My girlfriend wants to help her exboyfriend ** UPDATE #2**

[rh71]

u need to get your gf to understand you're not reacting the way you are because you're jealous or selfish. Make her realize that it really isn't your problem nor do you want it to make it yours. The guy sounds like he's trouble and this may not be the last time she's called on if she helps this time.

 

[shimsham]

it would depend on their relationship (is the guy a jerk, or a decent guy and it just didnt work out) and his charges. dui or something similar, i may help out, but something major i doubt it.

i think leaving and staying in a room only hurt the situation. i can understand you really being upset if she cant see the reasons not to "help', but it only makes it worse if you let anger control your reaction. i mean if youre not married, its her car and her money to do as she sees fit provided it wouldnt have any adverse effects on your joint finances should you have any.

if you really trust her, just let her do what she wants, and be happy youve found a girl who is caring and willing to help. but i do think it would be fair to request that she take a few days and really think of the pros and cons before she decides. it sounds to me like if their desperate enough to ask an ex for help, theybe exhausted all other avenues for one reason or another. thats usually not a good sign, IME.

 

[EagleKeeper]

Drop the whole situation like ahot potato.

The guy is in jail (strike 1)
The ex has no legal ties and wants to assist (strike 2)
The ex is making up excuses for his behaivor (strike 3)

Get rid of her; she has no common sense.
If she is still concerned about a loser, then that is where she belongs. Do not get dragged into that mud-hole.

You will either get tarnished and/or become a sucker for a similar situation again.

 

[Fern]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot
My girlfriend got a call yesterday from her exboyfriend's girlfriend. She called my girlfriend and told her that her boyfriend (who is my girlfriend's ex) just got arrested and now locked up in jail. She was crying and venting off my girlfriend that she doesn't know what to do. They have a apartment together, a car shop, and a car to pay for and she is still in school not knowing how to pay for all this with her boyfriend in jail.

My girlfriend feels sorry for the couple and decided to talk to me about it and wants to help them out. The car that they have is under my girlfriends name...how that happen is another story. My girlfriend is thinking of buying the car back at least that'll take care some of their burden.

I'm sitting there listening to this bullsh*t asking her why does she want to help them so much?! This is not our problem and we don't even know why he is in jail. If anything this guy probably deserves to be locked up. But despite that my girlfriend thinks she should be a "good person" to take initiative to assist in their needs. She calls me selfish and all I think for is myself. This guy is in his 30s as we are still only 25-26. They can be playing my girlfriend for all I know.

I trust my girlfriend completely and she does have a giving heart. But to me there are too many unanswered questions that don't make sense to me. She claims that he was arrested for something he did back when he was a teen and now it caught up to him.

So I got in this big argument with her last night and I was so furious and left the house and got a hotel room and spent the night.

Am I over reacting??? Am I really being selfish??

Cliffnote
My girlfriend got a call from exboyfriend's girlfriend
exboyfriend's girlfriend told my girlfriend that he is locked up
my girlfriend feels sorry and wants to help
I get pissed off because I don't know know why she should help
I left the house and stayed at a motel
Am I over reacting

First relax

Second, it time for some mental Kung Fu" (you know, redirect the force). Don't let this guys jail problem morph into a problem between you and your GF. Which is where it sounds like it is headed with "Storm outs" and such.

3rd. May not be a bad idea to "buy" the car back. If its in her name and they don't make payments, your GF is the one who may be screwed (bad credit, lose any possible equity in reposessed car, get sued for remaining payments etc)

4th. Investigate. The story sounds "funny". Arrests and court apearences etc are public knowledge. Do some footwork, make calls etc. Funny, but ones motivation to be a good "Samaritan" seems to wane when they find they been lied to.

 

[MrDudeMan]

wow, she needs to run away from this as fast as possible. she is going to get screwed out of money...everyone here can feel it except her.

 

[Muadib]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: isasir
Isn't there a statute of limitations, that makes that story not possible?

EXACTLY! Thats what I was asking..but despite that my girlfriend still feels the need to help them out.

Sorry but I don't help criminals!

You didn't say what the guy is in for? And why the hell are they driving your girlfriends car?

Back when they were daying (which was 4 years ago) He has no status or bad credit to buy a car, so they put the car under her name. Later they broke up, he kept the car and he pays for the payment they moved on with their lives.

I don't know why he is in jail and my girlfriend doesnt either but only something he did when he was in his teen.

And he's just getting locked up now? That sounds fishy to me. I think you both need to find out the details first. Just what sort of help was this girl looking for? Or should I say how much?

