First off, to the dating ametur squad. No it won't.
Second, Quasarsky, give me a break you won't wait 60 minutes for a PM, but you're willing to wait months for some nookie?
First off, to the dating ametur squad. No it won't.
Second, Quasarsky, give me a break you won't wait 60 minutes for a PM, but you're willing to wait months for some nookie?
Well, you can move to be closer to her (but not in with her if you feel you can't get married yet) but do remember that shes going to med school and isn't going to have a lot of time to see you (like none) so you will still feel lonely if you do go, there is also the factor of wether she wants you to go with her or not (not becasue she doesn't love you but because she needs some time to reallly focus on school).
I will say though, that I know one couple who has spent more time of their relationship apart than together (and they started off together) and they are doing just fine. It depends on the people involved and how much you love eachother.
Ahhh... what it was like to be young and stupid...
1. Education
2. Job
3. THEN worry about settling down. When you do it out of order, life gets VERY complicated... just like it has for the OP.
ColdFusion718
Diamond Member
- Mar 4, 2000
- 3,496
- 9
- 81
He's right, I did it for 2.5 years and in the end, she gave up. I didn't give it my all at first while she did, yet towards the end, I gave it everything I had and she was slipping. Life's a b!tch like that sometimes.
Originally posted by: bsobel
First off, to the dating ametur squad. No it won't.
Second, Quasarsky, give me a break you won't wait 60 minutes for a PM, but you're willing to wait months for some nookie?
*ZING* haha
SagaLore
Elite Member
- Dec 18, 2001
- 24,036
- 21
- 81
Remember, a "great future" consists of improving yourself and making a difference in your life. I think it is a very worthwhile goal of hers. Unfortunately, you also have to remember that it won't stop at med school. If she is becoming a doctor, then that profession will have to become a priority and if you two are still together by then, your relationship may drift apart.
If you are serious about staying with her, then you will have to move and 100% support her through school and then again with her career.
I dated a girl for 3 years in high school, then proceeded on to college. I went to SUNY Brockport (near Rochester, NY) and she went to the University of Tampa (in Florida). We were apart for those 4 years, only seeing each other about every other month (not counting the summers and winters I spent in Tampa). I'm not gonna lie, these were hard years. But, we were in love and we made it through. We have now been happily married 6 months as of yesterday (we're both 22 ftw). If you both want it to work and are both committed, then it will work. Good luck to you!
OP you say you can't AFFORD to get married right now........I think you can't afford to NOT get married right now.
med school is only 3 years?
you guys can make it work... i'm in law school for 3 years, finishing up the first semester, things are going fine. honestly, i think people blow the whole long distance thing out of proportion... either that or they're just needy. if you read through history there's tons of people that waited like 10 years or something like that for their loved one... and that's without holiday visits, email, aim, etc.
and good lord, don't get married just because she's going to med school? what kind of reasoning is that?? if you two are close enough to get married, why can't you just wait it out 3 years. like you said, you'll see her a few times a year.
you guys can make it work... i'm in law school for 3 years, finishing up the first semester, things are going fine. honestly, i think people blow the whole long distance thing out of proportion... either that or they're just needy. if you read through history there's tons of people that waited like 10 years or something like that for their loved one... and that's without holiday visits, email, aim, etc.
and good lord, don't get married just because she's going to med school? what kind of reasoning is that?? if you two are close enough to get married, why can't you just wait it out 3 years. like you said, you'll see her a few times a year.
moshquerade
No Lifer
- Nov 1, 2001
- 61,504
- 12
- 56
Siddhartha
Lifer
- Oct 17, 1999
- 12,505
- 3
- 81
This is probably the best bet. But you will not get to see her that much anyway with her concentrating on medical school, internship, and other post med school programs.
Please explain why you can't move with her? Debt is mobile If she is worth it, you should be able to figure out how to move.
If she is worth it, you should be able to figure out how to move.
HeroOfPellinor
Lifer
- Dec 27, 2001
- 11,272
- 1
- 0
Ah the bitter and jaded.
Being with somebody you love and who loves you is the greatest worldy thing you could ever hope for in life. Once you have that, it doesn't really matter if you're wealthy and successful....though those are nice. The fact is, who cares about having three degrees and a six figure income if you don't have somebody to share them with.....and finding somebody you love and who loves you is FAR less likely than being able to finish school or get started in a career.
