Men are insensitive jerks...

[tami]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

but would you have sex with a nice guy if he landed on your door step? I get the impression you are disaproving of guys wanting to have sex with you, you have made comments like "guys want just one thing", etc.

I just want someone to date. You know, go out to eat with, shopping with, movies...stuff like that. Sex can wait. I want them to find me attractive, but at least to want to get to know me first.
Most guys don't want that. They want to have fun and get right to it.

what's wrong with getting right to it?

maybe you are to some extent asexual, simply not interested in sex. that could be a problem in a relationship, because your parter (assuming he has a typical sex drive) is going to feel rejected, deprived, unsexy, unattractive, etc. because you'll never be initiating sex with him

Because to me, sex is only a part of the equation. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't want to stay with.
I don't want to be someone's saturday night. I don't want to be used.
I am plenty interested in it, I guess I just find it to be an experience I want to share with someone I care for.
Does that make sense? Maybe I am crazy.

I just worry that your quaint morality is masking a deeper issue

well, no. i wouldn't say that. i'm female, heterosexual, and i never had a very strong desire for sex until i met the right one (i guess being raised religious also kind of contributed to the fact that it was drilled into my head 'no sex before marriage'). i didn't know how to proceed, but when i fell in love with my husband (which started off by hanging out as friends, going out to dinner, enjoying a movie, having long discussions), it all just kind of fell into place.

for some, an emotional attraction has to develop first. the physical attraction is just what naturally follows.

edit: if someone immediately wants play, it's not going to help the OP as he (like i) wants to start off with someone he can feel emotionally comfortable with before going the next step. it helps trust develop and also eases the thought that he's not being used.

 

[Siva]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

but would you have sex with a nice guy if he landed on your door step? I get the impression you are disaproving of guys wanting to have sex with you, you have made comments like "guys want just one thing", etc.

I just want someone to date. You know, go out to eat with, shopping with, movies...stuff like that. Sex can wait. I want them to find me attractive, but at least to want to get to know me first.
Most guys don't want that. They want to have fun and get right to it.

what's wrong with getting right to it?

maybe you are to some extent asexual, simply not interested in sex. that could be a problem in a relationship, because your parter (assuming he has a typical sex drive) is going to feel rejected, deprived, unsexy, unattractive, etc. because you'll never be initiating sex with him

Because to me, sex is only a part of the equation. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't want to stay with.
I don't want to be someone's saturday night. I don't want to be used.
I am plenty interested in it, I guess I just find it to be an experience I want to share with someone I care for.
Does that make sense? Maybe I am crazy.

I just worry that your quaint morality is masking a deeper issue

It could mask a deeper issue or it could just mask something that we all have, which is insecurity. Sex can be very uncomfortable for those who don't have much experience. People who say they are "saving it" are often afraid to just take the pludge.

My question would be how much experience do you have with sex? I have always thought sex figures prominantly into a healthy relationship. Its part of us, a biological drive, and for the most part people need it to achieve some measure of a continued emotional connection with their significant other. I'm not saying sex is the only important part of a relationship, but I think it is a necissary part.

Being used and having sex are two very different things. If you date someone for a month and end up having sex I wouldn't say that's being used. I don't think you should have to wait a signficant amount of time to have sex. A one night stand is easy to avoid and its not hard to find someone who will wait 2-4 weeks until you feel comfortable enough to have sex with them. You should get to know the person and enjoy the time you spend together before you have sex. You should also be sure the realtionship will continue. IMO there doesn't have to be some sort of crazy "lets get married" idea of love.

I think today, once you pass a certain age, it is extremely difficult to find someone who will wait 4-6 months until you are able to cross some emotional boundry that you've erected in your brain by building up the importance of sex. Its nothing fantastically special and shouldn't be treated as such. The only hope you would have of finding someone who would want that kind of connection before sex is probably a very religious person. If you are gay (which other posters have said but the OP hasn't clarified) that's probably not very easy to find Its hard to find gay religious fundamentalists.

How old are you?

 

[EyeMWing]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog

Originally posted by: EyeMWing
Ladder Theory has some pretty big flaws in my experience. It's RIGHT, but it's not dead on. It's attempting to shoehorn logic into the explanation inherently illogical female mind. It's a surface observation of what goes on in general. Behind the scenes, in places that only the fated cuddle b!tch can see, there are much more complex processes going on. Even if I never succeed myself - I'll at least learn enough to allow someone in the next generation to come closer than I had to that understanding.

I don't think it will do any good. If they suspect that we're beginning to understand them, they'll change the rules on us.

