LMAO

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element

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
4,635
0
0
<Diamond> But what's truly awesome is my new Radeon 9500 Pro.
<tidalblaze> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<Diamond> That I will treat as if it were my first-born child.
<tidalblaze> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
<Diamond> ...Apparently when I have kids I'm going to stick them inside a small aluminum box.
<Diamond> And have them process numbers for me all day.
<Diamond> So I can watch porn.
 

mb

Lifer
Jun 27, 2004
10,233
2
71
#309397 +(4116)- [X]

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you sh!t on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh sh!t
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP sh!t


LMAO!!!!!!
 

mb

Lifer
Jun 27, 2004
10,233
2
71
#77904 +(4432)- [X]

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%
 

element

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
4,635
0
0
Originally posted by: supafly
#77904 +(4432)- [X]

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%


what's wrong with that? I don't get it?

67+13 is 80, and the other 20%? They are guys on the intarweb pretending to be girls...

j/k
 

element

Diamond Member
Oct 9, 1999
4,635
0
0
<Nyschashi-Seikun> i ate a black anus, there meat is so shitty
<Nyschashi-Seikun> *angus
 

alexjohnson16

Platinum Member
Dec 27, 2002
2,074
0
0
<Casey8> Diana Ross' husband died
<Tarrier> how
<Casey8> fell while climbing in South Africa or something
<JennAway> that's sad
<Bubbaprog> i guess there is a mountain high enough
 

ribbon13

Diamond Member
Feb 1, 2005
9,343
0
0
Originally posted by: element
Originally posted by: supafly
#77904 +(4432)- [X]

<Sui88> 67% of girls are stupid
<V-girl> i belong with the other 13%


what's wrong with that? I don't get it?

67+13 is 80, and the other 20%? They are guys on the intarweb pretending to be girls...

j/k


Assuming V means valley, the punchline is her air-head math skills

Sh!t just isn't funny explained....

Edit: even less so when I'm blind and don't see j/k
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
16
81
Originally posted by: supafly
#309397 +(4116)- [X]

<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you sh!t on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh sh!t
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP sh!t


LMAO!!!!!!

:D

I was laughing my ass off at this one, because I'm picturing the look on poor peng's face when he saw that....
 

datalink7

Lifer
Jan 23, 2001
16,765
6
81
Can't believe the classic (and my personal favorite) hasn't been posted :D

#104383 +(4569)- [X]

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

#101881 +(846)- [X]

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

#206068 +(17)- [X]

bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
 

amol

Lifer
Jul 8, 2001
11,680
3
81
Originally posted by: OREOSpeedwagon
oh man, i just seriously LMFAO at this one..

<beser> Today my History class took a feild trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Its a museum showing kids not to be prejudice and all that good stuff.
<beser> Anyways, one exhibit is two doors next to each other. One door has a sign hanging over it saying "Those with prejudice walk through this door" The other door's sign said "Those without prejudice walk through this door". Obviously the door for people without prejudice isn't openable because as the tour guide says "Everyone has prejudice".
<beser> So, I start tugging on the door and say "What the hell is wrong with this damn door, did some damn Jew make this?" and the tour guide kicked me out and i had to sit in the bus for 15 minutes

I went there with my 8th grade History class and almost said that :eek:

Kept my mouth shut though ;)
 

Goosemaster

Lifer
Apr 10, 2001
48,775
3
81
Originally posted by: Darien
LMFAO!!!!

I love that wizard hat quote.

that and the "i'm hard now" one are the bastard manchild of every concievable reason for internet growth.
 

czech09

Diamond Member
Nov 13, 2004
8,990
0
76
Originally posted by: aplefka
Originally posted by: OREOSpeedwagon
here's another one, lol

Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fvcked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest sh!t in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in sh!t. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some sh!t and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I haven't laughed that hard in so long.

Same thing lol that's pretty good laughing like a mofo @ 4am in the morning...
 

Allio

Golden Member
Jul 9, 2002
1,904
28
91
OREO, you picked out the three most obviously fake quotes on bash! The sh!tting quote was lifted from a (fictional) story on a bodybuilding website, and the thumbtacks one has been around for at least a decade :p
 

neilm

Golden Member
Aug 25, 2002
1,108
0
0
Originally posted by: OREOSpeedwagon
here's another one, lol

Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fvcked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest sh!t in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in sh!t. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some sh!t and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

Reading that reminded me of a quote I seen ages ago...

"This isn't my story, but I thought it was pretty funny . . .
My friend's gf's parents went away for the weekend so they decided to get a little freaky deaky in the living room. They sex eventually moved to anal and they were really getting into it when the front door opened and her parents walked in the house.
My friend jumped up and ran out the back door but as he did he pulled out so fast that his gf ended up crappin on the floor. You could imagine her parent's reaction upon walkin in to the room and seein their daughter on all fours, neckid, with a pile of sh!t between her legs. LOL!
Needless to say, my friend was never allowed to see that girl again.
"