Need advice concerning a nice girl I know.

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: mitmot
i think you may have overreacted in the beginning...

but good job :thumbsup:

Yes I did , but I got it under control in two minutes, but what made me overreact is that I wasn't expecting that it wasn't among the possible options you know ?

Originally posted by: fbrdphreak
Well its looking pretty good man. Be sure to get up w/her soon, but not to soon. Vague enough? 😉

Seriously things are going well, so just go with the flow. Also try to calm down about thist stuff! Confidence has gotten you where you are and will keep you there, just take it down a couple notches so you don't scare the girl off 😉

Good luck and keep us updated 🙂

Exactly.

 

[The Linuxator]

So what do you guys think about what hse have said about her ex BF and her situation now, and also would it be wise to call her in a week or so ?

 

[sniperruff]

well good luck. from what i'm reading you should act more natural and relaxed.

 

[memo]

pretty crazy she showed up at the same time you did.

 

[fbrdphreak]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
So what do you guys think about what hse have said about her ex BF and her situation now, and also would it be wise to call her in a week or so ?

I would give her a call mid to early next week, see what she is doing later in the week/weekend and see if you two can get together. She said she was busy for new year's so just let her do her thing there & you can get her back in 06 🙂

 

[SMOGZINN]

Originally posted by: fbrdphreak

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
So what do you guys think about what hse have said about her ex BF and her situation now, and also would it be wise to call her in a week or so ?

I would give her a call mid to early next week, see what she is doing later in the week/weekend and see if you two can get together. She said she was busy for new year's so just let her do her thing there & you can get her back in 06 🙂

Exactly, call her no later then Wednesday. You are going to actually ask her out on a full date on this call, so you need to give her a few days notice. Most people make plans for the weekend around Wednesday or Thrusday, so you want to get into that decision makeing process.

Actually I would probably call her tonight to just tell her that I had a great time, and chit chat a little about how great it is to be out of that office, then fish for an invite to her New Years plans. But I am good at that sort of thing.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Well you don't realize it yet, but you are in my friend🙂

Like others have said call her soon just to tell her know you had a great time. Then start making plans to wow her on the first real date, no cheesy stuff something nice. Like dinner at a very nice resteraunt followed by a concert or something special.

And act as cool as possible! Don't grope her, maul her, or tell her you love her in the first 15min😱 Just do all the little things to make her know your really serious, like hold doors for her, pull the chair out for her at the restaruant etc....

Good luck, and of course more updates and PICS!!!!!!!!

 

[BriGy86]

i read most of the OP, and as far as when you had that headache and she said yes about coffee then came back and asked you if the next day was ok, thats usaully a sign that they like you to some degree, if they like you but what you suggest doesn't work out they will try and give you another date that works for them

if she didn't like you she could have just said "i just remembered tomarrow isn't good, how about some other time?" then you would say yes, she would walk away and later on would just blow you off completely (and no, not in the good way)

from what i've read it sounds like both of you are shy, just stick with it

 

[toekramp]

you're putting the pvssy on a pedestal

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: fbrdphreak

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
So what do you guys think about what hse have said about her ex BF and her situation now, and also would it be wise to call her in a week or so ?

I would give her a call mid to early next week, see what she is doing later in the week/weekend and see if you two can get together. She said she was busy for new year's so just let her do her thing there & you can get her back in 06 🙂

That's what I have in mind.

Originally posted by: GuitarDaddy
Well you don't realize it yet, but you are in my friend🙂

Like others have said call her soon just to tell her know you had a great time. Then start making plans to wow her on the first real date, no cheesy stuff something nice. Like dinner at a very nice resteraunt followed by a concert or something special.

And act as cool as possible! Don't grope her, maul her, or tell her you love her in the first 15min😱 Just do all the little things to make her know your really serious, like hold doors for her, pull the chair out for her at the restaruant etc....

Good luck, and of course more updates and PICS!!!!!!!!

