"Open" Marriage

[AgentJean]

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
What would be the point of marriage then?

Marriage is nothing but a political union to make sure there is a proper heir to inherit property.

It's never been about love.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
My parents (father and stepmother) were swingers and their marriage fell apart when they invited another married couple to come live with us.

Imagine that.

ETA - My stepmother still lives with the other couple. Dad's long gone.

Thats not swinging, thats Poly. Polyamory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

 

[SmoochyTX]

Originally posted by: Fmr12B

Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
My parents (father and stepmother) were swingers and their marriage fell apart when they invited another married couple to come live with us.

Imagine that.

ETA - My stepmother still lives with the other couple. Dad's long gone.

Thats not swinging, thats Poly. Polyamory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

Reading comprehension FTW.

 

[BillyBatson]

yes it can as long as thre is no real love between the 2 ppl and it is just a marriage of convenience

 

[JS80]

Originally posted by: ironwing

Originally posted by: Aztech

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
What would be the point of marriage then?

Tax benefits? I don't know. But I thought so many people on here aren't very religious, so if not a union before God, then what is the point?

What does your god have to do with my marriage?

I thought God invented marriage.

 

[zerocool84]

Originally posted by: Aztech

Originally posted by: chambersc
DEFINITELY not. It defeats the point of marriage.

So, what is the real point of marriage? Isn't it just to love and care for each other through the good times and the bad? I'm not saying to abandon any of that, but just spice the sex life up a bit...

You can do that without being married. All getting married now-a-days means having to split your income for the rest of your life even if your married or not.

 

[SlitheryDee]

I have no problem with an open marriage, but what happen when your significant other has an encounter with someone with a larger package and a libido to match it? When someone rocks a girls world in the sack they tend to find excuses to fall in love, even if it's only for a short period of time.

 

[skyking]

I've seen it attempted several times, and each time it was a train wreck. The only mystery was when the wheels were going to come off the tracks.

 

[BoberFett]

My wife and I did it for a while, and we got tired of it. We realized that for the most part, other people really irritate us. The reason we're married is that we're perfect for each other, and anybody who isn't us just gets annoying after a while. The people we would date on the side also tended to get clingy.

We still have the occasional threesome (my wife is quite happy to bring a woman in with us) so we still have our fun. But as far as something extramarital on our own, we've simply lost interest.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

Originally posted by: SmoochyTX
Well it was kinda weird. We got used to it. We never really liked to have friends over though when we were teenagers because there were half naked pics of our stepmom all over the living room walls in provocative poses. :Q

That's seriously fvcked up right there.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: JS80

Originally posted by: ironwing

Originally posted by: Aztech

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
What would be the point of marriage then?

Tax benefits? I don't know. But I thought so many people on here aren't very religious, so if not a union before God, then what is the point?

What does your god have to do with my marriage?

I thought God invented marriage.

Um, no.

 

[aidanjm]

I see more than a few successful (as in stable, enduring) open relationships in the gay male community. for some couples (but obviously not most couples) an open relationship can be just a practical way of dealing with the male sex drive.

 

[Geekbabe]

LOL,So many here can't seem to handle even beginning a simple dating relationship,imagine them trying something like this?

Imho people in open marriages are basically already divorced,they just haven't gotten down to filing their paperwork.

 

[judasmachine]

I have a slight jealous streak, it wouldn't work. I would tear myself apart. But I guess if I didn't love my wife, then it might work.

 

[hdeck]

don't think it would work for me

 

[hjo3]

Objectively, I know it should be possible. A mother can love both her children equally, right? Surely we all have that ability. And applying it to other kinds of love shouldn't be too big a reach. But even though I can sort of reason it out in my head, it still seems wrong. I find it distasteful on multiple levels and can't imagine ever doing it without hating myself.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: hjo3
Objectively, I know it should be possible. A mother can love both her children equally, right? Surely we all have that ability. And applying it to other kinds of love shouldn't be too big a reach. But even though I can sort of reason it out in my head, it still seems wrong. I find it distasteful on multiple levels and can't imagine ever doing it without hating myself.

I don't think the idea of an open relationship would be to love multiple sex partners equally. I think it would be more about seeing casual sex (sex without an emotional commitment) as a a valid recreational activity, that is not incompatible with having a committed primary relationship. Presumably you would still want a more or less exclusive emotional commitment from your partner, even if that person was occasionally sleeping with other people.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: hjo3
Objectively, I know it should be possible. A mother can love both her children equally, right? Surely we all have that ability. And applying it to other kinds of love shouldn't be too big a reach. But even though I can sort of reason it out in my head, it still seems wrong. I find it distasteful on multiple levels and can't imagine ever doing it without hating myself.

I don't think the idea of an open relationship would be to love multiple sex partners equally. I think it would be more about seeing casual sex as a a valid recreational activity, that is not incompatible with having a committed primary relationship. Presumably you would still want a more or less exclusive emotional commitment from your partner, even if that person was occasionally sleeping with other people.

So,where's the big line of folks who are eager to basically be used as objects for a married person's "valid recreational activity" ?

The entire thought process here is flawed,it assumes that the 3rd parties in this are just useful objects and are okay with that.. 3rd person brings another dynamic to the table.

