MasterAndCommander
Diamond Member
dump him - you can do better.
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Not quite YAGuyT
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BeenBetter
Member
That was a cheap shot to make me feel better and if does.. why not? He does not give her extra interaction.. I think its her who should have some decency around the two of us.. thats all.
I was once kind, interesting and very happy with myself.. but I changed my life for him. I dont think it would hurt him to make a few changes for me.. at least not in the way that it hurt me.
Skunkwourk
Diamond Member
eh well I didn't really care you said it, it was kinda just leading into what I thought was really important about wondering why her relationship with him was different. However, I do agree about the food part, I wouldn't appreciate that if my girl's ex did that. As for changing your life, I did that once as well, it was a bad choice because basically I wasn't in a relationship where I was really myself, doing things I liked to do, or living life the way I liked. The longer it was, the more bitter I became about it. Personally I feel the key is mutual compromise, not self sacrifice. I know you changed your life for him but it didn't work out the way you expected, so Im suggesting you get some of it back.
nothing worse than having a woman whos whole day, and existance, revolves around every thing that you do. the fact that you look to him to entertain you at all times and (it seems) that you cant figure out what to do without him is probably a big turn off. i know it is for me.
most men like women that can function on their own. it shows independance, and takes the pressure off to always be that great bf/husband that women are spoon fed into believing they want. its also a good indicator for a man that a woman is with them by choice, and not because she feels she has to be (which sounds like you with the whole "so much change and so much invested), which is one thing most people desire in a mate.
quit sitting around a moping and go out an do your own thing. dont hang like a dingleberry and maybe you can earn his repsect back.
edit:spelling
most men like women that can function on their own. it shows independance, and takes the pressure off to always be that great bf/husband that women are spoon fed into believing they want. its also a good indicator for a man that a woman is with them by choice, and not because she feels she has to be (which sounds like you with the whole "so much change and so much invested), which is one thing most people desire in a mate.
quit sitting around a moping and go out an do your own thing. dont hang like a dingleberry and maybe you can earn his repsect back.
edit:spelling
anonymouschris
Diamond Member
for what its worth....
Since you are not divulging what changes you made I can't speak with absolute certainty, but...
While I think its necessary to make compromises to make a relationship work...I think the first mistake you made was changing yourself for him and the relationship. If you had to transform yourself to the extent where you feel like you are no longer your "old" self then that maybe the root of the proble. Now you feel like you sacraficed so much for him/relationship but are not getting anything in return. You are not comfortable in your current state because that is not what you are like naturally.
While I don't have a problem with the bf going out with family and friends during the weekends, He still has to designate specified time for just the two of you. If doesn't spend atleast a day or two with you and devotes all his time to other ppl and activities then he's obviously doing something wrong.
With all that being said, I still think the root of the problem are the intial changes you made for him/relationship. If you two were compatible you should not have to sacrafice so much (your "old" self) to be with him.
Sorry if this wasn't written eloquently...just trying to get my point across. BTW, thanks for the answer from the other thread.
Since you are not divulging what changes you made I can't speak with absolute certainty, but...
While I think its necessary to make compromises to make a relationship work...I think the first mistake you made was changing yourself for him and the relationship. If you had to transform yourself to the extent where you feel like you are no longer your "old" self then that maybe the root of the proble. Now you feel like you sacraficed so much for him/relationship but are not getting anything in return. You are not comfortable in your current state because that is not what you are like naturally.
While I don't have a problem with the bf going out with family and friends during the weekends, He still has to designate specified time for just the two of you. If doesn't spend atleast a day or two with you and devotes all his time to other ppl and activities then he's obviously doing something wrong.
With all that being said, I still think the root of the problem are the intial changes you made for him/relationship. If you two were compatible you should not have to sacrafice so much (your "old" self) to be with him.
Sorry if this wasn't written eloquently...just trying to get my point across. BTW, thanks for the answer from the other thread.
BeenBetter
Member
Thanks for everyones input. I'm trying to make changes to my lifestyle but things don't always go as you want...time will tell I guess. I'm going to stop posting now before this gets locked also 😛
cKGunslinger
Lifer
Are you a blonde? :roll:
OneOfTheseDays
Diamond Member
as everyone here has said you need to develop your own life outside of your boyfriend. imagine what would happen if you two broke up.....your life would be shattered and you'd have to rebuild yourself from nothing. take the time now to make new friends and develop a life outside of this relationship.
