My parents were divorced when I was fifteen. That sucked. Nevertheless, from what I can gather of their situation, it seems like the divorce was inevitable.
Having said that, I think that until our culture accepts a radically different definition of romantic/sexual/marriage type of love, divorces will continue to increase. Since we really know very little about genuine love, we begin what are intended to be lifelong commitments from a severely warped foundation. Buildings built on poor foundations collapse in the storms of life. Then, our "Yes" becomes "No."
I don't think the post WW2 generations have a high ability to commit. This includes me. While our relationships appear passionate, they are often founded more on "falling in love" than genuine love. When I "fall in love," I feel more alive. When the object is near me, my world is more vibrant. It seems self-evident that I am destined for the object of my passion. But that isn't loving the person; that is loving how that person makes me feel. When those feelings diminish (as feelings tend to do), I have a correspondingly diminishing sense of commitment to the object.
In this sense, I run from one thing to another in life: jobs, cars, hobbies, relationships. When I tire of the old house, the old car, the old flame, I feel "life calling me" to move on. This is not love. Love is commitment. Personally, the ideal of marriage is worthy of intense commitment even apart from the person I am married to. Without an ideal, a standard, a guidng principle, commitment will wane.
Having said this, I am not pointing fingers at any divorced person. I am the product of a divorced home, and I recognize that reality differs significantly from the ideal.
But I believe that, if both parties recognize the intrinsic value of the ideal of marriage, then the home being built can stand and the children can prosper, even if the parents have "fallen out of love."
Love isn't merely emotional. It must rise above and become volitional and chosen. Until I can choose to commit and to love, I cannot be free to practice love. I will simply be a prisoner of my own feelings, environment, personal issues, grudges, or whatever.
I have been graced with a wonderful wife and ten years of marriage. Preceding generations of my family, and most of my friends I grew up with, have high levels of divorce. That cycle will stop with me because I am choosing to learn how to love my wife. It is the most important lesson in life, and I am convinced that my wife is making the same choice. It does take two.
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