 

[MadPeriot]

Originally posted by: shimsham
it would depend on their relationship (is the guy a jerk, or a decent guy and it just didnt work out) and his charges. dui or something similar, i may help out, but something major i doubt it.

i think leaving and staying in a room only hurt the situation. i can understand you really being upset if she cant see the reasons not to "help', but it only makes it worse if you let anger control your reaction. i mean if youre not married, its her car and her money to do as she sees fit provided it wouldnt have any adverse effects on your joint finances should you have any.

if you really trust her, just let her do what she wants, and be happy youve found a girl who is caring and willing to help. but i do think it would be fair to request that she take a few days and really think of the pros and cons before she decides. it sounds to me like if their desperate enough to ask an ex for help, theybe exhausted all other avenues for one reason or another. thats usually not a good sign, IME.

Thanks for your advice.
I do trust my girlfriend. The reason I left and got a room at some motel because I was too furious to even stand looking at my girlfriend. We live together and been dating for 2 years now. Those couples are out of options, they contacted many lawyers for help and all of them rejected thier case. By that if lawyers don't even want to help I surely don't want to help a criminal. But I question my girlfriend's intentions...does she thinks she owes her exboyfriend so she decides to help? Like many of you said, she shouldn't get involve with her ex if it is jeoprdizing ours.

 

[MrChad]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: isasir
Isn't there a statute of limitations, that makes that story not possible?

EXACTLY! Thats what I was asking..but despite that my girlfriend still feels the need to help them out.

Sorry but I don't help criminals!

You didn't say what the guy is in for? And why the hell are they driving your girlfriends car?

Back when they were daying (which was 4 years ago) He has no status or bad credit to buy a car, so they put the car under her name. Later they broke up, he kept the car and he pays for the payment they moved on with their lives.

I don't know why he is in jail and my girlfriend doesnt either but only something he did when he was in his teen.

They didn't transfer the title? If he stops making payments your GF is liable.

 

[Stark]

The car that they have is under my girlfriends name...

your gf is dumb.

 

[MadPeriot]

Originally posted by: MrChad

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: isasir
Isn't there a statute of limitations, that makes that story not possible?

EXACTLY! Thats what I was asking..but despite that my girlfriend still feels the need to help them out.

Sorry but I don't help criminals!

You didn't say what the guy is in for? And why the hell are they driving your girlfriends car?

Back when they were daying (which was 4 years ago) He has no status or bad credit to buy a car, so they put the car under her name. Later they broke up, he kept the car and he pays for the payment they moved on with their lives.

I don't know why he is in jail and my girlfriend doesnt either but only something he did when he was in his teen.

They didn't transfer the title? If he stops making payments your GF is liable.

You are a true genius... don't you think I know that.

 

[Transition]

Dude she's trying to help out her ex - that's nucking futs. He's on his own now, and responsible for his own mistakes.

 

[MadPeriot]

Originally posted by: Transition
Dude she's trying to help out her ex - that's nucking futs. He's on his own now, and responsible for his own mistakes.

Thats what I said to my girlfriend...and her reply was that I'm a selfish person.

 

[Gurck]

Get out of the relationship posthaste.

 

[isasir]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot
Thanks for your advice.
I do trust my girlfriend. The reason I left and got a room at some motel because I was too furious to even stand looking at my girlfriend. We live together and been dating for 2 years now. Those couples are out of options, they contacted many lawyers for help and all of them rejected thier case. By that if lawyers don't even want to help I surely don't want to help a criminal. But I question my girlfriend's intentions...does she thinks she owes her exboyfriend so she decides to help? Like many of you said, she shouldn't get involve with her ex if it is jeoprdizing ours.

Yeah, some people are just too nice/naive to realize that you need to say "no" sometimes. This definitely sounds like one of those times. If her ex is scamming her, it doesn't help her at all. If he's really f'd up and in jail and lawyers don't want to take his case, then her getting involved isn't a smart idea either.

 

[Hammer]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: MrChad

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: isasir
Isn't there a statute of limitations, that makes that story not possible?

EXACTLY! Thats what I was asking..but despite that my girlfriend still feels the need to help them out.

Sorry but I don't help criminals!

You didn't say what the guy is in for? And why the hell are they driving your girlfriends car?

Back when they were daying (which was 4 years ago) He has no status or bad credit to buy a car, so they put the car under her name. Later they broke up, he kept the car and he pays for the payment they moved on with their lives.

I don't know why he is in jail and my girlfriend doesnt either but only something he did when he was in his teen.

They didn't transfer the title? If he stops making payments your GF is liable.

You are a true genius... don't you think I know that.

hmmm. which brings up a good idea... how serious are you two? you could mention that you could never marry her until her affairs are in order. maybe the kick in the ass she needs to get her sh1t together.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Transition
Dude she's trying to help out her ex - that's nucking futs. He's on his own now, and responsible for his own mistakes.

