Man... I interviewed some pretty bad candidates from JPMC & Yelp...

[Zeze]

Some gems... I could never say these things as an interviewee.

Candidate from Yelp: "Can we not talking about my experience in this company? It was kind of a part time gig anyway. And they gave me that job because my girlfriend was so good at her job." (Wow, just comically got worse the more he opened his mouth).

Candidate from Yelp: "I want to be a millionaire."

Candidate from Yelp: "You got me man.. I don't have an answer for that" (I was asking a simple question about his RESUME - what KPIs have you identified and enforced to the teams? So this dude didn't even prepare his lies)

---

Me: Tell me about your scrum teams. How many scrum teams and how many are there each?
Candidate from JPMC: "You know, the teams all begin with a planning. What's important is that when the product owner told me there were lots of issues at hand, the team Business Comms just had to deal with it. Then we have the Print & Letter team.
Me: So.. how many teams do you have and how many are there ea-
Candidate from JPMC: "Yes, the Print&Letter team has an architect and a developer.. and another engineer.. I think. No, he was a FE developer. You see, this team never really had a static team mindset and my Agile framework is making sure it's just pushing for excellence. Just pushing for excellence.
Me: So how many teams? 2? Do you have any testers or blended roles?
Candidate from JPMC: "I just want to tell you that the stand-up is very important and I tell folks to continue to strive for excellence."

Candidate from JPMC: "I am the compass for my team, my managers tell me."

Jesus Christ...

 

[brianmanahan]

lol! that's about what i would expect from yelp.

makes you wonder how people get into places like that in the first place.

and you'd think he would be a millionaire already

i envision something like this:

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Young people are fucking dumb. What can I say? As a millennial - I know it's going to happen. They are GENUINLY fucking dumb people. They sincerely have mental disorders. A logical person would ask "why, would you think that statement would be beneficial to the process of getting you hired"? But evaluating that would require a simple thought process... and apparently that is pretty rare.

It's honestly baffable, because I can sit here and think about how to be lazy at a job - but I can also sit here and say "Okay - thats great, but what do I need to say to get hired" - and I'm constantly thinking about and evaluating an army of people that have a resume that is better than me - interview skills that are better than me - a personality type that is better than mine, etc...

The point people - no matter what, you should ALWAYS approach things in life (and ESPECIALLY interviews) that there are 3 people ahead of you that have more qualifications than you, more skills than you, and are better socially than you. That's part of the thrive to doing better.

It's funny - I'm a general millennial that is nervous as fuck - I'm an introvert to the extreme core - I hate awkward conversations - I hate one-on-one conversations - yet somehow in all my line of work I have always gotten the job in my last 3 opportunities.


Apparently these idiots never google'd simple phrases on how to act in an interview I guess? I think this sums it up pretty well:





But... to be honest OP... You should have genuinely given your interviewers the EXACT same look that is in your avatar.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Its slim pickings currently - The behemoths in tech are scooping all the talent and paying them over the top in total compensation. Now they are hiring fully remote so are taking all the talent across the US & Global.

If youre at old tech or a shitbag start up here in the Valley your left with a talent pool of chucklefucks.

 

[brianmanahan]

Its slim pickings currently - The behemoths in tech are scooping all the talent and paying them over the top in total compensation. Now they are hiring fully remote so are taking all the talent across the US & Global.

i gotta admit i've been thinking of cranking out some leetcode mediums and hards, to see if i can see if i can score a remote FAANG job

they'd probably pay 2x what i'm making now, and after 4 years of vesting i'd be more than set to retire for life

 

[Exterous]

Its slim pickings currently - The behemoths in tech are scooping all the talent and paying them over the top in total compensation. Now they are hiring fully remote so are taking all the talent across the US & Global.

If youre at old tech or a shitbag start up here in the Valley your left with a talent pool of chucklefucks.

If you're offering remote work the pool is much better. I got some applicants who are over qualified applying and their main reason is that they like remote work and their company is forcing 100% back in the office.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Lol that's hilarious.

I find some people get so nervous at interviews. I'm a generally shy person but job interviews never really bothered me that much and I always did decently well at them. Been so long since I've been through a formal one though so I'd probably have a bit of brushing up to do if I was to attend one now.

I find most of my interviews that I've been through turn into an informal chit chat. I think my last one lasted like 2 hours lol. I think half way through we both forgot it was a job interview...haha. I basically already had the job before I even walked in.

 

[jpiniero]

i gotta admit i've been thinking of cranking out some leetcode mediums and hards, to see if i can see if i can score a remote FAANG job

they'd probably pay 2x what i'm making now, and after 4 years of vesting i'd be more than set to retire for life

Eh. I looked into it and the only real compensation difference is the stock options. Which could be lucrative but that means you'd have to last there long enough for it to vest... and the stock would have to be worth something by the time you sell it.

 

[IronWing]

Candidate from Yelp: "I want to be a millionaire."

There are lots of companies and positions where this statement would be a winner.

 

[nakedfrog]

It's always fun when you ask someone a question based directly on their resume and they say "I don't really have any experience with that". Might be a thing to not include on the resume then...

It's honestly baffable, because I can sit here and think about how to be lazy at a job

Speaking of baffable... what the hell does "baffable" mean?

 

[dullard]

Most of those are bad, but I personally don't find anything wrong with someone saying that they want to be a millionaire. That just means that you can motivate that person with money (raises, promotions, etc). I think it is highly important to understand how to motivate a person prior to hiring that person.

