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*pic* GF's away-should I feel guilty hanging w/ female friend?

S

slackerinabox

Lifer
My gf is spending a few weeks in Europe and a friend of mine - a somewhat attractive female friend- has asked me to chill with her a bit during this time.. Now I'm not attracted to this friend and she is taken but should I HAVE to tell my gf that we hung out? I mean, I would hang with my male friends and don't feel the need to give her a status update and such.. But I feel like I should tell her but... Hmmm.. That makes me feel like it's something to feel guilty about.. The thing is that my gf and I go to different schools so she's never met this friend but I talk to her almost everyday on AIM and I think it's gotten my gf a little upset.. So tell, don't tell, or just don't chill... Dorky dilema, I know!

pic of my friend "care" - third from left[
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
My gf is spending a few weeks in Europe and a friend of mine - a somewhat attractive female friend- has asked me to chill with her a bit during this time.. Now I'm not attracted to this friend and she is taken but should I HAVE to tell my gf that we hung out? I mean, I would hang with my male friends and don't feel the need to give her a status update and such.. But I feel like I should tell her but... Hmmm.. That makes me feel like it's something to feel guilty about.. The thing is that my gf and I go to different schools so she's never met this friend but I talk to her almost everyday on AIM and I think it's gotten my gf a little upset.. So tell, don't tell, or just don't chill... Dorky dilema, I know!
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Just keep it to yourself. No need to worry your GF over nothing, if you're telling the truth about not being attracted to her.
 
Depends on your relationship. I could do this. Of course, she would ask "What did you do tonite?" So I'd have to either tell her or lie about it, and I'd rather not lie, but she would not be bothered in the least.
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
So I wouldn't even have to tell her, right?

Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
no so long as you didnt do anything
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If you're considering hiding it from her, then maybe you need to reconsider some things about your relationship with your girlfriend. A relationship should be open. If this worries you, maybe when your girlfriend gets back, you should tell her that you helped a friend but feel guilty about it, then talk about why and stuff with her. That's a nice big step toward building a very strong trusting relationship (which is what I think is missing here - you don't trust yourself).
 
If you are feeling guilty about it then you must have some issues/feelings about this other female friend. If you didn't, you wouldn't think twice about it. Would you feel guilty if were hanging out with you guy friends?

As for having to tell her, I don't think you have to. If she finds out somehow and blows a gasket, then SHE has some issues or insecurities about your relationship.
 
I'm not attracted to her but I THINK my gf has problems with me talking to her so much. They've never met because I don't think that they'd get along and because my friend's the tall, blonde, and skinny type so my gf will probably think that I have a thing for her.. I dunno.. I'm probably just being immature

Originally posted by: Encryptic
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Just keep it to yourself. No need to worry your GF over nothing, if you're telling the truth about not being attracted to her.
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If your gf is so insecure that she would be upset by you hanging out with a female friend (and doing nothing 'cept chilling), then she's got problems.
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
My gf is spending a few weeks in Europe and a friend of mine - a somewhat attractive female friend- has asked me to chill with her a bit during this time.. Now I'm not attracted to this friend and she is taken but should I HAVE to tell my gf that we hung out? I mean, I would hang with my male friends and don't feel the need to give her a status update and such.. But I feel like I should tell her but... Hmmm.. That makes me feel like it's something to feel guilty about.. The thing is that my gf and I go to different schools so she's never met this friend but I talk to her almost everyday on AIM and I think it's gotten my gf a little upset.. So tell, don't tell, or just don't chill... Dorky dilema, I know!
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Why has she asked you to chill with her a bit while your g/f is in Europe? Is she trying to move in on her turf and dump her own beau. Suspicious.
 
Now have you and your GF specifically said your two were a monogomous couple???
If not, go buy you a pack of rubbers, and you know the rest. Just because you're not romantically intrested, doesn't mean don't tap it like the last keg of beer.
 
Originally posted by: conjur
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
My gf is spending a few weeks in Europe and a friend of mine - a somewhat attractive female friend- has asked me to chill with her a bit during this time.. Now I'm not attracted to this friend and she is taken but should I HAVE to tell my gf that we hung out? I mean, I would hang with my male friends and don't feel the need to give her a status update and such.. But I feel like I should tell her but... Hmmm.. That makes me feel like it's something to feel guilty about.. The thing is that my gf and I go to different schools so she's never met this friend but I talk to her almost everyday on AIM and I think it's gotten my gf a little upset.. So tell, don't tell, or just don't chill... Dorky dilema, I know!
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Why has she asked you to chill with her a bit while your g/f is in Europe? Is she trying to move in on her turf and dump her own beau. Suspicious.
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If they're just friends I don't see anything wrong or suspicious about it.
 
Originally posted by: conjur
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
My gf is spending a few weeks in Europe and a friend of mine - a somewhat attractive female friend- has asked me to chill with her a bit during this time.. Now I'm not attracted to this friend and she is taken but should I HAVE to tell my gf that we hung out? I mean, I would hang with my male friends and don't feel the need to give her a status update and such.. But I feel like I should tell her but... Hmmm.. That makes me feel like it's something to feel guilty about.. The thing is that my gf and I go to different schools so she's never met this friend but I talk to her almost everyday on AIM and I think it's gotten my gf a little upset.. So tell, don't tell, or just don't chill... Dorky dilema, I know!
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Why has she asked you to chill with her a bit while your g/f is in Europe? Is she trying to move in on her turf and dump her own beau. Suspicious.
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Oh, give me a break. Listen, I have two close friends who dated for over 2 years, they broke up a few months ago. The female friend called me to hang out a lot, and I took her up on it nearly every time. Why? Because she's a good friend going through a hard time who needs someone to talk to and spend time with. And of course, it didn't take long for the rumors to start flying that i was moving in on her.
 
