Not quite YAGuyT

[OdiN]

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter


At this time in my life I am feeling very needy and I hate being that way. I drive myself crazy sometimes! Before I was perfectly composed with my own life... but a few events happend with his influence and now I've become that girl I hate to be...

Can you share the events? I understand if you don't want to mention any of it.

I think we all have certain traits about ourselves that we don't particularly like and when they come out and show themselves it doesn't make us feel too good.

I think in your case there is a serious communication breakdown. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys who will not talk about things like this - they just ignore it.

Let's just say I made some major changes in my life for him and I haven't been able to get my old life back. That's all the details I want to give

What changed in the relationship? If you were willing to make these changes then you at least must have been getting along better with him I think.[/quote]

The changes I made for him made me depressed. He influenced me to leave everything I had to show for, for him. So thats what changed... I'm not my old self and I'm not getting it back anytime soon.[/quote]

How long ago did the changes take place?

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: Zap Brannigan
I was laughing at how you were covertly trying to pick up this silly girl, or so it apeared in the way you typed your responses with constant comparsions of what you as a guy would do........lol

LMAO!!
No man, I am done with this sht after a couple of bad experiences (and one that wasn't too long ago).
Now I am just staying away from this stuff and focusing on things I really enjoy doing on my freetime, but I thought you were talking about something else through your remarks nevermind.

 

[BeenBetter]

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter


At this time in my life I am feeling very needy and I hate being that way. I drive myself crazy sometimes! Before I was perfectly composed with my own life... but a few events happend with his influence and now I've become that girl I hate to be...

Can you share the events? I understand if you don't want to mention any of it.

I think we all have certain traits about ourselves that we don't particularly like and when they come out and show themselves it doesn't make us feel too good.

I think in your case there is a serious communication breakdown. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys who will not talk about things like this - they just ignore it.

Let's just say I made some major changes in my life for him and I haven't been able to get my old life back. That's all the details I want to give

What changed in the relationship? If you were willing to make these changes then you at least must have been getting along better with him I think.

The changes I made for him made me depressed. He influenced me to leave everything I had to show for, for him. So thats what changed... I'm not my old self and I'm not getting it back anytime soon.[/quote]

How long ago did the changes take place?[/quote]

Irrelevent. He made just as big changes since we were in it together.. only it turned out to be better for him.. He's got his old life back and I've got nothing

 

[OdiN]

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter


At this time in my life I am feeling very needy and I hate being that way. I drive myself crazy sometimes! Before I was perfectly composed with my own life... but a few events happend with his influence and now I've become that girl I hate to be...

Can you share the events? I understand if you don't want to mention any of it.

I think we all have certain traits about ourselves that we don't particularly like and when they come out and show themselves it doesn't make us feel too good.

I think in your case there is a serious communication breakdown. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys who will not talk about things like this - they just ignore it.

Let's just say I made some major changes in my life for him and I haven't been able to get my old life back. That's all the details I want to give

What changed in the relationship? If you were willing to make these changes then you at least must have been getting along better with him I think.

The changes I made for him made me depressed. He influenced me to leave everything I had to show for, for him. So thats what changed... I'm not my old self and I'm not getting it back anytime soon.

How long ago did the changes take place?[/quote]

Irrelevent. He made just as big changes since we were in it together.. only it turned out to be better for him.. He's got his old life back and I've got nothing
[/quote]

I wouldn't say irrelevant. If it was a while back and things were cool...then they started getting worse....that's one thing.

On the other hand if it turned sour immediately after he influenced you to make the changes, that's pretty f-ed up.

Did you spend more time with him before this happened?

 

[BeenBetter]

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: BeenBetter


At this time in my life I am feeling very needy and I hate being that way. I drive myself crazy sometimes! Before I was perfectly composed with my own life... but a few events happend with his influence and now I've become that girl I hate to be...

Can you share the events? I understand if you don't want to mention any of it.

I think we all have certain traits about ourselves that we don't particularly like and when they come out and show themselves it doesn't make us feel too good.

I think in your case there is a serious communication breakdown. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys who will not talk about things like this - they just ignore it.

Let's just say I made some major changes in my life for him and I haven't been able to get my old life back. That's all the details I want to give

What changed in the relationship? If you were willing to make these changes then you at least must have been getting along better with him I think.

The changes I made for him made me depressed. He influenced me to leave everything I had to show for, for him. So thats what changed... I'm not my old self and I'm not getting it back anytime soon.

How long ago did the changes take place?

Irrelevent. He made just as big changes since we were in it together.. only it turned out to be better for him.. He's got his old life back and I've got nothing
[/quote]

I wouldn't say irrelevant. If it was a while back and things were cool...then they started getting worse....that's one thing.

On the other hand if it turned sour immediately after he influenced you to make the changes, that's pretty f-ed up.

