I didnt use drugs when I was a teen because it was illegal.
I havnt tried drugs yet because it is illegal.
So how do my above true statements jive with your blanket statement that the illegality has NO effect on the use/abuse rates?
I dont even know a single person who does drugs, and I have no clue how to get a hold of some...
You need to work on admitting you are wrong.
importdistributors
Senior member
- Sep 14, 2004
- 294
- 0
- 0
I have two young daughters (4 and 1) so temper my response with one who hasn't invested what you have with your family.
Your daughter is likely to do what she wants even if you make her choose between you and the person she is dating.
So you want to try as hard as you can to convince her that marrying him is not right. If you can't do that, then you need to make sure she understands that you will always be there for her no matter what.
I think that you should strongly encourage your daughter to take this very slowly, and express to her your opinions on the matter. The fact is... if this guy really cared for her, he would be far more involved in this process.
From the info that the OP has given us... he has barely met this guy, and all he knows is that he is HIV+. That, in and of itself, would give me serious misgivings about him and his effect on my daughter's health and well being. Apart from the fact that you can "live with" HIV these days... there are the cost considerations (who is going to insure you?) and the early mortality concerns (parent-less children FTL).
If this guy really wanted to lay everything on the table, he would be intimately involved with the families on both sides (especially the OP's), alleviating any concerns that there may be about lifestyle/finances/health care/etc. He would make sure that everyone was at least apprised of the situation and was given all of the information.
Marriage, especially in this case, should not be taken lightly. We are talking years of dating... education of the family... guiding all concerned parties through every part of the process.
According to what the OP has given us, none of this has taken place. It looks like it has happened far too quickly for this to be an above-the-table marriage as far as the family is concerned. I for one would strongly discourage my daughter from marrying anyone that was trying to pull the wool over the rest of the family's eyes.... doubly so in cases like this where she is putting her life at stake.
From the info that the OP has given us... he has barely met this guy, and all he knows is that he is HIV+. That, in and of itself, would give me serious misgivings about him and his effect on my daughter's health and well being. Apart from the fact that you can "live with" HIV these days... there are the cost considerations (who is going to insure you?) and the early mortality concerns (parent-less children FTL).
If this guy really wanted to lay everything on the table, he would be intimately involved with the families on both sides (especially the OP's), alleviating any concerns that there may be about lifestyle/finances/health care/etc. He would make sure that everyone was at least apprised of the situation and was given all of the information.
Marriage, especially in this case, should not be taken lightly. We are talking years of dating... education of the family... guiding all concerned parties through every part of the process.
According to what the OP has given us, none of this has taken place. It looks like it has happened far too quickly for this to be an above-the-table marriage as far as the family is concerned. I for one would strongly discourage my daughter from marrying anyone that was trying to pull the wool over the rest of the family's eyes.... doubly so in cases like this where she is putting her life at stake.
I do agree she is your child and you have to support her no matter what. But, the person she is dating should love her enough to let her go and leave as others have stated. AIDS may be treated but it is still terminal. At this point it is your daughter's and her partner's decision and hopefully things work out.
This is not true. Provide a link to support your statement?
When used properly, the use of latex condoms is highly effective in protecting against HIV transmission.
Amused
Elite Member
- Apr 14, 2001
- 57,150
- 18,710
- 146
The fact of the matter is I'm not wrong. Had we never had this discussion the first reason you would give for not doing drugs is that they destroy lives or some such similar rational fear brought about by education.
You're lying through your teeth, and you know it.
Finally, you claim to be in school, yet not know a single person who does drugs...
Um, yeah. You're either the most oblivious person on earth, or you have no social life whatsoever. One of the easiest places to find out where to get drugs are schools.
Next you'll be trying to convince me that were drugs legal, you'd be a junkie...
:roll:
Go away.
Yeah this doesnt make much sense to me.... the virus is suspended in fluids that cant pass through the pores of the condom.... are you saying the virus can travel without the fluid and find its way through the pores? that doesnt seem very likely
From the link provided:
It's important to distinguish between myth and fact before posting hearsay as truth.
:thumbsup:
He is going to lose her either way. One way she dies loving her dad and one way she dies estranged.
It doesn't seem likely because it is a lie. Probably propaganda made up by religious groups to scare people into abstinence.
The ignorance in this thread... ranging from condoms to drugs to STDs is downright ALARMING. A big chunk of you should be rounded up and sterilized. So many people just talking authoritatively out of their asses.
