My marriage of 16 years is over, this sucks! UPDATE!

[Yo Ma Ma]

Originally posted by: Desperate

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
OP: you should not have brought her to this page. I am sure she found it confrontational, judgemental and totally against her. Whether or not she deserves it... that is not for her to read on an online forum. I am sure she has herself convinced it is all a certain way, and her online fantasy guy fuels it all for her.

If she refuses at all to work on your marriage... then you should just work on you. Funny.. but when ppl see that others are happy, fulfilled and at peace with themselves, they want some. Just dont fight with her... that will only make it worse.

If you have to show her anything online, make it the forum of the link I posted. That is a place for spiritual edification (I said spiritual, not religous, ok)... and hopes. If she will not go there with you... go by yourself. Maybe you will find a link there that she will go to with you.

Thanks for some very sound advice. But I updated the orginal post and it looks like a very good chance things will be worked out!

OMG.. the masses will wish to touch your robe now.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: Desperate


Thanks for some very sound advice. But I updated the orginal post and it looks like a very good chance things will be worked out!

Hurray for you!!!

HURRAY for your children.

It is good that you are getting some help.


Congrats!

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Desperate

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
OP: you should not have brought her to this page. I am sure she found it confrontational, judgemental and totally against her. Whether or not she deserves it... that is not for her to read on an online forum. I am sure she has herself convinced it is all a certain way, and her online fantasy guy fuels it all for her.

If she refuses at all to work on your marriage... then you should just work on you. Funny.. but when ppl see that others are happy, fulfilled and at peace with themselves, they want some. Just dont fight with her... that will only make it worse.

If you have to show her anything online, make it the forum of the link I posted. That is a place for spiritual edification (I said spiritual, not religous, ok)... and hopes. If she will not go there with you... go by yourself. Maybe you will find a link there that she will go to with you.

Thanks for some very sound advice. But I updated the orginal post and it looks like a very good chance things will be worked out!

Your original thread didn't talk much about the emotions in the relationship. You mention she's gorgeous, something wasn't right, you hacking her/spying, then sort of mention you look real young and seeking 'mature females' for talking (why looks mattered I am not sure), picking the handle Desperate though probably was wise....

You really need to work on your stuff at home whether it's going to be a resolution or not with the wife. Her finding a lover out of the clear blue after 16 years is at a point where you are sort of beyond risking things on a fling...could happen, but it's usually deeper set than just a 7 year itch weekend romp.

Good luck with it, think about what *you* really want first, then see if that's compatible with everyone else. No use pretending.

 

[suse920]

umm congrats on getting things fixed

 

[Kadarin]

Oh thank god, my families' prayers have been answered. I know there is a lot of work that has to be done. I also know that I have a responsibility to work together and fix the reason why my wife was so unhappy in the first place. Thank god I have a second chance to get it right! She is pretty upset, and regardless of the reason I will stand behind her and be there for her.

I didn't read this thread, but..

She left you because she was in love with another man, and it's YOUR fault? YOU have the responsibility to fix the reason why your wife fell in love with another guy?

Forgive me for being cynical, but congratulations on your pussification.

 

[destined]

Originally posted by: Desperate
I am really a long time forum member with over 2500 posts, but I was too humiliated to even post under my real name.

My wife of 16 years told me two months ago that she was in love with another man.

I went through anger, pain, numbness, denial and every other emotion that brings a human being down.

I am so bummed I am having a hard time keeping it together. I have gotten professional counseling to try and deal with this, but some days just seem overwhelming. I haven't gotten as low as thinking about taking my own life, we have two wonderful children and a business to run, so I guess things could be worse.

Our marriage had ups and downs, but overall I thought it was going good. WRONG! I guess my significant other was not very happy. As I look back now I can see that she complained at various times, but since I thought everything was "just fine", I was not a good listener.

I will still defend her and say she is a good person, she says that she wishes all of this did not happen, but her feelings for "him" are two strong for her to turn back. I have to take some of the blame for not being there for her, even when she was trying to tell me.

She is drop dead gorgeous, and until recently we always had a wonderful sex life (or so I thought). I accused her of being in love with the other guy about a month before she told me. I wasn't born yesterday, I knew something was happening and stooped as low as spying on her and hacking her pc, chat and emails. I approached her and asked her to tell the truth, which she denied, until I layed the evidence down. She then confessed, but said she wasn't 100% sure what to do and still wanted to try and work things out.

Well, she wasn't willing to give "him" up so needless to say things just got worse. She cares about me like a family pet I guess, and is concerned about my depression. I moved out of the bedroom last month, and now in the last week she can't even give me a small peck kiss. I am a second class citizen, an outcast in my own house, this really sucks bad.

The real kick in the face is this is an online affair, she hasn't ever met him in person. The talk via e-mail chat and a few times on the phone. Make no mistake about it, the evidence I hacked from her shows that they are clearly "in love", it is sickeningly sweet and they constantly discuss how strong their feelings are for each other.

Anyone with some kind words would be greatly apprecitated, talking about this might help some.

