Marriage

Page 2 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.

QuitBanningMe

Banned
Mar 2, 2005
5,038
2
0
Originally posted by: Orsorum
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
My adopted parents got married when mom was 18 and dad was 21... they're still very happy together.

My biological parents got married when dad was 32 and mom was 27 (IIRC)... and they should have gotten divorced years ago.

A lot of people say that getting married in your early twenties is too young... but actually, aside from only a couple of examples, the people that I know that got married in their early 20s overall appears to be happier and more comfortable in their marriage than those that waited until their late 20s / early 30s (this concluded from my observations, and by talking to many couples).

I've wondered about this for the last few years. Some of the thoughts I've had:

1. Friendships. If you get married young, you're more likely to have friends (either single or couples) who know both of you as a complete entity, are comfortable with both of you, etc. If you get married later (late 20s) it seems likely that you both would have built up separate friendship circles that may or may not be compatible.
2. Finances. Same reasoning as before, if you marry young you're more likely to have intertwined finances, joint accounts, and all the pluses and negatives that go with it. If you get married in your late 20s you're more like to have separate finances, houses, cars, etc, and more of an individual ownership attitude toward your possessions.

That's actually all I can think of right now. It's been a long day. :(
Not really a factor on both accounts from my experience/ observations.

 

slurmsmackenzie

Golden Member
Jun 4, 2004
1,413
0
0
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: slurmsmackenzie
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: slurmsmackenzie
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: slurmsmackenzie
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: slurmsmackenzie
an age doesn't equal a level of maturity. i was 23 and my wife and i have two children already and i'm 25. i'm not as grounded as i'd like to be from a professional standpoint, but having a family and going to school has yet to pose a problem.

obviously it doesn't equal a level of wisdom either....

:roll:

Oh yeah...sorry about that. You are mature because you and your wife have been married for two years. Add to that you have managed to have wtwo kids. Maturity++.


Anyway maturity has nothing to do with a relationship lasting after a certain point especially since everyone thinks they are mature.

my experience as a married man isn't what i base my expectations of my marriage on, but rather my desire to maintain a heathy family life and rooted moral structure for the sake of my children. i know with the utmost certainty that my wife shares my feelings on that, and many other aspects of what responsibilities a family entails. do i have your blessing now?

no but you have my money on you thinking differently by the age of 30.5 (Median age for first marriage divorce).
Until then....................

vague statistics..... i was wondering when you'd flash that badge. i'll send you an invitation to our 10th if you give me your address.

Ask for it again in 5 years.......

and which divorce are you currently on?

 

pyonir

Lifer
Dec 18, 2001
40,856
321
126
Originally posted by: Tbirdkid
nothing like basing a relationship with your wife/wives, on statistics. this is funny...

It's a tech forum (inhabited by mostly immature computer geeks). You're surprised?
 

Tbirdkid

Diamond Member
Apr 16, 2002
3,758
4
81
actually, he probably saw it on a special on lifetime... while his girlfriend had his balls in her hand.... hahahahaha

i cant stop laughing at the blurbs...
 

Orsorum

Lifer
Dec 26, 2001
27,631
5
81
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: Orsorum
Originally posted by: GeekDrew
My adopted parents got married when mom was 18 and dad was 21... they're still very happy together.

My biological parents got married when dad was 32 and mom was 27 (IIRC)... and they should have gotten divorced years ago.

A lot of people say that getting married in your early twenties is too young... but actually, aside from only a couple of examples, the people that I know that got married in their early 20s overall appears to be happier and more comfortable in their marriage than those that waited until their late 20s / early 30s (this concluded from my observations, and by talking to many couples).

I've wondered about this for the last few years. Some of the thoughts I've had:

1. Friendships. If you get married young, you're more likely to have friends (either single or couples) who know both of you as a complete entity, are comfortable with both of you, etc. If you get married later (late 20s) it seems likely that you both would have built up separate friendship circles that may or may not be compatible.
2. Finances. Same reasoning as before, if you marry young you're more likely to have intertwined finances, joint accounts, and all the pluses and negatives that go with it. If you get married in your late 20s you're more like to have separate finances, houses, cars, etc, and more of an individual ownership attitude toward your possessions.

That's actually all I can think of right now. It's been a long day. :(
Not really a factor on both accounts from my experience/ observations.

I've been wrong before. :)
 

QuitBanningMe

Banned
Mar 2, 2005
5,038
2
0
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Bunch of mostly unfounded crap...

What are your qualifactions that make you such an expert? How old were you for your first marriage and divorce? Did you study this in college? Did you watch a special on Fox?

I'm on my first marriage. Wife has been married once before. Of the 30+ friends I've had that married <25 only two are married to the original wife/ husband. They all 100% believed they would make it.

I missed the special on Fox. :(
 

notfred

Lifer
Feb 12, 2001
38,241
4
0
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Bunch of mostly unfounded crap...

What are your qualifactions that make you such an expert? How old were you for your first marriage and divorce? Did you study this in college? Did you watch a special on Fox?

