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Need Advice! Fiance of mine wants to experience more...UPDATED!

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Tell her to tell you straight up why she wants this. If it's because there's another guy she wants to see then tell her fine, you know to break it off. Make it clear to her you won't be angry either way and you just want to know her real motives for doing this. If she feels she's stuck in a routine, you know she's not ready for marriage if she's feeling like this after 2 years. If she's telling the truth and she just feels like she hasn't experienced enough, again let her go but make it clear that things probably won't be the same when you do get back together or if you get back together. Also, make it clear to her that you love her and want what's best for her, but at the same time you're not going to sit around and wait for her.

I mean, I know for sure I've only had sex with 1 person and if I were to get married today, unless it was someone I was absolutely sure about I would want to experience more. Somehow I'd always wonder what it would be like to have sex w/ more than just 2 people. If it's right, she'll come back to you and you'll go back to her.

You're also going to have to make a decision on if you want to hear about her escapades or not. If it was me I'd be like do whatever you want, but I don't want to hear about it while you're doing it because it'd tear me up and be just counter productive. You'd also become her emotional tampon. Save all the stories for if or when you get back together, then make your decision if she's still the one.
 
Get your ring, pack your sh!t, seperate your finances, then tell her you agree and that you need your space too then walk out of her life.

I know if my fiance told me the things yours did, I'd be gone and I'd be banging some hot, young college freshman as a rebound.
 
one of my cousins, she started dating her husband when she was in.. well, I don't exactly know when, but she was dating him when I was in 8th grade, so.. at least when she was a freshman in high school, if not earlier. they went their seperate ways twice, for much the same reasons.. probably when he went to college for a bit, and again when we were older.. they were apart when I got married.. but they did come back together for good, finally.. have been married coming up on 23 years now, their oldest child just graduated college.

so.. it sounds weird.. and is I'm sure hurtful to the one who is sure, when the one who wants to be sure goes wandering but.. it does work for some people.
 
Originally posted by: minendo
She says that I came too soon in her life. She wants to have fun before settling down... As for me...I'm all for her going out to experience whatever she needs, because I love her so.

She also says that I am the one that she will marry at the end, no matter what happens.
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That is a load of crap. You have/will become to fall back guy.
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i agree. at your age girls are wishy washy. they say all kinds of crap that doesn't make sense.
 
Originally posted by: crt1530
I'll rephrase her position.

"I want you to wait around for me while I go and sleep with other guys and see if I can find somebody better than you."
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You're a jackass.
If she's the one, than let her go sow her oats, she will come back. You should go sow yours while you're still able too.

Or, you could be a oppressive boyfriend, ruin your relationship/friendship with her, and then be sad.

 
Originally posted by: Jzero
Heh, ok, so I'm just judging her by the standards of other women I know, who have acted similarly. It doesn't mean Im right at all. Just simply talking to her exes regularly doesnt mean anything, but that combined with everything else Ive seen posted by him makes it add up to that.
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Now I'm following you 🙂
Actually, I don't think she's made the move yet. Probably not with an ex if she has. But I'd bet the farm she's got her eye on someone else already.
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Ruling out the ex is tricky 🙂
Usually when they leave an ex, its for a reason. They also started dating them for a reason. A lot of Ex's may be asses, but there is a chance that at least one of them is good looking to her. That's where it gets tricky... she may have dumped a guy because he was an ass, but she may still be attracted to him.

Either way, whether she has cheated on him or not, I agree she is definitely thinking about it. The whole comment about her wanting him to cheat on her makes me think that she has already cheated and wants to feel better about it by him doing the same.... without that comment I would say there is a good chance that she hasnt yet.


 
Ok, just a respones for everyone who is saying "Let her go, fool around, and then see if you two can make something work later on" doesn't know what they are talking about.

Have you seen Chasing Amy? Before I ever saw that movie I've seen it in my past relationships, and in friends. Baggage. If you let her go, and she comes back later, you will want to know what she did, who she did it with, etc. That will make her uncomfortable, and by hearing it will make you MISERABLE. I've asked questions of GF's because I wanted to hear it, and when I do hear it, I wish I hadnt asked.