Well you don't realize it yet, but you are in my friend

What does that mean ? Wait that's a line from a cell company commercial, LOL.

Concerning calling her and letting her that I had a great time, I alread y said that to her when we where getting in our cars, so I don't see the point of calling to let her know that I had fun, but I can use that line again when I am asking her out on the real date 🙂.

Then start making plans to wow her on the first real date, no cheesy stuff something nice.

That my friend is my real plan, since yesterday I started thinking of something classy and fit, I am still thinking about it, I have a week or so so we will see 😉, I am open to suggestions though 🙂

So would it be reasonable for me to llet her know how I feel on the 2nd date ?

Originally posted by: BriGy86
i read most of the OP, and as far as when you had that headache and she said yes about coffee then came back and asked you if the next day was ok, thats usaully a sign that they like you to some degree, if they like you but what you suggest doesn't work out they will try and give you another date that works for them

if she didn't like you she could have just said "i just remembered tomarrow isn't good, how about some other time?" then you would say yes, she would walk away and later on would just blow you off completely (and no, not in the good way)

from what i've read it sounds like both of you are shy, just stick with it

Yes I have this feeling too, she is a bit shy, but I think she likes me not to an extreme level, but she likes me in a way that allows me not to push my luck too much 😉, we'll see about if we can change that 😀

Originally posted by: toekramp
you're putting the pvssy on a pedestal

Uh ... not yet my friend, pussy! that's the last thing on my mind ATM.
And stop quoting those fvked up movies for real life situations 😉

 

[bobbybe01]

Seems like you made a little bit of headway. I would recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy forum, based on the book by Robert Glover. You seem to exhibit a few "nice guy" traits such as approval-seeking behavior, covet contracts (i.e. If I do this thing then you owe me something; the problem with this is that we never TELL the other person this--we just expect it), and nice guys think they deserve ______ for their nice behavior.

Good luck.

 

[The Linuxator]

The question on my mind, is that where should next date be ? How far should I push on the fanciness button ? Also we all know the more you push the fanciness button the expense indicator shoots through the roof, so can someone give me an example of what would be suitable for this date ? I mean I do want to show her that I admire her and want her to be surprised to where I am going to take her, but how high of a bill should I foot (reasonably) ?

 

[bobbybe01]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
The question on my mind, is that where should next date be ? How far should I push on the fanciness button ? Also we all know the more you push the fanciness button the expense indicator shoots through the roof, so can someone give me an example of what would be suitable for this date?

Please avoid the fanciness business on the first date. This isn't the time for it--and she hasn't earned it yet.

Where's a good place for a 2nd date? A place that is sort of interactive where you can talk but there are enough "fillers" where you don't have to talk every single second. I tend to discourage dinners are second dates, unless it's a quick bite to eat. Maybe bowling, or a movie (if it's followed by a dinner or dessert). But I think bowling would be fun...it's not too "serious" but it's fun...and that's the goal for the first date.

I mean I do want to show her that I admire her

Whoa, whoa...settle down, Beavis. You don't need to show her that, yet. That's several dates down the road.

The fact that you are taking her out (by spending your time and a little money) should show her darn well that you admire her. Just treat her like a gentleman: open her doors and stuff like that...laugh at her jokes and compliment sparinly (they should have meaning--don't overdo it).

Don't get knocked head over heels about this girl...that's all she is...just a girl. She sleeps, drools, farts, poops, and gets headaches just like you and and everyone else. She probably doesn't want that much admiration just yet--unless you can build a foundation for that.

and want her to be surprised to where I am going to take her, but how high of a bill should I foot (reasonably) ?

Look--for a second date I discourage going over $40 period. If you're creative enough you can even keep it under $30. Of course, that's on my college student budget...but DON'T OVERDO IT.

The more $$$ you spend does not mean the date will be "better" or that she'll like you more--that's almost like prostitution. Just be reasonable.

