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My BroInLaw just killed his wife and himself...

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That is very sad. I wish the best of luck to you and your family.

I do agree with you about they kids. I would never be able to send kids related to me to foster care. As for their behavior problems, just discipline them. You have to put your foot down. Yelling and light spanking once in a while will help improve their behavior.
 
Originally posted by: saahmed
That is very sad. I wish the best of luck to you and your family.

I do agree with you about they kids. I would never be able to send kids related to me to foster care. As for their behavior problems, just discipline them. You have to put your foot down. Yelling and light spanking once in a while will help improve their behavior.
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Agreed. Keep you head up & your foot down. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: flashbacck
You guys telling him to let the children go to foster homes are forgetting that this is his wife's sister's children. Are all of you seriously saying that if your sibling died, you'd let their children go to foster homes?
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If my brother and his wife died I would send his kids to foster homes although I imagine my parents would step up and take care of them. I am simply not prepared to take care of children.

This is not to say I don't care for the kids... I just think they would be better off with pretty much anybody else raising them, heh. Hopefully I will never face this choice.

What a terrible situation for the OP. 🙁


 
I disagree. Yelling and light spanking can work (assuming this is not illegal where you live), but many disruptive children have deeper emotional problems that may take years of work and much treasure to alleviate.

 
Originally posted by: krcat1
I disagree. Yelling and light spanking can work (assuming this is not illegal where you live), but many disruptive children have deeper emotional problems that may take years of work and much treasure to alleviate.
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Spanking definetly has it's place and uses, but in this case these kids need to get established first. Not only are they "wild and crazy" because of an unproper upbringing and genetics, but they're also being forced to deal with the loss of both of their parents.

I could not even begin to imagine what these kids are going through.

OP if you take them in, understand it will be hard, but so worth it. You are SAVING two lives. Sounds like you're they're only option outside of foster homes. Those boys need each other, to put them in foster homes could very well split them up. That kind of life breeds contempt and hate and will likely lead the kids down a path to being unproductive in society.

Like I said before, I'm all for discipline, and spanking if NECEASSARY. It's not here though. You have to love these kids as you would your own. They WILL act out, they WILL lash out, they may even do some despicable things (i.e. the animal killing, etc), but it's your job, if you choose to take it on, to hold steady and never waiver in being that positive force in their life.

they will turn out just fine if you do that. You should be proud of yourself OP, my prayers are with you, your wife, and your new boys.
 
man, i feel for ya. thats so sad.
i'm afraid the same thing might end up happening to my sister or her kid (my niece) one day if she stays with the jerk she's with now. this was in yesterday's newspaper - this is my sister's boyfriend (i took his name out and the town they live in):

Sister's boyfriend, 27, of Town was
charged with scattering rubbish after an incident at
Toms Mobil Exxon in Town just before 4 PM, Dec.
15. Police said he broke an empty glass liquor bottle
on the pavement at the store and then left. He was
also charged with driving while his license was
suspended because of a driving under the influence of
alcohol.

he's been in trouble with the law numerous times before, as well as the rest of his family.
he's already threatened my sister and my family once, saying he was going to torture us and kill her pets. One of her cats did die due to his dog attacking it. Police were notified and stuff but my sister still went back with him. he pulls the classic "i'll change, i'll be better" crap every time but doesn't.
Don't if that was just an accident or what. She just had his baby about 3 months ago. This guy has 2 kids with another woman who eventually got away from him. He doesn't pay child support, he can't keep a job for more than a few months at a time. He always drinks and who knows what else. I'm sure there's more I could say about this guy but i think you all get the picture.

i have no idea why she stays with this guy. he's a loser and totally worthless. any time my parents say anything about his behavior she gets all pissed off and defensive.
 
Good luck Bluemax,

you've surely got some tough times ahead but you'll get through it and in the end, those boys may be the silver lining in all this mess.


 
Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Just so you know, those kids are NOT your responsibility. Granted, it would be a very nice thing for you to take them in. But in my opinion, you have to look after yours first, and then if you have the capability you can take care of others as well.
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Well, if my brother dies and his kids were orphans, i would make it my responsibility. What nationality are you? Maybe it's the Chinese in me that makes me think this way.
 
Originally posted by: pontifex
he's been in trouble with the law numerous times before, as well as the rest of his family.
he's already threatened my sister and my family once, saying he was going to torture us and kill her pets. One of her cats did die due to his dog attacking it. Police were notified and stuff but my sister still went back with him. he pulls the classic "i'll change, i'll be better" crap every time but doesn't.
Don't if that was just an accident or what. She just had his baby about 3 months ago. This guy has 2 kids with another woman who eventually got away from him. He doesn't pay child support, he can't keep a job for more than a few months at a time. He always drinks and who knows what else. I'm sure there's more I could say about this guy but i think you all get the picture.

i have no idea why she stays with this guy. he's a loser and totally worthless. any time my parents say anything about his behavior she gets all pissed off and defensive.
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I know I replied in a PM, but I think everyone needs to know this. If you know someone in a situation like this, do your best to convince them to GET OUT!!! Leave! Change cities, change names, whatever! These guys are totally psycho and will snap with just the right, tiny provocation. In my Broinlaw's case it was his wife getting a text message from a male coworker after hours. (Launch into the "you're cheating on me aren't you" paranoid routine.)

Save their lives and their kids - GET THEM OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!! I suppose there's not much you can do if they refuse to listen, but use my story if you have to - it can and will happen. 99% of abusers don't change. Period.
 
I read this in the paper as well. One of my friends knew the family some how as well. I am glad that the children didn't see their dad do this at least. My prayers will be with you my fellow Winnipegger.
 
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Damn, that's just awful. I hope that your family is able to do the best for the boys. I'll bet you may find that they're not such a lost cause as you may think. You sound pretty practical and well reasoned so the two boy's may just absorb your good spirit after all.

Good luck, and condolences.

 
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