Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal

[SlitheryDee]

I had an aunt that used to introduce the wife and I and then end it with "they don't have kids because they want nice things".

One time I just responded, this is my aunt, she has 3 kids, is unemployed an alocoholic, and always asking me for money."

She never said it again.

You can call it selfish if you want, but there things and reasons for having kids that are selfish. I for one can't imagine why anyone would actually want to bring a child into the craptastic future that we are headed for.

Awesome, but I am saddened by your lack of hope. Only children such as a responsible person like you would make would have a chance in changing that craptastic future. The people who grew up in the most horrible conditions and still managed to carve out a life for themselves seem to be the most successful and happy adults now.

My grandfather started with nothing but a couple of cans of shoe polish and a sewing machine and built a business that does a million dollars a year in revenue. He is grateful for every day he gets to continue living. He counts his life as having been good all the way through, even during the depression years when he was a young child. Even in abject poverty, you can raise a child in such a way that they will have good values and love and respect you if you care to do so.

My great grandfather raised 13 children on a farm during the great depression and all of them are successful small business owners now. How can you account for that other than plain old good parenting? If you want kids and can be good parent then have them. They won't fail if you don't fail them.

 

[Nintendesert]

exactly. odds of what you mentioned happening is far greater then we as a species going extinct because of not wanting kids.

Tell that to the Japanese. They aren't that far off in the grand scheme of things. :whiste:

 

[SandEagle]

i used to question my older brother on why he didn't have or didn't want any kids. his response: "i'd rather be the rich uncle, than the poor father."

 

[Dulanic]

For my wife and I it wasn't because "society expects us to", it's that we want to experience raising a child and teaching them things and just generally providing for them. Also it will be nice when we are old and we have still have close family around.

I thought that was a natural feeling most people have, but it seems more and more people are losing this instinct. I don't think it's a bad thing though, maybe over time it will help with overpopulation.

It's been great so far, check with me when the kid is a teenager though, I might have a completely different outlook on it .

I'm right with you. My wife and I just had our first and only recently. We are mid / late 30s. Originally we said no kids but eventually we got that itch partly due to the reasons you mentioned.

Once he was born that just confirmed it for me too.

 

[OverVolt]

Awesome, but I am saddened by your lack of hope. Only children such as a responsible person like you would make would have a chance in changing that craptastic future. The people who grew up in the most horrible conditions and still managed to carve out a life for themselves seem to be the most successful and happy adults now.

My grandfather started with nothing but a couple of cans of shoe polish and a sewing machine and built a business that does a million dollars a year in revenue. He is greatful for every day he gets to continue living. He counts his life as having been good all the way through, even during the depression years when he was a young child. Even in abject poverty, you can raise a child in such a way that they will have good values and love and respect you if you care to do so.

My great grandfather raised 13 children on a farm during the great depression and all of them are successful small business owners now. How can you account for that other than plain old good parenting? If you want kids and can be good parent then have them. They won't fail if you don't fail them.

yaay sane people

 

[OverVolt]

Indeed.

But I'm sure we can keep up this recent growth rate indefinitely.

It's a hell of a fine place to live, too. A very substantial amount of the world's population lives in poverty.

I think I see one pixel where the slope decreases, was that WWI & WWII?

 

[Ichinisan]

Thought I was the only one.

didn't really think that I was the only one

 

[MrDudeMan]

Meh. I'm 32 now and have never wanted them.

To have kids would mean a massive reduction in my standard of living. Goodbye living in the city. Hello commute. Goodbye vacations and just about everything I enjoy in life. All for what? To be stressed out all the time because my "heart" is now outside of myself, running around, falling down, etc.

I don't care if you call me selfish. I'm happier. And I don't subscribe to the mantra that following the sheeple makes one happy.

I'm not going to call you selfish. You are ignorant and naive, though. You don't know if you are happier because you haven't experienced both sides. Also, your understanding of kids is insanely naive and pathetic. "Goodbye vacations and everything I enjoy in life." I'm not telling you to want to have kids, but these are statements made by people who don't understand both sides of the issue. lol..."running around, falling down"...yes, you've encapsulated the entire experience!

I can do everything you can do. There's no experience you can have that is out of reach for me. It's fine if you don't want them, but just say that by itself instead of citing ridiculous reasons that make you seem like a child yourself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm planning a six week vacation to Europe for my family of four for the second time and I'm sure we're going to have a blast.