A healthy relationship is one where neither person "needs" the other to survive. It's one in which both people's lives are enriched by the other. i've been in your shoes, threw away all my friends for a girl, and when we broke up i was a mess and alone. i learned the hard way, don't make the same mistakes I did when you still have time.
A healthy relationship is one where neither person "needs" the other to survive. It's one in which both people's lives are enriched by the other. i've been in your shoes, threw away all my friends for a girl, and when we broke up i was a mess and alone. i learned the hard way, don't make the same mistakes I did when you still have time.
bonkers325
Lifer
tell him. if hes a jerk and cheating on u, he will make a big deal out of it and break up. but if he really loves you he will do whatever he can to make amends
Spineshank
Diamond Member
You sound like my gf only difference is she constantly wants me around so i get very little time to hang out wiht my friends. And i pay a lot of attention to her.
MasterAndCommander
Diamond Member
Your thread got locked because you lied about Chuck Norris 🙁
The mods and Chuck Norris are tight.
ShockwaveVT
Senior member
It sounds like you are kind of depressed, so what I'm suggesting is not going to be easy.... but i'll toss in my 2c anyways.
I'd say the key thing here is to calmly explain to him that you don't get to spend enough time with him. He will probably make an effort to include more in his activities. Even if you are not 100% happy with his efforts give him POSITIVE reinforcement. Its gonna be tough because there will be times when you are hanging out with some friends of his that you hate, but try to keep in mind that you are not hanging out with them, you are haning out with HIM. You said that you made the sacrifice of moving to be with him, well that means his social life is your social life until you make new friends.
Get to know his friends, then take the intiative and suggest hanging out with the ones you like. Heck, even go hang out with the ones you get along with on your own. Through his friends you'll meet new people and make new friends who do live in the area, whom you can go hang out with when he's busy.
Also do things like ask him out to dinner, make it clear that its a date so you can reserve a night alone with him.
Give it a month or two and if you don't feel like things are improving then you should probably start looking for a new man
I'd say the key thing here is to calmly explain to him that you don't get to spend enough time with him. He will probably make an effort to include more in his activities. Even if you are not 100% happy with his efforts give him POSITIVE reinforcement. Its gonna be tough because there will be times when you are hanging out with some friends of his that you hate, but try to keep in mind that you are not hanging out with them, you are haning out with HIM. You said that you made the sacrifice of moving to be with him, well that means his social life is your social life until you make new friends.
Get to know his friends, then take the intiative and suggest hanging out with the ones you like. Heck, even go hang out with the ones you get along with on your own. Through his friends you'll meet new people and make new friends who do live in the area, whom you can go hang out with when he's busy.
Also do things like ask him out to dinner, make it clear that its a date so you can reserve a night alone with him.
Give it a month or two and if you don't feel like things are improving then you should probably start looking for a new man
spasticnationboy
Member
Get your own life........ hands down, regardless of having a mate or not.........
HardcoreRobot
Lifer
like i said before, if you are in nova ill take you on a date lol
palindrome
Senior member
I'm proud to say I've been dating the girl of my dreams for almost 2 years now. We are best friends and are completely head over heels in love. I, once, was more of the type of guy on these forums (not to say that there is anything wrong with you, just pointing out how I have personally changed). I have changed drastically in my behavior around other girls and much of my behavior in general. Not that I'm whipped or anything... (though I'm sure many will disagree); I very much think that any loving relationship should be on equal ground for both the guy and the girl. If one is in control, then they can take advantage of and manipulate the other. One thing is for certain, as a college student prior to dating my current gf, I was never really approached by girls or flirted with nearly as much as I am since the fact I've had a girlfriend. Friends that are girls that I've known for years started flirting with me after I starting dating my beautiful babe. I, at the very least, when in public if I am approached by other girl when I'm with my gf, I'll pull her closer and just do little things to show that I'm not for sale and I'm NOT interested. In reality, my gf has been way out of my league in terms of looks and personality since the day we met, but she had been treated so badly by other guys that I just did my best to show her how much she means to me and how much I care for her that its always worked out, even though I'm a computer nerd studing engineering... My advice is, if you can't trust him, there is something wrong. Women have a 6th sense about stuff, and if he is not willing to spend idle time with you (watching TV etc...), then there might be something wrong. What happens a lot between 2 nice people who care a lot about each other is that they try to stay in a relationship because they DO care about one another, but the love is gone. If there is no love, don't waste your time, "you only live once" (like you said in the 25yo questions thread). Everyone has their problems and all couples make each other mad. All that is normal, as long as there is still love. If you want an excuse to watch the movie "The Notebook," this is it. It kinda gives some good insight on strange relationships (they fight a lot). I was "forced" to watch it (I hate chick flicks), but it turned out that I actually liked it more than hated it.
