New employees who probably shouldn't be.

[Foxery]

What kinds of "fun" have you had with new hires who turned out to be terrible? Bonus points if your boss is weak and keeps them on for a while, like mine does.

-We recently had one request a pay advance after being here <2 weeks.
-Another started taking vacation days & personal days left and right almost immediately. (This one is still here!)
-The one who insisted she needed a whole new desk. Wound up being one of the laziest we ever had.
-A while back, we hired an alcoholic who drank on lunch breaks. I'm told she smelled of liquor at the interview, but our boss actually doesn't have a sense of smell.

And... our most recent attempt to hire someone's family member was so bad that it's a taboo topic around here.

 

[waggy]

we had tthe head boss who was sleepign with a secetary. everyone knew it.

Well the head of IT quit (well she was givin the choice fo quiting of getting fired). so guess who got the job? thats right the secetary! who knew NOTHING about computers.

first thing she wanted to do is reduce the amount of time we spent ont hings. so what she do? cut backups. we did daily, weekly and monthly backups. she figured since we did montly why do we need daily and weekly?


oh and the new secetary he hired? fucking hot! man she was amazing.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

We had a new guy from the tech department scrub our auction database while trying to run the credit card charges through. He completely wiped it, and we had to go back and re-add several hundred items and bidders. That was his first week working here. He's gotten better since, but I don't think my boss will ever forgive him for that one.

 

[Ricochet]

Waggy, sounds like your boss knows what he's doing. Move old secretary that he got tired banging to a job that she's incompetent at. Once he starts fucking new hot secretary, he can just fire the old one since you all can attest to how horrible she is with IT.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: ricochet
Waggy, sounds like your boss knows what he's doing. Move old secretary that he got tired banging to a job that she's incompetent at. Once he starts fucking new hot secretary, he can just fire the old one since you all can attest to how horrible she is with IT.

well eventually she did get fired. so i guess that worked out heh

 

[Ns1]

Originally posted by: waggy
we had tthe head boss who was sleepign with a secetary. everyone knew it.

Well the head of IT quit (well she was givin the choice fo quiting of getting fired). so guess who got the job? thats right the secetary! who knew NOTHING about computers.

first thing she wanted to do is reduce the amount of time we spent ont hings. so what she do? cut backups. we did daily, weekly and monthly backups. she figured since we did montly why do we need daily and weekly?


oh and the new secetary he hired? fucking hot! man she was amazing.

wow.

just wow.

 

[sourceninja]

Not a new hire story. But this one job I worked at as 'the IT guy' the owner got sick of running stuff and gave the company to her sister to manage. Well she was an alcoholic and used to make the entire staff go to the bar with her at lunch. She would buy us shots and guilt trip us if we didn't drink.

You ever try to think critically after a few rounds? Eventually she ran the company into the ground and they didn't have enough cash to cover payroll (4 staff plus commissioned only sales). I knew it was time to get out.

I'm told about a month after I left, everyone showed up at the office to find the door locked and the keys changed. They were evicted.

 

[Linux23]

Originally posted by: waggy
we had tthe head boss who was sleepign with a secetary. everyone knew it.

Well the head of IT quit (well she was givin the choice fo quiting of getting fired). so guess who got the job? thats right the secetary! who knew NOTHING about computers.

first thing she wanted to do is reduce the amount of time we spent ont hings. so what she do? cut backups. we did daily, weekly and monthly backups. she figured since we did montly why do we need daily and weekly?


oh and the new secetary he hired? fucking hot! man she was amazing.

Could be worse. Your entire organization could be run by management fresh out of college.

 

[clamum]

Originally posted by: sourceninja
Not a new hire story. But this one job I worked at as 'the IT guy' the owner got sick of running stuff and gave the company to her sister to manage. Well she was an alcoholic and used to make the entire staff go to the bar with her at lunch. She would buy us shots and guilt trip us if we didn't drink.

You ever try to think critically after a few rounds? Eventually she ran the company into the ground and they didn't have enough cash to cover payroll (4 staff plus commissioned only sales). I knew it was time to get out.