Look at this date in terms of how you view things more than her. Of course you want her to be relaxed and you want her to enjoy herself. But look and see if she impresses you, not the other way around.

**Another tip: Don't agree with everything she says. I'm not telling you to be rude, but have an opinion on things. You don't have to get into huge debates over first dates. If she likes Burger King (and you really don't) -- then tell her. She seems to like you so far. Just be yourself, and be proud. [edit: changed 1st to 2nd dates].

 

[SMOGZINN]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
Concerning calling her and letting her that I had a great time, I alread y said that to her when we where getting in our cars, so I don't see the point of calling to let her
know that I had fun, but I can use that line again when I am asking her out on the real date 🙂.

It is just an excuse to call her, and she will recognize that. It is standard dating etiquette, kinda like a thank you card.

So would it be reasonable for me to llet her know how I feel on the 2nd date ?

Um. That matters on what you mean by "let her know how I feel."
So you mean to tell her that she is one hoopy frude who knows where her towel is, or that you lover her and want have babies?
The first is acceptable (if geeky), the second is creepy. Dating is about friendship first, lust second, If those two match up, then maybe love further down the road.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: SMOGZINN

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
Concerning calling her and letting her that I had a great time, I alread y said that to her when we where getting in our cars, so I don't see the point of calling to let her
know that I had fun, but I can use that line again when I am asking her out on the real date 🙂.

It is just an excuse to call her, and she will recognize that. It is standard dating etiquette, kinda like a thank you card.

So would it be reasonable for me to llet her know how I feel on the 2nd date ?

Um. That matters on what you mean by "let her know how I feel."
So you mean to tell her that she is one hoopy frude who knows where her towel is, or that you lover her and want have babies?
The first is acceptable (if geeky), the second is creepy. Dating is about friendship first, lust second, If those two match up, then maybe love further down the road.

Originally posted by: bobbybe01

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
The question on my mind, is that where should next date be ? How far should I push on the fanciness button ? Also we all know the more you push the fanciness button the expense indicator shoots through the roof, so can someone give me an example of what would be suitable for this date?

Please avoid the fanciness business on the first date. This isn't the time for it--and she hasn't earned it yet.

Where's a good place for a 1st date? A place that is sort of interactive where you can talk but there are enough "fillers" where you don't have to talk every single second. I tend to discourage dinners are first dates, unless it's a quick bite to eat. Maybe bowling, or a movie (if it's followed by a dinner or dessert). But I think bowling would be fun...it's not too "serious" but it's fun...and that's the goal for the first date.

I mean I do want to show her that I admire her

Whoa, whoa...settle down, Beavis. You don't need to show her that, yet. That's several dates down the road.

The fact that you are taking her out (by spending your time and a little money) should show her darn well that you admire her. Just treat her like a gentleman: open her doors and stuff like that...laugh at her jokes and compliment sparinly (they should have meaning--don't overdo it).

Don't get knocked head over heels about this girl...that's all she is...just a girl. She sleeps, drools, farts, poops, and gets headaches just you and and everyone else. She probably doesn't want that much admiration just yet--unless you can build a foundation for that.

and want her to be surprised to where I am going to take her, but how high of a bill should I foot (reasonably) ?

Look--for a first date I discourage going over $40 period. If you're creative enough you can even keep it under $30. Of course, that's on my college student budget...but DON'T OVERDO IT.

The more $$$ you spend does not mean the date will be "better" or that she'll like you more--that's almost like prostitution. Just be reasonable.

Look at this date in terms of how you view things more than her. Of course you want her to be relaxed and you want her to enjoy herself. But look and see if she impresses you, not the other way around.

You know guys, I think I am taking this all too quick, I will just cool down for a week , and instead of a fancy place or whatever, maybe a nice event, so as was mentioned above fillers will be there so I don't have to talk every sec. Mabe some nice funny show followed by dessert sounds reasonable, all I care about is that we get to know each other much better than before, and also I would like to see her nice smile more and more 😀 so therfore the need for a funny show persists .

