List some unrealistic but awesome business ideas.

[gwrober]

Originally posted by: UNCjigga
Listen to this one then; you open a company called the Arse Tickler's Faggit Fan Club. You take an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos, sell it a bit with, er... I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", latest and greatest in sexual technology. Guaranteed results or money back, all that bollocks. These dills cost twenty-five each; a snip for all the pleasure they are going to give the recipients. They send a cheque to the company name, nothing offensive, er, Bobbie's Bits or something, for twenty-five. You put these in the bank for two weeks and let them clear. Now this is the clever bit. Then you send back the cheques for twenty-five pounds from the real company name, Arse Tickler's Faggit Fan Club, saying "sorry, we couldn't get the supply from America, they have sold out." Now you see how many of the people cash those cheques; not a single soul, because who wants his bank manager to know he tickles arses when he isn't paying in cheques!

ROFL!

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: PingSpike
[snipped]

These are supposed to be unrealistic ideas, right?

 

[fire400]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: PingSpike
[snipped]

These are supposed to be unrealistic ideas, right?

umm... wait, do we get to take anyone to court if they take our ideas?

 

[rocadelpunk]

Originally posted by: Fmr12B
Ink for tatoos that degrades after 30-days, 12-months, 24-months and so on.

That way you can be super cool in your college years and not look like a whore when your 35 with three kids and a minivan.

that's a great idea.

 

[Imported]

Inhalable Red Bull or something similar.. Like those drugs in Minority Report.. but not drugs

Manufacturing and what not.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: fire400
-how about a business that hires people for it's clients to have them stand around and do nothing, like loitering, but they're allowed to be there?
whats the point of this?
-before you buy a movie, the person watches it for you, and if they like it, they tell you about it. you basically hire a personal critic?
they're called movie critics and you can see their reviews for free.
-a human pet business. leash the indivitual, put them in a cage and feed them whenever you want to. one time buy or rent 'em out!
kind of already done but these kind of people do it for free...
-someone that scores numbers for you. it's like a service for someone to get you the digits 'cuz you don't have enough guts.
worthless, if you can't get them yourself, what makes you think getting someone to do it for you would help? you'd look like a bigger loser.
-repaints keyboards and computer parts from normal wear and tare.
repaints? would probably cost more to have this done thatn to go get a new part...

-a business that has people travel the world with your personal identity and makes friends with them in your name so that you can have penpals and brag about having gone to this and that place in a particular part of the world. they take pictures for you and photoshop you into things, write fake journal logs with your kind of hand writing... while you can still go to work and stay home!!!
wtf? same as the getting the digits person...when you talk to these people and know nothing about them or the place, how do you explain it? besides, thats just sad...

-people who work for you so that you can get a day off. you give the business as much information about your job and they find the right guy to fill in for your position so you don't have to put up with calling in sick or scheduling those precious vacation days
and when this guy does a better job than you maybe you'll get his old job...


-a personal drill sergant that helps you run your life for you. they're like a personal trainer, only more military-like and much more mean than anyone you've met in your life. physical contact includes (but... is not limited to!) getting beat up regularlary and pushed around in front of your friends and family.
pointless and dumb

-eyeglass/shades repair onsite, GPS tracking technology and sensor devices on your vision-equipment to let them know where you are and when they are broken so that they can show up and just fix it for you
might work, but would need to broaden the things to be repaired.

-nose hair shaving service. someone comes out to your home and cuts your nose hair for you. costs extra to shave hair on other parts of your body, the sky isn't the limit!
you can do this yourself...not sure why anyone would want this job..

-clothes that you wear with sensor and GPS tracking devices installed onto them. like an airbag in a car, if the impact is too much, you either are being hugged too much, gettin' beat up or thrown into a dumpster by a bunch of high school jerks or getting robbed. the company sends a couple of bouncers your way to help defend you and get you out of tight situations.
hire a bodyguard...
-a video game service that hires guys to play your video game for you. you get to watch them beat the game the whole way through and they teach you tricks, on-site. they're like the Geek Squad, except they just come over to play your video games and chat with you 'n stuff.
whats the fun in that?