Thats what I said to my girlfriend...and her reply was that I'm a selfish person.

If she wants to help people, suggest she/both of you volunteer at a soup kitchen or reading to disadvantaged children.

This situation sounds sketchy, and if her ex did something dumb enough to land himself in the slammer, that's his ahd his gf's problem, not hers and certainly not yours.

 

[MadPeriot]

Originally posted by: Hammer

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: MrChad

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Muadib

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: isasir
Isn't there a statute of limitations, that makes that story not possible?

EXACTLY! Thats what I was asking..but despite that my girlfriend still feels the need to help them out.

Sorry but I don't help criminals!

You didn't say what the guy is in for? And why the hell are they driving your girlfriends car?

Back when they were daying (which was 4 years ago) He has no status or bad credit to buy a car, so they put the car under her name. Later they broke up, he kept the car and he pays for the payment they moved on with their lives.

I don't know why he is in jail and my girlfriend doesnt either but only something he did when he was in his teen.

They didn't transfer the title? If he stops making payments your GF is liable.

You are a true genius... don't you think I know that.

hmmm. which brings up a good idea... how serious are you two? you could mention that you could never marry her until her affairs are in order. maybe the kick in the ass she needs to get her sh1t together.

We are actually really serious. Planning to buy a house for us and marriage few years later. I can see myself with her for rest of my life. But I really don't need this kind of bagage. Because of this I question my girlfriend's motives.

 

[isasir]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Transition
Dude she's trying to help out her ex - that's nucking futs. He's on his own now, and responsible for his own mistakes.

Thats what I said to my girlfriend...and her reply was that I'm a selfish person.

If she wants to help people, suggest she/both of you volunteer at a soup kitchen or reading to disadvantaged children.

This situation sounds sketchy, and if her ex did something dumb enough to land himself in the slammer, that's his ahd his gf's problem, not hers and certainly not yours.

You know Tomato, while typing my last reply to this thread, I was reminded of your post awhile back regarding your boyfriend helping some wacky lady at a restaurant. Back then too I thought he was too nice/naive as well. IMO, that's a bad combination in extremes.

Me? I have no problem saying "Hell no" when someone asks me for help.

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: Jumpem
Dump her. If she's still in touch with him no good come from it.

:thumbsdown:

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: shimsham
it would depend on their relationship (is the guy a jerk, or a decent guy and it just didnt work out) and his charges. dui or something similar, i may help out, but something major i doubt it.

i think leaving and staying in a room only hurt the situation. i can understand you really being upset if she cant see the reasons not to "help', but it only makes it worse if you let anger control your reaction. i mean if youre not married, its her car and her money to do as she sees fit provided it wouldnt have any adverse effects on your joint finances should you have any.

if you really trust her, just let her do what she wants, and be happy youve found a girl who is caring and willing to help. but i do think it would be fair to request that she take a few days and really think of the pros and cons before she decides. it sounds to me like if their desperate enough to ask an ex for help, theybe exhausted all other avenues for one reason or another. thats usually not a good sign, IME.

Thanks for your advice.
I do trust my girlfriend. The reason I left and got a room at some motel because I was too furious to even stand looking at my girlfriend. We live together and been dating for 2 years now. Those couples are out of options, they contacted many lawyers for help and all of them rejected thier case. By that if lawyers don't even want to help I surely don't want to help a criminal. But I question my girlfriend's intentions...does she thinks she owes her exboyfriend so she decides to help? Like many of you said, she shouldn't get involve with her ex if it is jeoprdizing ours.

doesnt sound good for him then.

a lot of women have a habit of keeping emotions for an ex. that doesnt mean she wants to get back with him or anything, its more of a mothering trait. sort of like how mothers can forget how evil their son may be, and let the sweet parts sway their judgement. or maybe she thinks the relationship with him was somehow a personal failure and this a way to redeem it in some small part for her own benefit.

just lay it out how you feel, and then ask her to take a few days to think if over considering your views, and then let her decide. a few days of mulling will usually help with aspects we can overlook sometimes. when my wife and i have a major issue or decision coming up, we will usually discuss until it becomes heated, then agree to drop it for a day or so before it gains the potential to get nasty. is often hard to bite my tongue and let it go, but once we release the tension we find it easier to see from all sides.

maybe have a :beer: or two ( but not too much.) to help relax before you pick it up again.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: isasir

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Transition
Dude she's trying to help out her ex - that's nucking futs. He's on his own now, and responsible for his own mistakes.

Thats what I said to my girlfriend...and her reply was that I'm a selfish person.