What rules? More logic being shoehorned into an illogical situation. There are no rules - I can tell you that for certain. There may appear to be, but they are just patterns of behavior developed to deal with defensive situations - it's just that defensive is the default state. There are a few of us, who by some freakish miracle, have the ability to drop that shield simply by existing. Most of us use it for negative purposes (i.e. an easy score) and end up severely damaging the girl - but a few of are selfless enough assume the position of friend to better serve both man and womankind.

It is my opinion, even after two failed experiments in it, that the best friend CAN be the boyfriend. I've done it. It's just a matter of producing enough understanding of the actual processes by which women operate. Once that is complete, it can be used to develop a lasting stability.

But seriously, stop trying to apply "rules" to it. That's like trying to understand how computer hardware works on an electrical level by watching people use the computer.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Siva

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

but would you have sex with a nice guy if he landed on your door step? I get the impression you are disaproving of guys wanting to have sex with you, you have made comments like "guys want just one thing", etc.

I just want someone to date. You know, go out to eat with, shopping with, movies...stuff like that. Sex can wait. I want them to find me attractive, but at least to want to get to know me first.
Most guys don't want that. They want to have fun and get right to it.

what's wrong with getting right to it?

maybe you are to some extent asexual, simply not interested in sex. that could be a problem in a relationship, because your parter (assuming he has a typical sex drive) is going to feel rejected, deprived, unsexy, unattractive, etc. because you'll never be initiating sex with him

Because to me, sex is only a part of the equation. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't want to stay with.
I don't want to be someone's saturday night. I don't want to be used.
I am plenty interested in it, I guess I just find it to be an experience I want to share with someone I care for.
Does that make sense? Maybe I am crazy.

I just worry that your quaint morality is masking a deeper issue

It could mask a deeper issue or it could just mask something that we all have, which is insecurity. Sex can be very uncomfortable for those who don't have much experience. People who say they are "saving it" are often afraid to just take the pludge.

My question would be how much experience do you have with sex? I have always thought sex figures prominantly into a healthy relationship. Its part of us, a biological drive, and for the most part people need it to achieve some measure of a continued emotional connection with their significant other. I'm not saying sex is the only important part of a relationship, but I think it is a necissary part.

Being used and having sex are two very different things. If you date someone for a month and end up having sex I wouldn't say that's being used. I don't think you should have to wait a signficant amount of time to have sex. A one night stand is easy to avoid and its not hard to find someone who will wait 2-4 weeks until you feel comfortable enough to have sex with them. You should get to know the person and enjoy the time you spend together before you have sex. You should also be sure the realtionship will continue. IMO there doesn't have to be some sort of crazy "lets get married" idea of love.

I think today, once you pass a certain age, it is extremely difficult to find someone who will wait 4-6 months until you are able to cross some emotional boundry that you've erected in your brain by building up the importance of sex. Its nothing fantastically special and shouldn't be treated as such. The only hope you would have of finding someone who would want that kind of connection before sex is probably a very religious person. If you are gay (which other posters have said but the OP hasn't clarified) that's probably not very easy to find Its hard to find gay religious fundamentalists.

How old are you?

I'm 23. I have had plenty of experience with sex. And yes, you are right, it's an important factor. But I don't need a month to consider maybe a week or 2? Most of the guys I have talked to want to come over and screw right now. I can't see a relationship forming from that, lol. And I don't want a one night stand. I wonder how many people they have been with in the past week alone.

 

[Siva]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Siva

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

but would you have sex with a nice guy if he landed on your door step? I get the impression you are disaproving of guys wanting to have sex with you, you have made comments like "guys want just one thing", etc.

I just want someone to date. You know, go out to eat with, shopping with, movies...stuff like that. Sex can wait. I want them to find me attractive, but at least to want to get to know me first.
Most guys don't want that. They want to have fun and get right to it.

what's wrong with getting right to it?

maybe you are to some extent asexual, simply not interested in sex. that could be a problem in a relationship, because your parter (assuming he has a typical sex drive) is going to feel rejected, deprived, unsexy, unattractive, etc. because you'll never be initiating sex with him

Because to me, sex is only a part of the equation. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't want to stay with.
I don't want to be someone's saturday night. I don't want to be used.
I am plenty interested in it, I guess I just find it to be an experience I want to share with someone I care for.
Does that make sense? Maybe I am crazy.

I just worry that your quaint morality is masking a deeper issue

It could mask a deeper issue or it could just mask something that we all have, which is insecurity. Sex can be very uncomfortable for those who don't have much experience. People who say they are "saving it" are often afraid to just take the pludge.

