<<
Contact a lawyer just to be safe. I feel for you man. >>I have complete control over our financials, so there is really no reason to.
Wow! How ironic, Beau6183! Just about two days ago you posted in the college/degree thread about how you skipped college 'cuz you thought the computer field involved outdated knowledge. However you had changed your mind but were putting your gf through school and once she finished you would start. Wasn't that you who said that?
I'm sorry you learned the hard way: But you're just another statistic. I have read of many who had their fiancees or fiances put through school and suspend theirs only to regret it later.
Hon', here's the underlying issue: You don't get into marriage talk if you have not established and found yourself. I don't mean you have to be this wealthy person . . . I'm not speaking of material wealth. I am speaking of an independent self, where you see the essence of the self and how to integrate it with your new found love. I speak of not mixing love with what I call self-annihilation. Find yourself. If you found yourself first, then you would walk through what made you happy and what made both of you happy, instead of what just made her happy.
Sorry, if human nature were perfect, it would be great. However, in my opinion, human nature is self-centred.
I'm afraid your world surrounded this woman. You live your life through this woman. It is good she left you 'cuz you certainly needed help. You need some breathing space, and someone had to give it to you soon or later. Don't be depressed. Be happy, not that she left you but that you have been awakened to the self . . . find the self.
Okay, on that note: It is great you still want her, but I hope it is because you truly love her--not 'cuz you want to "settle" out of fear you can't get another woman. I hope you are willing to work things out should a window open. And I wish she would make efforts to work things out between the two of you. However, if she doesn't, then it is time you move on. Every disappointment seems to be a blessing in disguise.
About legal matters, you certainly have a chance to recover expenses incurred due to her breach of contract. But this does not necessarily apply to your case since laws vary from state to state. Some states allow for a recovery, whilst some don't.
Putting legalism away for a moment, why would a man who claims to be affectionate about a significant other regret within a day decisions such as this he made and expenses he incurred?
What's up with that?
Best of wishes to you in recuperating!
[This is simply my opinion. It may be not so far from preposterousness, but that's simply an opinion; thus it is free to be ridiculous!]
I'm sorry you learned the hard way: But you're just another statistic. I have read of many who had their fiancees or fiances put through school and suspend theirs only to regret it later.
Hon', here's the underlying issue: You don't get into marriage talk if you have not established and found yourself. I don't mean you have to be this wealthy person . . . I'm not speaking of material wealth. I am speaking of an independent self, where you see the essence of the self and how to integrate it with your new found love. I speak of not mixing love with what I call self-annihilation. Find yourself. If you found yourself first, then you would walk through what made you happy and what made both of you happy, instead of what just made her happy.
Sorry, if human nature were perfect, it would be great. However, in my opinion, human nature is self-centred.
I'm afraid your world surrounded this woman. You live your life through this woman. It is good she left you 'cuz you certainly needed help. You need some breathing space, and someone had to give it to you soon or later. Don't be depressed. Be happy, not that she left you but that you have been awakened to the self . . . find the self.
Okay, on that note: It is great you still want her, but I hope it is because you truly love her--not 'cuz you want to "settle" out of fear you can't get another woman. I hope you are willing to work things out should a window open. And I wish she would make efforts to work things out between the two of you. However, if she doesn't, then it is time you move on. Every disappointment seems to be a blessing in disguise.
About legal matters, you certainly have a chance to recover expenses incurred due to her breach of contract. But this does not necessarily apply to your case since laws vary from state to state. Some states allow for a recovery, whilst some don't.
Putting legalism away for a moment, why would a man who claims to be affectionate about a significant other regret within a day decisions such as this he made and expenses he incurred?
Best of wishes to you in recuperating!
[This is simply my opinion. It may be not so far from preposterousness, but that's simply an opinion; thus it is free to be ridiculous!
]Look at it this way...this may just be a blessing in disguise...she could have done all this after you were married and had children...much cheaper now I bet, and no child to take to counseling thinking it was his/her fault.
BUT, I would try to recover some momey...I am pretty sure that you could win...Judge would probably consider you married if you lived together any length of time...u may even get alimony since you sacraficed your education to further her education.
<< Look at it this way...this may just be a blessing in disguise...she could have done all this after you were married and had children...much cheaper now I bet, and no child to take to counseling thinking it was his/her fault. >>
We have a dog, two cats, and 29 fish. Do they count?
<< BUT, I would try to recover some momey...I am pretty sure that you could win...Judge would probably consider you married if you lived together any length of time...u may even get alimony since you sacraficed your education to further her education. >>
I'm not looking to recover any money. She doesn't have any to recover from. We are using her inheritence to pay off all of our debt, then splitting the remainder 50/50. I'll be going back to school I think this fall, if all goes well. Besides, she still has another year till she graduates.
