My parents are getting divorced

anonymouschris

Diamond Member
Jan 17, 2001
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I'm 23 and it still affects me so much. I've lost all motivation to do anything. And the fact that my bestfriend/girlfriend of five years and I just broke up a month prior is not helping. Life is rough.
 

kermalou

Diamond Member
Jun 22, 2001
6,237
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it can only get better, pluts you are only 23 and not a little kid any more.

rought it our.
 

Phoenix86

Lifer
May 21, 2003
14,643
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Just remember, when people say 'I wish I was that age again' they are talking about you. :)

Live and learn...
 

iamme

Lifer
Jul 21, 2001
21,059
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sorry to hear that. hope you get through this and become a stronger man from it all.
 

Dacalo

Diamond Member
Mar 31, 2000
8,780
3
76
Hang in there. You can only go up from here.

My hardest part of my life was when I was 19-22 when my father was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I also lost my cousin who I was really close with to alcohol poisoning and my aunt who looked after me when my mom was busy also passed away. My grades went to the shits but I made it and graduated, now with a steady job.

Stay strong, there is much happiness for you yet.
 

Idex

Senior member
Oct 18, 1999
435
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Hang in there... divorce is a long and ugly process. At least you are an adult.
 

Kishan

Platinum Member
Jul 2, 2004
2,580
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chris, when people say that it isn't thr kids' fault, it really is true. You have to accept what has happened and move on, and I understand that will be difficult. Look at Dacalo's sittuation, you still have both of them. Would you rather have them fight, or live happy lives. You can get through it. If you need any help just PM.
Good Luck,
Kishan
 

txxxx

Golden Member
Feb 13, 2003
1,700
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Originally posted by: anonymouschris
I'm 23 and it still affects me so much. I've lost all motivation to do anything. And the fact that my bestfriend/girlfriend of five years and I just broke up a month prior is not helping. Life is rough.

Live through it, you'll find that you will come out stronger in the end.
 

BooGiMaN

Diamond Member
Jul 5, 2001
7,955
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im sure your sad angry and so forth about them getting a divorce but if you truly love them you should figure if they need to go their seperate ways maybe they will both be happy...

love them enough to want them to be happy..at least you grew up with two parents..you are now old enough to know relationships sometims just dont work out...

so be there for both of them.
 

Frenchie

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 22, 1999
2,255
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My parents got divorced right after I took the bar exam. I was almost 27. It does take some getting used to and you will be out of sorts for a while. It probably took me a year or two before everything was cool again.
 

db

Lifer
Dec 6, 1999
10,575
292
126
Yeah, some good advice already.
You are not in the middle and you do not have to choose sides. Do not do not do not take sides.
Each of them is your parent. Do yourself a favor and don't get engaged in the take-sides game.
Only when you get married will you begin to know that there is more going on than you can tell the kids; and the kids do not need to know, b/c it will only hurt them.

If a relationship does not work, yes it's hard but it's worse if it doesn't work and you don't do anything about it. We trip--we get up and walk. We try and not do that again. We learn by mistakes. Mistakes don't mean you are a bad person.

Make your life better and make improventsments in your own life based on what you learn. You deserve to be happy, but IT IS UP TO YOU. It really is a decision, and it really is that simple.
 

anonymouschris

Diamond Member
Jan 17, 2001
3,101
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thanks for all the advice and uplifting comments. "emotion or reason...which one should i obey?" i know what i'm supposed to do, but its hard. it gets to me because i know it will get to them. essentially, i'm sad because i know they will be sad and lonely and i want them to be happy. hoping to fast forward this part of my life.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,169
2,399
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www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: anonymouschris
thanks for all the advice and uplifting comments. "emotion or reason...which one should i obey?" i know what i'm supposed to do, but its hard. it gets to me because i know it will get to them. essentially, i'm sad because i know they will be sad and lonely and i want them to be happy. hoping to fast forward this part of my life.

Did you stop to consider that they've probably been "sad and lonely " for years in the marriage ?

Be glad that they stayed together to raise you to adulthood and be happy that they will now have another chance to find some happiness.
 