Debt is no reason not to marry somebody if you're in love. If they're school loans the interest should be minimal and most financial advisors will recommend you just pay the minimum and worry about paying it down later in life. If it's CC debt, then you can plan to roll it into your home loan. With one of you working in the medical profession, it should be no problem paying off the mortgage early.
Though I doubt you're really in love or this would have all been terribly obvious to you. My wife and I got married in the Bay Area with me having only been working for three months at an entry level position and her not even finished with college yet.
Yep...Ive almost never seen a LDR work. Its very very rare. Not impossible, but damn near close. Maybe 1/100. If you love her that much, move with her.
If you're serious about the relationship, find a way to marry her or you may regret it for the rest of your life that you opted not to for financial reasons. Some people only get one shot at true love, so don't take it for granted if she's the one.
Easy there, Sparky. Who's bitter and jaded? I have a wonderful wife and two amazing children. Wouldn't change a thing.
True, but you have to be able to love yourself before you can love another person... and some people need a certain amount of success and stability before they're comfortable enough with themselves that they could even begin to care for another person. If you don't respect yourself, how can you love and care for another person with all your heart? Some people aren't content as bartenders, so before they can dive into a lifelong relationship, they need to stabilize themselves, first.
While your whole "love is everything" is rather cute and adoring, life and people are a tad more complex than that.
Way to paint the entire population with one big fat "everyone is like me" brush.
First of all, did you know that most divorces and separations stem from financial problems? I'm not talking about a small majority... I'm talking "almost all". This is a fact.
Second, who is talking about three degrees and six figure incomes? Check your sensationalism at the door. For some people it's just a matter of settling into a job that helps them earn self respect. That could be a $30k a year teacher's salary. In the case of the OP's S.O., who you've gross failed to take into account here, she wants to be a doctor. I'm sure she wants love, too, but she has aspirations in addition to having a husband.
I can't count how many times I thought I "found the one", only to find out I was wrong. One minute you think "hey, this is the person I should cut my ear off for", and the next minute they're heading halfway around the world for 3 years of medical school. Sorry, but someone checking out of town for 3 yeas regardless of your input is NOT "the one"... at least not at that particular juncture in your lives.
Again... most marrital problems = financial problems.
That's great... there's nothing wrong with that (but thanks for presuming to have my love life "pegged" :roll: ). That's what worked FOR YOU. The OP is dating an aspiring doctor, though. Again, you have grossly failed to take that into account, nor have you taken into account what HER priorities appear to be... and if your significant other has vastly different priorities than you do, then you haven't met your match, now have you, oh wise one.........
I suppose he could give up everything and follow her there, but there's likely a bleak outlook waiting. She has 3 very hard years ahead of her... and love obviously isn't her top priority right now.
To reiterate: not everyone shares your own specific priorities. Each person has different needs and different aspirations.
Ironically, I was like you. I put my love life ahead of my career, as did my wife... however, we BOTH felt the same about that. Had one of us felt the opposite, the other would have felt severely neglected.
Oh, and don't be so quick to assume so much about other people.
HeroOfPellinor
Lifer
- Dec 27, 2001
- 11,272
- 1
- 0
It's fair play. You called the guy young and stupid with less information than I had. By the way, did you take your own advice in your relationship...getting a career first? Didn't change careers since?
Being able to accept love and to love someone else, is kinda the hallmark of that.
Yeah, see? That's the point I just made.
That's the "stated" cause, but it's not the actual cause. The actual cause is a lack of respect and trust and communication which is more often than not exhibited through financial situations.
She's got a degree and is going to med school and that didn't seem to be enough for you....so its not really sensationalism.
If someone doesn't have self-respect before their job they'll never had it with one.
Good point. My point is if they're really in love then they should let nothing stand. As I said, I doubt this is the case, but if it is, I wouldn't let anything stand in the way.
For somebody criticisng somebody else for making assumptions there are an abundance there. All we know is what the OP said which is that they love each other and both want to stay together.
SacrosanctFiend
Diamond Member
- Oct 2, 2004
- 4,269
- 0
- 0
Medical school is four years. Residency is 2-3 years for a generalist, and 3-8 for a specialist.
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