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OMG LOOKOUT!

"The crate is half full of molten chocolate. It rises into a dripping, vaguely humanoid form and screams "Set my people free!""
 
"One silver bullet, .45 caliber, suitable for a handgun. The bullet may be used to solve any problem - if you fire it at an opponent, the opponent will die, or be rendered harmless, or surrender, depending on the firer's best interests. Fired at a broken piece of machinery, it will fix it. Fired at a difficult math problem, it will solve it."
 
"A set of cardboard glasses with cellophane lenses, one red and one blue. If a person puts them on and looks directly at any throwable object not permanently affixed to the ground, the object will fly directly at their face. Turning the glasses around and looking through them backwards will repel objects in a like manner. "
 
"All of your original tax forms. There are personal notes in the "For Office Use Only" spaces, including "I (heart) Marie," "Cancel Inquisition," "Too boring to audit,"and "File at W23."
 
"A Babel gerbil. It appears to be the prototype for the Babel fish, but was rejected due to the difficulty involved in inserting it into the body. A list in the box details other failures, such as the Babel jellyfish, the Babel elephant, and the Babel porcupine."

LMAO
 
"A pair of black gloves. If anyone wearing the left glove points his finger like a gun and says "Bang!" or another appropriate word, whatever was pointed at will go flying away as if knocked back by a great force. With the right glove, you can cut anything if you use your first two fingers as 'scissors,' use the hand as a working writing surface if flat, and do tremendous crushing damage with a fist."
 
A small film canister, containing what proves to be a Warner Bros. Road Runner cartoon. The colors are extremely faded, and noticeably pyramid-shaped rock formations can be seen in some of the backgrounds. Two and a half minutes into the cartoon, as Wile E. Coyote is chasing the Road Runner along a desert highway, he abruptly catches the bird by the neck. He comes to a stop and turns toward the viewer. The film stops at that point.
Click to expand...
 
A standard 1.44Mb 3.5 inch floppy disk. An accompanying note says that the disk contains the entire non-pornographic contents of the Net as of 8-15-1998. The disk is only half full.
Click to expand...
 
Several hundred toy pistols of the type that, when you press the trigger, extrude a wooden rod from which hangs a small flag with the word "BANG" on it. Only, in this case, the flag reads "FNORD."
 
1 gross of throw pillows with those "do not remove" tags. If a label is removed from one of these pillows, it will explode with the force of 10 sticks of TNT about 8 seconds later.

lmao
 
A certificate of ownership of property. The property owned is left blank. Filling it in will cause the carrier to become the legal owner of the property involved. Writing "Warehouse 23" in the empty line will permanently transform the carrier into an insane newt.
 
hahaha

A carved wooden staff. At one end of the staff, six small buttons have been worked into the carvings. The first button summons a swarm of locusts. The second turns any body of water it is pointed at into blood. The third darkens the sun. The fourth parts any body of water it is pointed at. The fifth makes machine-gun noises. The sixth says "Bite me, goatboy!" in ancient Hebrew. If more than one button is pressed at the same time, the staff turns into a cheap plastic snake.
 
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