Originally posted by: giantpinkbunnyhead
As far as how to change oil, it's pretty easy...
1) Place front of car on ramps or jack stands (never never crawl under the car if supported only by a jack! too risky) Ramps are safest.
2) Undo drain plug on bottom of oil pan. Oil can be hot and make sure you have a big catch pan ready. Most drain plugs use 17mm or 19mm wrench size, but I dunno about Altimas.
3) Let oil drain out; plug drain hole.
4) Remove old filter, screw on new filter. I prefer OEM filters, not that cardboard Fram crap. They're usually only like $2 more anyway.
5) Pour in one quart of oil; check for leaks.
6) If no leaks, pour in rest of oil up to mfr's recommended quantity and put oil cap back on.
7) Verify oil level with dipstick; check once more for leaks (around drain plug, around filter, etc.)
8) Clean up any spilled oil and take used oil to recycling center / waste center / Kragen / whatever.
9) Take money saved by not having jiffy lube jockeys do that work and buy beer.
I think it's more like:
1. Go to auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss and complain.
32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
Total: $1337