It's all about the perfect match in sex, and Its VERY rare you'll find this on your first f**K, because you don't even know yourself, and your needs until you've experimented.
Why do people put such a huge emphasis on sex? My relationship is just fine now without sex, sex will only make it better... But good sex won't save a bad relationship. Sex is NOT the end-all be-all of a relationship - It's merely icing on the cake.
Viper GTS
Why do people put such a huge emphasis on sex? My relationship is just fine now without sex, sex will only make it better... But good sex won't save a bad relationship. Sex is NOT the end-all be-all of a relationship - It's merely icing on the cake.
Viper GTS
BoberFett
Lifer
- Oct 9, 1999
- 37,562
- 9
- 81
Viper
Good sex won't save a relationship, but bad sex can ruin a relationship.
How do you know sex will make your relationship better? Icing on the cake? What happens when one of you wants chocolate icing and the other wants vanilla? As Emulex was saying, what if one person finds that they're really into sex, want to try new things and experiment, kinky things, and the other person has a bumper sticker on their car that says "Missionary Or Bust"? That relationship won't last long.
Sorry man, but you're a bit naive. Take it from someone who knows all to well.
Good sex won't save a relationship, but bad sex can ruin a relationship.
How do you know sex will make your relationship better? Icing on the cake? What happens when one of you wants chocolate icing and the other wants vanilla? As Emulex was saying, what if one person finds that they're really into sex, want to try new things and experiment, kinky things, and the other person has a bumper sticker on their car that says "Missionary Or Bust"? That relationship won't last long.
Sorry man, but you're a bit naive. Take it from someone who knows all to well.
I agree with Viper, bad sex can only ruin a relationship if your relationship is based on sex. Sure, sex is great, and if people have sex before they are married, well who am I to say that its wrong. But to have sex just to "test drive the car", well I dont agree with that.
When you're 60 years old, sex is definitely not going to be as good as it was when you were 25. If sex is what your relationship is based on, then you better find something else to base it on if you want your relationship to last the rest of your life.
--Ben
When you're 60 years old, sex is definitely not going to be as good as it was when you were 25. If sex is what your relationship is based on, then you better find something else to base it on if you want your relationship to last the rest of your life.
--Ben
Viper, you gotta make sure the icing tastes good and that someone didn't throw a whole shitload of salt in there and make it taste bad.
Possibly one of the more wierd analogies I'll use, but....looking down, BoberFett put it more succintly than I.
late.
TDP
Possibly one of the more wierd analogies I'll use, but....looking down, BoberFett put it more succintly than I.
late.
TDP
Viper, you gotta make sure the icing tastes good and that someone didn't throw a whole $hitload of salt in there and make it taste bad.
OK, icing isn't the best analogy... Sex is an added bonus. It is NOT the relationship, and does NOT make or break the relationship. If the relationship is there, the sex will be wonderful. If you're focusing on sex & throwing the relationship in as an after-thought, God help you when the sex goes bad.
The real issue here is a matter of priorities - And sex isn't mine.
Viper GTS
OK, icing isn't the best analogy... Sex is an added bonus. It is NOT the relationship, and does NOT make or break the relationship. If the relationship is there, the sex will be wonderful. If you're focusing on sex & throwing the relationship in as an after-thought, God help you when the sex goes bad.
The real issue here is a matter of priorities - And sex isn't mine.
Viper GTS
Boberfett,
Exactly. One cannot state too much about sex and how it affects a relationship
if that individual has NEVER had sex. Period.
It's like saying a standard transmission is "icing on the cake", when compared to an automatic, when in fact, you haven`t driven either.
Go and have some fun, you only live once...
Exactly. One cannot state too much about sex and how it affects a relationship
if that individual has NEVER had sex. Period.
It's like saying a standard transmission is "icing on the cake", when compared to an automatic, when in fact, you haven`t driven either.
Go and have some fun, you only live once...
"Tasting the icing" before you buy the cake is never without huge repercussions and consequences---both physical, emotional and psychological. A lot of people forget to take this into account but bitterly discover it afterwards.
And just because there are differences in tastes or levels of libido it does'nt mean that the relationship is doomed to be a disaster. Sex is a relationship not just an instinctual need or drive; and like all relationships it needs loving work and tending. Only then is it truly successful.
And just because there are differences in tastes or levels of libido it does'nt mean that the relationship is doomed to be a disaster. Sex is a relationship not just an instinctual need or drive; and like all relationships it needs loving work and tending. Only then is it truly successful.
BoberFett
Lifer
- Oct 9, 1999
- 37,562
- 9
- 81
<< If the relationship is there, the sex will be wonderful. >>
You have no frame of reference with which to make that claim. You seem to have totally ignored what I said. What happens when you get married, and she decides that sex once every few weeks is enough for her? Is that going to be enough for you?
As much importance as their is in emotional compatibility, there's a lot hinging on sexual compatability too.
Yes, Bober, sexual compatibility must be discussed in a relationship, and it is an important part; but it's not the most vital piece of a relationship.