My question would be how much experience do you have with sex? I have always thought sex figures prominantly into a healthy relationship. Its part of us, a biological drive, and for the most part people need it to achieve some measure of a continued emotional connection with their significant other. I'm not saying sex is the only important part of a relationship, but I think it is a necissary part.

Being used and having sex are two very different things. If you date someone for a month and end up having sex I wouldn't say that's being used. I don't think you should have to wait a signficant amount of time to have sex. A one night stand is easy to avoid and its not hard to find someone who will wait 2-4 weeks until you feel comfortable enough to have sex with them. You should get to know the person and enjoy the time you spend together before you have sex. You should also be sure the realtionship will continue. IMO there doesn't have to be some sort of crazy "lets get married" idea of love.

I think today, once you pass a certain age, it is extremely difficult to find someone who will wait 4-6 months until you are able to cross some emotional boundry that you've erected in your brain by building up the importance of sex. Its nothing fantastically special and shouldn't be treated as such. The only hope you would have of finding someone who would want that kind of connection before sex is probably a very religious person. If you are gay (which other posters have said but the OP hasn't clarified) that's probably not very easy to find Its hard to find gay religious fundamentalists.

How old are you?

I'm 23. I have had plenty of experience with sex. And yes, you are right, it's an important factor. But I don't need a month to consider maybe a week or 2? Most of the guys I have talked to want to come over and screw right now. I can't see a relationship forming from that, lol. And I don't want a one night stand. I wonder how many people they have been with in the past week alone.

Wow I've been in a relationship where all it took was a few days to have sex but I've never forced the issue before a few weeks. Must be some pretty crummy guys.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

you need a break from porn

and a break from being with a jerk

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Siva

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Siva

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

but would you have sex with a nice guy if he landed on your door step? I get the impression you are disaproving of guys wanting to have sex with you, you have made comments like "guys want just one thing", etc.

I just want someone to date. You know, go out to eat with, shopping with, movies...stuff like that. Sex can wait. I want them to find me attractive, but at least to want to get to know me first.
Most guys don't want that. They want to have fun and get right to it.

what's wrong with getting right to it?

maybe you are to some extent asexual, simply not interested in sex. that could be a problem in a relationship, because your parter (assuming he has a typical sex drive) is going to feel rejected, deprived, unsexy, unattractive, etc. because you'll never be initiating sex with him

Because to me, sex is only a part of the equation. I don't want to have sex with someone I don't want to stay with.
I don't want to be someone's saturday night. I don't want to be used.
I am plenty interested in it, I guess I just find it to be an experience I want to share with someone I care for.
Does that make sense? Maybe I am crazy.

I just worry that your quaint morality is masking a deeper issue

It could mask a deeper issue or it could just mask something that we all have, which is insecurity. Sex can be very uncomfortable for those who don't have much experience. People who say they are "saving it" are often afraid to just take the pludge.

My question would be how much experience do you have with sex? I have always thought sex figures prominantly into a healthy relationship. Its part of us, a biological drive, and for the most part people need it to achieve some measure of a continued emotional connection with their significant other. I'm not saying sex is the only important part of a relationship, but I think it is a necissary part.

Being used and having sex are two very different things. If you date someone for a month and end up having sex I wouldn't say that's being used. I don't think you should have to wait a signficant amount of time to have sex. A one night stand is easy to avoid and its not hard to find someone who will wait 2-4 weeks until you feel comfortable enough to have sex with them. You should get to know the person and enjoy the time you spend together before you have sex. You should also be sure the realtionship will continue. IMO there doesn't have to be some sort of crazy "lets get married" idea of love.

I think today, once you pass a certain age, it is extremely difficult to find someone who will wait 4-6 months until you are able to cross some emotional boundry that you've erected in your brain by building up the importance of sex. Its nothing fantastically special and shouldn't be treated as such. The only hope you would have of finding someone who would want that kind of connection before sex is probably a very religious person. If you are gay (which other posters have said but the OP hasn't clarified) that's probably not very easy to find Its hard to find gay religious fundamentalists.

How old are you?

I'm 23. I have had plenty of experience with sex. And yes, you are right, it's an important factor. But I don't need a month to consider maybe a week or 2? Most of the guys I have talked to want to come over and screw right now. I can't see a relationship forming from that, lol. And I don't want a one night stand. I wonder how many people they have been with in the past week alone.

Wow I've been in a relationship where all it took was a few days to have sex but I've never forced the issue before a few weeks. Must be some pretty crummy guys.

