Obligated to drive gf home from work

[Izzo]

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Izzo

Originally posted by: freesia39

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Chivalry is indeed dead.

what kind of guy would even CONSIDER letting his GF walk home in the dark?? 25 minute walk at night??

THANK YOU.

i would work until 6ish at night and my boyfriend ALWAYS came to pick me up. it was about a ten minute drive each way. i mean i would take the bus in the morning, but after work he ALWAYS came to pick me up at night. and it was still bright out since it was daylight savings time, so at 6pm it'd still be hecka sunny outside but he still came to pick me up.

it was nice on his part that he didn't want me to ride the crazy bus on the way home which was usually packed and all i had to do was wait for him at a point where it would be easy for him to turn around so we could drive back.

I don't know. I'm all for being nice and helping out (I would be happy to pick up my gf from work--I drove her to class every day last year), but I can't figure out why the original poster has to be the sole means of getting her home. Can't she find she find a couple other options so he doesn't have to do it every night? What happens if he can't make it, is he supposed to feel guilty that she had to walk home in the dark? That's not fair. If she wants/needs to work, then it is her responsibility to find a way home. Can't she get a ride home from her parents, friends, roommate, coworker once in a while? Maybe bike or bus home?

The bottom line is if the original poster feels like it's an obligation, then it will only cause problems in the future. You should only do it if you want to do it. There is no reason to feel guilty for not wanting to. If you weren't there, then she'd have to find another way to get home. (IMO though, if you don't want to drive 10 minutes roundtrip to see her, then maybe this isn't the girl for you). But I do believe you need to be wary of being used in this situation. If it isn't a two way street where she does little things like this for you, then look out.

you're probably right and i'm being naive. but if i've been "dating" someone for 3 to 4 months and I think doing stuff like this for her is an "obligation" and i'm not sure if she is "using" me or not, then in my opinion, there is something seriously wrong with the relationship.

the fact that he capitulates after reading this thread and says that he will pick her up now, says even more about his character.

that's just me of course.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, but I agree with you. He shouldn't feel guilty or that it is his duty to pick her up from work. He should be willing too. If he isn't, then it is not a healthy relationship and it is only a matter of time before resentment starts building up inside of him. (But again, I have to point out that a relationship is a 2 way street. One person constantly doing favors for the other without receiving any favors back is definitely a bad situation.)

And yeah, I still can't figure out why any OP of a YAGT would be swayed by the replies in the thread. You either know what is the right thing to do in a relationship or you don't. And if you don't know what the right thing to do is and you need to be shown the light by ATOT, then you definitely aren't ready for that kind of responsibility.
edit: just saw the last reply from the OP. Glad you grabbed an extinguisher.

 

[pandego]

Originally posted by: Izzo

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Izzo

Originally posted by: freesia39

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Chivalry is indeed dead.

what kind of guy would even CONSIDER letting his GF walk home in the dark?? 25 minute walk at night??

THANK YOU.

i would work until 6ish at night and my boyfriend ALWAYS came to pick me up. it was about a ten minute drive each way. i mean i would take the bus in the morning, but after work he ALWAYS came to pick me up at night. and it was still bright out since it was daylight savings time, so at 6pm it'd still be hecka sunny outside but he still came to pick me up.

it was nice on his part that he didn't want me to ride the crazy bus on the way home which was usually packed and all i had to do was wait for him at a point where it would be easy for him to turn around so we could drive back.

I don't know. I'm all for being nice and helping out (I would be happy to pick up my gf from work--I drove her to class every day last year), but I can't figure out why the original poster has to be the sole means of getting her home. Can't she find she find a couple other options so he doesn't have to do it every night? What happens if he can't make it, is he supposed to feel guilty that she had to walk home in the dark? That's not fair. If she wants/needs to work, then it is her responsibility to find a way home. Can't she get a ride home from her parents, friends, roommate, coworker once in a while? Maybe bike or bus home?

The bottom line is if the original poster feels like it's an obligation, then it will only cause problems in the future. You should only do it if you want to do it. There is no reason to feel guilty for not wanting to. If you weren't there, then she'd have to find another way to get home. (IMO though, if you don't want to drive 10 minutes roundtrip to see her, then maybe this isn't the girl for you). But I do believe you need to be wary of being used in this situation. If it isn't a two way street where she does little things like this for you, then look out.

you're probably right and i'm being naive. but if i've been "dating" someone for 3 to 4 months and I think doing stuff like this for her is an "obligation" and i'm not sure if she is "using" me or not, then in my opinion, there is something seriously wrong with the relationship.

the fact that he capitulates after reading this thread and says that he will pick her up now, says even more about his character.

that's just me of course.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, but I agree with you. He shouldn't feel guilty or that it is his duty to pick her up from work. He should be willing too. If he isn't, then it is not a healthy relationship and it is only a matter of time before resentment starts building up inside of him. (But again, I have to point out that a relationship is a 2 way street. One person constantly doing favors for the other without receiving any favors back is definitely a bad situation.)

