Polling All MARRIED ATOT'ers

[Stuxnet]

My wife is getting more and more pissed because I belong to a club. When I go to this club, my wife is left alone with our 3 year old and 2 year old. She doesn't really have any friends and doesn't have any activities that she participates in, so it's difficult for her to understand why I want/need this time. I think if she had something similar it would be a lot easier, but for now this is my problem.

I have one friend who plays softball 4 nights a week and poker on Saturdays; he and his wife also have two kids. I'm not gone NEARLY that much and, frankly, I think he's pretty unreasonable. But, my wife thinks I should only go out twice a month, which I think is a crock of ******, to be honest.

So I was just wondering what the masses think a reasonable frequency/amount of time is. Keep in mind that we do have two kids, but aside from this club, I do NOTHING outside of home and work. I don't want to be a jerk but I'm also not willing to give up my whole social life.

And yes, I have purposely left out how much time I spend away... don't want to taint any opinions.

 

[leftyman]

pics of your wife please

 

[middlehead]

As long as possible, as often as possible.

















Disclaimer: I am not actually married.

 

[daveymark]

More important is how much time you spend with the wife/kids. if you don't really spend time with them to begin with, it doesn't matter how many times a week you're gone. just because you're in the same room with them doesn't mean you're spending time with them.

 

[randomlinh]

not married.. but 2x a month.. yeah, i'd have to say that's a load of crock too. However, that all depends how the rest of the time is spent... raising kids is a two person job .. and well, a sacrafice. all i have to say is if i ever get married... she'll have to at least deal w/ 1-2 times a month of me being gone the whole day at an auto-x But it'd be even better if she came and was interested too

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: middlehead
Disclaimer: I am not actually married.

Or literate.

 

[ITJunkie]

Originally posted by: daveymark
More important is how much time you spend with the wife/kids. if you don't really spend time with them to begin with, it doesn't matter how many times a week you're gone. just because you're in the same room with them doesn't mean you're spending time with them.

True...put yourself in her shoes. If the roles were reversed and you were home alone with kids that age as much as her...would you get pissed?

 

[Commish]

No option for "not enough"?

 

[mugs]

If this "club" is a strip "club" I can see where she's coming from. We don't have kids, so it doesn't matter to me or my wife how much time we spend apart, although it's not a lot.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: daveymark
More important is how much time you spend with the wife/kids. if you don't really spend time with them to begin with, it doesn't matter how many times a week you're gone. just because you're in the same room with them doesn't mean you're spending time with them.

We spend ALL of our time together. We play games with the kids, read, watch movies/TV, etc. When we're home, we are all together as a family. It's not like we each scatter about the house and do our own thing.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: jbourne77
My wife is getting more and more pissed because I belong to a club. When I go to this club, my wife is left alone with our 3 year old and 2 year old. She doesn't really have any friends and doesn't have any activities that she participates in, so it's difficult for her to understand why I want/need this time.

Okay, easy solution.

First, find something for her to do while you watch the kids (take turns!).

Second, find something that you two can do together, while someone else watches the kids.

 

[meltdown75]

mine does a lot of work from home, so even when she's there... it's not like we're hanging out or anything.

that said, i don't go out much anymore. i'm almost annoyed at the prospect of heavy drinking these days. and i was never a clubber, i prefer a pub or sports bar with some decent food on the menu.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: ITJunkie

Originally posted by: daveymark
More important is how much time you spend with the wife/kids. if you don't really spend time with them to begin with, it doesn't matter how many times a week you're gone. just because you're in the same room with them doesn't mean you're spending time with them.

True...put yourself in her shoes. If the roles were reversed and you were home alone with kids that age as much as her...would you get pissed?

No, but she seems to get stressed out with the kids easier than I do. And BTW, for the time I'm gone, the kids are asleep for almost half of it...

 

[desy]

Once or even twice a week isn't unreasonable, tell her to cultivate something of her own so she can be gone too.
Too much time togerthier isn't great either, what are you talk to talk about if ALL your esperiences are shared?

 

[SearchMaster]

Ultimately, if it's causing a strain on your marriage, you need to cut back or come up with a compromise she can live with. Your club is NOT more important than your marriage, even if she is being unreasonable about it.

Most likely she's jealous that you get time away from the responsibilities of the family and she doesn't. If she doesn't have outside activities or friends, offer to take the kids out of the house for a few hours a few times a month, or let her go shopping, to the spa, or something else while you stay home with them.

I don't have many outside activities, but my wife takes the kids out of the house for a few hours every Wednesday night so I tinker with the computer, relax in front of the tube with a beer, or whatever I need to do without the pressures of the kids. In return, she goes on a girls' weekend every few months, and I give her time during the week to workout or whatever she needs. With time outside of work being so limited, it's hard to balance time together vs. time alone vs. family time, but it can be done if you're both open to it.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
that said, i don't go out much anymore. i'm almost annoyed at the prospect of heavy drinking these days. and i was never a clubber, i prefer a pub or sports bar with some decent food on the menu.

