Lot has happened lately, read on:

skywalker66

Banned
Nov 5, 2001
695
0
0
Well ppl,

Maybe u remember were things were at with me a few weeks ago. basically I've been at college for 6-7 weeks now, and I have had a hell of a hard time, and have been really persevering to go on even though i want to drop out.

basically I've been hit with loads and loads of stress, depression, and anxiety attacks, and all of this has distracted me from maintaining my diet/workout/sleep patterns, homework routine, spiritual energy, etc

pretty much i've felt worse than i ever have before and i've wanted to leave this place, but i've just been trying to hang it out.

Another moster sized problem: was back in high school i had a horrible time with things socially, and was a shy guy who didnt really talk to anyone. was too afraid too, etc.

i had always hoped that when i got to college this would be a magical flip around, a cinderella story, where i could finally have my deepest desire: a social life.

well, unfortunately here's the deal: because of my hectic time here, i've missed out on a lot of social opportunity, was also put on a floor with very few ppl, and finally got to switch to a new floor 6 weeks into things.
however here's the problem: my anxiety attacks have been killing me socially. when they happen, I attend to avoid ppl completely during them (they last about a couple days) and even a couple more days afterwards.

when I am stable I can do a lot better socially but its still a lot of work to get me to do things right, and Im no where near a prodigy at it yet. For example, I cant just go up and sit by ppl in the cafeteria that i dont know and start talkin to them.

granted its possible to break into floor cliques, even 6 weeks into the year, but u gotta be strong to do it, a genuine extrovert, a social expertise.

u know, on top of things its ironic that i care so much about having a floor w/ ppl, because what i really need is quality friends who care about the same beliefs as me, etc, christian friends.

fortunately a week ago i found out about a cool christian group here called IVCF, that I joined, where they meet as a whole (60-75 awesome kids) once a week, and also have small group meetings 2 times a week as well. I went to the retreat last weekend, got a lot out of it spiritually but unforunately also had an anxiety attack during it, so socially it was a failure,


anyways, back to the problem:

how do you guys suggest I talk to ppl and make friends here? from both my floor and that IVCF group i joined. Im in desperate need of some ppl to hang out with/ trust, and its really lonely up here,
yet making friends is so hard.
especially on a new floor where u feel estranged from everyone, and its 6 weeks into things.

so can you guys give me some pointers?

like i wanna just go down to ppls rooms and start talkin to them but its so hard to do.
why is it always so hard to do whats right?

agggggg......

*cries for help another time*

 

joeryu

Golden Member
Sep 14, 2000
1,678
0
0
maybe you should have a serious talk with a counselor or psychiatrist...
 

JEDI

Lifer
Sep 25, 2001
29,391
2,738
126
walk up to someone on your floor and say hi and introduce yourself. tell him that you just moved in to the floor. talk about what his major is and what your is, and why you chose it.

also, go see a doctor. they can prescribe drugs for your aniery attacks. i think paxil is #1 for aniety. (the doctor may send you to a psychiatrist instead since drugs onlu cover the symptoms, and not the root cause of the problem.)
 

djheater

Lifer
Mar 19, 2001
14,637
2
0
Originally posted by: jOjO316
maybe you should have a serious talk with a counselor or psychiatrist...


Agreed. you need perspective.

perhaps a priest or minister would help you as well... Have you joined a congregation? Find a church you feel comfortable with and get involved with the community there... what about your home church? have you talked to anyone from there... a letter to someone you trust might help a great deal....
 

tcsenter

Lifer
Sep 7, 2001
18,949
575
126
Another moster sized problem: was back in high school i had a horrible time with things socially, and was a shy guy who didnt really talk to anyone. was too afraid too, etc.

i had always hoped that when i got to college this would be a magical flip around, a cinderella story, where i could finally have my deepest desire: a social life.
There are people starving and dying and living in wheel chairs paralyzed from the neck down and trying to maintain some form of life while undergoing debilitating chemoradiation, and you're all worked up to the point of dropping out of college and feeling sorry for yourself because your phone isn't ringing off the hook with people begging to go out with you?

I know what you need, a real problem in your life.

Here's a tip: nobody puts on their resume "once got invited to two parties...in the same night!"

Is this a thing anyone really gives a sh-t about? Nobody gives a sh-t how popular you were or how many buds you had...except you.

So if that's all important to you, then just get out there, meet people. What are you afraid of? Rejection? That people won't like you?

Let me leave you with this: You will regret having not tried for fear of failure far more than you'll ever regret failure itself.
 

amnesiac

Lifer
Oct 13, 1999
15,781
1
71
Paxil will help for the anxiety, if you want to deal with the host of side effects.
Personally I just forced myself to go out until I stopped freaking out in social situations. Painful, but it worked.
 

Balthazar

Golden Member
Apr 16, 2000
1,834
0
0
Originally posted by: tcsenter
Another moster sized problem: was back in high school i had a horrible time with things socially, and was a shy guy who didnt really talk to anyone. was too afraid too, etc.

i had always hoped that when i got to college this would be a magical flip around, a cinderella story, where i could finally have my deepest desire: a social life.
There are people starving and dying and living in wheel chairs paralyzed from the neck down and trying to maintain some form of life while undergoing debilitating chemoradiation, and you're all worked up to the point of dropping out of college and feeling sorry for yourself because your phone isn't ringing off the hook with people begging to go out with you?

I know what you need, a real problem in your life.

Here's a tip: nobody puts on their resume "once got invited to two parties...in the same night!"

Is this a thing anyone really gives a sh-t about? Nobody gives a sh-t how popular you were or how many buds you had...except you.

So if that's all important to you, then just get out there, meet people. What are you afraid of? Rejection? That people won't like you?

Let me leave you with this: You will regret having not tried for fear of failure far more than you'll ever regret failure itself.

Yeah, somehow I don't think that helps much....

To be perfectly honest, it sounds like you are not happy with yourself.
If you can't just be by yourself and feel good about being by yourself, doing your own thing, you probably wont do well socially. People like to be around independant people, people they feel are happy with who they are. If you can't be happy with your company, then who can?

Lighten up a little, friendships, the ones worth having anyway, don't come along in 6-8 weeks....give it time, stop trying, and just do this, on your way to class, or out, or whatever, say hi to everyone you meet, even if you dont have a full fledged conversation with them, make eye contact, say "Hi, how's it going?" and move along, that will open alot of doors because without putting yourself on the line you are giving people the impression that you want to be friends. Say Hi enough and you are bound to makes friends, and boost yourself-esteem.