My girlfriend is getting an arranged Marriage - what should I do?

[Imported]

Geez.. that really sucks. If you know she's going to accept and already willing, it might be best to break apart and continue to be friends.

 

[Gandu]

<< I agree to that, but don't stereotype anyone by saying that she will be killed. >>


Did I say killed? Nope. I am just stating what I know and I talked about getting kicked out of house because if she doesn't her family's decision they don't accept her and it does happen. In her case it might or might not happen. I am not god to tell you future.

 

[Soybomb]

If she's 21, its completely her choice. She just told you that she won't stick up for marrying you. You make the call now. If you're just looking to have fun, stay with her until the end. If you're looking for someone to marry, you've hit the end of the road. Personally if she isn't willing to try and argue out her wants and is willing to throw away 2 years because of what her parents think is best even though it goes against her wishes...well I wouldn't think she cared that much myself.

 

[Mikal]

I'm afraid you are wasting your time, my friend.

 

[schoolsucks]

ghjgh

 

[knoahbear]

Oh - I didn't mean to bash virgins! I just think she deserves a practiced lover, equal to her ability. If love is the binding force, being a virgin doesn't matter, but since it will be arranged, she may not love him. That really what's sad.

 

[vash]

Its understandable that her parents come from the old country and they believe in traditional values, but if she really likes you then you two can find a way. Eloping is always a way to make them upset, but if she agrees, its just the two of you and no one else.

If you really care for her and don't want her in this situation, ask to help her out. Moving away will surely help, but it may not solve it. If I was in the same situation, I'd get her moved out so fast her parents head would spin. After all, they can't control what isn't around.

vash

 

[Gandu]

<< Personally if she isn't willing to try and argue out her wants and is willing to throw away 2 years because of what her parents think is best even though it goes against her wishes...well I wouldn't think she cared that much myself. >>



My friend this a matter of a long term where those 2 years don't matter. It might be a matter of chosing between your friend who you only have known for 2 years or your family that has raised her up to now. Only she knows whats up and she probably has a good reason for it. Who would you choose?

 

[Azraele]

Though 2 people who love each other should be allowed to pursue that love, this is not always the way it works. Short of eloping, which would cause a whole lot of problems, there is nothing you can do except be there for her until that day arrives. If you love her, you'll stay with her. If she loves you, she'll let you go. Be there for each other, weigh all the options, and maybe talk to her family. If you decide to elope, hopefully her parents will one day understand.

Good luck to you both.

 

[Atlantean]

you could try joining her religion (or pretending to, you don't actually have to believe it)

 

[knoahbear]

We live in Rochester, NY. Her parents live an hour away in Syracuse. I graduated this year from UR and she graduates next year. I think we have freedom of geography, but I don't think it will help.

 

[Soybomb]

<< It might be a matter of chosing between your friend who you only have known for 2 years or your family that has raised her up to now. Only she knows whats up and she probably has a good reason for it. Who would you choose? >>

If i was sure I'd take wife over family. I apprecaite all they've done for me and they know it. I feel its might right to choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with and they can accept me or not, but I will always be my own person and never fear loosing someone, because if they cant accept me they aren't worth worrying about. Or something along those lines

 

[Gandu]

<< And I'm not even her first - but her family will just lie about it. The fact is, if she marries some dork fresh off the boat, he's likely to be a virgin. How sad! >>


In that culture when marriage is arranged they don't ask if the girl is virgin or not so there is nothing to lie about.

 

[schoolsucks]

<<

<< And I'm not even her first - but her family will just lie about it. The fact is, if she marries some dork fresh off the boat, he's likely to be a virgin. How sad! >>


In that culture when marriage is arranged they don't ask if the girl is virgin or not so there is nothing to lie about. >>



But Gandu saheb, isn't the guy gonna find that out when he does her first? I guess you wouldn't know cuz you are gandu!!!

 

[monahan]

I'd say you should simply bow out, lift up your right foot as far as you can behind you and hop backwards while your doing it

 

[knoahbear]

I really believe in the importance of personal choice and self-determination (I'm a psychology major). I wouldn't mind at all if the arranged marriage was really her choice, but it isn't, and that bothers me to no end.

Here's a picture of us (a year old, and yes, she does look younger than she is) picture.

 

[schoolsucks]

I want her in bed with me RIGHT NOW!

Just think of this, if she doesn't do as her family tells her, than she is gonna be disowned. Lets say you guys get married and god forbid, 3 years later you guys get a divorce, whom will she turn to? Think of this! I am sure you love her, but is your love just to have her, or do you love her and want to see her happy?

 

[schoolsucks]

as

 

[bonkers325]

<< Dude, if she really loves you she'll not go for some Schmuck Virgin straight of the boat. This is America, not some ass backward third world Country, Arranged Marriages are obsolete. >>



mike is right

 

[schoolsucks]

as

 

[Noriaki]

Just curious...

Of the people that think arranged marriages are stupid...who is an Aethiest (and Agnostics probably fall into this group to)?

Your opinions don't count. Now before said group busts out the flame throwers, I am in this group. I think arranged marriages are stupid, and I'm Aethiest. But the thing is, arranged marriages are based in religion...people's religion is very important to them...and since we don't believe in religion we can't really consider that as an influencing factor in this kind of decision.

Now...to those that are religious, but in a religion that doesn't believe in arranged marriages... Consider something important in your religion, and then go against it. For Christians, say the 10 commandments. What if you just up and decided to ignore them...how do you think your family would feel? I don't know religions that well...so for others you'll have to make up your own things.

(I am coming to a point...eventually...)

Now my question for you is, does she believe in this religion that says she should have arranged marriage...or does she not, and her family does.

if she believes in that religion then of course she is going to have her arranged marriage, and she will probably turn out happy.

If she disagrees with the religion and wants to avoid the arranged marriage...well going against your families religion can be difficult...but perhaps that's what she wants to do, and maybe she could use your help doing so?

 

[rahvin]

Bah, I would tell the family to f-off it's my decision. As others have said, it your's and her life and she has to decide what is more important, her happiness or her parents.

 

[schoolsucks]

his.

 

[Noriaki]

Fair enough...but I'm getting the impression in her culture/religion whatever you want to call it, she's not allowed to decline.

 

[blueghost75]

I don't know man, thats tough stuff. She is obviously not legaly bound in any way to her parents. Its interesting that her parents actually like you. I wouldn't know what to do myself...

You could fake her death, and you two could go off and live in paradise. Of course, that probably wouldn't work. I wouldn't do that myself, because I would feel bad about tricking her parents like that. I have a hard time lying to people or tricking them. I always feel bad about it afterwards, so I just don't do it much.

I would say that if she truely loves you, and since her parents actually like you to an extent, you might be able to work something out. Again, that doesn't seem likely to happen either, and like I said, I wouldn't know what to do in this situation.

Good luck to the two of you. I hope you can get this worked out. And by all means, don't just dump her because &quot;it won't work out.&quot; If you love each other, I would stay with her for as long as possible.