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My wife is trying to kill me.

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Originally posted by: Aharami
so you had violent diarrhea after eating it one night and in spite of that that, you kept on eating the leftovers all throughout the week?
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You seem to forget the fact that we're talking about taco salad here.
 
Hopefully your brakes don't mysteriously fail tomorrow morning on your way to work. And if she starts cooking with a sugar substitute...RUN! 😛
 
You should probably start taking tiny doses of various poisons to build up an immunity. Just hope she doesn't put them in taco salad before you've been doing it for a while.
 
Originally posted by: NuclearNed
Originally posted by: waggy
when she succeeds can i have your computer? :beer:
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Why not? I'd keep an eye on her when you come to pick it up, though.
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no prob. she said she would take care of me. she has a big dinner planned. so make sure you stock up on good beer will ya?
 
Dude, your wife probably just wants you to lose weight but is afraid to tell you. Be wary of any mysterious chocolates.
 
What gave this away as fiction is the part about the scene repeating itself over several days as the dumbass continued to eat the food knowing what it was going to do to him. no one is that stupid.
 
Originally posted by: Baloo
What gave this away as fiction is the part about the scene repeating itself over several days as the dumbass continued to eat the food knowing what it was going to do to him. no one is that stupid.
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You obviously don't know much about humans.
 
Originally posted by: Baloo
What gave this away as fiction is the part about the scene repeating itself over several days as the dumbass continued to eat the food knowing what it was going to do to him. no one is that stupid.
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This actually is a true story.
 
Thanks Ned. Great story ... well told. I myself sleep with one eye open knowing that I am worth far too much dead.
 
I'd check that policy to see if there's a double indemnity clause. If so, she might have to "accidently" back over you with the car next time your body is wracked with pain which would really exacerbate the entire food poisoning experience.
 
Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Originally posted by: Baloo
What gave this away as fiction is the part about the scene repeating itself over several days as the dumbass continued to eat the food knowing what it was going to do to him. no one is that stupid.
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You obviously don't know much about humans.
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or Ned.











j/k Ned 😛
 
Originally posted by: NuclearNed
Originally posted by: Baloo
What gave this away as fiction is the part about the scene repeating itself over several days as the dumbass continued to eat the food knowing what it was going to do to him. no one is that stupid.
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This actually is a true story.
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Must have been some good taco salad.
 
Wait till you have a cold. Some of the cough drops have artificial sweeteners. Not just any artificial sweeteners, but the ones that give you diarrhea. So you'll be moaning so bad from the stomach cramps that you won't be able to cough. Personally though I think a cough is less unpleasant.
 
Know what does it to me?


That damned fake butter stuff. There's a brand here that claims to be good for the heart, with all of the Omega-3 stuff in it and whatnot. I figured that it was about the same price as normal butter, and better for me, so I would be a good boy and use that instead.

It's greasy tasting, it's oily, and if you use too much in one sitting it starts to taste really bad, and then it turns your ass into a garden hose within 2 to 3 hours. I've already gone back to straight butter....unsalted of course.
 
Have you ever thought of writing for Dave Berry? Seriously, my wife and I are still laughing our asses off. It might take awhile though 🙂
 
why shouldnt she want to be taken care of if you pass? You definitely should increase your policy on her too.
 
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