 

[bobbybe01]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
You know guys, I think I am taking this all too quick, I will just cool down for a week , and instead of a fancy place or whatever, maybe a nice event, so as was mentioned above fillers will be there so I don't have to talk every sec. Mabe some nice funny show followed by dessert sounds reasonable, all I care about is that we get to know each other much better than before, and also I would like to see her nice smile more and more 😀 so therfore the need for a funny show persists .

:thumbsup: :beer: Bravo!

That's right...do something fun where it can be referenced to down the road. Next time she gives you a good smile, compliment her on that.

Bad compliment: Oh gosh, I just can't wait untill I see you again so I can see that awesome smile. (Her reaction: :Q)

 

[SMOGZINN]

Originally posted by: bobbybe01

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
The question on my mind, is that where should next date be ? How far should I push on the fanciness button ? Also we all know the more you push the fanciness button the expense indicator shoots through the roof, so can someone give me an example of what would be suitable for this date?

Please avoid the fanciness business on the first date. This isn't the time for it--and she hasn't earned it yet.

Where's a good place for a 2nd date? A place that is sort of interactive where you can talk but there are enough "fillers" where you don't have to talk every single second. I tend to discourage dinners are second dates, unless it's a quick bite to eat. Maybe bowling, or a movie (if it's followed by a dinner or dessert). But I think bowling would be fun...it's not too "serious" but it's fun...and that's the goal for the first date.

I mean I do want to show her that I admire her

Whoa, whoa...settle down, Beavis. You don't need to show her that, yet. That's several dates down the road.

The fact that you are taking her out (by spending your time and a little money) should show her darn well that you admire her. Just treat her like a gentleman: open her doors and stuff like that...laugh at her jokes and compliment sparinly (they should have meaning--don't overdo it).

Don't get knocked head over heels about this girl...that's all she is...just a girl. She sleeps, drools, farts, poops, and gets headaches just like you and and everyone else. She probably doesn't want that much admiration just yet--unless you can build a foundation for that.

and want her to be surprised to where I am going to take her, but how high of a bill should I foot (reasonably) ?

Look--for a second date I discourage going over $40 period. If you're creative enough you can even keep it under $30. Of course, that's on my college student budget...but DON'T OVERDO IT.

The more $$$ you spend does not mean the date will be "better" or that she'll like you more--that's almost like prostitution. Just be reasonable.

Look at this date in terms of how you view things more than her. Of course you want her to be relaxed and you want her to enjoy herself. But look and see if she impresses you, not the other way around.

**Another tip: Don't agree with everything she says. I'm not telling you to be rude, but have an opinion on things. You don't have to get into huge debates over first dates. If she likes Burger King (and you really don't) -- then tell her. She seems to like you so far. Just be yourself, and be proud. [edit: changed 1st to 2nd dates].

A lot of what he said is good advice, but I would like to point out one thing, this advice is for a collage student. I would feel embaressed to take a woman out on a $40 date, I don't think much about spending that at lunch. You should spend what is comfortable for you, based on your income and lifestyle.
I agree that you should find a date location that has something to do or give a natural conversation, but you need to pick what that is based on your interests.
The whole point of a date is to get to know each other, to do that you need to show her some of who you are.

 

[The Linuxator]

Originally posted by: bobbybe01

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
You know guys, I think I am taking this all too quick, I will just cool down for a week , and instead of a fancy place or whatever, maybe a nice event, so as was mentioned above fillers will be there so I don't have to talk every sec. Mabe some nice funny show followed by dessert sounds reasonable, all I care about is that we get to know each other much better than before, and also I would like to see her nice smile more and more 😀 so therfore the need for a funny show persists .

:thumbsup: :beer: Bravo!

That's right...do something fun where it can be referenced to down the road. Next time she gives you a good smile, compliment her on that.

