You're owned by your parents till 18? What world do you live in? Once kid is 16/17 cops don't care anymore. Also it appears that in my states, cops can't do anything about it unless minor been kidnapped.
You're owned by your parents till 18? What world do you live in? Once kid is 16/17 cops don't care anymore. Also it appears that in my states, cops can't do anything about it unless minor been kidnapped.
ViviTheMage
Lifer
If my sister ran off at 17 with some 'thug' (OPs words), I would be worried and pissed off for it too...imo, that is not something someone at 17 should be doing, male or female....granted, shit happens.
Is there no subtle way of talking her out of it?
ViviTheMage
Lifer
Yeah, 16-18 is much more relaxed then when you ar under 16...legally, 18 is when you are on your own, at least that is when my dad kicked me out, haha.
E-penis in full regalia.
First off, you need to learn more and talk less, secondly, if you care so much about your sister, how can you say something like you would destroy her face? Are you 12? You are not responsible for anyone but yourself. Worry about yourself first. The face you save may be your own.
ViviTheMage
Lifer
The problem with message boards is--you do not know how old someone is, nor where they grew up, so just because I feel a certain way about a subject (and in most cases, it's the opposite of how someone else feels), its too much...
so either you do not have siblings around your age, or you just don't care about them.
I still stand that if my sister ran off at 17 I would be pissed and give her a whole helluva lot of shit for it.
I FEEL responsible for siblings...at least I try to think I should feel that way...if, let's say, that the OPs sister died/got raped/was actually kidnapped, how would the OP feel because he didn't do anything? I'd feel horrible, like a really shitty brother.
SO, like I said, you must not have siblings, and if you do, you just don't care about them and would let them do whatever they please.
If my sister was 20 and doing this, yeah, I would not care as much and I would probably just tell her it's a stupid idea to do what she is doing...what else is family for
I know it sort of seems different because she's a girl, but if my parents had tried to 'protect' me from someone when I was 17, or tried to discipline me, I would have laughed in their face. If they called the police to look for me I expect I would have run as far and fast as I could and not come back. A 17 year old is not a child.
And those who suggested physically harming this poor person are scum. Anyone who hits a 17 year old girl should be disembowled and allowed to die slowly.
And those who suggested physically harming this poor person are scum. Anyone who hits a 17 year old girl should be disembowled and allowed to die slowly.
What if the person physically harming a 17 year old was another 17 year old? Then you would find yourself being disemboweled.
Easy to say that now, you and your siblings weren't running away from home. I agree that allowing children their independence early is a good way to keep them from making HUGE mistakes later, but the day that your overprotectiveness drives them to such a mistake is NOT the day to decide that they are now free to do as they please.
destrekor
Lifer
- Nov 18, 2005
- 28,799
- 359
- 126
You are one of the people that has made our society so fucked up.
Any kid still living under their parents should be able to receive an ass beating whenever they get out of line.
Now, at 17... spanking your daughter's ass is definitely pushing it, but you can get creative with punishments. I haven't figured out a good one, but a good verbal fight that the daughter will think over thoroughly that night or the next day is a good starting point. Take away all rights, maybe? Take away keys, meaning you'll have to drive her to work... cell phone, computer, something.
You're role as a parent doesn't stop when your child becomes an adult. Your role as a parent is to make your kids ready for the real world when they are truly on their own.
This whole thing of we cannot even take belts to kids when they get out of line is just wrong. Now, I never got that, I only got a nice firm hand that usually kept my ass red for a day or two. My dad got the belt though. Sometimes, as much as it would have sucked, a good belt would have fixed many a thing. Ass spanking hurt, but not enough to really put fear into you.
Damn child protective services getting all pacifist on us. If the day comes we cannot even spank children, I'll be screwed. It kind of worked on me (though I need beatings in school, not at home, which has been outlawed forever, never was allowed while I was in school).
hanoverphist
Diamond Member
- Dec 7, 2006
- 9,867
- 23
- 76
lol? under 18 = minor. and someone convincing her to go with them at any age under 18 could still be construed as kidnapping. the only difference is how the individual states consider a 17 yr old.
You want your children to fear you? That's very sad. You really should talk to a psychologist about these issues and your obvious anger surrounding them.
ViviTheMage
Lifer
Originally posted by: ViviTheMage
The problem with message boards is--you do not know how old someone is, nor where they grew up, so just because I feel a certain way about a subject (and in most cases, it's the opposite of how someone else feels), its too much...
so either you do not have siblings around your age, or you just don't care about them.
I still stand that if my sister ran off at 17 I would be pissed and give her a whole helluva lot of shit for it.
I FEEL responsible for siblings...at least I try to think I should feel that way...if, let's say, that the OPs sister died/got raped/was actually kidnapped, how would the OP feel because he didn't do anything? I'd feel horrible, like a really shitty brother.
SO, like I said, you must not have siblings, and if you do, you just don't care about them and would let them do whatever they please.
If my sister was 20 and doing this, yeah, I would not care as much and I would probably just tell her it's a stupid idea to do what she is doing...what else is family for
Regardless of how you FEEL, you cannot control someone, ESPECIALLY a young person who is on the cusp of leaving the nest anyway.