-certified mommy and daddy. these indivituals are more than the typical Welfred from Batman or the "naggy" Nanny from the TV show. They actually try to make you feel at home by cleaning and checking up on you. They'll spank the kids and make sure they eat their veggies and clean the house, top to bottom. They basically provide comfortable living as being part of the family!
so you want a nanny or butler or servants?

-friendship service for kids, online! this is monitored 24/7 by professionals to make sure child-pornographers and stalkers are not on the site. once you hit 11, you are automatically transferred to Hi5 or myspace.com, and yes, you will get paid from Hi5 and myspace.com for every referal. Kids 5-11 can enjoy chat and gettin' to know each other, browse profiles and play games together, online. they can exchange numbers and get to know each other over the telephone if they want. parent signature required. any suspicious acitivity will be reported to the FBI. for kids only.
lol, thats so pathetic...hiring people to be your kid's friends??

-a website that monitors all the types of magazines, worldwide, in every language, and provides cliff notes for the magazines, to be translated in any language. you can download the magazines or read them yourself. online-exclusively. you get to critique magz and watch interviews about the editors, from all around the world.
most mags already have a website.

-a website that diagnosis' people's mental illnesses like ADHD or morbid addictions. it offers counseling and you get to chat with professionals. it's like the HP tech support website, only this one offers hospitality online, chatting or mic only.

you're going to diagnose mental illness online? lol

 

[Atheus]

Originally posted by: Imported
Inhalable Red Bull or something similar.. Like those drugs in Minority Report.. but not drugs

Manufacturing and what not.

Meth. And BTW - red bull *is* drugs - it's caffine.

 

[fire400]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: fire400
-how about a business that hires people for it's clients to have them stand around and do nothing, like loitering, but they're allowed to be there?
whats the point of this?
-before you buy a movie, the person watches it for you, and if they like it, they tell you about it. you basically hire a personal critic?
they're called movie critics and you can see their reviews for free.
-a human pet business. leash the indivitual, put them in a cage and feed them whenever you want to. one time buy or rent 'em out!
kind of already done but these kind of people do it for free...
-someone that scores numbers for you. it's like a service for someone to get you the digits 'cuz you don't have enough guts.
worthless, if you can't get them yourself, what makes you think getting someone to do it for you would help? you'd look like a bigger loser.
-repaints keyboards and computer parts from normal wear and tare.
repaints? would probably cost more to have this done thatn to go get a new part...

-a business that has people travel the world with your personal identity and makes friends with them in your name so that you can have penpals and brag about having gone to this and that place in a particular part of the world. they take pictures for you and photoshop you into things, write fake journal logs with your kind of hand writing... while you can still go to work and stay home!!!
wtf? same as the getting the digits person...when you talk to these people and know nothing about them or the place, how do you explain it? besides, thats just sad...

-people who work for you so that you can get a day off. you give the business as much information about your job and they find the right guy to fill in for your position so you don't have to put up with calling in sick or scheduling those precious vacation days
and when this guy does a better job than you maybe you'll get his old job...


-a personal drill sergant that helps you run your life for you. they're like a personal trainer, only more military-like and much more mean than anyone you've met in your life. physical contact includes (but... is not limited to!) getting beat up regularlary and pushed around in front of your friends and family.
pointless and dumb

-eyeglass/shades repair onsite, GPS tracking technology and sensor devices on your vision-equipment to let them know where you are and when they are broken so that they can show up and just fix it for you
might work, but would need to broaden the things to be repaired.

-nose hair shaving service. someone comes out to your home and cuts your nose hair for you. costs extra to shave hair on other parts of your body, the sky isn't the limit!
you can do this yourself...not sure why anyone would want this job..

-clothes that you wear with sensor and GPS tracking devices installed onto them. like an airbag in a car, if the impact is too much, you either are being hugged too much, gettin' beat up or thrown into a dumpster by a bunch of high school jerks or getting robbed. the company sends a couple of bouncers your way to help defend you and get you out of tight situations.
hire a bodyguard...
-a video game service that hires guys to play your video game for you. you get to watch them beat the game the whole way through and they teach you tricks, on-site. they're like the Geek Squad, except they just come over to play your video games and chat with you 'n stuff.
whats the fun in that?

