Basically, a lot of ISIS recruits are Middle Eastern males who lost their childhoods and much more (families, friends, homes) to American bombs, some of whom actually can remember a time when they had favorable thoughts toward the USA or the West, had a bit of a dream to come here. Many weren't indoctrinated against the West, they were turned by their misery and trauma.
The bit about 'well you have to see it from our side because we are just protecting ourselves' doesn't have weight with them (particularly when they were young and less nuanced), while they were burying their parents, watching siblings die, begging for food, getting sick from unsafe water, dying from preventable things because hospitals were not functional, and they can see on the television that we are over here looking none the worse for 911, still driving SUVs, eating ourselves obese, nice homes, taking vacations, etc. And especially, NO WMD in Iraq basically kills any credibility to the 'just protecting ourselves, try to see it from our side' bit.
A lot of people paid a terrible price to protect our "way of life" (excessive, materialistic, gluttonous, wasteful, indulgent). Really, instead of imploring or lecturing them to 'consider it from our perspective' we should practice what we preach and try to see things from their side. But they're just A-rabs and such, no such entitlement to be fully seen as human. And so, they become someone else's useful idiots, pawns, and fodder.