I was never a clubber, nor was she. I don't go out and drink or anything like that.

 

[remagavon]

I probably wouldn't get married, and I certianly wouldn't have kids, if I wasn't prepared to spend virtually all of my free time with my family. I don't understand why some people want to be out of the house so often; if your home life is that bad then you should do something to remedy it, not run from the problem. Hobbies and so forth are fine, but when they end up taking almost a majority of someone's time then it's time for that person to reevaluate their priorities.

 

[DaShen]

And many of you guys questioned this guy :roll:

Not married, but interesting topic. I didn't vote.

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: meltdown75
that said, i don't go out much anymore. i'm almost annoyed at the prospect of heavy drinking these days. and i was never a clubber, i prefer a pub or sports bar with some decent food on the menu.

I was never a clubber, nor was she. I don't go out and drink or anything like that.

sorry jj. i misunderstood the "club" part.

fight club?

i shouldn't say going out = heavy drinking either. that's just me and my dumbass friends.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
Ultimately, if it's causing a strain on your marriage, you need to cut back or come up with a compromise she can live with. Your club is NOT more important than your marriage, even if she is being unreasonable about it.

Most likely she's jealous that you get time away from the responsibilities of the family and she doesn't. If she doesn't have outside activities or friends, offer to take the kids out of the house for a few hours a few times a month, or let her go shopping, to the spa, or something else while you stay home with them.

I don't have many outside activities, but my wife takes the kids out of the house for a few hours every Wednesday night so I tinker with the computer, relax in front of the tube with a beer, or whatever I need to do without the pressures of the kids. In return, she goes on a girls' weekend every few months, and I give her time during the week to workout or whatever she needs. With time outside of work being so limited, it's hard to balance time together vs. time alone vs. family time, but it can be done if you're both open to it.

I've tried convincing her to take every Friday night or something and go to dinner and a movie with her mom and sister (the three are pretty close), but she just won't do it.

 

[Homerboy]

well look at it like this.... if you get this "free time" away from work, the house, the kids, what does she get?

I'm (happily) married with 2 kids (2 & 4yrs old). I leave home at 7am get home at 6pm 5 days a week. On Mondays I do a radio show and get home at 9:30pm. Occasionaly on Tuesdays I go play basketball after the kids are both asleep for an hr or so (I think my wife likes this time as it is ENTIRELY herself in the house).

I don't do anything extra. Really I don't. I used to go out all the time. But I chose what I wanted to do. The rest of my time is now committed to my kids, wife and house (pretty much in that order too). My wife is home all day and night with the kids. If she ever wants to go out, she is completely entitled ($ pending).

I have "friends" that will work 50+ hrs a week, then go golfing all day Saturday then sit on their asses all day Sunday. Sorry that's not a marriage and not good for the the kids either. Total insult to the "family" they have if you ask me.

After saying all of that, jbourne77 only you really know the answer. You can't compare your marraige and families to others out there. Just make sure your wife, and the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN, gets a fair shake at having fun and definately a more than fair shake at "time away".

GL!

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
Ultimately, if it's causing a strain on your marriage, you need to cut back or come up with a compromise she can live with. Your club is NOT more important than your marriage, even if she is being unreasonable about it.

Most likely she's jealous that you get time away from the responsibilities of the family and she doesn't. If she doesn't have outside activities or friends, offer to take the kids out of the house for a few hours a few times a month, or let her go shopping, to the spa, or something else while you stay home with them.

I don't have many outside activities, but my wife takes the kids out of the house for a few hours every Wednesday night so I tinker with the computer, relax in front of the tube with a beer, or whatever I need to do without the pressures of the kids. In return, she goes on a girls' weekend every few months, and I give her time during the week to workout or whatever she needs. With time outside of work being so limited, it's hard to balance time together vs. time alone vs. family time, but it can be done if you're both open to it.

That seems about right, though. Give her time to go out as well.

 

[rh71]

I used to play on 3 hockey teams. I used to be out of the house probably 3 times a week for it and understandably that's a lot. This past season I was down to 2 and I'm only signing up for 1 this coming season. So 1 night a week. But even so, when the Capitals are on tv, I'm "gone" watching it for 2.5 hours that night anyway.

She does her own thing most Friday nights after work with friends. We spend exclusive time with each other probably 3-4 nights a week really.

 

[gigapet]

poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

 

[Queasy]

Right now, my wife and I don't spend much time apart. During college football season, I'll got to most of the Alabama home football games. My wife and kids will tag along for some and visit my parents, brother, sisters, niece, and nephew while I go to the game. My wife goes out on Sunday night as part of jail ministery through our church and I'll watch the kids. Other than that, the only time we spend apart is when I'm at work or one of us is running errands or taking one of the kids someplace.

We haven't been out by ourselves in I don't know when. Her being on bedrest for most of the year and a new baby has put a damper on that for now. Hopefully, next year. I've tried to get her to go out with her friends but she doesn't want to leave her babies. She's had some friends over to the house though.