 

[MrDudeMan]

i used to question my older brother on why he didn't have or didn't want any kids. his response: "i'd rather be the rich uncle, than the poor father."

Tell him to learn how to budget and he can be a rich father. I find it interesting that people in this thread think kids are so expensive. I have more money now than I did before I had kids by a huge margin. My time is spent focusing on them instead of myself, but I still have just as much fun. The difference is that fun with them is free. We literally have 5x more money in the bank post-kids and we lost an income. If you're going broke because of your kids, you're doing it wrong.

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

Tell him to learn how to budget and he can be a rich father. I find it interesting that people in this thread think kids are so expensive. I have more money now than I did before I had kids by a huge margin. My time is spent focusing on them instead of myself, but I still have just as much fun. The difference is that fun with them is free. We literally have 5x more money in the bank post-kids and we lost an income. If you're going broke because of your kids, you're doing it wrong.

My wife and I enjoy exercising after work to unwind. Even spur of the moment let's go here right now would not be happening with children. I just like the freedom of it more than anything. You obviously prefer children. Different strokes...

 

[MrDudeMan]

My wife and I enjoy exercising after work to unwind. Even spur of the moment let's go here right now would not be happening with children. I just like the freedom of it more than anything. You obviously prefer children. Different strokes...

What? We go everywhere we want, whenever we want. You think having a kid means you can only use your car at certain times of the day? They make these things called car seats.

Having kids did absolutely nothing to my ability to go do things outside of the house. It did make me more efficient, but that's it. I exercise at lunch because eating for an hour is a total waste of my life. I eat at my desk instead. Then I can leave at the same time, I exercised for the day, and I can still do whatever I want at home. If I can't exercise at lunch one day, I can still run with my kids when I get home. Having a kid didn't cause my legs to stop working.

Again, if you don't want them, that's fine, but stop making up retarded 'reasons' why a kid would cramp your style. I am not inhibited at all because of my kids.

 

[AreaCode707]

My great grandfather raised 13 children on a farm during the great depression and all of them are successful small business owners now. How can you account for that other than plain old good parenting? If you want kids and can be good parent then have them. They won't fail if you don't fail them.

This is patently untrue. Kids are their own people. Parenting influences but doesn't control. My parents raised three on target kids and one who went off the rails. There are thousands of good parents who have rebellious problem children, drug addicts, etc.

There are no guarantees with kids. That should be a part of parenting 101.

 

[waggy]

Tell him to learn how to budget and he can be a rich father. I find it interesting that people in this thread think kids are so expensive. I have more money now than I did before I had kids by a huge margin. My time is spent focusing on them instead of myself, but I still have just as much fun. The difference is that fun with them is free. We literally have 5x more money in the bank post-kids and we lost an income. If you're going broke because of your kids, you're doing it wrong.

lol kids arent expensive uh huh.

 

[Mixolydian]

lol kids arent expensive uh huh.

LOL yeah. $300k is nothing.

http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2012/06/14/cost-to-raise-a-child-around-300000-not-including-college/

 

[kamikazekyle]

I'm a 29 year old male, and the thought of having a child is a bit nervewracking. It's not that I want to maintain my current lifestyle or am worried about the financial, physical, or psychological committments to raise a child. I don't really have a desire to have children, and the thought of trying to raise a child -- simply the interaction with him or her irrespective of my socioeconomic condition -- is mentally off-putting. I already have enough issues forming human attachments, emphasized by my desire to hold on to this third shift job where I work alone for as long as possible. I don't particuarly value human contact, and find in person social interaction unwieldy and distracting.

Likewise, I have no real mental or emotional ties to genetic legacy. I am not thankful nor unthankful for my parents deciding not to abort me (I was quite unplanned). There's no reason to dwell on the issue -- if they decided not to have me then I certainly would be none the wiser. People can leave their mark on the human race in many ways. Some people see having children as this; others via non-genetic philantropic means; some via adoption; yet others in some combination thereof or otherwise.

It might or might not be a transient issue, but I believe the consequences for "finding out" far outweigh the potential chances of it actually being something illogical. In short, I don't want to have a kid and risk his or her life being hell because I'm not mature enough. I haven't ruled out the option of children and my views might very well turn completley around when I hold my firstborn in my arms. And no matter what, I will certainly step up if I ever did happen to have a child regardless, but I'm not going to go out of my way to procreate.