Bad compliment: Oh gosh, I just can't wait untill I see you again so I can see that awesome smile. (Her reaction: :Q)

Hold on a second :backs away from keyboard;

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

:Breath;

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Oh God, I mean I am no expert in dating, but that sentence right there is just... LOL , that would be the equivelant of spitting in her face LOL, it would mean bye bye 😉

 

[The Linuxator]

Now I have started my planing today, and I am just considering my options,. the only problem would be finding something funny that the both of us would like, I am thinking, it's just that the idea of going to the movies is just too much consumed though it's always an available option, but I need something that is non-typical and something that would look like a new but fun idea.
I wonder what that would be ?

 

[The Linuxator]

Guys I have just came back from work, I am not feeling good, at all.
As much as I am trying to push the idea away, but just thinking about the possibility of things not working out is just tearing me apart from the inside, after I have met her at the coffee place, I couldn't get not just a little peace of mind, and I know won't have any untill she lets me know that she feels the same way too and that she wants to be with me.

The idea of me calling her a week from now is just killing me, what if she is thinking "What is taking him so long ? Maybe he is just toying with me!"
I am just lost, I don't feel good and I wish I have never had such a feeling towards her, because I can't take her of my mind not for a sec, and I am not being able to have a good 3 hours of sleep without waking up for no reason and thinking about her.

Perhaps now I fully realize why I have stayed away from girls and relationships for such a long time 🙁

 

[ashakar]

why wait a week? Its friday call her up ask her if she wants to do something tonight or tomorrow. And for your first date dinner and a movie is always an acceptable idea. Dinner should be at a decent restaurant (entrees:$8-$16 or so) and plan ahead to give yourself ample time to eat and talk, you dont want to rush dinner to make it to the movie.

For my first date with my wife all we did was go out to eat and then we rented movies, which in all honesty was better than going to the movie theatre.

 

[eits]

OK, LISTEN TO THIS BEFORE YOU FOLLOW ANYONE'S ADVICE!!!!!

ok, one, you're in. you may not realize it, but you are.

however, first thing's first.... you REEEEALLY need to change your way of thinking. you seem like you take things WAAAAY too hard and you assume too much. when it comes to girls, assuming things is the easiest way to screw yourself over. i honestly can't believe that you got THAT pissed off just because you didn't think some girl was into you... that's borderline psychotic, man. say you two end up bf/gf... you can't hide that kind of behavior from her forever. she'll see it and she'll either get scared or become disenchanted. the only way to to get around that is whenever you feel that way, you need to consciously address how you feel and then tell yourself "fvck it... i'm not psycho, so i'm not gonna act like one" or something like that.... something to keep you from doing whatever it is you'd normally do.

once you get that shyt under control. you're set 🙂 best of luck.

 

[BD2003]

Thats some thread....first thing Ill have to say is that no matter what you say, we all know youve NEVER been out with a girl before, even 5 years ago. If you did, you wouldnt be acting like this. With that out of the way, I will give you the standard spiel that I would give to anyone in your position.

RELAX! This is seriously the most important thing. The girl OBVIOUSLY likes you. Dont even question it. Don't think for a second that she doesnt like you. This is step one. People always say to "be confident". One of the BIGGEST parts of being confident when dealing with girls is to be confident and assured that she DOES like you. If you keep questioning to yourself whether or not she actually likes you, that will show as insecurity on your part. Girls are not like guys - to us, the like comes first. Girls are more reserved at first, and once youve shown your worth liking, the rest will come.

The second most important thing you need to realize and get in your head is that if she likes you (SHE DOES!), you don't have to follow a set plan or any of the silly advice that people who've never had a girlfriend think youre supposed to act like when you have a GF. Don't worry about breaking the rules, because there are no rules. You are the man, YOU MAKE THE RULES. As long as you are not a creep, anything goes. Be in control of the situation. You have to put yourself in her shoes. Look at it this way, you like her, if she were to call you out of the blue, tomorrow, telling you "I had a really great time last night, I just called to chat 🙂" Would YOU be creeped out? NO! You would love to hear from her, and she will too. It would make your day. If you call her up and tell her "I had a great time last night, lets get married" THATS CREEPY.Chatting is not creepy. Besides, you are the man, you want to date her, GO FVCKING GET HER. Women want this, trust me.

