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Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'Aaaaaaah'. He'd
just say it!
MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!
GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.

😀
 
Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana shaped.
Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
 
I remember my father took me to the cinema when I was 9 to see this movie, and I still remember it as the funniest movie I've ever seen in the cinema.
 
Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his pen--
 
A MAN appears on the battlements. ARTHUR addresses him.
ARTHUR
Hello.
MAN
'Allo. Whoo is eet?
ARTHUR
I am King Arthur and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
MAN
This is the castle of of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
ARTHUR
Please go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest, and if he will give us food and shelter for this night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
MAN
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. He's already got one, you see?
ARTHUR
What?
GALAHAD
He says they've already got one!

They are stunned.
ARTHUR
Are you sure he's got one?
MAN
Oh yes. It's very nice
+ CUT TO BATTLEMENTS. THE TAUNTER (MAN) turns to some others.
MAN
I told him we already got one.

They all giggle.
ARTHUR
Well ... can we come up and have a look?
MAN
Of course not! You are English pigs.
ARTHUR
Well, what are you then?
MAN
I'm French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king.
GALAHAD
What are you doing in England?
MAN
Mind your own business.
ARTHUR
If you will not show us the Grail we shall storm your castle.

Murmurs of assent.
MAN
You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English K...kaniggets.

He puts hands to his ears and blows a raspberry.
GALAHAD
What a strange person.
ARTHUR
Now look here, my good man!
MAN
I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
GALAHAD
Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
MAN
No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
ARTHUR
Now this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonab...
MAN
Fetchez la vache!
GUARD
Quoi?
MAN
Fetchez la vache!

CUT BACK TO battlements. A cow is led out of a stall.
CUT BACK TO ARTHUR.
ARTHUR
Now that is my final offer. If you are not prepared to agree to my demands I shall be forced to take ... Oh Christ!
A cow comes flying over the battlements, lowing aggressively. The cow lands on GALAHAD'S PAGE, squashing him completely
 
Time to bring out the dead ?

(read: time to watch the Monty Python movies again.. back from the dead... hehe)
 
Originally posted by: civad
Time to bring out the dead ?

(read: time to watch the Monty Python movies again.. back from the dead... hehe)
Click to expand...

Every Saturday morning, when I do the laundry, I pass by my girls' rooms and shout, Bring Out Yer Dead! Bring Out Yer Dead!

They think I am a little crazy. 🙂
 
Originally posted by: loki8481
wtf?

I saw this movie for the first time tonight. Without a doubt, one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. my friends hyped it up as this hillareous movie, and I can't even remember laughing once.

I want my 90 minutes back 🙁
Click to expand...

You have to be really smart to get all of the jokes.🙂
 
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