My girlfriend is getting an arranged Marriage - what should I do?

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knoahbear

Member
Mar 20, 2001
129
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No, she's not devout at all. She even says she wouldn't choose her religion - she just stays with it because that's how she was raised. She's ambivalent about arranged marriage - good for some reasons, bad for others. The force behind arranged marriages is often more social/cultural than religious. And in her case the major force is her dominant mother - family dynamics play a strong role as well.
 

Noriaki

Lifer
Jun 3, 2000
13,640
1
71


<< Says you and you can guess how much we value your opinion ;) >>

Yeah well...I said I'm in that group, and that group's opinions don't count. I freely admit my opinion doesn't count, nor did I try to imply that it does ;) Just my random thoughts...
 

schoolsucks

Senior member
Apr 17, 2001
548
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Is she sad about this? Hey if she just needs someone to talk to, she can always talk to me on AOL instant messenger. I have known a lot of cases like these. Most girls are happy with their husband. Some aren't.
 

knoahbear

Member
Mar 20, 2001
129
0
0
Oh no, this is my turn for counseling! I certainly do appreciate all the feedback. There is really no other place a person can get so many responses so fast.
 

schoolsucks

Senior member
Apr 17, 2001
548
0
0


<< Oh no, this is my turn for counseling! I certainly do appreciate all the feedback. There is really no other place a person can get so many responses so fast. >>



Aww come on I really wanna talk to her. I swear no cheap stuff. I am really good at listening and giving advice. I am actually my moms confidante (Sp).
 

Noriaki

Lifer
Jun 3, 2000
13,640
1
71


<< The force behind arranged marriages is often more social/cultural than religious. >>

Eh ok sure, but my statement stands, just replace Aethiest with Americans because we all know they are the Cultural version of Aetheists ;):Q:p *really wants that evil grin icon*

I submit as evidence, Red Dawn's statement


<< Poison her mother Falaffel(sp) >>

;)

Hahaha J/K Red!

(Edit: sorry for making a joke in your thread man...not trying to laugh at your situation)
 

KameLeon

Golden Member
Dec 5, 2000
1,788
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Schoolsucks, Go to some porn site and fulfill your sick fantasies. This is a serious matter for him. He needs friendly advice, not some perv who got a boner by looking at her pic and wants to get off by talking to her on aol messenger.
 

Seyba

Member
Mar 29, 2001
197
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0
Could you live with yourself knowing this girl will be spending the rest of her entire life with someone she doesn't even know, or maybe care about? Not to mention getting intimate with him. I would not let that stand. I'm sorry, but I'd do something.
 

Urinal Mint

Platinum Member
Jan 16, 2000
2,074
0
0
$10 says if you get her knocked up she won't be having an arranged marriage.

Just something to think about.
 

Urinal Mint

Platinum Member
Jan 16, 2000
2,074
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I guess what you really need to be asking yourself is what length you would go to in order to be with her forever, if that's what you really want.

If you have absolutely any doubt about forever, then let it go. It's not worth beating yourself up over if it isn't meant to be... and believe me, when you meet the &quot;one&quot; you'll sure as hell know it's meant to be. :)
 

Kilgor

Diamond Member
Oct 10, 1999
3,292
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Wait for the wedding day then jump into a little red sports car and race to the Church (or wherever she?s getting married). Then accidentally run out of gas and run the rest of the way. When you get there throw open the doors and yell for them to stop the wedding. Then she runs and jumps into your arms, then both of you get on a bus to ride happily off into the sunset.
:D
 

knoahbear

Member
Mar 20, 2001
129
0
0
I'll do whatever I can do in good conscience.



<< and believe me, when you meet the &quot;one&quot; you'll sure as hell know it's meant to be. >>



This is how I felt about it until this came along... :(



<< Wait for the wedding day then jump into a little red sports car and race to the Church (or wherever she?s getting married). Then accidentally run out of gas and run the rest of the way. When you get there throw open the doors and yell for them to stop the wedding. Then she runs and jumps into your arms, then both of you get on a bus to ride happily off into the sunset. >>



LOL - right after I finish having an affair with her mother.
 

amdforlife

Banned
Apr 2, 2001
1,012
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lets remember he's jewish...his family cant like the idea of him dating a muslim too much. he's going against his family as well. stop giving her all the sympathy. btw: she good in bed?
 

schoolsucks

Senior member
Apr 17, 2001
548
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<< lets remember he's jewish...his family cant like the idea of him dating a muslim too much. he's going against his family as well. stop giving her all the sympathy. btw: she good in bed? >>



I have always wanted to have a Pakistani girl myself.
 

knoahbear

Member
Mar 20, 2001
129
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She's quality. And my family accepts her without reservation (although they would probably love it I found a jewish girl).
 

wyvrn

Lifer
Feb 15, 2000
10,074
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My wife's parents are trying to arrange the marriages for their kids, but are not forcing it on them. I kind of feel sad for them in a way, their culture is slowly being replaced by pop American. But at least their kids have a choice of I choose my mate or my parents can help. And the kids do have say in it either way. I am also lucky in that they accept me as their son, so it all has worked out so far.

I really don't like forced arranged marriages. I know that the divorce rate is low, but how many of those couples are staying in the relationship just because of social pressures and are really not as happy as they could be?

Noriaki,

Arranged marriages are not always about religion. Her family is Buddhist, and I guess you could make that a religion if you wanted to, but I have not seen anything in Buddhism that prefers arranged marriages (maybe I missed it).

In the end, I am a die-hard American who believes in freedom of choice. Sorry to hear about your predicament, I hope it works out well for you in the end.
 

Siva

Diamond Member
Mar 8, 2001
5,472
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Why not just say screw the family and go elsewhere. Personally I've never been able to figure out why anyone would be willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their family. If the parents really cared they'd respect her wishes, the culture is a strong bond, but blood runs deeper. Then again I can't experience it from their end, its hard to understand for someone who has never experienced something along these lines. Even so, she deserves to be able to make her own choice, and being an adult and an American she can choose to leave her family for her own happiness.
 

knoahbear

Member
Mar 20, 2001
129
0
0
I really believe that if her family really loves her for who she is they will support and respect her even if they don't agree with her choice. I think they are being coercive and not listening.