Poll: How many divorcees do we have here?
- Thread starter BoberFett
- Start date
About a year and half ago here. Never a regret as far being away from her (don't dislike her, just never should have married in first place), massive regrets regarding the impact on my son. 
thebestMAX
Diamond Member
- Sep 14, 2000
- 7,505
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No ofense or anything but.
Thats fµcked up man , , Maridge should be forever , For richer for poorer , in sickness in health , threw good and bad.
Any man that leaves a women ,but dosn't try to repair what is broken first should be hung by his "Gastoebeas".
I'm starting to get the idea that thier is no longer a 4ever love.
And It will only happen if you are soal mates.
Love shouldn't die , ....It should get stronger!
Best Regards,
-Xzaver-
Thats fµcked up man , , Maridge should be forever , For richer for poorer , in sickness in health , threw good and bad.
Any man that leaves a women ,but dosn't try to repair what is broken first should be hung by his "Gastoebeas".
I'm starting to get the idea that thier is no longer a 4ever love.
And It will only happen if you are soal mates.
Love shouldn't die , ....It should get stronger!
Best Regards,
-Xzaver-
<<Maridge should be forever , For richer for poorer , in sickness in health , threw good and bad.
Any man that leaves a women ,but dosn't try to repair what is broken>>
(biting my tongue)
:Q
Any man that leaves a women ,but dosn't try to repair what is broken>>
(biting my tongue)
:Q
Went to the fire once, survived two years. Back in the fire again, this time hopefully to stay - post 2nd year and expecting.
Xzaver:
Women leave their husbands as well. Just happened to someone I know (yesterday). Needed to "find" a new life. He is a pretty good guy.
Women are just as messed up as men.
Remember that.
Women leave their husbands as well. Just happened to someone I know (yesterday). Needed to "find" a new life. He is a pretty good guy.
Women are just as messed up as men.
Remember that.
K, Xzaver, question for you. What if neither person loved each other to begin with?? I thought long and hard before leaving, but I really didn't want my son to grow up in a home devoid of love. That is why I sometimes regret the decision, but I still feel in the long run I made the right decision. He now has the potential to see true love in a relationship (well assuming I ever find anyone )
)I didn't leave...he didn't leave...we both left each other long ago. We make really good friends, and always will....but, now we know why our lives have been miserable...and since making our decision...we are both happy, and laugh again....knowing we made a mistake. We have no children...so it is much easier. This is all new to me....I am moving this week back home to Austin. Sometimes life's just that... life.
Princess
Princess
God, I hate this question. But these personal questions are a magnet for me...
Bober, I'm gonna get you for this!
Not divorced because we both want to be with the kids. We came damn near to divorce a few years ago, but he saw a counselor and things improved enough for us to get along. Ours is a problem of severe culture clash.
Other than that, we lead separate lives. No, I am not available on the side. I channel my energy creatively and constructively, and I crack a hell of a lot of jokes. Where do I see myself in 20 years? Somewhere else. But that is waaaaay down the line.
What I wonder is, are we doing the kids more harm than good? We stopped fighting a long time ago, so the tension isn't high.
I've decided that the only thing that matters, ultimately, are the kids.
Life is tough and then you die, man.
Bober, I'm gonna get you for this!
Not divorced because we both want to be with the kids. We came damn near to divorce a few years ago, but he saw a counselor and things improved enough for us to get along. Ours is a problem of severe culture clash.
Other than that, we lead separate lives. No, I am not available on the side. I channel my energy creatively and constructively, and I crack a hell of a lot of jokes. Where do I see myself in 20 years? Somewhere else. But that is waaaaay down the line.
What I wonder is, are we doing the kids more harm than good? We stopped fighting a long time ago, so the tension isn't high.
I've decided that the only thing that matters, ultimately, are the kids.
Life is tough and then you die, man.
In the process right now. I never thought I would end up in a divorce. With all her faults (we all have them) I truly did, and still do believe in, "for better, for worse etc.,". I did, she didn't. I went to counseling, she went to counseling, we went to counseling, I prayed (some answers to prayer are "no" but in the end it came down to the fact she decided she wanted something else and didn't want to save the marriage. So no matter how hard you try, it takes two.
The worst part is, she's already told her sisters and her friends that she knows a few years down the road she will regret this. Go figure. Unfortunately, too late.
but in the end it came down to the fact she decided she wanted something else and didn't want to save the marriage. So no matter how hard you try, it takes two.The worst part is, she's already told her sisters and her friends that she knows a few years down the road she will regret this. Go figure. Unfortunately, too late.
thebestMAX
Diamond Member
- Sep 14, 2000
- 7,505
- 134
- 106
I think that Xzavier and Lozer are the same person.
Both think that ALBERTA IS A STATE IN THE UNITED STATES.
Both think that ALBERTA IS A STATE IN THE UNITED STATES.
NEW POLL
Is it right or wrong to stay together for the kids, if you can keep from fighting?
Now that's a toughie.
Is it right or wrong to stay together for the kids, if you can keep from fighting?
Now that's a toughie.
<< K, Xzaver, question for you. What if neither person loved each other to begin with?? >>
Then you should not have gotten married. I am not anti-divorce, and people do change, but if you never loved the person in the 1st place then its almost your own fault. Not trying to seem like a jerk, as I only know teh situation from what you implied with that statement. I hope it works our for the best nonetheless.
Fathom
She'll regret it.
I'm too chicken to find out if I would regret it or not... and I KNOW I would regret taking my kids out of the wonderful home we have worked so hard to create for them, just because we don't see eye-to-eye!
She'll regret it.
I'm too chicken to find out if I would regret it or not... and I KNOW I would regret taking my kids out of the wonderful home we have worked so hard to create for them, just because we don't see eye-to-eye!