Viper's point is if you try to have a long-lasting relationship based only on sex it's not going to last.
Viper's point is if you try to have a long-lasting relationship based only on sex it's not going to last.
BoberFett
Lifer
- Oct 9, 1999
- 37,562
- 9
- 81
<< Viper's point is if you try to have a long-lasting relationship based only on sex it's not going to last. >>
That's right. But if someone thinks that having a good non-sexual relationship will magically make the sex great, that's just being naive.
As I said originally, good sex can't save a bad relationship, but bad sex can ruin a good relationship.
Exactly. One cannot state too much about sex and how it affects a relationship if that individual has NEVER had sex. Period.
What I have had is a relationship.
Go and have some fun, you only live once...
Having fun is not my purpose in life. Yes, I'm sure sex is a hell of a lot of fun. But to me, unless it's done within the commitment of a marriage, it's not worth it. I want to be able to honestly tell my wife that she's the only one I've ever been with, & as long as she's alive she's the only one I ever WILL be with. I don't have anything wonderful to offer the woman I love. I'm not rich, I'm not good looking, & I'm not the most romantic person ever to walk the face of the earth. I can, however, offer the simple promise that she's the only woman for me, & that she'll have my love & devotion 'til the day she dies. Whether we have sex or not.
You have no frame of reference with which to make that claim.
I don't? You might be surprised. I've had my breath taken away by a kiss on the cheek, by the tracing of a small nose along my cheek. I've spent hours face to face with the woman I'm in love with, without the slightest hint of lust. I've felt the glow of desire having done nothing more than kissed someone. I've experienced what it's like to fit someone perfectly, to melt into one another out of love - Passion for the sake of love, not sex. So until you know what I have and haven't done, kindly STFU.
But if someone thinks that having a good non-sexual relationship will magically make the sex great, that's just being naive.
If you've never experienced any other, there's no such thing as bad sex. I'm doing just fine without sex now, and although I look forward to adding it to my relationship, I'm quite happy with the relationship the way it is.
Viper GTS
What I have had is a relationship.
Go and have some fun, you only live once...
Having fun is not my purpose in life. Yes, I'm sure sex is a hell of a lot of fun. But to me, unless it's done within the commitment of a marriage, it's not worth it. I want to be able to honestly tell my wife that she's the only one I've ever been with, & as long as she's alive she's the only one I ever WILL be with. I don't have anything wonderful to offer the woman I love. I'm not rich, I'm not good looking, & I'm not the most romantic person ever to walk the face of the earth. I can, however, offer the simple promise that she's the only woman for me, & that she'll have my love & devotion 'til the day she dies. Whether we have sex or not.
You have no frame of reference with which to make that claim.
I don't? You might be surprised. I've had my breath taken away by a kiss on the cheek, by the tracing of a small nose along my cheek. I've spent hours face to face with the woman I'm in love with, without the slightest hint of lust. I've felt the glow of desire having done nothing more than kissed someone. I've experienced what it's like to fit someone perfectly, to melt into one another out of love - Passion for the sake of love, not sex. So until you know what I have and haven't done, kindly STFU.
But if someone thinks that having a good non-sexual relationship will magically make the sex great, that's just being naive.
If you've never experienced any other, there's no such thing as bad sex. I'm doing just fine without sex now, and although I look forward to adding it to my relationship, I'm quite happy with the relationship the way it is.
Viper GTS
Actually I think you're both right. Bober is correct that for most people good sex wouldnt make the relationship, but bad sex would ruin it. However if two people come together who can do with out, than indeed a poor sex life might not ruin it. I imagine those people are few and far between, but it could definatley happen. The most dangerous part would be if both people didn't feel the same way in the marriage.
Fwiw: I'm sure you have alot more to offer women than your virginity viper, personality is often enough to please most people. Looks and money are just the material things, there is plenty more stuff on different levels
edit:
<< If you've never experienced any other, there's no such thing as bad sex. >>
Actually viper bad sex is alot more frustrating than no sex to most people
Fwiw: I'm sure you have alot more to offer women than your virginity viper, personality is often enough to please most people. Looks and money are just the material things, there is plenty more stuff on different levels
edit:
<< If you've never experienced any other, there's no such thing as bad sex. >>
Actually viper bad sex is alot more frustrating than no sex to most people
I also have to agree with both. Sex should really be the "icing of the cake" - like Viper put it. However, if you and your partner aren't compatible, and the sex is bad it will put a strain on the relationship. If sex is the base of the relationship, it isn't going to last. If you can work through it, that's great. I just believe that the optimal situation is that the relationship is based on much more than sex, but the sex still takes your breath away
<< As I said originally, good sex can't save a bad relationship, but bad sex can ruin a good relationship. >>
Bad sex occurs when one or both partners is neglecting the sexual part of the relatioship and only try to please themselves and not the other person.