And yeah, I still can't figure out why any OP of a YAGT would be swayed by the replies in the thread. You either know what is the right thing to do in a relationship or you don't. And if you don't know what the right thing to do is and you need to be shown the light by ATOT, then you definitely aren't ready for that kind of responsibility.
edit: just saw the last reply from the OP. Glad you grabbed an extinguisher.

True, true. I just wanted to see if the general replies echoed my conscience, which is to not let her walk home by herself.

 

Originally posted by: hdeck
seems like that is something you would do "just because"

^^

 

[PlatinumGold]

Originally posted by: Izzo

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold

Originally posted by: Izzo

Originally posted by: freesia39

Originally posted by: PlatinumGold
Chivalry is indeed dead.

what kind of guy would even CONSIDER letting his GF walk home in the dark?? 25 minute walk at night??

THANK YOU.

i would work until 6ish at night and my boyfriend ALWAYS came to pick me up. it was about a ten minute drive each way. i mean i would take the bus in the morning, but after work he ALWAYS came to pick me up at night. and it was still bright out since it was daylight savings time, so at 6pm it'd still be hecka sunny outside but he still came to pick me up.

it was nice on his part that he didn't want me to ride the crazy bus on the way home which was usually packed and all i had to do was wait for him at a point where it would be easy for him to turn around so we could drive back.

I don't know. I'm all for being nice and helping out (I would be happy to pick up my gf from work--I drove her to class every day last year), but I can't figure out why the original poster has to be the sole means of getting her home. Can't she find she find a couple other options so he doesn't have to do it every night? What happens if he can't make it, is he supposed to feel guilty that she had to walk home in the dark? That's not fair. If she wants/needs to work, then it is her responsibility to find a way home. Can't she get a ride home from her parents, friends, roommate, coworker once in a while? Maybe bike or bus home?

The bottom line is if the original poster feels like it's an obligation, then it will only cause problems in the future. You should only do it if you want to do it. There is no reason to feel guilty for not wanting to. If you weren't there, then she'd have to find another way to get home. (IMO though, if you don't want to drive 10 minutes roundtrip to see her, then maybe this isn't the girl for you). But I do believe you need to be wary of being used in this situation. If it isn't a two way street where she does little things like this for you, then look out.

you're probably right and i'm being naive. but if i've been "dating" someone for 3 to 4 months and I think doing stuff like this for her is an "obligation" and i'm not sure if she is "using" me or not, then in my opinion, there is something seriously wrong with the relationship.

the fact that he capitulates after reading this thread and says that he will pick her up now, says even more about his character.

that's just me of course.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough, but I agree with you. He shouldn't feel guilty or that it is his duty to pick her up from work. He should be willing too. If he isn't, then it is not a healthy relationship and it is only a matter of time before resentment starts building up inside of him. (But again, I have to point out that a relationship is a 2 way street. One person constantly doing favors for the other without receiving any favors back is definitely a bad situation.)

And yeah, I still can't figure out why any OP of a YAGT would be swayed by the replies in the thread. You either know what is the right thing to do in a relationship or you don't. And if you don't know what the right thing to do is and you need to be shown the light by ATOT, then you definitely aren't ready for that kind of responsibility.
edit: just saw the last reply from the OP. Glad you grabbed an extinguisher.

Ya, up untill he said he was going to change his position because of this thread, i didn't really have a problem with him. but after that.

Ok, so I personally feel that if it were MY SO i would feel that picking her up daily would be part of the routine. not an obligation, not a burden, just part of my daily routine.

BUT if he feels it's a burden then he should tell his GF so and STICK to it.

that's why i lost respect for his position. to flip flop because of what people on ATOT said?

 

[GermyBoy]

No.

Unless she is willing, and you like getting road head everyday.

 

[lokiju]

kind of goes with being the boyfriend, plenty of people have to do things like this even if they don't like doing it, gotta figure out if its worth fighting with her about.

 

[pandego]

I decided for myself that I would go get her. My conscience wouldn't allow me to just let her walk home alone.

I just want to know what other people do.

A bit insecure, this is my first serious relationship in some time.

I can be a slime bag but i have a good set of ethics.

 

[RU482]

2 words --- ROAD HEAD

 

[pandego]

Originally posted by: redly1
2 words --- ROAD HEAD

Distracted = dead from road head

 

[ndee]

Originally posted by: pandego
I am just looking for a reasonable middle-ground solution.

If the majority do not find picking her up that great an inconvenience, then I shall perform this duty for her whenever she asks.

Some nights I will be unable to pick her up due to other committments, and she will have to get home herself.

If anyone would care to judge my character because I am asking ATOT for advice can do so privately. PM me.

Thank you for your time,

Where did you pick up that girl up? If the majority of ATOT thinks: "Pick her up" Would you do it? What if the majority says: "Bleh, don't mind. You have more important things to do then picking her up like... neffing on ATOT, etc."? I'm wondering how someone like you gets a g/f.

 

[PatboyX]

just talk to her about it. tell her sometimes you cant do it or just dont feel like it. just be honest with her...that kind of thing can get annoying.