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Pontiac Aztec = GONE!

D

DaWhim

Lifer
the article is funny!

link

December 19, 2004
Counselors Are Standing By at the Aztek Help Center
By BRUCE McCALL

HAVING accomplished the goal of provoking nonstop hilarity in the world's styling ateliers, the Pontiac Aztek - Road Kill magazine's sport futility vehicle of the year - will soon be even more invisible than it is now.

It will, in fact, be dead.

Quietly and without eulogies, General Motors is sending the bizarre minivan-based, tent-equipped Aztek to its final rusting place between the Yugo and the Fiat X1/9.

But Pontiac dealers will not be wearing black armbands; they are clearing space for the Aztek's replacement, the Torrent, a utility wagon with less chance of becoming a punchline.

Among the general public, Aztek awareness is such that months and perhaps years may pass before the masses notice the void. But owners are invited to call the Aztek Help Center for grief counseling - or, if that proves as superfluous as early focus groups indicate, answers to the questions that a motorist might ask when his vehicle suddenly goes the way of the Titanic:

Q. Will Pontiac mark the Aztek's passing with some official gesture?

A. Yes and no. The Pontiac division will be busy trying to sell the stamping dies and tooling to Daihatsu or DeLorean. But in Mexico, descendants of Aztec priests will placate the gods by ritually sacrificing the last Aztek off the assembly line. Current owners are eligible for a coupon worth $2 toward air fare and bus travel to the volcano into which the vehicle will be hurled.

Q. Isn't Oprah giving away 1,000 Azteks on a coming show?

A. Drat, it leaked! Yes, but all 1,000 cars will go to a single individual. Rumored recipient: David Letterman.

Q. Did anybody at G.M. look at the Aztek before the first one was shipped to dealers in 2000?

A. The styling studio's entire Aztek file appears to have been misplaced, but internal inquiries suggest that at the final presentation to top management, Pontiac's general manager thought she was looking at a vending machine, the head of styling thought he was hallucinating and the chief engineer had a dental appointment.

Q. Why was the Aztek so out of touch with the buying public?

A. Frankly, it was the public that was out of touch with the Aztek. While the car had it all - four wheels, an engine, seating for four, even a lift-out console that doubled as a six-pack cooler - S.U.V. shoppers just didn't get it; they used the smokescreen of repulsive styling as an excuse to stay away in droves. A "blindfold test" of the target customers proved successful: after their Aztek walkarounds, 9 out of 10 participants begged to be blindfolded.

Q. Why that name, anyway?

A. The industry spends millions of dollars to screen model names for irrelevance, incomprehensibility and weirdness. Aztek outscored all other candidates, proving to be more irrelevant, more incomprehensible and even weirder than Inka, Mohok, Eroquoi and Navaho.
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Bwhahahaha.. I still laugh everytime I see one.

Originally posted by: Heisenberg
Now if only the Element would die a quick death also.
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Oh come on. The Aztek is 100x worse than the Element. The Element actually looks normal to me now.

What do you think about the xB?
 
Originally posted by: Eli
Bwhahahaha.. I still laugh everytime I see one.

Originally posted by: Heisenberg
Now if only the Element would die a quick death also.
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Oh come on. The Aztek is 100x worse than the Element. The Element actually looks normal to me now.

What do you think about the xB?
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The xB and the Element both look really nasty to me. They're both just boxes on wheels.
 
Originally posted by: Eli
Bwhahahaha.. I still laugh everytime I see one.

Originally posted by: Heisenberg
Now if only the Element would die a quick death also.
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Oh come on. The Aztek is 100x worse than the Element. The Element actually looks normal to me now.

What do you think about the xB?
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Actually the Aztek looked better than the Element. I do agree about the xB. That needs to be condemned and not allowed on the road. Better yet, the owners need a beating as well for buying that POS.
 
Originally posted by: Heisenberg
Originally posted by: Eli
Bwhahahaha.. I still laugh everytime I see one.

Originally posted by: Heisenberg
Now if only the Element would die a quick death also.
Click to expand...

Oh come on. The Aztek is 100x worse than the Element. The Element actually looks normal to me now.

What do you think about the xB?
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The xB and the Element both look really nasty to me. They're both just boxes on wheels.
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I guess.. they have a style all their own, though.

That's what my girlfriend says, "too boxy". Of course, I then make a habbit to point out every other "boxy" automobile to her, to which she just "😛". There are a lot.. we just notice them because they're new or something.
 
What still amazes me is that no matter how ugly a vehicle may be, some people will still buy it. I still see people driving the assteks and think to myself "what the hell were you thinking"?
 
When it first came out and they were gonna give it away to the winner of the first survivor (yeah, it's that old) I really wanted one. I still think they're pretty tight and one of the few cars that looks good in yellow.
 
Originally posted by: apac
Originally posted by: Heisenberg
Now if only the Element would die a quick death also.
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And that horrible subaru one.
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the half truck thing?

you cant put the scion boxcar into the same category thought. Honda element and Azteks are disproportional and complete failures in the esthetics department.

Scion is well designed, the lines flow and and you can tell it's a product of an accomplished industrial designer. However as estetically pleasing as the shape may be, it's completly incompatible with what a car is supposed to look like. It's resembles a locomotive or retro study of an early 1900s iron or something along those lines
 
Originally posted by: aplefka
When it first came out and they were gonna give it away to the winner of the first survivor (yeah, it's that old) I really wanted one. I still think they're pretty tight and one of the few cars that looks good in yellow.
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you should have yourself certified as legally estetically challenged...
 
Originally posted by: halik
Originally posted by: aplefka
When it first came out and they were gonna give it away to the winner of the first survivor (yeah, it's that old) I really wanted one. I still think they're pretty tight and one of the few cars that looks good in yellow.
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you should have yourself certified as legally estetically challenged...
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Okay, so it came out what? 4-5 years ago? That made me 11-12 at the time 😛

At least I have an excuse
 
Originally posted by: Josh
Originally posted by: Eli
Originally posted by: Josh
Scions need to die as well.
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:roll:
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You tellin me this looks good?! It looks like a fvcking toy box with wheels.
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That's a horrible picture, but yes, I do think the xB looks good. Apparently, 20,494 people agree with me so far this year. 😛

If Honda gets rid of the ugly plastic cladding on the Element, it will also look good.

It's a mini-van(not to be confused with minivan). It's supposed to be box shaped. It adds to its utilitarian persona. 😛
 
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