Falloutboy

Diamond Member
Jan 2, 2003
5,916
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I've been thru it also it sucks. one word of advise stay out of it completely don't take sides it will only come back to bite you in the a ss later beleave me
 

AgaBoogaBoo

Lifer
Feb 16, 2003
26,107
4
81
Originally posted by: anonymouschris
thanks for all the advice and uplifting comments. "emotion or reason...which one should i obey?" i know what i'm supposed to do, but its hard. it gets to me because i know it will get to them. essentially, i'm sad because i know they will be sad and lonely and i want them to be happy. hoping to fast forward this part of my life.

They did their part, know show them they did a good job at it

As others said, it's probably only going to get better from now on :D
 

Relayer

Diamond Member
Oct 30, 1999
3,424
0
76
join the crowd....it gets worse. mine were divorced when I was 10. Brother died in 1985. Dad died in 1986 (I was 21). Mom died 4 years ago.
 

PoPPeR

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 2002
6,993
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i wish my parents had gotten a divorce about 5 years ago when they were constantly fighting. I wanted it for my mom's sake. All her family lives in Taiwan, she hates America and wanted to move back, but I have 3 sisters and we were all under 20 years old at the time.

Somehow though they moved past that, and are happy to be together again and will be celebrating their 25th anniversary next year.

I've known a lot of people who's parents divorced before they were 18. All of them handled it different ways, but eventually they all accepted that it wasn't their fault. Good luck
 

MichaelD

Lifer
Jan 16, 2001
31,529
3
76
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: anonymouschris
thanks for all the advice and uplifting comments. "emotion or reason...which one should i obey?" i know what i'm supposed to do, but its hard. it gets to me because i know it will get to them. essentially, i'm sad because i know they will be sad and lonely and i want them to be happy. hoping to fast forward this part of my life.

Did you stop to consider that they've probably been "sad and lonely " for years in the marriage ?

Be glad that they stayed together to raise you to adulthood and be happy that they will now have another chance to find some happiness.

Well-said and 99.999999% true. People don't get divorced b/c they had "one or two fights in the last three years."

BTW, know all that BS and heartache you just went thru w/your GF? Multiply that by 1,000x when you're MARRIED and there's property and children involved. You have gotten but a TASTE of what the evil side of life has in store for you down the road. Enjoy your youth while you can, don't pick sides and love BOTH your parents.

They don't like each other very much right now, but they both love you. Be there for them both.
 

desiplaya4life

Golden Member
Jan 25, 2004
1,449
2
81
if you wanna talk to me im me or pm me anytime man.. i am on the same level.. my parents dont love each other, they keep fighiting and atleats you know that there wont be roughness going on in the house, think on positive side ure 23 and not 17-18 like me going to the process. focus on your studies, hang out with GOOD positive friends and you got ur ATOTs with you on ur side;)

dont worry and stay put
 

Apathetic

Platinum Member
Dec 23, 2002
2,587
6
81
I'm sorry to hear it. My parent got divorced when I was about that age. The biggest thing that sucked for me was that my little brother was still in high school and was stuck in the middle of it all.

Dave
 

GTaudiophile

Lifer
Oct 24, 2000
29,776
31
81
My parents divorced when I was 19. It's not easy man, and there are some tough times ahead. I was seeing a German girl at that time, and since I lost total faith in relationships after seeing what happened to my parents, I broke up with her. Then the trash started flying. My dad's father sat me down and told me all the bad things my mom had done to my dad in the past 26 years, trying to "win" me over to my dad's side. What he said, caused a rift between my mom and I that lasted three years. My mom and I are fairly close again, and it's now my grandfather I no longer like. So be prepared to hear things about your parents you never wanted to hear. Then there's the Thanksgiving/Christmas ordeal: where do you spend your holidays? I try to split them evenly between the two, but sometimes I also just go neutral and spend those days with friends and their families. And this is all after my parents had a peaceful divorce. If the lawyers get involved over money, kids, pets, prized possessions, etc., be prepared for some nastiness. Since you are 23 and presumably live outside the home, my advice is to stay away from everything as possible, and try not to get involved in the details.

Good luck man! Remember, time heals all wounds...for the most part. And none of this is your fault! Your parents are human and have their faults just like you.
 

GTaudiophile

Lifer
Oct 24, 2000
29,776
31
81
And one other thing: sometimes after parents divorce, they remain good friends and keep the lines of communication open. That was not the case with my parents. Instead, they continued fighting through me. If one of your parents decide to bitch and moan about the other in your presence, you don't have to put up with it. Just turn around, leave the phone number of the other parent, and walk out the room.