My 2nd cartoon

So

Lifer
Jul 2, 2001
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Your art isn't bad, but you desperately need to work on your writing...
 

Zolty

Diamond Member
Feb 7, 2005
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Originally posted by: Nithin
Could you elaborate? Grammar? Words?

It isn't funny, you make a microsoft joke, and a fairly unoriginal one at that. I am not saying I can do better, but you might want to look for a writer to help out w/ the words.
 

So

Lifer
Jul 2, 2001
25,921
14
81
Originally posted by: Zolty
Originally posted by: Nithin
Could you elaborate? Grammar? Words?

It isn't funny, you make a microsoft joke, and a fairly unoriginal one at that. I am not saying I can do better, but you might want to look for a writer to help out w/ the words.

Agreed. It's just that your jokes (well, all two of them) don't really "work."
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
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tough crowd. :) This is just a hobby for now so I will be doing the writing myself. Hopefully I'll improve over time.
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
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Originally posted by: Zolty
Originally posted by: Nithin
Could you elaborate? Grammar? Words?

It isn't funny, you make a microsoft joke, and a fairly unoriginal one at that. I am not saying I can do better, but you might want to look for a writer to help out w/ the words.

it's also that the kidnappers use MS Software to plot Bill Gates' kidnapping. Which I thought was funny. Hehe. :D
 
Jun 19, 2004
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not a tough crowd, just a not gonna bull shit ya crowd. Writing's lame, artwork is decent. With work I think you've got a lot of potential.
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
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Originally posted by: MisterJackson
not a tough crowd, just a not gonna bull shit ya crowd. Writing's lame, artwork is decent. With work I think you've got a lot of potential.

ya, i understand. which is good, i know what i need to work on.
 

hanoverphist

Diamond Member
Dec 7, 2006
9,928
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Originally posted by: Nithin
Originally posted by: Mo0o
well your drawing is certainly better than my stick figures http://eckliptic.atothosting.com/terryyoung.png

but being real life, that was funny. :)

see? yours is the polar opposite... bad art (subjectively) and good writing. the irony in that worked. i giggled.

edit: ewps, that was to the stick figure guy. his was ironically funny. OP wasnt. not that it couldnt be, but needs work on jokes.
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
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ya, it seems like good writing can pick up bad art, but not vice versa.
 

Mr Pickles

Diamond Member
Feb 24, 2006
4,104
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Originally posted by: Nithin
Originally posted by: MisterJackson
not a tough crowd, just a not gonna bull shit ya crowd. Writing's lame, artwork is decent. With work I think you've got a lot of potential.

ya, i understand. which is good, i know what i need to work on.

A lot of people draw their own things and then pitch a concept to a better writer. What do you think about that?
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
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sure. if you have any good joke ideas, let me know. i'll try to draw it.
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
961
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Originally posted by: Nithin
sure. if you have any good joke ideas, let me know. i'll try to draw it.

[EDIT] also if anyone comes up with a funnier version of my posts, i could draw that too.
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,014
137
106
I think the art is well done for a cartoon, nice work. I might suggest using the stereotypical 2-D gridlines to represent the keyboard; I found the 13-key keyboard with the giant keys to be a little visually distracting. Also, give the geek two legs in the first panel. I liked the art, but the Microsoft joke in this one was a bit stale.

Maybe ATOT can suggest alternative captions for the two cartoons, using the same artwork.
Not that I'll do any better, but...
1: How much have we made so far selling those counterfeit Rolexes on ebay?
2: Don't know, boss. The password cracking bot we distributed stole all the money from our Paypal account, and I'm still trying to find it.
 

James Bond

Diamond Member
Jan 21, 2005
6,023
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Originally posted by: Nithin
Originally posted by: Zolty
Originally posted by: Nithin
Could you elaborate? Grammar? Words?

It isn't funny, you make a microsoft joke, and a fairly unoriginal one at that. I am not saying I can do better, but you might want to look for a writer to help out w/ the words.

it's also that the kidnappers use MS Software to plot Bill Gates' kidnapping. Which I thought was funny. Hehe. :D

The irony in that is actually funny, but I don't think it really stands out in your comic because they don't look like kidnappers. They are dressed in suits/business atire, so you kind of expect them to be using Office. If they were dressed up like scrubs (kidnappers), I think it would be more ironic that the software wasn't working.
 

Phokus

Lifer
Nov 20, 1999
22,995
776
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Dear Nithin,

You obviously have talent as an artist but your writing is lacking. I, on the other hand, am a genius at humor with no artistic talent. I say we team up and together we can rule the world!
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
961
0
76
Originally posted by: Tizyler
Originally posted by: Nithin
Originally posted by: Zolty
Originally posted by: Nithin
Could you elaborate? Grammar? Words?

It isn't funny, you make a microsoft joke, and a fairly unoriginal one at that. I am not saying I can do better, but you might want to look for a writer to help out w/ the words.

it's also that the kidnappers use MS Software to plot Bill Gates' kidnapping. Which I thought was funny. Hehe. :D

The irony in that is actually funny, but I don't think it really stands out in your comic because they don't look like kidnappers. They are dressed in suits/business atire, so you kind of expect them to be using Office. If they were dressed up like scrubs (kidnappers), I think it would be more ironic that the software wasn't working.

i was trying to draw a mafia don, but didn't manage to actually make him look like one.
 

Nithin

Senior member
Dec 31, 2002
961
0
76
Originally posted by: Phokus
Dear Nithin,

You obviously have talent as an artist but your writing is lacking. I, on the other hand, am a genius at humor with no artistic talent. I say we team up and together we can rule the world!

sure dude! send me your ideas.
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,014
137
106
Originally posted by: Nithin
i was trying to draw a mafia don, but didn't manage to actually make him look like one.
I picked up on it right away. It worked for me.