Looks like my marriage is over.

[LookingGlass]

Just because a couple has been married awhile, doesn't automatically mean the marriage is worth saving.

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: LookingGlass
Just because a couple has been married awhile, doesn't automatically mean the marriage is worth saving.

But it does mean that they've been able to stand each other during those 13 years, which is more than most two random people involved in a romantic relationship can say about one another. Marriages take work because people are perpetually in flux. If someone isn't willing to attempt saving a relationship at least once, then he/she is more than likely better off just staying single.

 

[captains]

if u think its worth saving then it prolly is

 

[LookingGlass]

Originally posted by: Whisper

Originally posted by: LookingGlass
Just because a couple has been married awhile, doesn't automatically mean the marriage is worth saving.

But it does mean that they've been able to stand each other during those 13 years, which is more than most two random people involved in a romantic relationship can say about one another. Marriages take work because people are perpetually in flux. If someone isn't willing to attempt saving a relationship at least once, then he/she is more than likely better off just staying single.

People change, if the marriage can't grow and evolve, and they can't work things out. Time to move on.

 

[isasir]

Good luck DevilsAdvocate. My girlfriend (soon to be fiance) is a divorce attorney as well and I worry to a certain degree when I hear statistics that basically state female lawyers, esp. divorce lawyers, have a high rate of divorce. I'm fairly certain that it will work out for us, but I'm sure everyone else says that as well..

In what ways do you think your profession took a toll on the marriage? (I didn't read the whole thread, so sorry if you already answered this)

 

[dmcowen674]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
OK - just spent the weekend with her, and we started talking. Seems like she has some expectations of me that are not realistic (me coming home before 6 - with my job) and some that are (we handle our own dry cleaning)

Oh well... we are talking... That is a start.

Good luck.

What woman doesn't have "unrealistic expectations"???

 

[Winchester]

Marriage is always worth saving, unless abuse of some sort is involved.

 

[Darkstar757]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
So I was having lunch today with my wife, and we were talking about buying a house. Things have not been great at all in our marriage for the last two years... not great at all.

Anyway, we were talking about the minor league football team that was listed for sale on eBay for $100,000. I asked her, jokingly, if she had $100k to loan me to buy the team. She said that if she had a $100k, she would not need me to help her buy a house.

Whoa.

So I ask her if that is the only reason why we are married - so she could have a house. She did not answer, stating matter-of-factly, that I could not possibly be any more happy about our situation than she is.

Truth is... I'm not.

I've spent the better part of the afternoon fighting back tears, wondering if this is it. I have not been the best husband, and I recognize that. She could also have been a loving and supportive wife, too. We have been together for 13 years, and the last two have been pretty bad.

Is it worth saving?

Hey man marriage is sacred. If you can go to get consuling then do it. At least try to make it work. Just off of how I know you I know you are a great guy. Invest more time in her and im sure all will be well.


Darkstar

 

[DainBramaged]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate

Originally posted by: Gravity

Originally posted by: RBachman

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
The biggest irony of all is... I'm a divorce lawyer.

In that case, rot in hell.

LMFAO!!!! Kicked right in the nutz when it was down.....whoa!!!

Nah... I've been called worse by people that actually mattered today. He can pwn me all he wants from his mother's basement.

Good attitude, Advocate. I hope that you guys work things out to your mutual benefit, whatever that may be. I feel bad for you guys and hope everything that happens works itself out as easily as possible.

 

[apoppin]

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
We have no kids.
I just spent 13 years with her, 3 years married. The previous 10, I was in college / dead end job / law school. We waited to get married until I was done with law school.

Ever since we married, things changed. She was no longer happy with me the way that I was. I suddenly needed to change... everything.

ther problem is at least 50% with you

i have been following your posts for years . . . you are dissatisfied with everything . . . your job, your clients, your associates . . . and now your wife.

You have to figure out what you want - taking into consideration your wife. Sounds like an early mid-life crisis.

Good luck and you might consider counseling [alone or marriage]

 

[tyim]

Try, but sometimes moving on is the best course of action.

 

[BriGy86]

put updates in the OP

 

[carloboy]

Counseling is for sissy's. If it were me, i would not want a 3rd party involved with me and my wife's problems. I'd rather talk to her straight up then pay someone to do so.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: carloboy
Counseling is for sissy's. If it were me, i would not want a 3rd party involved with me and my wife's problems. I'd rather talk to her straight up then pay someone to do so.

Counseling has helped countless people. Some people do not know how to discuss issues in a way that gets results.

But there are also plenty of cases where counseling is not going to help. If two people have decided they want to split up, counseling isn't intended to get them to change their minds.

