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Next step in leaving the house?

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Originally posted by: rasczak
It's just time for you to break away from your parents. If they're the "typical" asian parents, and guilt trip you about everything in your life from how you dress, to what you choose to do in college, then you don't need that bullshit in your life. leave and never look back. Go to the Counselor's office, and explain the situation, maybe they can help you pick up a student loan from somewhere.

BTW, where do you go to school?
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doing this would be spitting in his parents face for everything they've done for him the last 18 years of his life. they need to communicate better and both need to get a grip on the culture clash that's going on here.

the guilt trip unfortunately is part of being raised in an asian family. itll only make you stronger in the future!
 
Originally posted by: evident
they simply dont want you to fail in academics.
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doesn't make sense, his dad wanted him to skip lab to fix something at home, over an hour away.

EDIT: also what Born2bwire said is sound advice if you're ready for some rough (but potentially rewarding) times. I have a friend who was disowned in a similar fashion. I think in college he signed up for summer school before consulting his mom, and she said "if you're going to make choices by yourself, you can pay for them too" and cut him off on the spot. I think he took a leave of absence, got a job, came back took out loans, graduated, etc... Hes a hard worker, and doing really well now, and fortunately they've reconciled. So in some ways this could be good for you.
 
Originally posted by: m0mentary
Originally posted by: evident
they simply dont want you to fail in academics.
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doesn't make sense, his dad wanted him to skip lab to fix something at home, over an hour away.
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I know right- my dad usually asks me to help him fix stuff around the house too as a form of bonding, he would get pissed off if i said no but not if i was at school. maybe his dad was just feeling neglected and thought that op was making an excuse or something... i dunno. parents can be weird

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot

They are afraid of losing you, so they tighten the leash using guilt and other mental tactics. Get out in the world. If your parents don't respect you for being your own person, that respect is not worth having anyways (tough pill to swallow when talking about family, i know)
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this is from op's other post, and he has alot of valid points too.i think you need to stand up to your parents somewhat, but in a respectful way. they also need to respect you as well though
 
Originally posted by: Ricemarine
Continuation of this

I just finished my winter quarter, and told my parents I would be going to the movies, which they didn't want me to because coming home at 10:00 PM is too late. So I called them back, and told them I'm spending the night at a friends... The next day:

- Voicemail threatening a missing persons report and stolen vehicle report
- Parents told me they'll disconnect me from phone, take me off car insurance, and not pay my spring quarter tuition (which they originally agreed to pay)
- They want the car back
- Mom decided to take the incentive to change the password to our home security system.

They can't file for a missing persons report because... I'm not missing. They can't file for a stolen vehicle report until after they take me off the insurance.
So now, I can't go back to college (just got accepted into the EE department), cell phone less, and now staying at friends' houses. I have no loans yet, and my financial aid needs to be changed but doesn't start until the 2009-2010 school year. They also called me and said "Good luck, I love you." So I guess all this for wanting some freedom over break huh?...




SO... where are the best places to get jobs? Any other tips?
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This has got to be a troll post. Last visited on 4/20, which is today.
 
Originally posted by: krunchykrome
You must be asian
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That's beyond Asian, it's just stupid. Asian parents prioritize education, not joining the poor house.
 
Also, OP. Try to get a ROTC scholarship. It will be the best thing you can do to get away from the parental tit. Because it sounds like your parents are harsher than any Asian parent I know is... to their daughters.
 
His parents cannot be Asian they defy the Asian stereotype.

Asian parents generalize about how white people kick their kids out at 18. A PHD professor of asian stuff told me this and I go to the same school as Rice Marine

All other Asians in my Asian stuff class concurred.


 
Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
and tell ur parents ur gay
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don't do that...even as a joke. asian family friend...the mother found out the son was t3h gay, and she attempted suicide.
 
Originally posted by: rudder
Originally posted by: Ricemarine

- Voicemail threatening a missing persons report and stolen vehicle report
- Parents told me they'll disconnect me from phone, take me off car insurance, and not pay my spring quarter tuition (which they originally agreed to pay)
- They want the car back
- Mom decided to take the incentive to change the password to our home security system.
Click to expand...

Just tell her you are joining the Marines because you need money for school. Hopefully she will not call your bluff since the Marines would not take someone like you who has a 10:00 curfew in college.
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Agree tell them you are gonna join the military to pay for college

they will prolly fold. If not you are no worse off than you were before if they call your bluff.

 
Been exactly in your shoes and worse. I took every Financial Aid [student loan] opportunity I had and worked at the University book store.

My background in short:
Blue collar 1st gen Korean parents with barely any formal education - drunk pops, mother is off the wall bananas because of it.
 