 

[hjo3]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: hjo3
Objectively, I know it should be possible. A mother can love both her children equally, right? Surely we all have that ability. And applying it to other kinds of love shouldn't be too big a reach. But even though I can sort of reason it out in my head, it still seems wrong. I find it distasteful on multiple levels and can't imagine ever doing it without hating myself.

I don't think the idea of an open relationship would be to love multiple sex partners equally. I think it would be more about seeing casual sex (sex without an emotional commitment) as a a valid recreational activity, that is not incompatible with having a committed primary relationship. Presumably you would still want a more or less exclusive emotional commitment from your partner, even if that person was occasionally sleeping with other people.

Oh, duh, yeah -- I don't know what I was thinking. I read the whole thread and for some reason "open marriage != polygamy" just didn't register. But I have even more disgust for "open relationships" than I do for polyamorous ones. I can't really explain why -- it might just be simple prejudice.

 

[engineereeyore]

Nope, wouldn't work in this house.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: hjo3
Objectively, I know it should be possible. A mother can love both her children equally, right? Surely we all have that ability. And applying it to other kinds of love shouldn't be too big a reach. But even though I can sort of reason it out in my head, it still seems wrong. I find it distasteful on multiple levels and can't imagine ever doing it without hating myself.

I don't think the idea of an open relationship would be to love multiple sex partners equally. I think it would be more about seeing casual sex as a a valid recreational activity, that is not incompatible with having a committed primary relationship. Presumably you would still want a more or less exclusive emotional commitment from your partner, even if that person was occasionally sleeping with other people.

So,where's the big line of folks who are eager to basically be used as objects for a married person's "valid recreational activity" ?

The entire thought process here is flawed,it assumes that the 3rd parties in this are just useful objects and are okay with that.. 3rd person brings another dynamic to the table.

if you see sex as a recreational activity, then the 'third party' is no more being used than a tennis partner is being used. it's about a mutual decision to spend some time together engaged in an enjoyable physical activity.

from an evolutionary perspective, I think sexual jealousy makes sense as you don't want to expend your precious resources raising someone else's child. you want to know that the child your partner just gave birth to is yours. perhaps our species has evolved in such a way that most people experience sexual jealousy and feel best when they know their partner is sexually faithful to them. The prevailing culture also tends to make a strong link between sex and love. most people seem to link sex and love in their mind so the idea of their partner having extra-marital sex is conceptualized as a marital betrayal. but there are independent thinkers or contrarians who don't think like that, and I see no need to condemn their rational choices.

 

[Lola]

no, i would never ever ever consider an open marriage. There are special things that make a marriage... intimacy, sex, etc. If you take that out of the relationship/marriage and share it with other people, your bond/marriage is not important any more... at that point, what would it matter if you are married or not?

Plus, i have seen couples in that situation, and it ALWAYS ends up one of the people gets very hurt.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: hjo3
Objectively, I know it should be possible. A mother can love both her children equally, right? Surely we all have that ability. And applying it to other kinds of love shouldn't be too big a reach. But even though I can sort of reason it out in my head, it still seems wrong. I find it distasteful on multiple levels and can't imagine ever doing it without hating myself.

I don't think the idea of an open relationship would be to love multiple sex partners equally. I think it would be more about seeing casual sex as a a valid recreational activity, that is not incompatible with having a committed primary relationship. Presumably you would still want a more or less exclusive emotional commitment from your partner, even if that person was occasionally sleeping with other people.

So,where's the big line of folks who are eager to basically be used as objects for a married person's "valid recreational activity" ?

The entire thought process here is flawed,it assumes that the 3rd parties in this are just useful objects and are okay with that.. 3rd person brings another dynamic to the table.

if you see sex as a recreational activity, then the 'third party' is no more being used than a tennis partner is being used. it's about a mutual decision to spend some time together engaged in an enjoyable physical activity.

from an evolutionary perspective, I think sexual jealousy makes sense as you don't want to expend your precious resources raising someone else's child. you want to know that the child your partner just gave birth to is yours. perhaps our species has evolved in such a way that most people experience sexual jealousy and feel best when they know their partner is sexually faithful to them. The prevailing culture also tends to make a strong link between sex and love. most people seem to link sex and love in their mind so the idea of their partner having extra-marital sex is conceptualized as a marital betrayal. but there are independent thinkers or contrarians who don't think like that, and I see no need to condemn their rational choices.

The 3rd party is a person,with emotions and their own agenda and very often that is what sinks these arrangements.

Also,the idea is quite insulting on a lot of levels to the spouse,it's like saying "honey,I love you when I'm sick,or my laundry needs washing but when it comes time for passion and fun,well, you're on your own"

Sorry but if I'm down for all the bad stuff in a relationship then I'd best be first choice to participate in the fun stuff or we are all done.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
no, i would never ever ever consider an open marriage. There are special things that make a marriage... intimacy, sex, etc. If you take that out of the relationship/marriage and share it with other people, your bond/marriage is not important any more... at that point, what would it matter if you are married or not?

Plus, i have seen couples in that situation, and it ALWAYS ends up one of the people gets very hurt.

quality is also an issue...

I woke up to chocolates on my mousepad this morning...my husband is a very tough act to follow

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
I woke up to chocolates on my mousepad this morning...my husband is a very tough act to follow

Little do you know, he was eating those chocolates while surfing porn on your computer, and forgot to put them away when he was done.