I'm told about a month after I left, everyone showed up at the office to find the door locked and the keys changed. They were evicted.

LOL. That is bad man.

 

[hdeck]

we hired this new guy that grabbed his first pay check during his lunch break and never came back. that was pretty hilarious. guess he couldn't cut it.

 

[blackdogdeek]

not in my group but in another group, this new guy during his first week, got on to a business IM channel and asked if there were any pretty women around.

later in his first few weeks, he bought $6 billion of something (i don't remember if it was foreign currency or some stocks/bonds) on the production system thinking it was a test system.

he became known as the $6 billion man.

 

[darkxshade]

My company hired this guy who nefs on ATOT all day. He's still around, I'm the only who knows about it.

 

[Queasy]

At my first company, they hired a guy to come in as a programmer. They were talking him up before he came in...said he was really smart, great programmer, yadda yadda yadda. They must have lost that guy because the one that showed up couldn't even type much less write code. Seriously, he did the one-finger hunt and peck. Hell, he couldn't even read code. He spent his days browsing basketball sites and getting other people to do his work for him. He was laid off in the first round of layoffs at our company. I have no idea how he even lasted that long because everyone was complaining about him.

 

[Captante]

Originally posted by: darkxshade
My company hired this guy who nefs on ATOT all day. He's still around, I'm the only who knows about it.

Until now that is!

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: darkxshade
My company hired this guy who nefs on ATOT all day. He's still around, I'm the only who knows about it.

Hey! We have one of those too!

 

[Demon-Xanth]

We had one guy claim that he accidentally hit his wife and knocked her down the stairs and his 4 year old was at home alone with blood all over the walls. I heard that at the guy's next job he faked a heart attack then refused to get into the ambulance and his wife later called to make sure they weren't going to be charged for the ambulance.

 

[Ness]

We had a guy that left on his 1 hour lunch break and called from the payphone across the street 2 hours into the 1hr break to say he's quitting. We could see him through the window as he was doing it.

The owners of the company had season tickets to the local NFL team's game in private suites. They regularly took clients along... and I'm told they regularly got super wasted and started food fights... there was some mention of swinging chairs and flying dishes, too. So, nonetheless, it's hardly a surprise to find out that many of our new hires are drunkards who can scare people off quite well.

One new girl got drunk at a bar after work, hit two parked cars in the parking lot when she was leaving and fled the scene, leaving her BUSINESS CARD as a way for people to contact her.

We have one girl who carbon copies emails and fowards emails to everyone remotely related to a project... even if they were on the list to get the emails already. Many people in the office have added her to the spam list... it doesn't help that she doesn't understand the proper usage of the CAPS LOCK key.

One guy I worked with had 4 mothers and 3 fathers die in the span of 2.5 years. He was unmarried... so it couldn't be in-laws... and failed to realize that abuse of the company's funeral leave policy will get your ass sued. We found out later that despite his uncommon last name, he would scour the obituaries in local newspapers and bring them in anytime his last name was in one. The company never really tracked who died when people took leave so the 3 or 4 bosses we had in that span never knew that he was scamming people.

 

[m1ldslide1]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: ricochet
Waggy, sounds like your boss knows what he's doing. Move old secretary that he got tired banging to a job that she's incompetent at. Once he starts fucking new hot secretary, he can just fire the old one since you all can attest to how horrible she is with IT.

well eventually she did get fired. so i guess that worked out heh

Originally posted by: Ns1

wow.

just wow.

That about sums it up for me.

 

[alchemize]

A guy got hired as a business analyst (consultant) that I had to "mentor". Big black dude, massive upper body, with jacked up legs (I think one of them was fake). I think they were scared not to hire him. He had "tons of mainframe" experience as it was described.

So he sits down at his PC, and I have him enter his default password, change it, windows XP fires up. I tell him to open up Lotus Notes.

BBD: "What is that"?

Me (quizzically): "That's our email system"

BBD: Silence

Me: "The icon is on the bottom"

BBD: Silence

Me: "Just double click on the Lotus Notes icon"

BBD: "Double Click?"

