roll out tie dispensers, in case you spill mustard on your tie... you just rip it off, and roll out another one.
...really? where?
--
I got another one, a service that cleans computer equipment for you? like trackball mice, keyboard buttons, polishing old computer cases, cleans out dust from anywhere and everywhere, etc. They'll come over and do it for you as well, "clean your computer, physically."
--
a job where you can pay professional gamers to help you play RTS, FPS, MMORGP games and have them as your friend. you schedule appointments when a player that suits your skills and interests and they talk with however you sign up.
pay for variables and schedule appointments like you're going into a doctor's office, they'll call you on your cell phone, or they txt or instant msg you to get into a certain server and you agree to terms and service. according to time zone and region will help you and the person(s) you're paying for to come online with you. they won't come over, but they'll come play with you or just chat with you.
it'll be like a dating service where someone is asked to just go out with you for the pay, but you get a guy or girl from the company to do it. if you want a girl to tag along with you, it will cost more.
you don't only pay for the person, but you pay for the person and service. all communication will end after your appointment ends. and your credit card gets swiped again if you want "overtime." the tag-along will no reveal personal or company information or will not release personal information of the client. file sharing will be prohibited. any recording of your tag-along partner will be a violation to the terms and service agreement. the company will authorize recording of any event at any time to ensure quality of service.
so you pay for XYZ, ABC, etc. from your tag-along
pay X for a player to train you
pay Y for a player to be your ally and help you fight
pay Z for a player to
ABC
A for above average players
B for highly experience players
C for ultra pro-gamer players
EFG
E for standard communication skills
F for boy or girl
G for highly efficient communication skills (English and Communication majors lol)
HIJ
H for dating and relating
I for commedians
J for counseling
KLM
K for microphone enabled
L for special effects and DJ music mixing of preference; trance, R&B, pop/rock/classical/etc
M for announcments; tips and tricks and professional feedback of gameplay
etc. etc. etc.
p.s. for people who have very little or no friends or who just "want to waste money" or anyone who seriously has no life and needs this service...
--
alright, this next one's a virtual reality one. for Internet addicts and loners who don't want to leave the house to go grocery shopping or just want to buy something with the most realism and doesn't want to leave the house.
this one's like HP's 3D-realistic live broadcasting technology, the one that costs over $500,000.
so you have your monitor. and you don't necessarily need software for this one unless you want an upgrade package with better graphics and sound. so you get to browse a real 3D store and pick up stuff with a character. it's like the Zelda: Link's Awakening from the gameboy. you go into a store, see what you like, your character moves around the store, you get to chose first person view.. or 3rd person, etc. And you get to see the item go 180 or 360, like in Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter when you get to look at your weapon. Unlike, Zelda for the gameboy, you can't steal anything and of course you will have to connect online before you enter a store. You get to chat or put on a mic and person will be readily available to talk to you, and you will be treated as a client or someone walking into a store, greeted and you will be able to see their name badge. If you harass the employees or reps, then your mic will be silenced on their end and your messages will be blocked.
edit: I almost forgot, you can do it on your browser like Runescape, the game that kids play all the time at libraries or on their sister's laptop, or you can download a program that will cost extra, with more advanced graphics and sound quality. the stronger your CPU and graphics card the better effects you can add, it will be state-of-the-art DirectX-1,000 from Microsoft. both browser and installation options will require Internet access.
you'll get to interact with other people in the store. yes, you have to pay to get into the store, which will be the stupid part, but it's part of entrace fees, of course. companies will pay you to put their logos and advertising in the 3D shop. you can buy food, magazines, and toys, hardware, computer parts, etc.
it gets shipped to you. you get to chose between 3D, 2D or you can browse through stuff like "Screwegg.com" (newegg.com)
CNN will be in the shop, so you won't get bored. you'll have campaign reps for people who want to pay extra for the company to put their names on the wall, extra-extra if they want their voiced opinions comin' out of the intercom every so-so minutes/hours for a period of time.
sounds stupid, but it could happen.
--
here's another one. you get a team to go out and survey an area that you'd like to see in a first person shooter. they fly out and measure and record everything. you chose the FPS game or the RTS game or whatever game you get to control your unit/forces in, and they design the map with the best of their ability. although you can't call the map yours, they put your name somewhere on the map after you and put up company logos all around from theirs and other companies to make money. you get to have the map ofcourse, however it also belongs to the company.
for example, if it's a game like Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfight 2, and you want a scene/stage of a map, say Como Zoo or the Minnesota Zoo, you pay the company and they fly out to the Twin Cities and they take the time to build the map and offer you a copy on a CD/DVD and put it up on their own servers and website. Why do you have to pay for it, 'cuz you're the one who wanted to do it.