Well, there's a good chance she's already had sex with this guy, and thus a good chance she already has AIDs. Even oral would have been enough.
Support her, that's what family is for...
You can't force anybody to not love someone. The more you'll try to talk her out of this situation the more you'll lose her. Now she needs her family more than ever. If you don't support her now, you'll regret it one day.
the ignorance and stupidity expressed in this thread is terrifying
I can't even believe this is an issue. if they want to be together, that is their choice. there is no reason why the wife should end up contracting HIV herself. If the guy is on medications, and they use condoms, the chances of her contracting HIV are small. We are all going to die eventually, anyway. At least this couple has managed to find a meaningful relationship with each other.
I can't even believe this is an issue. if they want to be together, that is their choice. there is no reason why the wife should end up contracting HIV herself. If the guy is on medications, and they use condoms, the chances of her contracting HIV are small. We are all going to die eventually, anyway. At least this couple has managed to find a meaningful relationship with each other.
IAteYourMother
Lifer
- Nov 3, 2004
- 10,491
- 22
- 81
Well if they use a condom every time they have sex the chance of transmission is extremely low. If the condom breaks, obviously the chances are a lot higher but they are still fairly low. Looking up the actual transmission rates: a New England Journal of Medicine study with 256 couples (one being HIV-positive) found the ones that always used condoms, the HIV-negative partner never became positive; without a condom the number jumped to about 10%.
If they were to have children (assuming she became HIV-positive) and they used antiretroviral medicines, the chance that the child would be HIV positive would be about 1%. Breastfeeding increases the risk of transmission by 10-15%.
It seems like there is a lot of misinformation in this thread (HIV can spread through condoms - thanks for that myth, looney evangelicals). HIV isn't the end of the world. It's expensive world but you can stay alive for a very long time (look at Magic Johnson) if you do the right things and pay out the ass.
How'd he get HIV, btw? Is it HIV or AIDS? If it's AIDS, chances are he doesn't have too much time left.
Why you guys are talking about illegal drugs, I have no idea.
To be honest, in your situation (assuming it's true) I'd be scared shitless too. But you shouldn't be asking a fvcking internet forum whether your opinion is right or not. Have you looked up the information on HIV/AIDS? Have you educated yourself on a topic that could change yours and your loved-ones' lives? It seems stupid to ask the opinion of people on an internet forum when the vast majority of them don't know jacksh!t about the disease. If you want an informed opinion, go talk to some doctors that deal with HIV/AIDS patients.
If they were to have children (assuming she became HIV-positive) and they used antiretroviral medicines, the chance that the child would be HIV positive would be about 1%. Breastfeeding increases the risk of transmission by 10-15%.
It seems like there is a lot of misinformation in this thread (HIV can spread through condoms - thanks for that myth, looney evangelicals). HIV isn't the end of the world. It's expensive world but you can stay alive for a very long time (look at Magic Johnson) if you do the right things and pay out the ass.
How'd he get HIV, btw? Is it HIV or AIDS? If it's AIDS, chances are he doesn't have too much time left.
Why you guys are talking about illegal drugs, I have no idea.
To be honest, in your situation (assuming it's true) I'd be scared shitless too. But you shouldn't be asking a fvcking internet forum whether your opinion is right or not. Have you looked up the information on HIV/AIDS? Have you educated yourself on a topic that could change yours and your loved-ones' lives? It seems stupid to ask the opinion of people on an internet forum when the vast majority of them don't know jacksh!t about the disease. If you want an informed opinion, go talk to some doctors that deal with HIV/AIDS patients.
QueBert
Lifer
- Jan 6, 2002
- 22,940
- 1,136
- 126
the irony is she might actually be safer marrying this man, why do I say that?
married people tend to "trust" each other. Problem is a lot of married people cheat. But since there is trust in the relationship the person doesn't even think about the other person cheating on them. And they have regular, unprotected "married sex" and then get infected. They don't worry about HIV so they take no steps to do anything, as the problem doesn't even exist, until it actually does exist. And by then it's too late.
if she marries this guy with HIV, it will ALWAYS BE in the front of her mind and the sex will ALWAYS BE as safe as possible between them.
Anybody can be with someone who has HIV and doesn't know it, or knows it and doesn't admit to it, can we live in fear? She could leave this guy and get with Joe Schmoe from next door, who she thinks is clean and end up getting HIV.
would I intentinally have sex with an infected person? I'd love to say no, because that's what my mind is saying. But I have had unprotected sex with a girlfriend I couldn't possibly know 100% was STD free. Again, it's about trust. And with him saying "I have HIV" she can trust him.