Kadarin
Lifer
- Nov 23, 2001
- 44,296
- 16
- 81
I was just wondering if you could give any more specifics yet on just what motivated her apparent change of heart? Are you two no longer an item altogether, or did she just decide to postpone the wedding?
Also, just out of curiosity, how old are the both of you, if I may ask?
Also, just out of curiosity, how old are the both of you, if I may ask?
best of luck to you. better to take a break now before you actually get married, then find out afterwards.
the lesson here is to never to put your life on hold for anyone.
the lesson here is to never to put your life on hold for anyone.
<< I was just wondering if you could give any more specifics yet on just what motivated her apparent change of heart? Are you two no longer an item altogether, or did she just decide to postpone the wedding? Also, just out of curiosity, how old are the both of you, if I may ask? >>
21 & 20. (yes I know, really young. But that's the norm 'round here)
She didn't want to feel like she missed out on being a kid. She's not quite ready to "grow up" yet I guess. My parents were married for 20 years before they split over this reason (my mom felt that way). I can understand her reasons, and I don't hold a grudge against her. I'm just sad.
As far as putting my life on hold, I haven't exactly done that. I've been getting tech certificates and training. Still furthering my career, but I just didn't get the college thing or the formal degree. I guess there's time for that now.
I don't know if we are still an item or not. If we stay to gether, it'll be weird for a while, I'm sure. Maybe it's time for an all-around break.
I don't want to lecture Beau6183, but I want to express a bit of my opinion.
To me, loving others is an extension of loving oneself.
In an ideal relationship, both parties will know how to love themselves and hence know how to take care of themselves.
The problem here was that Terra and Beau did not have a good sense of being a team. Terra was either dishonest throughout their relationship or did not exactly know what she wanted. Moreover, she did not communicate her concerns with Beau and even though she probably found problems in herself and with her relations with Beau, she did not ask for help. Now when the problem became bigger, she finally admitted it.
I don't know exactly why Beau decided to help out Terra to the extent he did, but if she never explicitly asked you to help her out, what you've done in the past 5 years was rescuing Terra. You were offering a huge sacrifice and help to Terra even though she never specifically requested it nor she did not know whether she really wanted such help.
What I'm doing right now is a rescue. You never asked for help, but I am offering you help you never asked for. So.. if you don't like what you're reading here, don't kill me.
Don't get me wrong, btw. I respect you for what you've done. But I personally don't think that it was right for you to sacrifice so much for your fiance. I think that you should've loved yourself more, and encouraged Terra to identify exactly what she wants and communicate that with you.
Based on my observations, many women (and men) make some really absurd decisions at the last moment like this. This tends to be more common with those who are very confused about themselves. They talk to some of their "close friends" and let the friends make decisions for them. Or all of a sudden they realize that what they've been doing for the last 20 years was all wrong so they end everything overnight. It's tragic.
My 2¢.
To me, loving others is an extension of loving oneself.
In an ideal relationship, both parties will know how to love themselves and hence know how to take care of themselves.
The problem here was that Terra and Beau did not have a good sense of being a team. Terra was either dishonest throughout their relationship or did not exactly know what she wanted. Moreover, she did not communicate her concerns with Beau and even though she probably found problems in herself and with her relations with Beau, she did not ask for help. Now when the problem became bigger, she finally admitted it.
I don't know exactly why Beau decided to help out Terra to the extent he did, but if she never explicitly asked you to help her out, what you've done in the past 5 years was rescuing Terra. You were offering a huge sacrifice and help to Terra even though she never specifically requested it nor she did not know whether she really wanted such help.
What I'm doing right now is a rescue. You never asked for help, but I am offering you help you never asked for. So.. if you don't like what you're reading here, don't kill me.
Don't get me wrong, btw. I respect you for what you've done. But I personally don't think that it was right for you to sacrifice so much for your fiance. I think that you should've loved yourself more, and encouraged Terra to identify exactly what she wants and communicate that with you.
Based on my observations, many women (and men) make some really absurd decisions at the last moment like this. This tends to be more common with those who are very confused about themselves. They talk to some of their "close friends" and let the friends make decisions for them. Or all of a sudden they realize that what they've been doing for the last 20 years was all wrong so they end everything overnight. It's tragic.
My 2¢.
And I thought I had a sh!tty story. Dude, I feel for ya. That is awful.