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This is really odd, cause I did not realize I had gotten a whole page full of comments today :laugh:...

Basically how it turned out:
- They bluffed taking me off the car insurance, but took my car away (expected and reasonable)
- To counter that, I have to take a different bus route to get to school which the best time occurs at 7:40 in the morning, reasonable.
- They weren't bluffing about changing the security code to the house.
- They were bluffing about changing the locks

- I am now taking out a "loan" with them until I can apply for a Stafford loan
- I'm applying like hell for a job to move out.
- No more free $$ (spoiled there..), so whatever I buy is coming from my bank account.
- My older sister did come home, moved out the first day I left, and isn't coming back (can't stay with her, she won't allow it).

Before I came home, I set up a meeting with my father to negotiate outside the home, but he went back on his word and never showed up. Instead he took that time to sleep. At the same time, all my friends had told me that the best option was to go back. Basically... a lot of people heard what I was saying and went with the shocked face, we're here for you. etc etc. I learned the hard way, there will always be limitations to friendships, and some things you got to keep to yourself. I spent the whole week trying to figure out how to approach the situation, and so I didn't really have fun over spring break. I did turn down a lot of events to just have time to think, because that was more important to me than ever.

What did happen was that my older sister did come home to grab her passport, but it's "missing [as in my mother might have it]." So therefore my mom didn't like how I was backing up my older sister and actually being rational about it. But, I got my older sister out of the house without any problems since she was machine-gunning "I want my passport" which got her nowhere.

They tried to make me to sign a "contract," that my dad would keep, and attempted to trick me into signing it. I'm not really sure as to the credibility of a contract like that, because it basically enforcing the same rules that I had originally left from. While that was occurring, my mom tried to see who I called, and took the car key from me while I was talking with my dad. No trust from her. She also tried taking anything that she considered valuable, until I figured out and talked to her about it. In the end she gave it back.

My little sister on the other hand I tried to help out for I thought she wanted change. Turns out there is no change there. I stood up for her a few times, and she came back siding with my parents to coerce me into doing things against my will. I'm disappointed with it, so in the end I'm the only one that will take a stand.

Because I backed up my little sister, my mom tried to persuade me to giving me $40 bimonthly as an allowance if I stopped helping my little sister. Originally my dad was saying he was willing to give me $40 bimonthly because he wanted things to return to normal. Since I needed to save money too, I thought... why not. Hugged my mom cause it was part of the deal and said thanks. Yeah, no. There it goes. So, I stood up for it, there goes the $40, but to hell with it, I don't need it.

My father is willing to allow me to drive the car again for going to internships. But... to hell with that. If I have to learn about being independent it's now. The car will be my last resort if there is no bus that will go to where I need to go. I haven't driven in the past 4 weeks. It kind of feels like me being in high school again, but if they're willing to give rides, that's a privilege that I wouldn't mind having for a while.

The new thing that is going on to say is that for now, it seems I can go out a bit more? I'm not sure, since my main excuse was to work with my lab group on my EE lab. I'll have to see about that later. I asked my friends to drive me home to pick up my tennis gear, and my father said okay, but then talked to the friends to assure that I'd be home at a certain time (6-9, and 3-7). Reasonable, yet it feels like I'm being babysitted. I'll probably have to get used to it. I did tell them in advance what I was doing and they agreed with it. But, it still feels as if there is a leash that they're trying to tighten again, so I'll have to be sure to tell them "NO."

But, less drama, more studying, routine but with sun. Haven't asked for anything that I didn't need, which was basically the textbook that I would have to pay them back for. I'm glad my girlfriend was willing to help me out through the tough times though 🙂. I'm also glad for my friend willing to be rational and talk about it with me. Although in the end I guess I can say... I just took a break?...... yeah...


There are no cliffs. lol.
1 more post 'till lifer.
 
Wow...your parents seem crazy. I have Asian parents, and they aren't bad. As long as I'm in school and doing well, then that's all that matters. I don't live at home though.

If I were you, I'd jump ship asap. Get a job, take some loans, and try to find a friend's place to live at in the mean time.
 
wow...I see two options:

1) fake aporogize, move back in, secretly align things so that you can bail/disappear suddenly in the night
2) bite the bullet and be "homeless" for a while, put school on hold and just get the hell out of there

man your family is utter fail. time to break the trend man. sux that your older sister won't help you out either. what a bitch of a family you have. i am truly sorry for you. they seem like uneducated southeast asian poor complex idiots. if you choose option 2 and pull it off you're gonna do fine in life.
 
Asian parents? Threaten that you'll switch your major to theater arts or something not engineering or science related. Although they might rather see you killed than to disgrace the family.

 
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