Did you spend more time with him before this happened?[/quote]
We spend more quality time together before... and I tried my best to accept all the changes but going from everything to nothing takes a toll on your spirit. Thats okay.. I feel a little better with all the input. Thanks all!

 

[jjyiz28]

1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

 

[OdiN]

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

 

[jjyiz28]

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

no, ppl like this are strange strange ppl. like chix that have more guy friends than gal friends.

 

[Eeezee]

Originally posted by: CadetLee
Have you actually told him:

1) That you are upset
2) Why you are upset

?

QFT, this is such a major problem in relationships. Most women won't say anything about being upset, or if they do they won't say WHY they are upset. Sometimes all I can get from my woman is a mild pouting and I don't know WTF is going on. You ask "Honey, are you upset?" And she just says no but continues acting all moody! 😵

 

[BeenBetter]

Originally posted by: jjyiz28

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

no, ppl like this are strange strange ppl. like chix that have more guy friends than gal friends.

I used to have more guy friends than girl friends. I found them easier to get along with so naturally I don't mind the fact that he has many girl friends. Some of them just bug me.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: jjyiz28

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

no, ppl like this are strange strange ppl. like chix that have more guy friends than gal friends.

I used to have more guy friends than girl friends. I found them easier to get along with so naturally I don't mind the fact that he has many girl friends. Some of them just bug me.

Maybe you can tell us why they bug you ? Maybe it's becasue they are able to get his attention more than you ? If that is the case then find whatever gets his attention and try going along for a while, maybe he'll change or something.

 

[OdiN]

Originally posted by: jjyiz28

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

no, ppl like this are strange strange ppl. like chix that have more guy friends than gal friends.

My ex had more guy friends than girl friends because she got tired of the backstabbing BS.

 

[BeenBetter]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: jjyiz28

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

no, ppl like this are strange strange ppl. like chix that have more guy friends than gal friends.

I used to have more guy friends than girl friends. I found them easier to get along with so naturally I don't mind the fact that he has many girl friends. Some of them just bug me.

Maybe you can tell us why they bug you ? Maybe it's becasue they are able to get his attention more than you ? If that is the case then find whatever gets his attention and try going along for a while, maybe he'll change or something.

It bugs me that she thinks its okay for them to share each others food in front of me at a nice restaurant and that she playfully pushes him and stupid things like that. And the fact that they conversate so much better than he and I. I guess thats understandable since they are good friends. At least she's not that attractive

 

[OdiN]

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: The Linuxator

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: jjyiz28

Originally posted by: OdiN

Originally posted by: jjyiz28
1) i find it strange that a guy has more girl friends than guy friends. he's a little off kilter.

2) you need friends of your own so that you can chill w/them while he chills w/his own friends. then the poor bastard will get jealous u spend so much time w/ur friends and all

I have more girl friends than guy friends. Perhaps because women tend to be much more mature and helpful friends than guys do.

no, ppl like this are strange strange ppl. like chix that have more guy friends than gal friends.

I used to have more guy friends than girl friends. I found them easier to get along with so naturally I don't mind the fact that he has many girl friends. Some of them just bug me.

Maybe you can tell us why they bug you ? Maybe it's becasue they are able to get his attention more than you ? If that is the case then find whatever gets his attention and try going along for a while, maybe he'll change or something.

It bugs me that she thinks its okay for them to share each others food in front of me at a nice restaurant and that she playfully pushes him and stupid things like that. And the fact that they conversate so much better than he and I. I guess thats understandable since they are good friends. At least she's not that attractive

It's typical for them and they think nothing of it.

 

[alien42]

sounds like you need a new boyfriend. i have never been with a woman who i didnt spend time with when we were together instead of one watching tv and the other online.

 

[Shaftatplanetquake]

To me it sounds like he is sick of you and probably just keeping you around for the pussy.

But you are so cryptic about everything with your posts here on anandtech and also in the conversations that you have with your bf that nobody can actually tell wtf is going on with you anyway, so I'm probably wrong.

 

[JDrake]

Originally posted by: BigB10293
Why don't you ask the 25 y/o girl in the other thread?

:thumbsup: good idea

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
you are not gonna change him.

if you told him how you felt about this and he has not changed, it shows how he feels about you and the level of respect he has for you.

you are wasting your time.

Agreed.

It's hard to get out when you've invested so much time and emotion in a relationship. But you need to be free to find someone who wants to treat you the way you want to be treated.

 

[davestar]

Originally posted by: BeenBetter
It bugs me that she thinks its okay for them to share each others food in front of me at a nice restaurant and that she playfully pushes him and stupid things like that. And the fact that they conversate so much better than he and I. I guess thats understandable since they are good friends. At least she's not that attractive

things are out of balance, and it seems that the problem is on your end. no one, male or female, wants to be with some one who has nothing to offer. you're depressed; you have few or no friends, interests, events in which to involve him; you're (possibly unreasonably) jealous. not to be harsh, but what's attractive about that? sounds cliche, but you have to work on yourself before you can expect other people - boyfriend or new/old friends - to want to spend time with you.