<< Putting legalism away for a moment, why would a man who claims to be affectionate about a significant other regret within a day decisions such as this he made and expenses he incurred? What's up with that? >>
Luvly: I don't agree with this. If a romance turns sour, why would it be not be a regret to think that the time would have been better spent on yourself and not the other. The other has shown that your time, love, etc does not mean much to them. I regret decisions that I made in the past regarding a certain relationship. I should have spent more time on my school and career. I loved her dearly, and if we were together today, I still would. But she chose someone else.
<< Putting legalism away for a moment, why would a man who claims to be affectionate about a significant other regret within a day decisions such as this he made and expenses he incurred? What's up with that? >>
Luvly: I don't agree with this. If a romance turns sour, why would it be not be a regret to think that the time would have been better spent on yourself and not the other. The other has shown that your time, love, etc does not mean much to them. I regret decisions that I made in the past regarding a certain relationship. I should have spent more time on my school and career. I loved her dearly, and if we were together today, I still would. But she chose someone else.
<< I hope there is a "we" when she gets her inheritance. >>
She already got it and it's sitting in our bank account.
Hang in there. Don't consult a lawyer. Be understanding with this girl. My wife tried to break it off with me around the same day every month for the whole time we were dating and engaged. You obviously still have feelings for her. She probably has feelings for you too. If you are understanding, there is a good chance she regrets her decision and would still like to marry you. If you get on your high horse about this and hold a grudge (as most of the people in this forum would have you do), she will likely do the same and that will be the end of it. Most of the time, my wife didn't know why she was saying what she was saying. I am a forgiving man by nature, and everything has turned out great for us. My guess is that she has been getting cold feet (which is normal), but had supressed those feelings the last few months. Then one of her girlfriends talked to her and all the cold feet feelings came out.
Anyway, enough bitching. Dr. Beam is starting to get the better of me, so I'm off to bed. Thanks for the consoling guys/gals, its very much appreciated.
Later y'all
Later y'all
<< Anyway, enough bitching. Dr. Beam is starting to get the better of me, so I'm off to bed. Thanks for the consoling guys/gals, its very much appreciated.
Later y'all
>>Will you be joining me later in the nef fest?
MichaelD
Lifer
- Jan 16, 2001
- 31,528
- 3
- 76
<< aside from offering you my empathy I'd like to also suggest you consult with a lawyer.You put her thru school at the expense of your own education on the promise that she would do the same for you? You lived together long term ? you might well be able to at least recover some of the funds you used to educate her..
It sounds to me like you got used here to put her thru school, I'm so sorry
>>Wow. A woman suggesting and implying that another woman was in the wrong and that the man should attempt to recover damages. There IS hope for humanity after all!
Beau, I don't know what to say, man. I have been there, done that as well. Nothing I say will make you feel better. You feel FVCKING PISSED OFF and want to strangle somebody, ANYBODY, as long as they look like her. I understand completely.
She is young and too stupid to understand how morally wrong it is to do what she did. You didn't know any better; ignorance is not a crime, my friend; it is a TEACHER. You are now qualified to teach class.
Guaranteed *CONFIRMED* you are one smart S.O.B. now, ain't'cha? People suck. Women suck harder. That is why we stupid men get blind. Good luck. I am here for you.
Pepsei
Lifer
- Dec 14, 2001
- 12,895
- 1
- 0
that really sucks.... i hope things work out with her again.
the problem here is that stupid bitch that's your fiancee's friend. I bet you she had a hand in this.
she think she knows what's best for her and clouded her judgement. I hate people like that.
a time-out right now is good.... perhaps your fiancee will change her mind. good luck
the problem here is that stupid bitch that's your fiancee's friend. I bet you she had a hand in this.
she think she knows what's best for her and clouded her judgement. I hate people like that.
a time-out right now is good.... perhaps your fiancee will change her mind. good luck
Be thankful you're rid of her.
She played you like a violin. Maybe you can sell adult videos of her on the internet to recoup some losses.
She played you like a violin. Maybe you can sell adult videos of her on the internet to recoup some losses.
Been there, done that. Caught my fiancee in bed with another guy two weeks after I gave her the ring. Learn this lesson well: Women suck! I feel for you man. Took me years to get over what she did to me. ......that sucks!!
This is the point where I would get very angry and violent
This is the point where I would get very angry and violent
911paramedic
Diamond Member
- Jan 7, 2002
- 9,448
- 1
- 76
<< Life's a bitch and so is you ex Fiance >>
It is funny how the few words that RedDawn spoke could sum it all up.
I was going to suggest the money/lawyer thing also, but it sounds like that is a moot point. Good to hear that you have the money figured out and that you are not worried about it. It takes a big person to do that. As far as she is concerned, she was probably scared and had no way to tell you earlier. She went about it all wrong and you are the one suffering for it.
All I can say is, put it behind you and move on. (easier said than done, I know...)
Hang tough.
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