The best of luck to you and your boyfriend, and ultimately the lucky man you marry one day. And one more bit of advice, don't spend time on the forums when you can spend time with your significant other. If you are having trouble getting his attention (i.e. from the TV, computer, etc), sex is usually a good answer. For example, he is on the computer and you want to spend quality time with him, but he is doing something useless and meaningless on the computer. Just put your arms around him, and kiss him on the back of the neck a few times, get him to divert his attention and you two should go at it! If that doesn't work, something is wrong and you two should talk.
Once again, best of luck and hope this bit of advice helps! (from someone who knows lol)
-palindrome
PS - for those of you who will criticize me for writing this at 3 am when I could be with my significant other, she away visiting family with her parents and her parents arent exactly promoting us sleeping in the same bed just yet (damn southern baptist christian fundamentalists....)
The best of luck to you and your boyfriend, and ultimately the lucky man you marry one day. And one more bit of advice, don't spend time on the forums when you can spend time with your significant other. If you are having trouble getting his attention (i.e. from the TV, computer, etc), sex is usually a good answer. For example, he is on the computer and you want to spend quality time with him, but he is doing something useless and meaningless on the computer. Just put your arms around him, and kiss him on the back of the neck a few times, get him to divert his attention and you two should go at it! If that doesn't work, something is wrong and you two should talk.
Once again, best of luck and hope this bit of advice helps! (from someone who knows lol)
-palindrome
PS - for those of you who will criticize me for writing this at 3 am when I could be with my significant other, she away visiting family with her parents and her parents arent exactly promoting us sleeping in the same bed just yet (damn southern baptist christian fundamentalists....)
Siddhartha
Lifer
Talk to your boyfriend and tell him exactly what is bothering you. Make sure he understands what the issues are. As you know, there is a good chance he is not always really listening or pay attention.
Also, this is not the forum to go to for insight or advice on relationships. From what I have read most of this forum's members:
1. Are immature males. So they really do not have broad base experience when it comes to relationships.
2. Have unresolved issues with women. I have read a lot of hostility expressed towards women, particularly attractive sexually mature women.
i had this problem with my old girlfriend.
If you have a need your boyfriend should honor that need. Since it is not being met currently, you need to talk to him about it. You two can probably come up with some type of compromise, but if not, its time to go looking for someone that can make you happy.
It is BS that he would go out w/ his friends more often than spend time with you IMO. Put the ball in his court and see how mature and how crazy he is for you - make him decide.
If you have a need your boyfriend should honor that need. Since it is not being met currently, you need to talk to him about it. You two can probably come up with some type of compromise, but if not, its time to go looking for someone that can make you happy.
It is BS that he would go out w/ his friends more often than spend time with you IMO. Put the ball in his court and see how mature and how crazy he is for you - make him decide.
GuitarDaddy
Lifer
I definately think you need to talk to him about it. It's perfectly normal for you to be jealous in this situation. Ask him how he would feel if you you hung out with a group of guys all the time? If you you have been together 1.5yrs and are living together his behavior sounds out of line to me and I,m a guy (albiet an old fashioned (old) guy).
Sounds like your needing some commitment on his part (rightfully so), and he's wanting to play the single hound dog schene. You need to tell him your not happy, and what he can do to change that. If he's not willing to make the changes that would make you happy its probably time to move on.
IMHO, no decent guy thats in a commited relationship has a group of women as thier best friends. Female friends that he see's or talks to every once in a while, sure! But best friends that he see's on a daily weekly basis HELL NO!
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