- Oct 9, 1999
- 37,562
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Isla
Staying together for the kids, does it work? Even if you're civil to each other, there's no way you can fake genuine love. And if you're kids grow up seeing that, is it really any better than having divorced parents?
I don't know the answers, sometimes I'm not even sure I know the questions.
Staying together for the kids, does it work? Even if you're civil to each other, there's no way you can fake genuine love. And if you're kids grow up seeing that, is it really any better than having divorced parents?
I don't know the answers, sometimes I'm not even sure I know the questions.
Technically divorced for almost two months, but we filed more than a year ago. Thankfully, we get along, have made our son a priority, and we all seem to be better off for the split.
I've detailed some of it in other threads, but Xzaver, it doesn't always work the way you think it should. Unless you've been there and been through the heartache most people feel, you can't generalize that it's a lack of effort on anyone's part.
*Edited to add a comment for Isla - I had no idea my son knew things were difficult between his dad and I, but when we split, he said he finally felt like he could tell me how worried he was about how things were in the house. My ex and I never fought in front of him, never said ugly things to each other, but an apathy had developed that we couldn't hide. I think staying together when you hate each other's guts is wrong, but if there is some feeling left and you want to truly stay together for your kids, both parties have to be equally invested in making the family whole again. I'm sure it is possible to stay together for the kids and not resent the hell out of each other. Obviously, sometimes people stay together for the kids and manage to screw them up in doing so. Kids aren't as blind as we'd like to think.
I've detailed some of it in other threads, but Xzaver, it doesn't always work the way you think it should. Unless you've been there and been through the heartache most people feel, you can't generalize that it's a lack of effort on anyone's part.
*Edited to add a comment for Isla - I had no idea my son knew things were difficult between his dad and I, but when we split, he said he finally felt like he could tell me how worried he was about how things were in the house. My ex and I never fought in front of him, never said ugly things to each other, but an apathy had developed that we couldn't hide. I think staying together when you hate each other's guts is wrong, but if there is some feeling left and you want to truly stay together for your kids, both parties have to be equally invested in making the family whole again. I'm sure it is possible to stay together for the kids and not resent the hell out of each other. Obviously, sometimes people stay together for the kids and manage to screw them up in doing so. Kids aren't as blind as we'd like to think.
CrichtonsGirl, good luck! I hope all goes well for you.
Boberfett, I don't know. My oldest sees right through us. She wanted us to get divorced. The 2 younger ones are still blissfully unaware.
I'm not sure where I will go from here. I'm just not in a hurry. Maybe when the baby starts Kindergarten, I might consider a change. In the meantime, gotta get my MA!
But I do know this:
I won't get married again. (I'm not even sure I could handle a boyfriend)
(Bitterness and cynicism seeping out!)
ChrichtonsGirl
Thanks. Some days we succeed, some days we don't. We have, at least, managed to get past some of the really horrible stuff. I keep reminding myself that he has been damaged. Religious abuse is a horrible, horrible thing and it does awful things to people. The cycle has to be broken somewhere. Maybe it will stop here.
Boberfett, I don't know. My oldest sees right through us. She wanted us to get divorced. The 2 younger ones are still blissfully unaware.
I'm not sure where I will go from here. I'm just not in a hurry. Maybe when the baby starts Kindergarten, I might consider a change. In the meantime, gotta get my MA!
But I do know this:
I won't get married again. (I'm not even sure I could handle a boyfriend)
(Bitterness and cynicism seeping out!)
ChrichtonsGirl
Thanks. Some days we succeed, some days we don't. We have, at least, managed to get past some of the really horrible stuff. I keep reminding myself that he has been damaged. Religious abuse is a horrible, horrible thing and it does awful things to people. The cycle has to be broken somewhere. Maybe it will stop here.
Isla, I have totally been there. My family spent years telling me to get out, but it literally took him telling me to my face that he didn't want to be married to me because he'd found a 20 year old girlfriend to make me see it.
I have to agree with you, at this point, I can't see myself getting married again. Give yourself some time to take care of your own needs (something I'm working on) apart from the kids and hopefully things will fall into place. Simplistic? Maybe, but it's working for me right now and as lonely as I can get, I'm happier than I've been in years.
I have to agree with you, at this point, I can't see myself getting married again. Give yourself some time to take care of your own needs (something I'm working on) apart from the kids and hopefully things will fall into place. Simplistic? Maybe, but it's working for me right now and as lonely as I can get, I'm happier than I've been in years.
<< Isla
Staying together for the kids, does it work? Even if you're civil to each other, there's no way you can fake genuine love. And if you're kids grow up seeing that, is it really any better than having divorced parents?
I don't know the answers, sometimes I'm not even sure I know the questions >>
Ditto from Fathom
My thoughts are, is it healthy for your kids to grow up thinking that this is what "love" is?
Children perceive more than we can imagine and sooner or later the younger ones will realize the situation. Wouldn't they be better to grow up in two or even one households that had a loving, fullfilling marriage or relationship. I know you said:
<< I won't get married again. (I'm not even sure I could handle a boyfriend) >>
but won't is damn close to "never" and one thing I've learned in the last year is to "Never say Never". Right now I sure can't even handle dating, but I'm hopeful "SOMEDAY" I will be in a loving relationship.
Just my .02 from a warped view.
Hey CGirl
You and I should hang sometime.
Oh Fathom
I just don't know. I hear you. Boberfett, damn this thread!
You and I should hang sometime.
Oh Fathom
I just don't know. I hear you. Boberfett, damn this thread!
I wish my parents would get divorced. My mom is so unhappy, she just doesn't want to do anything about it. My dad is such a asshole and he treats her with no respect.
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