All that being said, it's merely my personal take on the matter. I do quite value an individual's choice to have children, and fully support anyone who decides to have them or not. Given the malleability, modern intellect, and drive of the human psyche as a whole, I doubt that particular passing of genes or not will result in a tangible net effect over millennia.

 

[JoeyP]

i used to question my older brother on why he didn't have or didn't want any kids. his response: "i'd rather be the rich uncle, than the poor father."

There are ways to measure "rich" besides money.

Again, PSA:
If you do not want kids, PLEASE get snipped so that yo do not make any. The reasons for not wanting kids are irrelevant, and nobody is lobbying for you to make them.

 

[Wyndru]

hate to call you out specifically but this is the standard selfish reasons, like it's a science experiment and so you can have someone to be there when you're old

don't count on it

All I meant was my wife and I knew we would get enjoyment raising a child and watching them grow. We have the means to provide for a child, and we have no problem sacrificing the time and money doing it. I don't know what you mean about the science experiment, that seems too socially disconnected for me to even comprehend, but whatever. I guess I just don't think like that, or maybe I'm so brainwashed I don't realize it .

As far as the companionship, I find this point hard to consider selfish, considering both parties involved gain the companionship, not just the parents. I enjoy having my Mom around now that I'm older, I spend time with her on a regular basis and wish my Dad was still here as well.

It's been a great experience watching my little girl grow and learn new things. To me family is important, and if she chooses to go her own way when she is older then that is her decision, but it won't take away from the enjoyment we have had as a family up to that point, which to me is worth it.

 

[ichy]

What? We go everywhere we want, whenever we want. You think having a kid means you can only use your car at certain times of the day? They make these things called car seats.

Having kids did absolutely nothing to my ability to go do things outside of the house. It did make me more efficient, but that's it. I exercise at lunch because eating for an hour is a total waste of my life. I eat at my desk instead. Then I can leave at the same time, I exercised for the day, and I can still do whatever I want at home. If I can't exercise at lunch one day, I can still run with my kids when I get home. Having a kid didn't cause my legs to stop working.

Again, if you don't want them, that's fine, but stop making up retarded 'reasons' why a kid would cramp your style. I am not inhibited at all because of my kids.

Sorry but if you're seriously pretending that kids don't restrict your ability to do what you want whenever you want then you're not being honest.

 

[ichy]

Tell that to the Japanese. They aren't that far off in the grand scheme of things. :whiste:

Not really relevant to the US, unlike Japan we have lots of immigration. The only problem is that we're letting the wrong people enter the country.

 

[AdamK47]

Reminds me of this article I read not too long ago asking if children make a couple happier.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/23/do.not.want.children/index.html?hpt=Sbin

 

[Jeff7]

I think I see one pixel where the slope decreases, was that WWI & WWII?

I don't think that has enough resolution to show even a pixel for WWI and WWII in terms of the time axis. And the death rate there probably wasn't enough to register a pixel on the population axis either.


(Though I'm looking at the rendered PNGs, not the SVG land of vectors. )

 

[JoeyP]

Reminds me of this article I read not too long ago asking if children make a couple happier.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/23/do.not.want.children/index.html?hpt=Sbin

There are parents who INSIST that those without kids would be happier with kids, or at least that they are happier with kids.

There are child free individuals/couple who INSIST that those with kids would be happier without them, or at least they are happier without kids.

For both groups, those sentiments are a mixture of opinion and sometimes misinformation. Rather than try to correct people or push our opinions and experiences, why don't we just accept people as they are?

If a person or couple is dead set against having kids, please get sterilized: it is better to not even conceive an unwanted child.

 

[GasX]

Don't confuse normal with common... Normal is wanting to have kids. Not normal is not wanting to have kids. There is nothing "wrong" with that sentiment per se, but it is not exactly fitting the definition of normal. Of course, this depends on how you define normal, but the drive to perpetuate your genes is an essential part of being a normal living thing.

 

[xBiffx]

I think having a child these days fits under the umbrella of child abuse. Not saying I think everyone is a child abuser for having them but who the fuck wants to raise a kid in this fucked up place. Not me. Think of the children.

 

[GasX]

I think having a child these days fits under the umbrella of child abuse. Not saying I think everyone is a child abuser for having them but who the fuck wants to raise a kid in this fucked up place. Not me. Think of the children.

You can jump on the "this is a fucked up world" bandwagon all you want, but the world is a better place to live now than it ever has been. In this country, even more so. Harken me back to what ever "good old days" you want to wax nostalgic about and I'll tell you about all the fucked up shit that has gone away since that time...