Furthermore, everyone has taken the OP's position that the guy she left with is a "thug" without any supporting evidence, mug shots or anything. Chances are the guy is probably the Un Approved BF and has been demonized previously by the parental units.
Now, to address your assumptions about me.
By allowing your emotions (That FEELing) to cloud your judgement, you mistakenly make attributions to me without any evidence to support such a claim.
As the wise old Harry Callahan once said...."A man's got to know his limitations."
Some people need to make their own mistakes. Better now while there aren't any other lives she can directly affect.
destrekor
Lifer
- Nov 18, 2005
- 28,799
- 359
- 126
It's not a question of fear, and no I don't want my children to fear me. The life I have experienced, it's extremely easy to separate punishment from enjoyment.
If you cross the line, fuck up somewhere, or just do something extremely unacceptable, you'll get punished. However, that never stopped me from having plenty of fun with my family, pulling jokes on my parents, and just living a relaxed life.
However, there needs to be a line set. Expectations. My parents were pretty loose with us. As long as we met their expectations, didn't get into trouble all the time, we were able to do basically whatever we wanted.
You have to set that early. Set the standards, don't budge, and you're kids will learn two things: how to get away with things and not get caught, and how to behave enough to the point that they can even get themselves into situations where they can get away with things. This isn't a bad thing imho. I had my mischief moments, many times where I got away with things. But you have to be a good enough kid, or just extremely lucky, to be able to have the chance to do what you want in the first place.
It's hard to describe, because it'd be an actual novel I'd have to write to describe my childhood and how parenting should be. Because as I've experienced it, my family did things right, basically all the time. But I'd see kids my age, or now a few years younger than me in my neighborhood, that were so different. These kids would be obvious problem kids, live lives that were "thuggish", and they could do whatever. There's a fine line between letting a kid express themselves, and letting them get mixed into things they shouldn't.
The main thing is... not to let kids go down this road from the start. Once you get these kids at 17 and they are like this, they've basically set themselves onto a set path, and they don't want to budge.
When there is a situation where a kid fears his parents at all times, then there needs to be someone in the middle figuring out what the problem is. Are the parents just unruly, or is it that the kids have some mental problem where they cannot distinguish just punishment and normal life. If a kid is always getting his ass whooped because he's always in trouble, more needs to be done though. This isn't something that can just be described as a set standard, but rather case by case. As people have said, there really aren't books on this. Well, there are, but since you cannot be comprehensive they might as well all be trash.
I could go on an on with this, as I don't really have a set discussion topic and will just ramble on endless, eventually repeating the same themes. So I better stop here and just respond to anything particular someone wants to reply to.
But as far as the "issues and obvious anger surrounding them"? Eh?
Any 'anger' that surrounds these 'issues' is simply frustration with where out society is heading. It's not hard to connect the dots here.
Society is softening up. All this PC bullshit, can't say this or do that, can't lay a hand on your child (spanking probably will become something CPS can charge against parents in a decade, if that), and everything else.
My main issue with all of this, is I am seeing what is wrong with society, seeing what has likely been the roots to these problems (far more than just parenting, but I don't want to take this into P&N territory), and just being truly disgusted at where we are, and where we are heading. It's sickening, because one goal in life that I have is to do what I can to make this country a better place. We need to turn our 'progress' around into measurable progress, and yes the pessimist in me doesn't see that happening in my lifetime until society finds itself completely shattered and falling apart, at that point far too late, and then learning where everyone went wrong and trying to pick ourselves back up.
TehMac
Diamond Member
- Aug 18, 2006
- 9,976
- 3
- 71
OP updated the thread, I don't think it's any of our business to ask beyond this point. Basically, the OP did what he could, he got an answer, the sister wants to get fucked up before she wisens up, that's how it goes.
I hope the OP doesn't take any of this personally.
I hope the OP doesn't take any of this personally.
Kadarin
Lifer
- Nov 23, 2001
- 44,296
- 16
- 81
Now that she's back at home (for the moment, anyway), how are you and your parents going to address the issues that made her so strongly want to leave? A simple "you need to do what you're told" or "we know what's best for you" aren't going to work, and as someone hinted earlier in the thread, you can't lock her in the basement.
I'm guessing that the parents and the OP need to figure out how to talk to her without alienating her, and that she's going to need a hell of a lot more freedom than what she currently enjoys from her family, or this will happen again and soon.
I'm guessing that the parents and the OP need to figure out how to talk to her without alienating her, and that she's going to need a hell of a lot more freedom than what she currently enjoys from her family, or this will happen again and soon.
You can't force people into change. They need to do it themselves. The more you push, the more they will do the opposite. The impressionable years are long gone by 17... Looks like you will also have to learn this the hard way.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
it's really time to look at where your belief system wasn't beleived now...she's 17, if she didn't buy it over the last 17 years, it's too late.
She is at the point where she is ready to make her own decisions. If that's staying out all night taking on all comers then it's her life.
Forcing her now into something she doesn't want will only alienate her. You can give your opinion and concern, but that's it.
She is at the point where she is ready to make her own decisions. If that's staying out all night taking on all comers then it's her life.
Forcing her now into something she doesn't want will only alienate her. You can give your opinion and concern, but that's it.
SphinxnihpS
Diamond Member
- Feb 17, 2005
- 8,368
- 25
- 91
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