math/science jokes

[Mr. Pedantic]

A small collection from me, largely math related, and may need some background to understand, let me know if you want explanation:

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One time the famous mathematician Kurt Gödel was to a restaurant, and
when one of the waitresses went by, he started slapping her ass. Then she
told him to stop it, and then he said: Don't worry, I'm just checking the
consistency.


Q - do you know a good anagram of "banach-tarski" ?
A - banach-tarski banach-tarski


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Don't get. Sorry.

 

[Fenixgoon]

an engineer, a doctor, and a lawyer debated over whether it was better to have a girlfriend or a wife.

The doctor said it was better to have a wife, so you could come home after a long day of strenuous work and saving lives.

The lawyer said it was better to have a girlfriend, so you had someone to stay with while you put in long hours at the office away from home.

The engineer said the answer is clearly both - the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, and you can go to the lab to get some real work done.

A scientist, an engineer, and a mathematician live in three neighboring houses. All three housing catch on fire simultaneously.

The scientist wakes up from sleep, and immediately grabs his graduated cylinder. He measures the precise amount of water required to put out the fire, puts out the fire, and goes back to sleep.

The engineer, understanding the important balance of time and quality, fills a bucket with water and douses the fire. He soaks his floor in the process, but he goes back to sleep.

The mathematician immediately scrambles to his desk, grabbing a pencil and a notepad. After a few seconds of diligent work, he proclaims "I've proven I can put out the fire!" and heads back to bed

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer are driving to a conference when their car breaks down.

The mechanical engineer pops the hood and checks all the belts and obvious drivetrain bits to the best of his abilities and notes no defects.

The electrical engineer checks all the wiring harnesses, and sees that nothing has shorted out.

The software engineer says, "Guys, I got this great idea. The car worked when we all got inside and turned the ignition. So let's just get back in and reset the damn thing!"

^^(i dont quite remember the punchline to this one)

Aerospace engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

 

[Sulaco]

 

[andylawcc]

hahahahahah

 

[iCyborg]

Don't get. Sorry.

One time the famous mathematician Kurt Gödel was to a restaurant, and
when one of the waitresses went by, he started slapping her ass. Then she
told him to stop it, and then he said: Don't worry, I'm just checking the
consistency.

It refers to the Godel's incompleteness theorem. Checking that a theory is consistent means checking that it doesn't have contradictions. And Godel's theorem says that every consistent theory is incomplete. There are some other restrictions on the theory, but consistency is the main one.

Q - do you know a good anagram of "banach-tarski" ?
A - banach-tarski banach-tarski

This one refers to the Banach-Tarski paradox. From wiki: "Given a solid ball in 3‑dimensional space, there exists a decomposition of the ball into a finite number of non-overlapping pieces (i.e., subsets), which can then be put back together in a different way to yield two identical copies of the original ball."

This is a theorem, but is called a paradox as it intuitively doesn't make sense: take something and rearrange it into two copies of the same thing - I quite like this joke. You can also continue from 2 copies to 4 etc, so quoting wiki again: "a pea can be chopped up and reassembled into the Sun."

 

[gorcorps]

I found a new one I liked

 

[Fenixgoon]

aluminum ferris wheel.

screw dislocations (this one's pretty damn obscure)

an engineer, a priest, and a drunk are all sentenced to death by guillotine.

the priest goes first, and asks to face up so that he may look towards heaven as he is about to meet God. the blade is released, but it stops right before his neck. "it's a miracle!" he shouts, and his life is spared.

the drunk goes next, facing up towards the blade as the priest did. once again, the blade stops inches from his neck, and his life is spared as well.

the engineer is placed in the guillotine, again facing up. asked if he has any last words, he said, "yeah, i think i found your problem"

 

[morkus64]

Two guys are at a restaurant and the waitress, also a chemist, comes to take their order. First guy says "I'll have H2O" and the other guy says "I'll have H2O too". They both get their drinks, second guy dies.

:thumbsup:

 

[Ayah]

Three hungry cannibals --- who were a chemist, a physicist and an engineer --- found a human thigh bone.

The chemist licked it, and put it in water to try to dissolve it.
The physicist tried to break it open to get at the marrow.
The engineer took it, hit the other two over the head, and ate them.

 

[eits]

Say "I like carpet 7" in French.

Yea I know, this is as old as stone, but always funny to catch someone off guard with that.

yeah, i don't get it...

 

[Ayah]

A new PhD in algebra gets a temporary position at a university for a
year. He bumps into one of the faculty and, having the cockiness and
arrogance of youth, says to him, "I have heard it said that all
logicians go insane. Why then did you decide to study Model Theory?"

"My dear doctor, very few logicians go insane but the entire algebra
faculty is seeing the psychiatrist," replied the logician.

Thusly tempered, the young man replies uncertainly, "The entire faculty?"

"Yes, they're all in group therapy."

 

[gorcorps]

aluminum ferris wheel.

screw dislocations (this one's pretty damn obscure)

 

[JTsyo]

^^(i dont quite remember the punchline to this one)

"Close all the windows, shut down the car and restart it" ?

 

[uclaLabrat]

This one is done way wrong. It's supposed to be a wheel of Fe2+. Also, Oxygen doesn't make 4 bonds to anything. 3 at most, as far as I know.