But what I am really looking for is someone (female) that has been in a similar situation or needs somebody to talk to. I know this sounds pathetic, but my friends have tried to get me to date, but I am just not ready. I am desperately lonely and a friendly female touch to talk to me and help me through this would be a godsend.

I am 43 years old and my friends and family tell me that I still look 30, but I need someone mature to talk to. I am not interested in any porn freaks, just a real friendship online via chat, someone to depend on. I am a good listener also, and helping other people with their problems would help me too.

If there are any mature females out there that want to help, just PM me and we can strike up a meaningful conversation.

I know alot of you are gonna flame me and make fun, but at this point I have nothing to lose or hope for. I know things will get better with time, they always do. But in the meantime my burden feels just to heavy to carry, I need a sincere online friend to help carry the load.

UPDATE! OMG, I can't believe it!!!!!! She told him today that she couldn't communicate with him ever again. I can't believe it. We tried to have a civilized discussion that included the children last night about the whole situation. She also read this post and saw an overwhelming opinion that might have influenced her.

She is committed to going to counseling and working things out! She promised my children and I that she would stick to her decision.

Oh thank god, my families' prayers have been answered. I know there is a lot of work that has to be done. I also know that I have a responsibility to work together and fix the reason why my wife was so unhappy in the first place. Thank god I have a second chance to get it right! She is pretty upset, and regardless of the reason I will stand behind her and be there for her.

Thanks again everybody, I will make a new post in a few months and let everyone know how progress is going.

good luck. i hope you and your wife learn from this experience. sounds like it will be a happy ending. gj. atot saves the day.

 

[destined]

Originally posted by: Desperate
I am really a long time forum member with over 2500 posts, but I was too humiliated to even post under my real name.

My wife of 16 years told me two months ago that she was in love with another man.

I went through anger, pain, numbness, denial and every other emotion that brings a human being down.

I am so bummed I am having a hard time keeping it together. I have gotten professional counseling to try and deal with this, but some days just seem overwhelming. I haven't gotten as low as thinking about taking my own life, we have two wonderful children and a business to run, so I guess things could be worse.

Our marriage had ups and downs, but overall I thought it was going good. WRONG! I guess my significant other was not very happy. As I look back now I can see that she complained at various times, but since I thought everything was "just fine", I was not a good listener.

I will still defend her and say she is a good person, she says that she wishes all of this did not happen, but her feelings for "him" are two strong for her to turn back. I have to take some of the blame for not being there for her, even when she was trying to tell me.

She is drop dead gorgeous, and until recently we always had a wonderful sex life (or so I thought). I accused her of being in love with the other guy about a month before she told me. I wasn't born yesterday, I knew something was happening and stooped as low as spying on her and hacking her pc, chat and emails. I approached her and asked her to tell the truth, which she denied, until I layed the evidence down. She then confessed, but said she wasn't 100% sure what to do and still wanted to try and work things out.

Well, she wasn't willing to give "him" up so needless to say things just got worse. She cares about me like a family pet I guess, and is concerned about my depression. I moved out of the bedroom last month, and now in the last week she can't even give me a small peck kiss. I am a second class citizen, an outcast in my own house, this really sucks bad.

The real kick in the face is this is an online affair, she hasn't ever met him in person. The talk via e-mail chat and a few times on the phone. Make no mistake about it, the evidence I hacked from her shows that they are clearly "in love", it is sickeningly sweet and they constantly discuss how strong their feelings are for each other.

Anyone with some kind words would be greatly apprecitated, talking about this might help some.

But what I am really looking for is someone (female) that has been in a similar situation or needs somebody to talk to. I know this sounds pathetic, but my friends have tried to get me to date, but I am just not ready. I am desperately lonely and a friendly female touch to talk to me and help me through this would be a godsend.

I am 43 years old and my friends and family tell me that I still look 30, but I need someone mature to talk to. I am not interested in any porn freaks, just a real friendship online via chat, someone to depend on. I am a good listener also, and helping other people with their problems would help me too.

If there are any mature females out there that want to help, just PM me and we can strike up a meaningful conversation.

I know alot of you are gonna flame me and make fun, but at this point I have nothing to lose or hope for. I know things will get better with time, they always do. But in the meantime my burden feels just to heavy to carry, I need a sincere online friend to help carry the load.

UPDATE! OMG, I can't believe it!!!!!! She told him today that she couldn't communicate with him ever again. I can't believe it. We tried to have a civilized discussion that included the children last night about the whole situation. She also read this post and saw an overwhelming opinion that might have influenced her.

She is committed to going to counseling and working things out! She promised my children and I that she would stick to her decision.

Oh thank god, my families' prayers have been answered. I know there is a lot of work that has to be done. I also know that I have a responsibility to work together and fix the reason why my wife was so unhappy in the first place. Thank god I have a second chance to get it right! She is pretty upset, and regardless of the reason I will stand behind her and be there for her.

Thanks again everybody, I will make a new post in a few months and let everyone know how progress is going.

good luck. i hope you and your wife learn from this experience. sounds like it will be a happy ending. gj. atot saves the day.