This is never face to face. Like, online or something. That's the only place I can really meet people.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Zysoclaplem is female.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Oh and we're not insensative, we just don't appreciate being expected to read the minds of women and automagically know how the hell they're feeling and what exactly will make them feel better, as if men are women's emotional crutch because they can't do a goddamn thing for themselves and can't survive without positive judgement based on the opinions of others -to say nothing of having any selfworth. We also don't like playing those damn mind games, running around in circles, fighting hypocracy (no, don't buy any new tools, you don't need them. now behave while I'm out shoe shopping), fighting those goddamn mood swings (take a fvcking pill you bitch), and dealing with your emotional instability.

Let me drink my beer and watch my football game and leave me the fvck alone. Go do some soul searching or something.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

well which is it?

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

Zysoclaplem is a homosexual male?

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

Zysoclaplem is a homosexual male?

maybe genderly challenged

 

[meltdown75]

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

Zysoclaplem is a homosexual male?

i thought everyone knew he was openly gay.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: moshquerade

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

Zysoclaplem is a homosexual male?

maybe genderly challenged

Or just "confused"

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

Zysoclaplem is a homosexual male?

i thought everyone knew he was openly gay.

no, i didn't read that

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: meltdown75

Originally posted by: Nik

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: Nik
Zysoclaplem is male.

Fixed

Zysoclaplem is a homosexual male?

i thought everyone knew he was openly gay.

Well from the way he/she/it posts, it was blatantly obvious that he/she/it fancies men sexually. However, my dumbass didn't consider anything other than heterosexual female as a possible solution.

 

[Ilmater]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: joshsquall

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

Try a woman out. Maybe you'll like it.

I could never do that to someone. I know I would never find her attractive, and it might break her heart that she was some type of experiment.

It's ok. Women's feelings aren't important.

<--- is just kidding.

 

[EyeMWing]

Originally posted by: Nik
Oh and we're not insensative, we just don't appreciate being expected to read the minds of women and automagically know how the hell they're feeling and what exactly will make them feel better, as if men are women's emotional crutch because they can't do a goddamn thing for themselves and can't survive without positive judgement based on the opinions of others -to say nothing of having any selfworth. We also don't like playing those damn mind games, running around in circles, fighting hypocracy (no, don't buy any new tools, you don't need them. now behave while I'm out shoe shopping), fighting those goddamn mood swings (take a fvcking pill you bitch), and dealing with your emotional instability.

Let me drink my beer and watch my football game and leave me the fvck alone. Go do some soul searching or something.

Have a :beer: Nik, and rest in the fact that your children may not have to fight the same fight thanks to my efforts to bridge the gender gap. Oh, and fix your gaydar. Zysoclaplem has a penis.

 

[Continuity28]

I don't think it's bad to want more out of a relationship than sex. I can honestly say sex isn't the most important thing on my mind when I meet a woman, sure I think about it... but I need more.

As far as men being insensitive... yeah I think many might be.. but that's why I don't really like having men as friends. I get along easier with women.

Cheer up Zysoclaplem, you'll find someone... just give it time, and whatever you do, don't get impatient.

 

[meltdown75]

oops sorry Zypoclaplem. no offense, i thought you were a gay dude. if this is not the case, my apologies!!

frickin' Monday morning... :roll:

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: Ilmater

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: joshsquall

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
but porn is getting boring. Am I doomed?

Try a woman out. Maybe you'll like it.

I could never do that to someone. I know I would never find her attractive, and it might break her heart that she was some type of experiment.

It's ok. Women's feelings aren't important.

<--- is just kidding.

some woman find it a challenge to have sex with a gay guy. just be upfront with her.

try it... you might like it.

 

[EyeMWing]

Originally posted by: meltdown75
oops sorry Zypoclaplem. no offense, i thought you were a gay dude. if this is not the case, my apologies!!

frickin' Monday morning... :roll:

He *IS* a gay dude.

:laugh: @ all the gender confusion in this thread

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: EyeMWing

Originally posted by: meltdown75
oops sorry Zypoclaplem. no offense, i thought you were a gay dude. if this is not the case, my apologies!!

frickin' Monday morning... :roll:

He *IS* a gay dude.

:laugh: @ all the gender confusion in this thread

but i've got it straight now... i mean... maybe straight isn't the word

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Name: Zysoclaplem
Sexual Orientation: Homosexual
Age:23
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 140lbs
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Hazel
Shoe Size: 8 1/2
Waist Size: 31 inches