my friend is depressed, need advice

[Mark]

ive always been the guy to be able to hear out people stories and give solid advice. but one of my female friends came to me with one and i dont really know how to answer it. ill give it to you guys and you let me know what you think...


basically shes youngest in the family, first to own a new car, first one to get a pretty decent job, she felt is was pretty much expected of her to be the first to do everything or if not do it better. her parents pull her aside one day and told her that they expect that shes the only one that will graduate from college, even if it takes a long time. why? because shes the only one who has is not married and has no kids. her parents told her not to worry about it. her parents told her she dont need to get married cause shes still young(24). but she will wants to experiance everything her siblings have. she wants her dad to walk her down the aisle when she gets married, she wants her parents to take care of her children when shes not there


her father was recently diagnosed with cancer, she doesnt know if its malignant or benign. this isnt the first time he's had it. she feels her dream and future are at risk. it wont be complete without her parents. her sister just had her 2nd baby, while she hasnt' had any.



she seems really down on this but i just dont know what to tell her.

 

[DannyLove]

not sure what to say. but if you can't fulfill your dream/future without certain people in your life at 24, then its a whole other story. Life isn't easy, but you somehow need to focus even with the people you love gone.

 

[Baked]

Seek professional help before she slits her wrists.

 

[Dumac]

Originally posted by: Baked
Seek professional help before she slits her wrists.

Was that serious or was that a mockery of the OP's problem?

 

[cKGunslinger]

Maybe she could take some classes and go teach English overseas?

 

[aswedc]

Seems pretty selfish to me to want her parents at her wedding, take care of her kids, etc, but not do what they wanted her to do, go to college. Her dream? What about her parents dream?

 

[dainthomas]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: Baked
Seek professional help before she slits her wrists.

Was that serious or was that a mockery of the OP's problem?

A mockery would be asking for pics, and then offering to help if she is hot enough.

 

[Mark]

any serious answers?

 

[imported_Pablo]

The best place to ask for psychological advice is ATOT. You've come to the right place. Who needs professional advice/help when you've got forum geeks.

 

[Injury]

Assuming that he's going to die is pretty crappy attitude to have about the whole thing.

It doesn't sound like depression, it just sounds like she has a common problem that all younger children have that make them think they must follow in their siblings footsteps. She needs to stop comparing herself to her siblings. She's the first in her family to go to college... isn't that a big enough accomplishment? She will now be able to provide a better life for the children she does have, give them things that she might not have had, etc.

Her dream and her future shouldn't be at the top of her concerns in this situation. She needs to suck it up for a little while and be there for her dad. I'm getting an image in my head of some girl crying to herself because her parents can't take care of her children while she's at work... there's more to life than that.

If that's depression, then either she's just a spoiled daddy's girl, or I should check myself into an institution because I've been pretty bummed out lately for much worse.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

So why is she depressed again?
I could see sad, but depressed?

 

[nonnormman]

A 24yr old worrying about marriage and having children?

 

[Mark]

^^^well she broke down and started crying at work. Its not JUST THIS, she was betrayed by all of her friends so now she feels she has none, and her bf she feels is hiding things. but i know how to respond to hers, it just this one i didnt know how to answer.


i guess she isn't depressed but sad, i used the wrong word.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

professional help

 

[notfred]

A woman in her mid 20s starting to think about getting married and having a family is hardly unique. Is she just upset because her dad is sick? She doesn't seem like she should be feeling lonely, since yo usaid she has a boyfriend.

 

[moshquerade]

cancer is always malignant.

 

[compnovice]

Her dad is diagnosed with cancer and she is unhappy because she won't see him at her wedding.... its not depression, its stupidity...

 

[Injury]

Originally posted by: moshquerade
cancer is always malignant.

I just assumed he meant a cancerous tumor.

 

[Mark]

Originally posted by: notfred
A woman in her mid 20s starting to think about getting married and having a family is hardly unique. Is she just upset because her dad is sick? She doesn't seem like she should be feeling lonely, since yo usaid she has a boyfriend.

yeah, but this guy is the kinds who enjoys his girlfriends "behind closed doors". like the guys doesnt even have a pic of her on his myspace, he never shows any pda. she gets asked by her relatives why hes so secretive, and she doesnt even know.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Mark
^^^well she broke down and started crying at work. Its not JUST THIS, she was betrayed by all of her friends so now she feels she has none, and her bf she feels is hiding things. but i know how to respond to hers, it just this one i didnt know how to answer.


i guess she isn't depressed but sad, i used the wrong word.

She is just sad. People get sad. Just remind her things could be worse, and tell her not to worry.
Oh tell her to live her own life, and not to let others run it.

 

[KeithTalent]

Originally posted by: Mark
^^^well she broke down and started crying at work. Its not JUST THIS, she was betrayed by all of her friends so now she feels she has none, and her bf she feels is hiding things. but i know how to respond to hers, it just this one i didnt know how to answer.

I have a friend who has been clinically depressed for over half her life. She has tried numerous medications all with varying degrees of success, but all of them only worked temporarily.

She always resisted seeing a therapist, but we (a group of friends) were finally able to convince her to go, mainly because it was free (through her work), but hey, whatever gets her there.

The therapy has really helped her work through some things. She is still on medication, but coupled with the therapy she has been able to return to a functional life. The crying at work has been reduced significantly and she appears happier overall.

So I guesss my advice is to convince you friend to talk to someone, hopefully a professional, because they have exerpience with these situations and could probably offer better advice than anyone here on ATOT (no offense guys) ever could.

Good luck to you and your friend.

KT

 

[Injury]

Originally posted by: Mark
^^^well she broke down and started crying at work. Its not JUST THIS, she was betrayed by all of her friends so now she feels she has none, and her bf she feels is hiding things. but i know how to respond to hers, it just this one i didnt know how to answer.


i guess she isn't depressed but sad, i used the wrong word.

Please elaborate on "betrayed by all her friends".

Tell her to welcome to her 20's... it's time to get over drama in your life.

 

[z42]

Show her a 6th grade science book. I'm pretty sure most of them show that the world revolves around the sun and not around her.

On a less harsh note; usually this is a time when you rely on your friends for support. Why have all her friends turned away from her? She might need some professional help if she doesn't have anyone close to her to lean on, unless you want to shoulder that. These are normal life problems and shouldn't really cause anyone to be depressed for more than a day or two.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Injury

Originally posted by: moshquerade
cancer is always malignant.

I just assumed he meant a cancerous tumor.

her father was recently diagnosed with cancer, she doesnt know if its malignant or benign. this isnt the first time he's had it.

sound like cancer to me. plus it's recurred. he's had cancer before this.

 

[Pegun]

Tell her its hard to do pretty much anyhting after you lose someone close to you. I personally would know necause my best friend OD'ed. We were right in the middle of doing sound recording for his band and it was a really sudden thing, he said he was not drinking anymore and all that. Being there for her dad is the best thing she can do for now and then she should contemplate how she wants her life to go second. She may want him there but if shes not ready NOW to get married then she has to realize that things don't always go as planned.