What will eat you up even more inside, is the fact that she never really needed to leave you in the first place if she was just going to come back to you in the end.

Either way good luck bro 🙁
 
Originally posted by: anno
one of my cousins, she started dating her husband when she was in.. well, I don't exactly know when, but she was dating him when I was in 8th grade, so.. at least when she was a freshman in high school, if not earlier. they went their seperate ways twice, for much the same reasons.. probably when he went to college for a bit, and again when we were older.. they were apart when I got married.. but they did come back together for good, finally.. have been married coming up on 23 years now, their oldest child just graduated college.

so.. it sounds weird.. and is I'm sure hurtful to the one who is sure, when the one who wants to be sure goes wandering but.. it does work for some people.
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No one is saying that it might not work out in the end. The older people among us simply realise that odds are their relationship won't survive this. We have seen too many friends and family members and possible ourselves go through this exact same thing. Very few relationship survive a desire to see other people, just too much resentment.
 
Originally posted by: rahvin
Originally posted by: anno
one of my cousins, she started dating her husband when she was in.. well, I don't exactly know when, but she was dating him when I was in 8th grade, so.. at least when she was a freshman in high school, if not earlier. they went their seperate ways twice, for much the same reasons.. probably when he went to college for a bit, and again when we were older.. they were apart when I got married.. but they did come back together for good, finally.. have been married coming up on 23 years now, their oldest child just graduated college.

so.. it sounds weird.. and is I'm sure hurtful to the one who is sure, when the one who wants to be sure goes wandering but.. it does work for some people.
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No one is saying that it might not work out in the end. The older people among us simply realise that odds are their relationship won't survive this. We have seen too many friends and family members and possible ourselves go through this exact same thing. Very few relationship survive a desire to see other people, just too much resentment.
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He's right. Don't worry, tommigsr; 10 years and 6 broken hearts from now, you'll be dispensing Sage Advice just like rahvin. 🙂
 
I agree with AmerDoux.

I make it a point not to spend too much time with her. While we were "dating" I would see her probably during lunch and again during dinner, maybe movie, at night.

We only occasionally spent all day together. That's when she lived near me, now if one of us visits, we'll probably spend most of Saturday together and half of Sunday (church/lunch) and then she has to go back home.

Many of my friends spent too much time with their girlfriend and they just got tired of each other.

I've been dating mine for 5 years and am about to be engaged.

We went through this a few years ago. Everyone kept asking her when we were going to get married and started pressuring her. This caused doubts in her head and she decided to take a break. That lasted for about a few days, when she called and said that she wanted to "date" again.

A few weeks later, school started and everything was back to normal, even better.

If you 2 had a good relationship, then trust that relationship and give her some space. My advice would be to find another place to live, split the finances, and what each of you own.

It's not neccessarily over, she just needs some time to think. Just keep in touch, not everyday, but maybe every other day. Kinda like "Just wanted to check up and make sure everything's cool"

Start over, show that you're interested in conversations, find out things you didn't know about her. Surprise her on her b-day. Do romantic stuff like that.

DON'T STALK HER THOUGH.

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

Good luck.
 
Well, this one is a no brainer. Unless her desire for more experiences means she's wants a threesome with you, then you might as well pack it in with her and start looking for someone else. She's just being selfish by either avoiding the direct confrontation of a breakup or, she wants you as the fallback guy in case her stroll through greener pastures doesn't work out as planned. Either way, if you try to hang on your just in for an emotional bloodletting.
 
Originally posted by: minendo
She says that I came too soon in her life. She wants to have fun before settling down... As for me...I'm all for her going out to experience whatever she needs, because I love her so.

She also says that I am the one that she will marry at the end, no matter what happens.
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That is a load of crap. You have/will become to fall back guy.
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do you guys own the house and car together? or are you renting the house?

If you are each others first you need to go out and date a littel more, because how can you appreciate something when you don't have anything to campare it to?

Just go out and have a little fun.
 
I can see where she's kinda coming from, I went through this myself a few months ago, except I was the one doing th breaking up.

