Polling All MARRIED ATOT'ers

[Rock Hydra]

Maybe you should take her out somewhere with you.


(Not married though)

 

[Homerboy]

I've tried convincing her to take every Friday night or something and go to dinner and a movie with her mom and sister (the three are pretty close), but she just won't do it.

well maybe she doesn't want to go out though. Thats the point. Maybe she wants to sit on her couch in silence and read a book, watch TV or watch the paint dry. Stay at home moms don't seem to often want to "go out" anywhere as they are often dead-tired and just want to sit on their butts if they were given the chance. (all the power to them).

My wife lurks here on my account so: Hey honey!!! Love ya!

 

[Homerboy]

Originally posted by: gigapet
poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

post is proof you don't know WTH you're talking about.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: SearchMaster
Ultimately, if it's causing a strain on your marriage, you need to cut back or come up with a compromise she can live with. Your club is NOT more important than your marriage, even if she is being unreasonable about it.

Most likely she's jealous that you get time away from the responsibilities of the family and she doesn't. If she doesn't have outside activities or friends, offer to take the kids out of the house for a few hours a few times a month, or let her go shopping, to the spa, or something else while you stay home with them.

I don't have many outside activities, but my wife takes the kids out of the house for a few hours every Wednesday night so I tinker with the computer, relax in front of the tube with a beer, or whatever I need to do without the pressures of the kids. In return, she goes on a girls' weekend every few months, and I give her time during the week to workout or whatever she needs. With time outside of work being so limited, it's hard to balance time together vs. time alone vs. family time, but it can be done if you're both open to it.

I've tried convincing her to take every Friday night or something and go to dinner and a movie with her mom and sister (the three are pretty close), but she just won't do it.

Well then, that is her problem. Tell her to make you a sammich.

IMO she is being unreasonable, and the best thing you could do is talk it out with her. If she is still unreasonable, you may just have to argue it out, or give in. Unreasonable girls are the worst to be in relationships with. ... Wait, that is all of them. j/k. I am just bitter right now.

Also, you could offer to take out the kids and allow her to have some time to relax alone at home.

 

[remagavon]

Originally posted by: Homerboy
well look at it like this.... if you get this "free time" away from work, the house, the kids, what does she get?

I'm (happily) married with 2 kids (2 & 4yrs old). I leave home at 7am get home at 6pm 5 days a week. On Mondays I do a radio show and get home at 9:30pm. Occasionaly on Tuesdays I go play basketball after the kids are both asleep for an hr or so (I think my wife likes this time as it is ENTIRELY herself in the house).

I don't do anything extra. Really I don't. I used to go out all the time. But I chose what I wanted to do. The rest of my time is now committed to my kids, wife and house (pretty much in that order too). My wife is home all day and night with the kids. If she ever wants to go out, she is completely entitled ($ pending).

I have "friends" that will work 50+ hrs a week, then go golfing all day Saturday then sit on their asses all day Sunday. Sorry that's not a marriage and not good for the the kids either. Total insult to the "family" they have if you ask me.

After saying all of that, jbourne77 only you really know the answer. You can't compare your marraige and families to others out there. Just make sure your wife, and the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN, gets a fair shake at having fun and definately a more than fair shake at "time away".

GL!

:thumbsup:

 

[Linflas]

40 hours per week while we are each at work. Not quite sure how to fit that into your poll.

 

[TallBill]

Depends on what kind of club it is. Please share, or all answers are pointless. If its a hobby that you've been active with since 3rd grade, then yeah its probably fine.

 

[OrByte]

If your wife says you have a problem then you have a problem, it doesn't matter what other families are going through.

You just have to strike common ground so that everyone is happy.

good luck.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: Homerboy
well look at it like this.... if you get this "free time" away from work, the house, the kids, what does she get?

See above... the doors have always been open for her to have her own time.

I head out once a week, sometimes twice. The second time is on Thursday nights. She has an hour of "dealing" with the kids, as she calls it, and then they go to bed. The rest of the night is "her" time, but she would rather me not be gone then, too. The funny thing is that once the kids go to bed, I watch TV and she does word puzzles. Why do I need to be present for her to do word puzzles on Thursday nights when I'm there every other night of the week when she's doing word puzzles?