Can she get infected? sure, just like I could get infected, or you. I worked at Planned Parenthood, and from everyone I spoke to, and all the stuff I read there. With proper precaution HIV+/HIV- people can coexist and have sex and be totally safe. I had a High School Science Teacher, about 14 years ago who told us never to drink out the of the same cup as a person with AIDS. It's a damn shame people are so fvckin paranoid and ignorant when it comes to HIV.
married people tend to "trust" each other. Problem is a lot of married people cheat. But since there is trust in the relationship the person doesn't even think about the other person cheating on them. And they have regular, unprotected "married sex" and then get infected. They don't worry about HIV so they take no steps to do anything, as the problem doesn't even exist, until it actually does exist. And by then it's too late.
if she marries this guy with HIV, it will ALWAYS BE in the front of her mind and the sex will ALWAYS BE as safe as possible between them.
Anybody can be with someone who has HIV and doesn't know it, or knows it and doesn't admit to it, can we live in fear? She could leave this guy and get with Joe Schmoe from next door, who she thinks is clean and end up getting HIV.
would I intentinally have sex with an infected person? I'd love to say no, because that's what my mind is saying. But I have had unprotected sex with a girlfriend I couldn't possibly know 100% was STD free. Again, it's about trust. And with him saying "I have HIV" she can trust him.
Can she get infected? sure, just like I could get infected, or you. I worked at Planned Parenthood, and from everyone I spoke to, and all the stuff I read there. With proper precaution HIV+/HIV- people can coexist and have sex and be totally safe. I had a High School Science Teacher, about 14 years ago who told us never to drink out the of the same cup as a person with AIDS. It's a damn shame people are so fvckin paranoid and ignorant when it comes to HIV.
If the wife was really paranoid, she could go on PREVENTATIVE antiviral medications. That would reduce her chance of contracting HIV to practically 0. That might be a possibility here in Australia, where the government pays for HIV medicatyions. In the USA, it would perhaps cost a small fortune. But it would be overkill anyway, perhaps. The other thing is that the medications being used today reduce the levels of the virus in the blood to virtually undetectable levels. This makes the HIV positive person much less infectious - which reduces the chances of passing the virus on to the wife. Maybe if you visited a doctor who specialises in treating HIV positive patients - visit a gay mens health center for example - you could get the latest information on all of these advances in HIV prevention and treatment.
It's not so much logic, more a call to reassess priorities in your life. If you are focusing all your energies on trying not to die, to the point where you shut off the possibility of a great relationship with someone on the small chance you might contract HIV (and die 10 years earlier than you otherwise would have) then you are really missing the point of being alive in the first place.
Also: the major cause of death among HIV positive poeple in the Western/ first world is now cardiovascular disease (whereas it used to be opportunistic infections due to a reduced immune system function). I.e., HIV is now a more or less maneagable disease, and people with HIV are more likely to die from the things that affect us all (heart attacks, etc) than from some problem associated with their HIV infection.
QueBert
Lifer
- Jan 6, 2002
- 22,940
- 1,136
- 126
Good chance she already has it because they've had sex? If they've had sex, I will assume they used protection and were safe. If that is the case. There's a far better chance that I will
win the lottery
get struck by lighting
then bit by a shark - all on the same day.
do some reasearch, we're talking a % so small it doesn't exist. If they've been together for 10 years (which they haven't) and had protected sex 2 times a day every day. The risk is still almost nonexistant. Is it possible? Anything is possible, just look at the senario I laid out about myself. Likely? fvck no!
Looking at her age 23 and the guys age 30 and the fact that she is at an age where she may not make rational decisions. I would say the parents need to look out for the daughters best interest. Of course, it is the girl's life and she can make her own decision, but I am betting you that she really hasn't thought this through much (and she is insecure and thinks that this guy is the only guy that could make her happy).
The father (OP) needs to have a long mature talk with the girl, and in the end let the girl decide what is best, but make sure she understands the consequences of her choices and that there are other guys out there that would probably make her have a less painful life.
Maybe reason with her to give it more time to mull over. Have her postpone any wedding plans for another year and allow her to keep dating the guy, but have her really start thinking about her options. The more you give an ultimatum, the more irrational she seems to become. You sit down with her and give her a compromise of waiting a few years while still dating the guy, she might consider it.
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