I met my ex probably the first day of college, we were on the same hall. Had the same friends, similar interests, similar academic goals etc so we ended up great friends and a few months later started going out. Fast forward 2 years, I'm in love with her and pretty much moved into her room. But sometime over break I realize that for the 6months, everything I've done, I've done with her. Everytime I've been to a party it was with her (pretty amazing feat when you're a frat boy), every movie, every trip, etc etc. I probably hadn't had a real conversation with a girl I wasn't friends with in a few months! It was all a great time but I felt that I needed some space. It wasn't that I wasn't in love with her anymore or wanted to sleep with other people (she's the one who got me to settle down) but I just needed time away.

We had a long discussion and considered options like having a open relationship and stuff but decided that if we were going to keep things neat, it was for the best to break up. And if we wanted to go out again, well, we'll have a long conversation when that time comes along.
 
No one is saying that it might not work out in the end. The older people among us simply realise that odds are their relationship won't survive this. We have seen too many friends and family members and possible ourselves go through this exact same thing. Very few relationship survive a desire to see other people, just too much resentment.
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you're older than me?? well.. I'm sure that's possible, but I bet I'm the oldest gal around.. at least I haven't noticed an older one.

my nephew is going through a similar thing right now. very similar. he met his girlfriend, the love of his life, he's sure, when he was freshman in college.. they did everything together for 2 years. this past year, start of their junior year, she decided she needed some space. she wasn't sure it was possible to find your life partner when you're 18, needed some time to grow more herself. there were some other things going on in her life that made her realize that nothing is forever.. or.. I guess not so much that as that forever is finite and never really long enough, and it made her question everything else so.. they added some distance. they talk, they do stuff together, I don't know if they see/go out with other people or not, or did at any point but they do stuff with other people sometimes, together sometimes, together with other people sometimes.. it's not "himandher" one word, if you see one you see them both for the now. she's still the love of his life.. he may well be hers too.. time will tell I guess. for now, they've taken a step back from each other, but haven't turned their backs on each other.. doing some more growing up.

so.. if this gal we're talking about is just saying hey.. I'm not sure I'm ready for this old married folks thing yet, I think I need a bit more time being a kid before I'm too old to do it, lets step back.. I don't think that's a bad thing.. and I don't think it's necessarily the death knell of the relationship. it may be.. but it isn't necessarily so.



 
Damn...Dunno what you can do but if you have her off doing that I wouldn't hold your breath on eventual marriage after getting her brains screwed out by a bunch of strangers.
 
This is about as cut and dry as they come. This girl wants to fvck around, find someone better than you, but keep you on the side as a fallback guy.

Forget this b|tch. Tell her that she's a retarded cvnt, and she'll never find anyone. Never look back.
 
OK, hold onto your shorts...

You have an enmeshed (To entangle, involve, or catch in or as if in a mesh) relationship, things are too confining, you're too young, you-all have made every commitment short of marriage, you-all & your parents work @ the same place too?

She wants out, let her out graciously, and don't look back.

If you're as great a guy as you say, you've got lots of female friends, after a suitable period of mourning, start dating again, and don't allow the relationship to become so enmeshed again...

Guess what, getting out of a relationship graciously is as great a skill as starting one, start practicing...
 
I don't think many have her side of this situation down properly. It's not as if she is being a frothing bitch, but rather just being honest and mature about things. It's better now than 10 years down the road married and with kids possibly. It's sounds like she is being very civil about this whole realization.

It's true if you are meant to be together you will find each other again, however, needs and wants change and usually both end up finding better matches. Once you are free and making real incomes and interacting with other professional/working adults it's a whole new ballgame. Then again, sometimes you both go through all this and never find someone else as 'good'. You hear stories time to time of people going through marriages, children, divorces, remarrying and another divorce and finally 20-40years later getting back with their original sweetheart and living the rest of their lives together.

You always think you are as mature as you will ever be and have all the answers, but while you may be more mature than other's your age at the time, you will grow more mature as time passes gaining more wisdom and insight into what really makes you happy and complete...this doesn't mean you become a boring old person, sometimes people actually end up becoming more fun and 'cooler' once they have the resources and freedom to do what they want.