--
Another, a team that searches for lost and found stuff in libraries and schools and rec centers and etc. You invest in the team and if they can claim anything good, they will pay you a fraction of what they can find. It's like gambling, you don't know if the team is going to good on certain days or not. But they attempt and lie and do stupid stuff to claim the goods that are held in lost and founds. Even in churches... what am I thinking? Completely stupid.
--
A service called the Preppy Jock-Squad. They teach you everything opposite of the Geek Squad. They teach you all the dorky ways of the being a sport jock or a preppy. they teach you how to score dates and what kind of words to say to impress friends, family and guys and girls. They help you find jobs and will follow you around to make sure you are "cool" or if you want, they can teach you how to act conceited, arragont and talk like you're a jerk too.
Give it up for the Preppy Jock-Squad!
--
One more, dumpster diving crew. This one is like the Lost and Found team investers, but these guys dumpster dive. They sell what they find and then they split the profit with you.
--
That's it for now.
Dr. Detroit
Diamond Member
- Sep 25, 2004
- 8,527
- 932
- 126
Ink for tatoos that degrades after 30-days, 12-months, 24-months and so on.
That way you can be super cool in your college years and not look like a whore when your 35 with three kids and a minivan.
That way you can be super cool in your college years and not look like a whore when your 35 with three kids and a minivan.
yours truly
Golden Member
- Aug 19, 2006
- 1,026
- 1
- 81
how about flushing the toilet without using your hands, like using a pedal or something with your foot.
if i wasnt so lazy i'd invent that...
much more hygienic
if i wasnt so lazy i'd invent that...
much more hygienic
idiotekniQues
Platinum Member
- Jan 4, 2007
- 2,572
- 0
- 76
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
SNL did a bit years ago about a restaurant called "Pre-chewed Charlie's" where the waiters would chew your steak for you, then you could eat it.
How about instead of those guys who sell flowers at traffic lights, you have a team of four guys who carry a tank of pressurized water on their backs with a sponge on a wand attached, and at a long traffic light you could get a quick car wash.
Breakfast delivery. I like it when my newspaper is in the driveway by 5 AM, but it would be even better if someone would bring me a hot ham and cheese omelet with wheat toast at the same time.
Easy Febreezy - little kiosks where you could get a blast of Febreeze on your clothes if it was a particularly sticky day and you needed a quick freshening up.
My Office Valet - bonded workers would come to your office and handle errands like your dry cleaning, routine banking, take your car to get the oil changed or tires rotated, even bring you a take-out dinner at the end of the day if you wanted.
Fake-ation Guests - when you go on vacation, they'll park a car in your driveway, use a remote device to turn lights on and off from outside the house, cut the grass, put a bag of trash out on pickup day, etc. No one will think the house is empty.
How about instead of those guys who sell flowers at traffic lights, you have a team of four guys who carry a tank of pressurized water on their backs with a sponge on a wand attached, and at a long traffic light you could get a quick car wash.
Breakfast delivery. I like it when my newspaper is in the driveway by 5 AM, but it would be even better if someone would bring me a hot ham and cheese omelet with wheat toast at the same time.
Easy Febreezy - little kiosks where you could get a blast of Febreeze on your clothes if it was a particularly sticky day and you needed a quick freshening up.
My Office Valet - bonded workers would come to your office and handle errands like your dry cleaning, routine banking, take your car to get the oil changed or tires rotated, even bring you a take-out dinner at the end of the day if you wanted.
Fake-ation Guests - when you go on vacation, they'll park a car in your driveway, use a remote device to turn lights on and off from outside the house, cut the grass, put a bag of trash out on pickup day, etc. No one will think the house is empty.
AgaBoogaBoo
Lifer
- Feb 16, 2003
- 26,108
- 5
- 81
Still waiting for automated cars so I can sleep later and get ready for work on the ride there. Road trips would also be very nice and relaxing.
I would also like a machine like the one in the Jetsons that tosses me out of bed and gets me ready to go, waterless shower etc...
I would also like a machine like the one in the Jetsons that tosses me out of bed and gets me ready to go, waterless shower etc...
UNCjigga
Lifer
- Dec 12, 2000
- 25,577
- 10,265
- 136
Listen to this one then; you open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggit Fan Club. You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each; a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggit Fan Club, saying "sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out." Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques; not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he isn't paying in cheques!
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