Missing my best friend's wedding?

[Bryophyte]

Your friend chose to have the wedding in Florida. He shouldn't expect everyone else to foot the bill because of that decision. It's absurd of anyone to try to make you feel guilty for not being wealthy enough to drop a thousand dollars for someone's wedding. A wedding is merely short ceremony followed by a party lasting at most a few hours. You can take them out to dinner later (or before) to congratulate them.

This ridiculous, selfish tradition that's developing in our culture regarding weddings makes me sick. Everyone feels obligated to buy people expensive gifts (because they think they should pay their way into the over-spent wedding, and the people getting married seem to expect the gifts to make up for the money they chose to spend), spend money they can't afford to get to the wedding, the couple getting married think this party lasting a few short hours should cost thousands and thousands of dollars and require people to buy special gowns to be in the wedding party, the bride thinks that she can act like a spoiled little princess and have every damn thing she wants. Then half the time, this absolutely pathetic circus is followed by a divorce a year down the road.

 

[Triumph]

This thread reminds me...a friend of mine still owes me $200 for a plane ticket that I bought for her to go to a mutual friend's wedding! That was like 3 years ago! I'm going to call her right now and bitch. :|

 

[theGlove]

Hi,
I can't goto your wedding in Florida because I bought a TV instead.

your friend,
xxxx

 

[lokiju]

If he really is your best friend then you better do whatever you can do to make it.

Just put yourself in his shoes and think about your best friend not being there on your wedding day.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: lokiju
If he really is your best friend then you better do whatever you can do to make it.

Just put yourself in his shoes and think about your best friend not being there on your wedding day.

If you purposely make it prohibitively expensive for your best friend to attend your wedding by having it far from your home, you should either pay for him to go with you to the wedding, or be understanding that he cannot make it. If I had a wedding far from home, I would consider it part of the expense of the event and pay for whoever I wanted to attend so they would be there. If I couldn't afford to do that, then I would have the wedding close to home. If I had it close to home and really wanted a relative or friend who lived elsewhere to come, I would pay for that to happen. I would NEVER be angry or hurt if they couldn't make it. I wouldn't play childish emotional games of "well, I guess you're not really my best friend because you won't come".

 

[allisolm]

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Your friend chose to have the wedding in Florida. He shouldn't expect everyone else to foot the bill because of that decision. It's absurd of anyone to try to make you feel guilty for not being wealthy enough to drop a thousand dollars for someone's wedding. A wedding is merely short ceremony followed by a party lasting at most a few hours. You can take them out to dinner later (or before) to congratulate them.

This ridiculous, selfish tradition that's developing in our culture regarding weddings makes me sick. Everyone feels obligated to buy people expensive gifts (because they think they should pay their way into the over-spent wedding, and the people getting married seem to expect the gifts to make up for the money they chose to spend), spend money they can't afford to get to the wedding, the couple getting married think this party lasting a few short hours should cost thousands and thousands of dollars and require people to buy special gowns to be in the wedding party, the bride thinks that she can act like a spoiled little princess and have every damn thing she wants. Then half the time, this absolutely pathetic circus is followed by a divorce a year down the road.

If you purposely make it prohibitively expensive for your best friend to attend your wedding by having it far from your home, you should either pay for him to go with you to the wedding, or be understanding that he cannot make it. If I had a wedding far from home, I would consider it part of the expense of the event and pay for whoever I wanted to attend so they would be there. If I couldn't afford to do that, then I would have the wedding close to home. If I had it close to home and really wanted a relative or friend who lived elsewhere to come, I would pay for that to happen. I would NEVER be angry or hurt if they couldn't make it. I wouldn't play childish emotional games of "well, I guess you're not really my best friend because you won't come".

Someone witth a lot of wedding issues. :shocked:

 

[AbAbber2k]

If my best friend chose to get married far away from where all his friends and family lived, I wouldn't go if money was tight... even if I COULD technically get away with it. That's just absurd. Get married somewhere accessible to the people you care about, then run off and make sexy time on your honeymoon halfway around the world. Not paying $1000 to see your best friend getting married isn't selfish. Forcing all your friends and family to spend $1000+ if they want to see you get married IS.

 

[randomlinh]

I would have to say not go. A best friend isn't going to put you into financial burden IMO. Either he'll be willing to make it within your range, or understand completely. And such short notice? I guess I also don't see much of a point in the importance of a wedding (and why I'll probably never get married... the 1 in 50 girls that agree with this are always in committed relationships.. ha).