Originally posted by: Homerboy
I don't do anything extra. Really I don't. I used to go out all the time. But I chose what I wanted to do. The rest of my time is now committed to my kids, wife and house (pretty much in that order too). My wife is home all day and night with the kids. If she ever wants to go out, she is completely entitled ($ pending).

My wife and I both work. I get home about an hour before they do, which is when I run. I used to do it after they went bed but she got upset about that. So, I started going to work an hour early so I could get home an hour early and do it then. The rest of the time, we're both taking care of the kids (playing with them, feeding them, getting them ready for bed, etc).

Originally posted by: Homerboy
I have "friends" that will work 50+ hrs a week, then go golfing all day Saturday then sit on their asses all day Sunday. Sorry that's not a marriage and not good for the the kids either. Total insult to the "family" they have if you ask me.

Trust me, that ain't me .

Originally posted by: Homerboy
You can't compare your marraige and families to others out there. Just make sure your wife, and the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN, gets a fair shake at having fun and definately a more than fair shake at "time away".

Again, I'm certainly not opposed to her getting out, too... the problem is that she's just not motivated to do so. She's just not interested in it. The problem is, though, that my time out, in addition enjoying the hobby of the club itself, is how I unwind and relax and socialize with my friends. I love my wife, but I need people other than just her to talk to.

 

[Stuxnet]

Originally posted by: gigapet
poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

What does any of this have to do with sex? You think you know every married couples' sex life now? Maybe not everyone uses it as a "bargaining chip".

Please

 

[totalcommand]

Can you bring her with you to the "club"

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: jbourne77
I head out once a week, sometimes twice. The second time is on Thursday nights. She has an hour of "dealing" with the kids, as she calls it, and then they go to bed. The rest of the night is "her" time, but she would rather me not be gone then, too. The funny thing is that once the kids go to bed, I watch TV and she does word puzzles. Why do I need to be present for her to do word puzzles on Thursday nights when I'm there every other night of the week when she's doing word puzzles?

Twice a week is pushing it if it is for more than an hour or two each time IMO.

 

[KarenMarie]

I have been where your wife is.

if your wife has a small child... you need to ensure that she gets time where you are home and she is allowed to go out and do stuff. if she is not motivated, or doesnt want to go alone... then find a babysitter and GO WITH HER. It is my opinion that a couple needs to have a set time away together. Like every monday night bowling, or every wednesday dinner and a movie.

a husband and wife are comminted to each other, imho and if that means finding time by giving up something else...then that is how it needs to be.

 

[SearchMaster]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
I have been where your wife is.

if your wife has a small child... you need to ensure that she gets time where you are home and she is allowed to go out and do stuff. if she is not motivated, or doesnt want to go alone... then find a babysitter and GO WITH HER. It is my opinion that a couple needs to have a set time away together. Like every monday night bowling, or every wednesday dinner and a movie.

a husband and wife are comminted to each other, imho and if that means finding time by giving up something else...then that is how it needs to be.

Excellent point. She may be subliminally saying, "you can find time to go out and do <whatever> but can't find time to go out with me." I would suggest finding a babysitter she will be comfortable with, and plan a surprise night out with her. Pamper the hell out of her and it will go a long way toward building up "good will".

 

[TitanDiddly]

Sounds like your wife needs to understand alone time, too. She needs to develop he own interests so that she can pursue something out of the house. This way, you can balance your time and neither of you will feel cheated. As long as she doesn't have any reason to get out of the house, I think it is unreasonable for her to be angry at you for doing so. I think that the time you spend away is reasonable.

 

[FoBoT]

i never go anywhere but to work and church
ATOT is my "club" and i can go here while i am at home

 

[Patt]

I don't go out that much ... not in terms of out on the town. But I do play a lot of sports in the evenings, and she teaches yoga regularly, so we don't see a ton of each other at the moment. It works out well for us right now. Once we have a family, things will change a bit though I'm sure.

 

[Homerboy]

Originally posted by: jbourne77

Originally posted by: Homerboy
well look at it like this.... if you get this "free time" away from work, the house, the kids, what does she get?

See above... the doors have always been open for her to have her own time.

