Oh, crap, the 'M' word...

[BoberFett]

Viper

If she won't wait until he's ready to get married, what does that say about the relationship? Is she in it because she wants to be with him or because she wants to be married? Big difference, and one that could come back later to haunt them if they don't choose wisely.

 

[reitz]

Viper, I'm hoping that "not yet" won't kill things. We've been together for nearly three years, and have gone through much more trying experiences. If things are as I have believed them to be, it shouldn't be a major problem.

My mind's made up, though; not getting married at 23 (when it would actually take place) is more important to me now than anything. I only hope she (and her damn parents) can understand.

BlkDragon6, I'm already there. What do you think, should I fire off an email? j/k.

 

[Viper GTS]

I didn't mean from the standpoint of is she willing to stay with him if he won't marry her now, I'm talking about the stress it would put on the relationship. No matter how much she may want to be with him, if she wants to get married and he doesn't... That puts a strain on things.

Viper GTS

 

[reitz]

Bober,

<< Is she in it because she wants to be with him or because she wants to be married? Big difference, and one that could come back later to haunt them if they don't choose wisely. >>

Grand advice; I just wish more would heed it.

 

[PCAddict]

In case you somehow missed all of the other responses:

RUN!

Move, quit your job, change your name, get plastic surgery, enter the witness protection program, or join a monastery. Regardless, I agree that it sounds like you're not ready for it. I almost got married at 22. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life. The biggest mistake of my life is that I dated the bitch in the first place.

 

[BoberFett]

Viper

You're quite right, that would be a strain. It would also be a strain if he married before he was ready. She'd be happy, he may not.

I'm coming to the end of a such a marriage and it's not a pretty sight. My wife and I were both 19 when we got married, we both thought we had our lives figured out. We couldn't have been more wrong.

As always communication is paramount. If a relationship is going to end, it's better sooner than later.

 

[Raspewtin]

Stupid things you can say:

1) I'm already married. I've been married to my cousin since I was 14.

2) I'm sorry, but I'm married to the sea. The sea is my mistress.

3) I think I may be gay.

4) I promised my grandmother on her deathbed I wouldn't get married.

 

[dennilfloss]

&quot;2) I'm sorry, but I'm married to the sea. The sea is my mistress.&quot;

Not all girls are afraid of seamen.

Simply Irresistible (Robert Palmer)

 

[reitz]

My grandmother is still alive (and the gf has met her) so I think I'll have to go with &quot;I think I may be gay.&quot; Hey, it might work.

 

[Bryan]

We could just link her to this thread via e-mail and be done with it.

 

[rush2112]

&quot;The only viable option I saw tonight was to go out and get as drunk as humanly possible&quot;

You should probably break up with her, call it off. If you would choose to drink rather than discussing your feelings in an adult manner, then your are correct in your feelings.

If your not ready, then your not ready. Its as simple as that.
Personally, I got married at 19 and have enjoyed many wonderful years without regret. Not that it's for everyone, but it was me.

Just a question to yourself: If you can't be honest with her now, when can you?

-=)Rush(=-

 

[The Dancing Peacock]

Reitz, check out Maxim, there's an article in the newest issue with Kirsten Dunst about how to put off marriage and still keep her happy. I am not in your situation, so I dunno what to tell you, besides check out the mag. And if it doesn't work, you still have the hot chicks in the mag ;)


late.

TDP

 

[reitz]

rush, she lives in Virginia, and I am in Pittsburgh. At the end of our phone call tonight is when she brought it up. Trust me, I will *attempt* to bring my feelings up to her, but if she is not willing to accomodate my thoughts on the matter, then it is &quot;have a good life&quot; and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

[Aquaman]

That's a tough one Reitz, I'd hate to be in your situation Like everyone said.......... tell her how you feel and then if she can't handle it......... adios

Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[rush2112]

A long distance relationship is a ^$*#%, I hear ya!

I had to do it for a year and a half while we were engaged and it almost did us in. But, ya know it really is true when people say: What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. (figuratively of course)

Hopefully she will be understand that you *may* not be ready.
Personally, I think that there is no magical formula. It's all about compromise, respect, and honesty. Basic things that we should have learned at a very young age.

I don't mean to be pointed, but rather truthful about my opinion. So please don't take it the wrong way.

I've been known drown my sorrow from time to time after a major *happening*. Nothing wrong with cutting loose a little and vent. This gives us time to consider the options and weigh the consequences.

Your situation is unique to you (many have similar events, but the variables of human feelings and what not make it your own personal experience) and only you know the details.

Best of luck,


-=)Rush(=-

 

[reitz]

Aquaman, I know that's what I need to do. It's just the possible &quot;adios&quot; scenario that I'm not quite ready to handle.

 

[DesignDawg]

OBVIOUSLY you are not ready.

So don't.

But as for everyone saying at age 22 (or age 18 as someone said) you don't know anything/you aren't wise/you haven't lived....

