask out chicks?

A: They ask for their G&ouml;del numbers!