I head out once a week, sometimes twice. The second time is on Thursday nights. She has an hour of "dealing" with the kids, as she calls it, and then they go to bed. The rest of the night is "her" time, but she would rather me not be gone then, too. The funny thing is that once the kids go to bed, I watch TV and she does word puzzles. Why do I need to be present for her to do word puzzles on Thursday nights when I'm there every other night of the week when she's doing word puzzles?

Originally posted by: Homerboy
I don't do anything extra. Really I don't. I used to go out all the time. But I chose what I wanted to do. The rest of my time is now committed to my kids, wife and house (pretty much in that order too). My wife is home all day and night with the kids. If she ever wants to go out, she is completely entitled ($ pending).

My wife and I both work. I get home about an hour before they do, which is when I run. I used to do it after they went bed but she got upset about that. So, I started going to work an hour early so I could get home an hour early and do it then. The rest of the time, we're both taking care of the kids (playing with them, feeding them, getting them ready for bed, etc).

Originally posted by: Homerboy
I have "friends" that will work 50+ hrs a week, then go golfing all day Saturday then sit on their asses all day Sunday. Sorry that's not a marriage and not good for the the kids either. Total insult to the "family" they have if you ask me.

Trust me, that ain't me .

Originally posted by: Homerboy
You can't compare your marraige and families to others out there. Just make sure your wife, and the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN, gets a fair shake at having fun and definately a more than fair shake at "time away".

Again, I'm certainly not opposed to her getting out, too... the problem is that she's just not motivated to do so. She's just not interested in it. The problem is, though, that my time out, in addition enjoying the hobby of the club itself, is how I unwind and relax and socialize with my friends. I love my wife, but I need people other than just her to talk to.

point(s) taken all around. But you neglected my other point of maybe she doesn't want to "go out" Maybe she wants to stay home with NOBODY else around bugging her. Silnce is sometimes priceless and irreplacable. Offer to take the kids to the museum or something on the weekend for a few hours so she can just hang out by herself, sit on the couch, eat bon-bons and watch TV. I often do this for my wife and have a blast with my kids in the meantime. She usually ends up cleaning or something while we are gone, but she still "loves" it as its HER time with nobody buggin her to get them a snack or put the Blues Clues video on for the 10000 time

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: gigapet
poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

post is proof you don't know WTH you're talking about.

it was said tongue in cheek buddy....the stats say that 50% only get it once per month!

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: gigapet
poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

post is proof you don't know WTH you're talking about.

:thumbsup:

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: gigapet
poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

post is proof you don't know WTH you're talking about.

it was said tongue in cheek buddy....the stats say that 50% only get it once per month!

I think you're misinterpreting the poll... the question was how often do you go out without your wife, not how often do you have sex.

 

[Homerboy]

it was said tongue in cheek buddy....the stats say that 50% only get it once per month!

Well I was mainly talking about the bargaining chip "point" you were attempting to make. If anyone is using sex as a bargaining chip in their marriage (or relationship) I suggest you get consoling or start talking now.

As for not getting it a lot post marriage, if you're married gigapet, and thats your take... sucks for you

And as for the sex comment(s) themselves, that has little to do with the OP

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: Homerboy

it was said tongue in cheek buddy....the stats say that 50% only get it once per month!

Well I was mainly talking about the bargaining chip "point" you were attempting to make. If anyone is using sex as a bargaining chip in their marriage (or relationship) I suggest you get consoling or start talking now.

As for not getting it a lot post marriage, if you're married gigapet, and thats your take... sucks for you

And as for the sex comment(s) themselves, that has little to do with the OP

the survey question in the OP asked "how many times per month" is that not referring to sex?

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: gigapet
poll is proof all sex comes to an end when u get married.

REASON: you are legally bound to her now, her one bargaining chip to keep u around has been replaced with a once a month or less encounter.

post is proof you don't know WTH you're talking about.

it was said tongue in cheek buddy....the stats say that 50% only get it once per month!

I think you're misinterpreting the poll... the question was how often do you go out without your wife, not how often do you have sex.

ohhhhhhhhh ok never mind.

 

[sourceninja]

i'm on a training scheduale of about 2 hours a night 5 nights a week.