 

[Storm]

Uhh congrats on the update...

But it will take both of you to work things out and learn from the shortcomings of the past.

 

[Umberger]

good luck man. we're all pulling for you. :thumbsup:

 

[chrisms]

Mr. Bojangles says dump the b!tch

 

[Blieb]

This is a 2nd chance ... a lot of people don't get a 2nd chance ... make the best of it.

 

[dmcowen674]

Originally posted by: Blieb
This is a 2nd chance ... a lot of people don't get a 2nd chance ... make the best of it.

Really, good luck. I'll never get over losing Donna :brokenheart:

 

[dym]

UPDATE! OMG, I can't believe it!!!!!! She told him today that she couldn't communicate with him ever again. I can't believe it. We tried to have a civilized discussion that included the children last night about the whole situation. She also read this post and saw an overwhelming opinion that might have influenced her.

She is committed to going to counseling and working things out! She promised my children and I that she would stick to her decision.

Oh thank god, my families' prayers have been answered. I know there is a lot of work that has to be done. I also know that I have a responsibility to work together and fix the reason why my wife was so unhappy in the first place. Thank god I have a second chance to get it right! She is pretty upset, and regardless of the reason I will stand behind her and be there for her.

Thanks again everybody, I will make a new post in a few months and let everyone know how progress is going.

[/quote]

:beer:

 

[SilentButDeadly]

Originally posted by: dym
:beer:

:beer:

 

[aplefka]

You know, I was listening to Tears In Heaven as I read the post and right as the song ended and the audience started clapping I read the update.

I'm really happy to hear this for you and I hope things do work out. 16 years is an awful long time to decide to just throw away something. Best wishes to you.

 

[FeuerFrei]

:beer::beer:

This is good news for me too. Evidence that not all women are like my ex.

 

[DorkBoy]

Originally posted by: Desperate

UPDATE! OMG, I can't believe it!!!!!! She told him today that she couldn't communicate with him ever again. I can't believe it. We tried to have a civilized discussion that included the children last night about the whole situation. She also read this post and saw an overwhelming opinion that might have influenced her.

She is committed to going to counseling and working things out! She promised my children and I that she would stick to her decision.

Oh thank god, my families' prayers have been answered. I know there is a lot of work that has to be done. I also know that I have a responsibility to work together and fix the reason why my wife was so unhappy in the first place. Thank god I have a second chance to get it right! She is pretty upset, and regardless of the reason I will stand behind her and be there for her.

Thanks again everybody, I will make a new post in a few months and let everyone know how progress is going.


U R keeping the slut?

 

[krackato]

Holy crap, you think it's your fault that your wife had an affair because you weren't making her happy?

If a guy had an affair there's no way a woman would say "It's my fault he had an affair because I wasn't making him happy and I wasn't a good listener." Well, maybe they would, but they would be much more likely to just scream and call you a bastard and say all men are pigs and that she deserves better and take away the kids and take half your money.... and no one would say that she was wrong because you vowed to be faithful.

So the game is, You have to be faithful no matter what otherwise you're an asshole. She has to be faithful as long as you're a good provider and you make sure the marriage is happy and you're a good listener. Otherwise, the 'magic' just goes out and if she just "happens" to find somebody and falls in love and can't control how she feels, it's your fault. A man uses the same line, and he's the biggest asshole that ever walked the earth.

Can you imagine a man saying, "Honey, I used to love you before when you were young and hot and you paid attention to me, but now, 7 years latter, you've gained 30 pounds and you just nag all the time, and I miss my old life and well, Cindy is young, and hot and she makes me feel great, and she listens to me, and I fell in love and the heart wants what the heart wants."

And did I mention the wonderful Chris Rock line? "You can't make a woman happy. I've never met a happy woman in my life."

Sigh... the best of luck to the both of you. I hope things work out for the best. Marriage is tough.

 

[Armitage]

I'm really glad she's commiting to trying to work things out - hopefully she'll see it through and make an honest attempt at it, instead of doing it just so she can say she did it. Forgive my cynicism, but you ain't out of the woods yet. Certainly a positive development though :thumbsup:
Good luck

 

[Aenslead]

I am very happy for you, but knowing females I know that if they do it once, they could do it again... if she did it on a chat, well... a tad worse.

I hope for the best on your relationship, but confidence is something I would never give back.

 

[aidanjm]

I thought people were calling shens on this

 

[OutHouse]

I am very happy for you, but remember not only you but she also has a second chance to make thing right its not just on your shoulders.

 

[V00DOO]

Very happy for you. Good luck.

 

[Doboji]

meh... it's just online... it's not a real affair. You'll be fine... she should probably meet the guy in real life... that usually kills things real quick. Right now it's just a fantasy for her. She's not REALLY in love with him. Once they meet in person it goes beyond fantasy... and she should come back down to earth.

Sounds like you need to sweep her off her feet again.

-Max

 

[Yossarian]

marriage is ending. husband posts on ATOT. wife reads, changes mind, marriage is saved. I declare shens^1000.