 

[JJ650]

Like some have already said, take up his offer and go out with him to hang out with his friends and stuff. It might not be so bad for you. You don't know if you don't try. If HE ask you then he's ok with it. In fact, he might like it if you actually said yes and did go. Give it a shot and see what happens. Go out, do something you don't do. I for one don't always enjoy watching the TV and he may feel the same. It's boring often and normally what you or he wants to watch are at polar opposites. If he goes to the store, go with him once or twice. You don't have to do it all of the time. Ask him to go to your parents house with you every once and a while.

If he has OBLIGATIONS to hold then that is something different. Does he tell people he'll do something over spending time with you first and not even ask? As far as him not calling, I dont call unless my plans change or I know I will be really late. That's all I ask of my GF. I may get worried and call if she says she'll be back a 1 but doesn't show up till 3 or something. If she's out with her friends, that's her time and I don't want to interfere.
Perhaps you can just ask him to give you a headsup on what time he may be home. Just don't nag. You know we guys can't stand that.
Just say "hey, what time do you think you'll be home?" or something similar.
It is just common courtesy to let the other know what you'll be up to tho. There isn't a need for constant contact, just give notice when things change.

"It bugs me that she thinks its okay for them to share each others food in front of me at a nice restaurant and that she playfully pushes him and stupid things like that. And the fact that they conversate so much better than he and I. I guess thats understandable since they are good friends. At least she's not that attractive"

If have a very good friend (no, we never dated or did the deed) like this. She hang out with me more than here GF's. I hang out with her and her mom a lot. We are very good friends to this day. We joke, push each other and pick a lot. But that's all there is. Nothing more. Nothing intimate at all. My GF can't stand it. I can't tell the GF not to worry. From her perspective, I could see why she would. That's something you may just have to cope with. You can't ask to not be friends with her.

I wonder if you are my GF is disguise here...... 😀

 

[Skunkwourk]

Originally posted by: davestar

Originally posted by: BeenBetter
It bugs me that she thinks its okay for them to share each others food in front of me at a nice restaurant and that she playfully pushes him and stupid things like that. And the fact that they conversate so much better than he and I. I guess thats understandable since they are good friends. At least she's not that attractive

things are out of balance, and it seems that the problem is on your end. no one, male or female, wants to be with some one who has nothing to offer. you're depressed; you have few or no friends, interests, events in which to involve him; you're (possibly unreasonably) jealous. not to be harsh, but what's attractive about that? sounds cliche, but you have to work on yourself before you can expect other people - boyfriend or new/old friends - to want to spend time with you.

I agree, as for the "At least she's not that attractive" bit, it seems like a cheap shot to make you feel better when in fact you really just envy the interaction she gets. Assuming she isn't though, ask yourself why he acts different around her, what does she offer that you don't? For now, instead of waiting for him to do something, I would suggest you plan something and take him out, surprise HIM. He might have so much fun he'll want to spend more time with you instead of his friends.

EDIT: Just realized, aside from this relationship, you really should go out and start finding other ways to enjoy yourself. Life is a ride, and I'd rather go along with a girl whos kind, interesting, and happy with herself over a person whos "BeenBetter".

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: BeenBetter

Originally posted by: Mike
Cheating on you?

No. I can assure you that. He tells me everything he does before and after.. I just get so upset. He's all I got and he's never around

sounds like you're too dependent on him. And maybe, just maybe, he knows this and hates having the responsibility of being your sole companion. He probably still loves you, but seems like you need to make some friends who you can hang out with instead of needing him all the time.

self-confidence is a big turn on for us guys.

edit: but I dont think you're too much out of line. Its normal to want to hang out with your SO. Also, I think there might be some underlying issues you guys need to talk about since you said whenever he is home, all you do is your own thing (you watch TV and him go on the computer)
Maybe try to find something that you both are interested in?

 

[cKGunslinger]

Has shens already been called on this "25yo girl" poster yet?

 

[Aharami]

Originally posted by: AbAbber2k
Sounds like an attention starved youngster with some control issues. Your BF has invited you to hang out with him. If you chose to stay home it's your own problem. Try a little initiative and get him to do something with you other than just hanging out with other people. And duh he's going to be upset if he thinks/knows you are. NOTHING pisses me off quicker than knowing my GF is upset about something (related to me/us) but refuses to fess up about exactly what's bothering her. Stupid female bullsh1t.

QFFT

 

[BeenBetter]

Hey! How come my other thread got locked! I'll just continue here. I wanted to answer a questions that another person had regarding if it matters if the guy makes less income than the girl?


No I don't thin it matters. As long as the guy can support himself along with a few minor things for the misses