BULLSH!T. That is a very personal thing that varies GREATLY from person to person. By age 18 my dad had lived more and gained more wisdom/life experience than most people who are his age NOW (45.) You can NOT peg anyone with anything based on age alone. Age simply can't tell the whole story. The issue here is, this isn't the right girl for you. At least not at this time. You aren't ready, so don't do it. --But don't get caught up in the age thing. That's all a load of CRAP.

Ricky
DesignDawg

 

[djk]

Get this month's issue of MAXIM magazine, it has an article that shows you how to buy more time.

 

[Ulfwald]

Tell her that you need to graduate first, then establish a good career so that when you do get married, you will be able to provide a comfortable living for the both of you. Explain that if you got married now, that the lack of money can cause enough stree in a relationship to cause a divorce.

explain this to her parents as well. If they are good parents, they will see you as responsible, and mature. You want to be able to provide for their daughter without havijng to struggle, or wormore than just one job just to get by.

 

[Isla]

I was working when a ripple in the Force told me I was needed....

Gently tell her that you are both way too young for marriage! Take it from me, most women don't even know who they are until they turn 28,29, 30!

Seriously, suggest taking a marriage preparation/counseling course if she really thinks that is what she wants now. Or better yet, send her to me... I can help her rethink things and learn to enjoy the journey without saying &quot;are we there yet, are we there yet?&quot; every 30 seconds.

You are doing her a favor by making her cool her jets. There is NOTHING worse than waking up one day and thinking, &quot;What am I doing here with this guy???? What was I thinking?????&quot;

Now I am going back to WORK. Please do not telepathically contact me unless it is a true emergency.

~Run away, run away!~

Monty Python

 

[BiB]

There is NOTHING worse than waking up one day and thinking, &quot;What am I doing here with this guy???? What was I thinking?????&quot;



Especially if you're a guy! j/k

Lots of good advice here from everyone...

I'm 22 and just got engaged last weekend for a marriage next year. We've been going out for 4.5 years and have had an amazing relationship. We never fight (first punch and she gives up - j/k again). True that I never saw myself as engaged at this age, and it is fairly young. It makes me a bit nervous, but it makes anyone nervous - thats the age though. If I was 29 I woulnd't feel it at all. Thus, I agree with DesignDawg - it depends on who you are as to whether age is an issue. Although I'm 22 I've had many many people tell me I seem very mature for my age, and I always strive to learn from others and think about the world around me. I can picture myself with my gf in 30 years still happy.

I finished school in January, now employed and she finished in about 20 months.

reitz Do you think you'll ever be able to see yourself married to this girl? Given how long you've been going out if the answer to that is No it is certainly time to break up. If you honestly know you'll never marry her just stop wasting both of your's time (is that bad grammar or what?). If you think that you could, or even probabaly will be married to her in the future well then keep things going but just let her know you are young and don't see a need to rush it, but that you expect that by how things are going the future will see you both together.

BiB

 

[DABANSHEE]

You could always just shack up with here for a while, that should change her mind - it useally does.

Make a point of leaving your dirty clothes on the floor &amp; empty beer bottles every where.

Also have a few obnoxious mates stay for a few days, that might help to.

 

[Frenchie]

Reitz:

When I was in college, I started dating a girl the beginning of sophmore year. Things were great and we were a great couple. She wanted to get engaged before we were done with school and then get married shortly thereafter. This scared me a little...the whole commitment thing and all. Anyway, I wanted to get married after school as well, however I had three years of law school to go to after college. When I didnt propose before starting law school, she was not a happy camper. I decided to split the difference: get engaged mid-way through law school and get married right before/after graduation. I went with that plan. It didnt match her plan....our engagement lasted less than one month. That was about 6 years or so ago. I still regret not doing everythingt to keep her...including getting married a little earlier.

Even if that is earlier than you want to get married, you can always get engaged in a year or so, and then get married a year or so after that. That may be close enough to both of your expectations to work. Just be sure to think about spending the rest of your life without her.... Talk to her and try to work something out that both of you are comfortable with. That is, if you can see yourself being with her in the future and all.

 

[I'm Typing]

Viper:


<< Is telling her &quot;Not yet&quot; going to kill your relationship? >>


If it does, then not getting married is the smartest thing he could do. Mature, responsible ADULTS can see clearly what priorities should come first: Emotional growth, school and career, financial stability. Once those things are achieved, then you can consider marriage. But NOT before that.

One thing I have seen far too many times is a girl who is &quot;ok&quot; with a long engagement, and then &quot;accidently&quot; gets pregnant...moves that timetable up pretty quickly, doesn't it????

rietz: Tell her that you do not want to think about an engagement until you are a couple of years out of college--say, when you are both about 25. Not married, but engaged at 25. If she really loves you, and wants to be with you for the rest of her life, then the couple of years waiting will mean nothing. If she bolts, then she just saved you a lot of time, heartache, and money.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is WORTH it!