It sucks, no doubt about it...and you will probably meet other women and have great relationships with them and then get to that day where there is a fork in the road and it sucks again.

What I have learned is someone is going to be who they are and that is just the way it is, it may hurt and all that, but usually they are not trying to hurt you...it's just the way they are and although you cannot live with them that way, someone else will crave and love them that way...there is many people for everyone out there no matter how bizarre or strange they are. Sometimes it's a hard search though.
 
Originally posted by: alkemyst
I don't think many have her side of this situation down properly. It's not as if she is being a frothing bitch, but rather just being honest and mature about things.
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How is she being honest or mature? If what tommy has told us is correct that's the last thing she's being. Being honest and mature would he her saying "I'm bored and I want to go get some new d!ck/already have. Move on because that's what I'm doing." Instead she's hedging here bets with this dude. That's neither honest or mature.

Let me be the 100th person in this thread to say: You're setting yourself up to get played badly by this chick. It's over. Sit her down and explain that fact to her, then move on.

 
it's not the physical aspect that she's looking for. more emotional support.
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She said she needed some more experience in a more emotional relationship
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This says alot about what she thinks of your relationship. Where else is she going to find a "more emotional relationship" than with another man. How does one get into an emotional relationship? By dating, talking, connecting, sharing thoughts and feelings. Would you feel comfortable with her doing these things with another man? Would you ever pursue this type of relationship with another woman? From what you are saying you wouldn't even think about it. Why? because you love her and have no reason to have this with another woman. If she truely loves you and knows you will be the one she will marry why does she need to find another man to have a relationship with. Sex may be important but what do you think will stand the test of time in a relationship, you got it, the emotional part of it.
i know her from the beginning, she won't cheat on me at all. she even told me to go cheat on her
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This is the ultimate guilt trip line. WHY THE FVCK would she ever say this unless she wanted to do it herself. It releases her from feeling guilty for doing it herself. If she hadn't said this I might be inclined to think differently about the situation but this is a giant red flag.
she definitely doesn't want to break up, but she wants to hold off our relationship
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This is just two ways of saying the same thing if you ask me.
haha i know for a FACT she won't find a better guy than me
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Sad thing is it's not about finding something better, it's about finding something different.
it can't be over...we share bank accounts, a house together, and a car together as well.
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If you were living out on your own with someone helping you with half your bills would you want to get out of the situation? Hell no, it is super convenient and scary as hell to think about what will happen if it went away. It is probably doing you more harm than good to be in this situation. She doesn't want to have to give up the freedom of living away from mom and dad or to half to find another roommate to live with.

Unfortunately all this points to is the fact that she is bored with your relationship and wants to find someone else. The only thing keeping her tied to you is the living situation. Had you not been living together and sharing finances I would bet she would be gone already. I feel for your situation but I went through a very similar thing when I was 19 and got hurt pretty bad. Let me tell you returning to girlfriend after being with other people does not work. It took me 4 years and several sabotaged relationships with great girls to realize this. Get out now while you can and chalk it up as a life experience. Cliche I know but if it is meant to be you will find each other again.

I know this is long but listen to what she is saying to you with someone elses ears. It's loud and clear from the outside.

edit: I watch too much Dr. Phil
 
Originally posted by: tommigsr
My fiance and I have been together for approximately 2 years and so so months. We got together when we were freshmens in college. Our relationship has been the best and it's gotten to the point where our lives are set as a routine. We work together at the same place and our fathers work there as well. Everything is as perfect as could be, except for one problem. She feels that she is too young to get married and that she hasn't experienced enough before me.

She says that I came too soon in her life. She wants to have fun before settling down... As for me...I'm all for her going out to experience whatever she needs, because I love her so.

She also says that I am the one that she will marry at the end, no matter what happens.

I'm in such a weird situation, but I don't want to hold her back on what she wants to do that would make her happy. It's something that I guess could help both sides.

Please be considerate of your inputs. This is a very serious matter. Thank you in advance.
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dont do it.

sounds to me like she wants to whore around for a couple years, then you become her bitch...
 
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