Some people are motivated by fame, some by complements, some are internally motivated, some by money, etc. If your company cannot provide the person's motivation, then you shouldn't hire that person.

I personally am motivated by a sense of accomplishment. I want to be challenged and to be able to make a difference to the project. Any time in the interview talking about money or promotion possibilities is wasted time. But for others, money is critical and should be discussed in the interview.

 

[Captante]

Pretty sure the "problem" finding anyone competent has a lot to to with the criteria used to select the "qualified" candidates by most companies these days.

Perhaps sorting resumes by machine and making hiring choices based largely on using trendy buzz-words on said resume isn't the answer?

😉

 

[Torn Mind]

Hire Asians and Jews. The dumb is less amongst them. 😉

 

[Red Squirrel]

Most of those are bad, but I personally don't find anything wrong with someone saying that they want to be a millionaire. That just means that you can motivate that person with money (raises, promotions, etc). I think it is highly important to understand how to motivate a person prior to hiring that person.

Some people are motivated by fame, some by complements, some are internally motivated, some by money, etc. If your company cannot provide the person's motivation, then you shouldn't hire that person.

I personally am motivated by a sense of accomplishment. I want to be challenged and to be able to make a difference to the project. Any time in the interview talking about money or promotion possibilities is wasted time. But for others, money is critical and should be discussed in the interview.

Saying you want to be a millionaire basically implies you want to be some big head honcho owning a big corporation and that you don't plan to stay there long. Companies will actually see that as a bad thing. You never want to hint that the job is just a stepping stone to get somewhere else in life, especially if you hint at starting a similar type of company. It basically makes it look like you're just there to gather knowledge of the industry, maybe IP, and then you're taking off with that info.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

At least your candidates showed up. We were scheduled to interview for a few positions 2 weeks ago, had 3 candidates selected and confirmed the time and date, and no one showed up! That was a first!

 

[dullard]

Saying you want to be a millionaire basically implies you want to be some big head honcho owning a big corporation and that you don't plan to stay there long. Companies will actually see that as a bad thing. You never want to hint that the job is just a stepping stone to get somewhere else in life, especially if you hint at starting a similar type of company. It basically makes it look like you're just there to gather knowledge of the industry, maybe IP, and then you're taking off with that info.

I disagree. Anyone working in computers should be easily able to reach the millionaire status at the OP's company--no job hopping needed. Plus, who doesn't want an ambitious go-getting employee?

 

[KB]

I would hire the "Just pushing for excellence " guy/girl. 🙂

Underling - "um boss we got an issue. The client needs to change the process routing..."
Excellence Guy - " Just strive for excellence"

 

[Red Squirrel]

I would hire the "Just pushing for excellence " guy/girl. 🙂

Underling - "um boss we got an issue. The client needs to change the process routing..."
Excellence Guy - " Just strive for excellence"

Honestly that guy is management material.

I can just see it now. "Guys, the stakeholders are not happy, remember what I said in that meeting this morning, we need to strive for excellence! Start doing that and I'll be calling a scrum in an hour to discuss status of our excellence. Remember to do the needful and strive for excellence, go!"

 

[Zeze]

Young people are fucking dumb. What can I say? As a millennial - I know it's going to happen. They are GENUINLY fucking dumb people. They sincerely have mental disorders. A logical person would ask "why, would you think that statement would be beneficial to the process of getting you hired"? But evaluating that would require a simple thought process... and apparently that is pretty rare.

But... to be honest OP... You should have genuinely given your interviewers the EXACT same look that is in your avatar.

I can't. Interviewees have power now. They can post negative interview experience in Glassdoor and we keep an eye on our company page.

 

[Zeze]

It's always fun when you ask someone a question based directly on their resume and they say "I don't really have any experience with that". Might be a thing to not include on the resume then...

Speaking of baffable... what the hell does "baffable" mean?

He took his shot. And got caught.

At least prepare your damn lies.

 

[iCyborg]

JPMC guy sounds like he'd fail the Turing test.
Or you could weed him out with a reCaptcha test.

 

[Zeze]

JPMC guy sounds like he'd fail the Turing test.
Or you could weed him out with a reCaptcha test.

He got real nervous and knew he couldn't come up with any details. So he started saying fluff non-stop.

Towards the end, he actually got somewhat self-reflective. "Next time, I'll better document what I have done in my prior role. I kept tripping over my words."

That's actually refreshing than the useless Yelp idiot.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

Eh. I looked into it and the only real compensation difference is the stock options. Which could be lucrative but that means you'd have to last there long enough for it to vest... and the stock would have to be worth something by the time you sell it.

None of these companies offer stock options, they offer RSU's which vest 25% at the 12-month mark and periodically thereafter usually 1/8th every 6-months or 1/16th every 3-months.

Stock options are granted to non-public technology companies, start-ups.

 

[jpiniero]

they offer RSU's which vest 25% at the 12-month mark and periodically thereafter usually 1/8th every 6-months or 1/16th every 3-months.

Not always, Amazon being the notorious exception. I do wonder if managers are told to be mindful of the vesting when it comes to layoffs/firing/PIPs.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Not always, Amazon being the notorious exception. I do wonder if managers are told to be mindful of the vesting when it comes to layoffs/firing/PIPs.

What exactly are the different types of "stock options" you guys refer to? Just ESPPs or something more restricted to higher-ups?


Also as far as vesting and layoffs... Yeah, wish I thought about that when I got layoff from my first job =/ Should have demanded that my 401k matches be vested since I wasn't voluntarily leaving, but didn't think of it because I was young and dumb at the time.