It's pretty much in agreement with my close friends that we'd never allow it to be too expensive to attend, and if you couldn't make it happen, it's no the end of the world.

 

[Bryophyte]

Originally posted by: allisolm

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
Your friend chose to have the wedding in Florida. He shouldn't expect everyone else to foot the bill because of that decision. It's absurd of anyone to try to make you feel guilty for not being wealthy enough to drop a thousand dollars for someone's wedding. A wedding is merely short ceremony followed by a party lasting at most a few hours. You can take them out to dinner later (or before) to congratulate them.

This ridiculous, selfish tradition that's developing in our culture regarding weddings makes me sick. Everyone feels obligated to buy people expensive gifts (because they think they should pay their way into the over-spent wedding, and the people getting married seem to expect the gifts to make up for the money they chose to spend), spend money they can't afford to get to the wedding, the couple getting married think this party lasting a few short hours should cost thousands and thousands of dollars and require people to buy special gowns to be in the wedding party, the bride thinks that she can act like a spoiled little princess and have every damn thing she wants. Then half the time, this absolutely pathetic circus is followed by a divorce a year down the road.

If you purposely make it prohibitively expensive for your best friend to attend your wedding by having it far from your home, you should either pay for him to go with you to the wedding, or be understanding that he cannot make it. If I had a wedding far from home, I would consider it part of the expense of the event and pay for whoever I wanted to attend so they would be there. If I couldn't afford to do that, then I would have the wedding close to home. If I had it close to home and really wanted a relative or friend who lived elsewhere to come, I would pay for that to happen. I would NEVER be angry or hurt if they couldn't make it. I wouldn't play childish emotional games of "well, I guess you're not really my best friend because you won't come".

Someone witth a lot of wedding issues. :shocked:

It's not weddings themselves that bother me, I've been to many, many lovely weddings that weren't selfish circuses. I've politely declined a few invitations to out of state weddings and wished them happiness, and if they weren't insulted by it as far as I know (unlike the reaction by some of the above posters.)

The bridezilla phenomenon that seems to be developing in our country is just disgusting, as is the emotional and financial blackmail associated with many weddings these days. Go back a generation or two, and you won't find anyone who expected their parents to fund a wedding that cost more than the average downpayment for a house. Their weddings were not out of touch with the financial reality of their incomes and they had enough common sense to know that their weddings wouldn't be ruined if something went wrong or every decoration known to man wasn't purchased. Nobody was expected to fund their own way to someone else's "dream wedding" in Hawaii or Tahiti or Florida and berated if they couldn't afford it or didn't feel it was a sensible way to spend their money.

 

[dethman]

Originally posted by: HardcoreRobot
this is why you have savings doofus

 

[intogamer]

Well I'd go because you'd want the same in the same situation

You can always work back your $$$

 

[Skunkwourk]

Depends why the wedding is in FL in the first place. However, Im leaning towards suggesting that you go if this is your BEST friend (you only have one right)?

 

[Alphathree33]

To answer some questions:

1) I can't card it, money will be tight for about a year while I get settled in; I don't want CC payments on top of that

2) I could technically afford it by selling some mutual funds (savings), but I've already sold off 30% of my mutual funds to pay for this move when I had never intended to touch them at all. It's supposed to be for a down payment on a house one day when I have a family.

3) I'm in Canada, that's why the plane tickets are so expensive

4) Definitely "best" friend, yes I only have one, but while we grew up together, we now live in different cities. We write letters and talk often to make up for it.

 

[bleeb]

Usually best friends are in weddings... so I'd reconsidering calling him your bestfriend.

 

[2Xtreme21]

Where in Canada, OP? If it's close to the border, see if you can fly out of the US city closest to you.

 

[50cent1228]

dude its ur bf weddding u gotta go...find a way

 

[gotsmack]

Don't worry about it, it is unreasonable for him to expect you to be there with just 2 months notice and so far away from where he lives.

I'm not going to my first cousin's wedding in August and this is with 10 months notice. The reasoning is pretty weak too: 1. I'm not flying to Hong Kong and 2. I don't feel like taking two weeks off work since I'm banking my vacation days (I use my sick days when I don't feel like going to work).