Similar situation for a while (before my friend moved further away)... we hung out 2 - 3 times a week, and I never told my fiance if she didn't ask specifically. I know nothing would happen with the friend, so why make my fiance worry? That's the bottom line.

People will say to be honest, but the honesty is within yourself. Don't do anything, and you have no reason to make it a point to tell. You don't make it a point to tell her when you hang out with specific guy friends, so why would you here?

In your case, you're not even attracted to her...
 
Hahah, I made myself sound far cooler than I am.. She's asked to hang out before but I've always been too busy - my gf and I spend a lot of time together so I rarely have time for other friends ( especially during the school year).. So it's not that she wants to hang BECAUSE my gf is away- i just have time now because school is out and she's away... Her own beau's a great, funny, and much more attractive guy than myself.. And I wouldn't cheat on my gf either way..

Originally posted by: conjur
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212[/I

Why has she asked you to chill with her a bit while your g/f is in Europe? Is she trying to move in on her turf and dump her own beau. Suspicious.
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You dont have to hide it, but you dont have to bring it up. If it gets mentioned down the road, it gets mentioned. But dont be thinking that having a female friend is a bad thing.
 
Originally posted by: johnjohn320
Originally posted by: conjur
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
My gf is spending a few weeks in Europe and a friend of mine - a somewhat attractive female friend- has asked me to chill with her a bit during this time.. Now I'm not attracted to this friend and she is taken but should I HAVE to tell my gf that we hung out? I mean, I would hang with my male friends and don't feel the need to give her a status update and such.. But I feel like I should tell her but... Hmmm.. That makes me feel like it's something to feel guilty about.. The thing is that my gf and I go to different schools so she's never met this friend but I talk to her almost everyday on AIM and I think it's gotten my gf a little upset.. So tell, don't tell, or just don't chill... Dorky dilema, I know!
Click to expand...

Why has she asked you to chill with her a bit while your g/f is in Europe? Is she trying to move in on her turf and dump her own beau. Suspicious.
Click to expand...

Oh, give me a break. Listen, I have two close friends who dated for over 2 years, they broke up a few months ago. The female friend called me to hang out a lot, and I took her up on it nearly every time. Why? Because she's a good friend going through a hard time who needs someone to talk to and spend time with. And of course, it didn't take long for the rumors to start flying that i was moving in on her.
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Well...that's not quite the same situation now, is it? Nope...not at all.

And given what little information there was in the first post...this is a valid conjecture.
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Hahah, I made myself sound far cooler than I am.. She's asked to hang out before but I've always been too busy - my gf and I spend a lot of time together so I rarely have time for other friends ( especially during the school year).. So it's not that she wants to hang BECAUSE my gf is away- i just have time no because school is out and she's away... Her own beau's a great, funny, and much more attractive guy than myself.. And I wouldn't cheat on my gf either way..
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Then there's nothing wrong with you hanging out with her.
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
I'm not attracted to her but I THINK my gf has problems with me talking to her so much. They've never met because I don't think that they'd get along and because my friend's the tall, blonde, and skinny type so my gf will probably think that I have a thing for her.. I dunno.. I'm probably just being immature

Originally posted by: Encryptic
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

Just keep it to yourself. No need to worry your GF over nothing, if you're telling the truth about not being attracted to her.
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She's tall blonde, skinny and attactive, but you're not attracted to her. LIAR!!!

You're not married, so you can do whatever you want to do. If you want to hang, go hang. If you want a new GF, you can do that too. Just remember that your GF also has the right to be mad if you're spending time with other women... that usually doesn't fly if you've entered the "serious" stage.

I'm betting the female friend may be sending out "feelers" to see if you're a possible next boyfriend.
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Well, she's even called herself "generically attractive" and I agree with her.. She's attractive but I'm not attracted to her- what's so hard to believe about that? Anyways, I'm more into brunettes myself.. If Christina Ricci or Natalie Portman asked me to hang out I wouldn't because it put a SERIOUS strain on my ability to remain faithful.. Regardless, the 'feelers' idea is ludicrus.. I'm a tubby indian guy and we've already had conversations about how she couldn't see herself dating non-white men even though she's not racist (the topic came up because my gf is white).. regardless, I'm just going to hang out with her and anyone of my other friends that want to and just tell my gf that I hung with "friends".. if she asks for details I'll tell her.. I shouldn't be so childish about it..

Originally posted by: Stark
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

She's tall blonde, skinny and attactive, but you're not attracted to her. LIAR!!!

You're not married, so you can do whatever you want to do. If you want to hang, go hang. If you want a new GF, you can do that too. Just remember that your GF also has the right to be mad if you're spending time with other women... that usually doesn't fly if you've entered the "serious" stage.

I'm betting the female friend may be sending out "feelers" to see if you're a possible next boyfriend.
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No, you shouldn't.

Nevertheless, if you can't know not to feel guilty then two things are possibly going on: Either 1) you have a controlling or jealous gf; or 2) you have a history of lacking in self-control when it comes to women and attraction.

In either case, then tell your gf. In case 1, tell her so she can deal with the demon in her and square it out. If it's two tell her so she can deal with you. 😛 To speak candidly, I would say that in either scenario, you two shouldn't be together 'cuz it wouldn't be a healthy relationship.

Edit: Oh, a third possibility is that you actually aren't attracted to your friend, but you find yourself doing or sharing more things with your friend. This meaning that you're closer to your friend than you are to your gf. Hence, there isn't much of an emotional connection between your gf and you. In that case, then it's time to end it.
 
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