I've been a bad boy! What's up with girls chasing a uniform anyway? I've never quite understood it but I'm no deep thinker when it comes to sex. Ha Ha Ha I'll be smiling in my rockin chair someday.
Don Vito Corleone
Elite
- Feb 10, 2000
- 30,029
- 67
- 91
I am not sure this discussion is really going anywhere beneficial. I frankly find statements about the magical properties of virginity pretty well incomprehensible. The idea of a virgin talking about the importance, or lack thereof, of sex in a relationship is like reading reviews by a deaf music critic.
The fact is, sex is critical to any loving romantic relationship. No, it is not the only thing, or even the most important thing. It is, however, a make-or-break issue as far as I am concerned, and it can either enrich or destroy a relationship. It is also really, really fun, and it gets more fun the more experience you have.
The idea that virginity is some kind of resume bullet is, to me, tragically naive and, ultimately, silly. Virginity is only a novelty the first time; sexual experience and skill can and do enrich a relationship forever. I know you will never catch me marrying a virgin.
I know all of this sounds irreverent and disrespectful to the adult virgins out there, but I am confident I will not be the one regretting my youthful exploits when I am an old man.
The fact is, sex is critical to any loving romantic relationship. No, it is not the only thing, or even the most important thing. It is, however, a make-or-break issue as far as I am concerned, and it can either enrich or destroy a relationship. It is also really, really fun, and it gets more fun the more experience you have.
The idea that virginity is some kind of resume bullet is, to me, tragically naive and, ultimately, silly. Virginity is only a novelty the first time; sexual experience and skill can and do enrich a relationship forever. I know you will never catch me marrying a virgin.
I know all of this sounds irreverent and disrespectful to the adult virgins out there, but I am confident I will not be the one regretting my youthful exploits when I am an old man.
Viper,
I had the same sort of outlook on this issue when I was a virgin, but boy do things change when you're not one anymore.
I'd have to agree with Bobber on this one. Sex is way more than just icing on a cake, or some bonus tacked onto a relationship. Once you do it, it becomes an integral part of an entire relationship and like any integral part of a relationship, neglecting it can lead to break ups. On the other hand, ensuring this aspect of the relationship is maintained and can grow can lead to an even deeper relationship.
You'll never understand until you get there...not because you're not intelligent enough or logical enough (your reasoning is sound), but just because you haven't been there. It's just one of those things that can't be reasoned through a priori. But that's what makes it so special too...I suppose it's better that you don't know what's ahead because if you did and only saw some of the potential liabilities (in big fat red lettering) then you wouldn't reap the benefits (more subtle but carry more weight than the big fat red lettering) either.
-GL
I had the same sort of outlook on this issue when I was a virgin, but boy do things change when you're not one anymore.
I'd have to agree with Bobber on this one. Sex is way more than just icing on a cake, or some bonus tacked onto a relationship. Once you do it, it becomes an integral part of an entire relationship and like any integral part of a relationship, neglecting it can lead to break ups. On the other hand, ensuring this aspect of the relationship is maintained and can grow can lead to an even deeper relationship.
You'll never understand until you get there...not because you're not intelligent enough or logical enough (your reasoning is sound), but just because you haven't been there. It's just one of those things that can't be reasoned through a priori. But that's what makes it so special too...I suppose it's better that you don't know what's ahead because if you did and only saw some of the potential liabilities (in big fat red lettering) then you wouldn't reap the benefits (more subtle but carry more weight than the big fat red lettering) either.
-GL
Eug
Lifer
- Mar 11, 2000
- 24,176
- 1,816
- 126
As long as you're religiously careful about safer sex (which can be very difficult for many people), there is nothing wrong with kickin' the tires sorta speak. (However, pre-marital sex should not be confused with all out unprotected promiscuity of course.)
I am reminded by a quote from an old acquaintance. She waited until she got married, and now her assessment of sex is: "It's like a banana stuffed up my nose." Of course, by the descriptions I've heard, her hubby sounds like a wombat. If she had picked the right guy (virgin or not) in the first place everything might be OK right now, but it illustrates the point nonetheless.
Anyways, to paraphrase Bober, it's difficult to assign any credibility to those who haven't "been there, done that". Come back here a couple of years after you're married, and then give your assessments. If it works out great - all the power to ya. To give you the benefit of the doubt though, I know some couples who did wait, and they're fine. But then again, I also know many who didn't, and they're fine too. Go figure.
I am reminded by a quote from an old acquaintance. She waited until she got married, and now her assessment of sex is: "It's like a banana stuffed up my nose." Of course, by the descriptions I've heard, her hubby sounds like a wombat. If she had picked the right guy (virgin or not) in the first place everything might be OK right now, but it illustrates the point nonetheless.
Anyways, to paraphrase Bober, it's difficult to assign any credibility to those who haven't "been there, done that". Come back here a couple of years after you're married, and then give your assessments. If it works out great - all the power to ya. To give you the benefit of the doubt though, I know some couples who did wait, and they're fine. But then again, I also know many who didn't, and they're fine too. Go figure.
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