I'm on my first marriage. Wife has been married once before. Of the 30+ friends I've had that married <25 only two are married to the original wife/ husband. They all 100% believed they would make it.

I missed the special on Fox. :(

How old are you, and how long have you been married?
 

edmundoab

Diamond Member
Apr 21, 2003
3,223
0
0
www.facebook.com
wow, I would say thats young.
But we see it ever so often. Maybe reasons to get married because of an "accident"

and that is the best way to bring the baby up.

As much as society thinks its too young, but we do see every now and then couples getting married at a young age.
Hope they know what commitments to expect and also the sacrifices they have to start having at such a young age.
Then, its their choice and one should just wish them all the best for a happy marriage.

They'll cope some how. Where there is a will, there is a way
 

QuitBanningMe

Banned
Mar 2, 2005
5,038
2
0
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Bunch of mostly unfounded crap...

What are your qualifactions that make you such an expert? How old were you for your first marriage and divorce? Did you study this in college? Did you watch a special on Fox?

I'm on my first marriage. Wife has been married once before. Of the 30+ friends I've had that married <25 only two are married to the original wife/ husband. They all 100% believed they would make it.

I missed the special on Fox. :(

How old are you, and how long have you been married?
32, dated for two years, married for 8. I am one of the two I posted about.

Anyway poeple can talk about "vague statistics" all they want. The fact is the percentage of marriages ending in divorce is cut by over half when the age at marriage is >25. Hell I quoted a statistic that was waaaayyyyy lower than my personal observations.

Also people can speak of their personal convctions/ values toward marriage but that is only half of involved parties. I don't care how well you think you know your partner you are not aware of their inermost thoughts. Read any divorce/ breakup threads lately?

Like I said it is too young imo but I would stay the fvck out of it.

In love? It will last forever? Great....why the rush to marriage?

Edit: Also the commitment to make it work thing......does it take work? yes. At the same time that doesn't mean the parties involved really want to stay married. The "work" is usually done for other reasons like kids or not wanting to go through a divorce.

I have a friend in an arranged marriage but he doesn't want to be in it. Will he get a divorce? No......."it is frowned upon"

My 88 year old grandma who was married for 60+ years has mentioned several times if society not looked down on it she likely would not have stayed married. Of course she also says she wouldn't have gotten married to begin with.

Times have changed. If you are not happy not as much stigma comes with divorce. It isn't just the "easy way out".
 

mugs

Lifer
Apr 29, 2003
48,920
46
91
Originally posted by: notfred
People have been marrying at that age or earlier since the concept of marriage was conceived of thousands of years ago. Only since the 1960s have people started thinking that mid-20s is too young to be married.

This is a good point.
 

dxkj

Lifer
Feb 17, 2001
11,772
2
81
Originally posted by: RadioHead84
Oh yeah..I am not going to break in and tell them what to do. Just wondering if I am the only one that thinks its a bit too early.

It is really dependent on the couple, level of maturity, etc...
 

Afrotech

Senior member
Aug 3, 2004
368
0
76
im 25, with a 10 month old little girl... been married for 4 years... having a family is the best part of my life.

if you live your life to please yourself don't get married...

edit for spelling
 

rh71

No Lifer
Aug 28, 2001
52,844
1,049
126
Originally posted by: Mo0o
I would say when both party's financial and living situations are solidified
best case scenario. :thumbsup:
 

biostud

Lifer
Feb 27, 2003
19,925
7,034
136
normally i would say yes, but my parents has been together for 34 years, married at 22.
 

733SHiFTY

Banned
Jun 22, 2005
1,328
0
0
just think, as the average life expectancy is going up ( i believe its getting close to 80 now), and you get married at 20, you're hypotheticaly going to be living with this SO for 60 years!!! I'm sorry, but thats just waaaaaaaaaaay too long to go without sex for.
 

dxkj

Lifer
Feb 17, 2001
11,772
2
81
I think the main problem with getting married while your young, and why it fails is.


1) If you get married because she got pregnant

2) Get married and are financially irresponsible

3) Just arent compatible in some key ways, including financial responsibility.




If you are graduating college, starting a new job, and get married at 21, and are financially responsible I think that is a good way to go :) Especially if you have known/dated that person for years

then again i might be biased :)

 

Insomniak

Banned
Sep 11, 2003
4,836
0
0
Different circumstances for different people. If I found the right woman right now (I'm 21), I would have no problem marrying her - but I would probably want to postpone it until I had finished graduate school, just to get a little more financially stable before undergoing something like that.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: QuitBanningMe
Too young.....but stay the fvck out of it.

true, the key is though for them to have experienced what they want to experience first.

If they had dated 20-30 people and the like, they may have enough to go on...but anyone dating one person only ending in marriage is going to get to that point where they want to bang someone else. Unless both are very old-fashioned and stay old-fashioned there is no hope.
 

tami

Lifer
Nov 14, 2004
11,588
3
81
i have a lot of friends who are happily married -- some even got married after FRESHMAN year of college.