Women will ALWAYS tell you "they don't want a relationship". This is code word for I don't want a relationship YET because I DONT KNOW YOU. If you are worth her time, she WILL have a relationship with you.

The main point is you seriously have to STOP overanalyzing everything. I used to fall in the same trap. It is honestly the most simple situation every single time. "You are good enough, youre strong enough and doggone it, people like you!" There has to be no question in your mind you are worth her time, and she will recognize it. After that, the rest is cake.

Believe me, I am one strange mofo sometimes. When I was beginning to date my current GF, I could have second guessed my every move, questioning whether or not she would think I was weird etc. But I'm just different like that, and I wasnt going to act any different out of any fear that she would be the last girl I ever had a chance with. That was 2 and a half years ago, and to think she told me she wasnt sure if she was ready for a relationship back when I first met her too. You like computers, talk about computers. Be comfortable with yourself and the rest will come naturally, and that is the ONLY way for it to really work in the end.

 

[BD2003]

Originally posted by: bobbybe01

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
You know guys, I think I am taking this all too quick, I will just cool down for a week , and instead of a fancy place or whatever, maybe a nice event, so as was mentioned above fillers will be there so I don't have to talk every sec. Mabe some nice funny show followed by dessert sounds reasonable, all I care about is that we get to know each other much better than before, and also I would like to see her nice smile more and more 😀 so therfore the need for a funny show persists .

:thumbsup: :beer: Bravo!

That's right...do something fun where it can be referenced to down the road. Next time she gives you a good smile, compliment her on that.

Bad compliment: Oh gosh, I just can't wait untill I see you again so I can see that awesome smile. (Her reaction: :Q)

I think youre giving him terrible advice. Youre just feeding into the planning BS. Youre giving him rules when he needs to realize there are no rules.

Bad compliment: Oh gosh, I just can't wait untill I see you again so I can see that awesome smile.

This is an EXCELLENT compliment if he says it with confidence in a non-creepy way. You cant be serious telling him that.

You don't need to trick her into liking you or treat her as some obstacle that needs to be overcome. This isnt some game that you need a FAQ to. Its another person for the love of god! She's nothing to be afraid of.

You need to STOP PLANNING, STOP SECOND GUESSING, and STOP FISHING FOR ADVICE. Just recognize she is another human being like you, and as long is it isnt remotely in the territory of creepy to you, it wont be to her.

If youre confident, you wont need to worry about what to say next, what she is thinking, what compliments to say in advance, etc etc. And confidence is not some skill that you need to level up in. You can call her up right now, forget about EVERYTHING youve been told, and just act natural, knowing to yourself that you are just you and she wants to talk to YOU, not to some canned blueprint of how "you" are supposed to act in the primary steps of courtship.

 

[memo]

Originally posted by: The Linuxator
Guys I have just came back from work, I am not feeling good, at all.
As much as I am trying to push the idea away, but just thinking about the possibility of things not working out is just tearing me apart from the inside, after I have met her at the coffee place, I couldn't get not just a little peace of mind, and I know won't have any untill she lets me know that she feels the same way too and that she wants to be with me.

The idea of me calling her a week from now is just killing me, what if she is thinking "What is taking him so long ? Maybe he is just toying with me!"
I am just lost, I don't feel good and I wish I have never had such a feeling towards her, because I can't take her of my mind not for a sec, and I am not being able to have a good 3 hours of sleep without waking up for no reason and thinking about her.

Perhaps now I fully realize why I have stayed away from girls and relationships for such a long time 🙁

why not call her now. girls like to be called. say you had a good time and you hope she has a good new years eve.