Me: "Yah, with the mouse"

BBD: Looks around

Me: "Your mouse, right there"

BBD: Sees the mouse, grabs it, notices the arrow moves around on the screen, finds the icon, clicks it.

Me: "Double click:

BBD: Click....pause....click

Me: "Faster..."

It went downhill from there. Dude had never worked on a PC before. Ever. This was 2002, and he was in IT for a major consulting company at a huge insurance firm. Still works there AFAIK

edit: spelling.

 

[RKS]

I posted this a while back but:

My wife works at a hospital. They hired a new girl who had some issues with the actual date. The first day she actually made it to work she complained about stomach ulcers. Fearing that they would rupture?, the staff made her go to the ER. ER tested her before admitting her and found a BAC over .20. She was 'held' for the entire day before she was terminated and permitted to drive home.

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

My first job was at McDonalds. A new hire was one of those people that just never stops talking and everyone was getting pretty sick of him. I ordered him to mop the carpark. And he did it.

 

[Ns1]

Originally posted by: alchemize
A guy got hired as a business analyst (consultant) that I had to "mentor". Big black dude, massive upper body, with jacked up legs (I think one of them was fake). I think they were scared not to hire him. He had "tons of mainframe" experience as it was described.

So he sits down at his PC, and I have him enter his default password, change it, windows XP fires up. I tell him to open up Lotus Notes.

BBD: "What is that"?

Me (quizzically): "That's our email system"

BBD: Silence

Me: "The icon is on the bottom"

BBD: Silence

Me: "Just double click on the Lotus Notes icon"

BBD: "Double Click?"

Me: "Yah, with the mouse"

BBD: Looks around

Me: "Your mouse, right there"

BBD: Sees the mouse, grabs it, notices the arrow moves around on the screen, finds the icon, clicks it.

Me: "Double click:

BBD: Click....pause....click

Me: "Faster..."

It went downhill from there. Dude had never worked on a PC before. Ever. This was 2002, and he was in IT for a major consulting company at a huge insurance firm. Still works there AFAIK

edit: spelling.

WTF

 

[queenrobot]

I had a supervisor that was a recovering alcoholic. That is definitely commendable, but in EVERY conversation we had somehow her sobriety came up. She had been sober for 33 years, she was my boss about 6 months ago. She asked several people including myself if we were alcoholics or drug addicts. She was the office manager and she was terrible at her job. When she came up to me to see what I was working on, as soon as I would explain she would get this scared look on her face and just walk away.

 

[Linux23]

Originally posted by: alchemize
A guy got hired as a business analyst (consultant) that I had to "mentor". Big black dude, massive upper body, with jacked up legs (I think one of them was fake). I think they were scared not to hire him. He had "tons of mainframe" experience as it was described.

So he sits down at his PC, and I have him enter his default password, change it, windows XP fires up. I tell him to open up Lotus Notes.

BBD: "What is that"?

Me (quizzically): "That's our email system"

BBD: Silence

Me: "The icon is on the bottom"

BBD: Silence

Me: "Just double click on the Lotus Notes icon"

BBD: "Double Click?"

Me: "Yah, with the mouse"

BBD: Looks around

Me: "Your mouse, right there"

BBD: Sees the mouse, grabs it, notices the arrow moves around on the screen, finds the icon, clicks it.

Me: "Double click:

BBD: Click....pause....click

Me: "Faster..."

It went downhill from there. Dude had never worked on a PC before. Ever. This was 2002, and he was in IT for a major consulting company at a huge insurance firm. Still works there AFAIK

edit: spelling.

No Fvcking way man.:Q

 

[Sid59]

We had this new person start and she was extremely late her first 3 days of work. On the 4th day, she showed up mildly late, 15 minutes. I notice smoke from the outside. It was a car engine on fire and all of a sudden i hear the fire engines racing down the street to put it out. Instead of watching it all unfold, i walk back to my office and notice the new person running through talking to the President. I assumed she was trying to salvage her job by telling a sob story and hinted at the secretary that she's gonna have a lame excuse. So the secretary asks her, "whats the matter, it couldn't be worse than your car being on fire." ---- well it was her car on fire and she got fired.