If she wants to help people, suggest she/both of you volunteer at a soup kitchen or reading to disadvantaged children.

This situation sounds sketchy, and if her ex did something dumb enough to land himself in the slammer, that's his ahd his gf's problem, not hers and certainly not yours.

You know Tomato, while typing my last reply to this thread, I was reminded of your post awhile back regarding your boyfriend helping some wacky lady at a restaurant. Back then too I thought he was too nice/naive as well. IMO, that's a bad combination in extremes.

Me? I have no problem saying "Hell no" when someone asks me for help.

Hey isasir... I suppose my fiance might have been too nice in that previous instance, but my primary concern back then was of his safety. He later explained he was perfectly capable of defending himself against an elderly lady (I still worried, what if she had a knife or gun??), and all's well that ends well. In this case, he'd probably tell his ex to fvck off and clean up his own mess, which I would support entirely.

 

[MadPeriot]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: isasir

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: MadPeriot

Originally posted by: Transition
Dude she's trying to help out her ex - that's nucking futs. He's on his own now, and responsible for his own mistakes.

Thats what I said to my girlfriend...and her reply was that I'm a selfish person.

If she wants to help people, suggest she/both of you volunteer at a soup kitchen or reading to disadvantaged children.

This situation sounds sketchy, and if her ex did something dumb enough to land himself in the slammer, that's his ahd his gf's problem, not hers and certainly not yours.

You know Tomato, while typing my last reply to this thread, I was reminded of your post awhile back regarding your boyfriend helping some wacky lady at a restaurant. Back then too I thought he was too nice/naive as well. IMO, that's a bad combination in extremes.

Me? I have no problem saying "Hell no" when someone asks me for help.

Hey isasir... I suppose my fiance might have been too nice in that previous instance, but my primary concern back then was of his safety. He later explained he was perfectly capable of defending himself against an elderly lady (I still worried, what if she had a knife or gun??), and all's well that ends well. In this case, he'd probably tell his ex to fvck off and clean up his own mess, which I would support entirely.

Comon guys...PM eachother for this...I'm in a delimma here.

 

[ttown]

Originally posted by: EagleKeeper
Drop the whole situation like ahot potato.

The guy is in jail (strike 1)
The ex has no legal ties and wants to assist (strike 2)
The ex is making up excuses for his behaivor (strike 3)

Get rid of her; she has no common sense.
If she is still concerned about a loser, then that is where she belongs. Do not get dragged into that mud-hole.

You will either get tarnished and/or become a sucker for a similar situation again.

Ditto.

The ex is talking about "buying back" the car that belongs to her.
It's real nice of her to risk her credit worthiness on some loser felon, but very foolish.
When he gets pulled over with a bag of weed in the glove compartment, the car will likely go to the State, but the bill will go to your girlfriend.

Also, why is the current loser's gf crying about not being able to make payments on the car that _your_ gf is liable for? Curious.

Your gf still wants to be tied up in the bad-boy world, and will drag you and whoever else along to share in the nightmare.
Seen this all before.

 

[MadPeriot]

Originally posted by: ttown

Originally posted by: EagleKeeper
Drop the whole situation like ahot potato.

The guy is in jail (strike 1)
The ex has no legal ties and wants to assist (strike 2)
The ex is making up excuses for his behaivor (strike 3)

Get rid of her; she has no common sense.
If she is still concerned about a loser, then that is where she belongs. Do not get dragged into that mud-hole.

You will either get tarnished and/or become a sucker for a similar situation again.

Ditto.


The ex is talking about "buying back" the car that belongs to her.
It's real nice of her to risk her credit worthiness on some loser felon, but very foolish.
When he gets pulled over with a bag of weed in the glove compartment, the car will likely go to the State, but the bill will go to your girlfriend.

Also, why is the current loser's gf crying about not being able to make payments on the car that _your_ gf is liable for? Curious.

Your gf still wants to be tied up in the bad-boy world, and will drag you and whoever else along to share in the nightmare.
Seen this all before.

Because they are responsible for the payment of the car, not my girlfriend, she only did it to help him get a car in the past when they were dating.

 

[Jzero]

Originally posted by: MadPeriot
Because they are responsible for the payment of the car, not my girlfriend, she only did it to help him get a car in the past when they were dating.

The lender only cares about whose name is on the note. If her name is on the note, *SHE* is responsible for making the payments. That is simply the way its.

She might as well take the car back, but make it 100% clear that she's only doing it because she's only going to get screwed later when these deadbeats stop making the payments and she's trying to cut her losses now. I would TAKE the car back. Not BUY. TAKE, and then I would cut those clowns off for good, sell the car and smack myself for being so stupid in the first place.