 

[shimsham]

to most women there is no such thing as unrealistic expectations. everything should be as they expect it, and thats reality. some women are just better at dealing with it than others. same goes for men.

people need to realize who they are marrying before they say "i do" and not expect some idealistic life time of bliss thats imposed, even in this day and age, on many young women.

 

[czech09]

Originally posted by: sygyzy
13 years is a long time man. I think you should try saving it.

 

[ModelTech]

DevilsAdvocate:
I didn't have the time to read all 4 pages of the replies so if I repeat anything said or replied I apologize. I myself have been divorced and have helped 5-6 differn't people through the emotional stressfulness of a divorce. With kids and without. I do have children and have remarried 5yrs after my divorce and taking a 2yr timeout from dating and getting back on my feet. I didn't want my marraige to end also.

I think you guys have a lot of time invested in each other and just have lost how to love each other. I think you should save the relationship. You both were together a long time before you were married and had plenty of time to back out. You both need to think about how much you would let things go and how much you would spend time together and go out of your way for each other before you married and start doing that now. And be honest with each other, even if you think it's going to hurt, if you are not honest then you relationship can't be all it could be. It's hard work but worth it. If you don't do it for this marriage, you will have to for the next one to make it work.

If you end up going through a divorce I have one piece of advice for you. Get 3 close friends who you trust and can lean on. When it comes to decisions, ecspecially big ones, talk to all 3 friends and see what they think you should do. Then do what the majority of them suggested, decisions made by emotion ussually just lead to more misery and I have not meet one person yet going through a divorce who was thinking straight. Doing what you do, you probably know what I mean.

All of us just want to know we are excepted as who we really are not who we pretend to be.

I'm not trying to preach at you, I just want to encourage you. I've just seen to many people throw marriage out because their not happy. Get married again and in less than 2 yrs end up divorce again. Being happy in a marriage takes work, people feel it should just happen.

The grass may be Greener on the other side. But it still needs to be mowed.

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: dmcowen674

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
OK - just spent the weekend with her, and we started talking. Seems like she has some expectations of me that are not realistic (me coming home before 6 - with my job) and some that are (we handle our own dry cleaning)

Oh well... we are talking... That is a start.

Good luck.

What woman doesn't have "unrealistic expectations"???

QFT

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: carloboy
Counseling is for sissy's. If it were me, i would not want a 3rd party involved with me and my wife's problems. I'd rather talk to her straight up then pay someone to do so.

Counseling has helped countless people. Some people do not know how to discuss issues in a way that gets results.

But there are also plenty of cases where counseling is not going to help. If two people have decided they want to split up, counseling isn't intended to get them to change their minds.

Counseling really does help. My parents got it, and thye treat each other totally different than from before.

 

[dahunan]

You think things are bad now... try looking at life after a divorce and thinking of all of the "what ifs" and the remorse of knowing you didn't try your best etc etc.. Try harder now and remove your ego Seek counseling before everr breaking something off that has been this big a part of your life.

Good luck to you

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: ModelTech
Being happy in a marriage takes work, people feel it should just happen.

If they could only get people to understand that before they got married... there would be a lot more happy married couples!

The way I heard it explained once is that a lot of couples feel their marriage is 50-50 but they are still unhappy... because what they both want is a 100-100 marriage! Each person wants his/her own way 100% of the time. It takes work, it takes compromise.

 

[Dudewithoutapet]

GL bump, I haven't been in to many relationships, but I'm a dreamer, always hoping for true love. IDK if you share those ideals so all I can say is I hope you end up with a happy conclusion.

 

[Cook1]

Hey DA, just read the first post. 13 years is worth saving.

 

[dirtboy]

Originally posted by: dmcowen674

Originally posted by: DevilsAdvocate
OK - just spent the weekend with her, and we started talking. Seems like she has some expectations of me that are not realistic (me coming home before 6 - with my job) and some that are (we handle our own dry cleaning)

Oh well... we are talking... That is a start.

Good luck.

What woman doesn't have "unrealistic expectations"???

My girlfriend, for one.

 

[pkme2]

Actions speak louder than words, and coming from a 3 time loser; it's time to figure out what's best for both of you. All people can do is advise you and seeing a marriage counselor should bring out what is not said. Remember that you never take back something that is said to hurt another person, so be careful for what you say. It can escalate to the worst, divorce. If you take care of those close to you, you shouldn't worry. If you don't, worry. Talk out the problems to look for solutions and stop the misgivings act. You use it to talk yourself in something drastic. If you don't care, then all the advice you're getting is just window dressing. The real thing is happening beyond that.