-certified mommy and daddy. these indivituals are more than the typical Welfred from Batman or the "naggy" Nanny from the TV show. They actually try to make you feel at home by cleaning and checking up on you. They'll spank the kids and make sure they eat their veggies and clean the house, top to bottom. They basically provide comfortable living as being part of the family!
so you want a nanny or butler or servants?

-friendship service for kids, online! this is monitored 24/7 by professionals to make sure child-pornographers and stalkers are not on the site. once you hit 11, you are automatically transferred to Hi5 or myspace.com, and yes, you will get paid from Hi5 and myspace.com for every referal. Kids 5-11 can enjoy chat and gettin' to know each other, browse profiles and play games together, online. they can exchange numbers and get to know each other over the telephone if they want. parent signature required. any suspicious acitivity will be reported to the FBI. for kids only.
lol, thats so pathetic...hiring people to be your kid's friends??

-a website that monitors all the types of magazines, worldwide, in every language, and provides cliff notes for the magazines, to be translated in any language. you can download the magazines or read them yourself. online-exclusively. you get to critique magz and watch interviews about the editors, from all around the world.
most mags already have a website.

-a website that diagnosis' people's mental illnesses like ADHD or morbid addictions. it offers counseling and you get to chat with professionals. it's like the HP tech support website, only this one offers hospitality online, chatting or mic only.

you're going to diagnose mental illness online? lol

I am so touched by your wonderful comments. I didn't know you take business so seriously.
"List some unrealistic but awesome business ideas."
How about a job, pontifex? I come up with business ideas and posts on forums, and you evaluate them. Your routine will include logging onto Anandtech everyday and checking out anything that I write.

Here's your new job title. Someone picks out a member from a forum, you. And you are paid to see if the user is posting effectively. We can work this out with paypal if you want. I'll offer a couple pennies every decade or so. How does that sound?

--

Alright, how about a job where you get to smell flowers in someone's garden and you get paid for it. You have to say if it's worthy of being the real flower or not. And you have serveral people evaluate how things smell in your house, to see if it will match the flowers by your garden. Certain smells in sequence can stimulate certain behaviors.
"Is your home smelling right, and does it match your garden?"
1-800-We SMELL, call toll free

--

A company that counts dead pixels on your monitor, and they use advanced equipment to fix it, on-site, without having to send it in.

--

If you're colorblind, you got a person to follow you around, interpretting whatever color you point at. That way you don't cross red lights and touch a pile of blood when you think it could be spilled paint. Why you would touch spilled paint, who knows. It costs extra to have them smell things for you.

--

Wallet shining service anyone? After they shine it, they get to take as much cash as they want out of your wallet, without your consent, it's part of the terms and agreement, you sign before they clean. It's like a cleaning service for your wallet, except they really clean it out, .. and make it shine too!

 

[Farang]

Some sort of system that makes the highways more efficient by pulling/pushing cars with a single power source rather than having each car power itself individually. This can be done countless ways and all have their problems but I think it could be made to work.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: fire400
I am so touched by your wonderful comments. I didn't know you take business so seriously.
"List some unrealistic but awesome business ideas."
How about a job, pontifex? I come up with business ideas and posts on forums, and you evaluate them. Your routine will include logging onto Anandtech everyday and checking out anything that I write.

Here's your new job title. Someone picks out a member from a forum, you. And you are paid to see if the user is posting effectively. We can work this out with paypal if you want. I'll offer a couple pennies every decade or so. How does that sound?

maybe we need someone to read thread titles to you...it says unrealistic but AWESOME

 

[everman]

Originally posted by: yllus
My idea for a national business chain is called, "Walk a Mile in Your Shoes".

You know how when you buy new shoes the first, oh, five times you wear them for a prolonged amount of time is usually really uncomfortable - sometimes downright painful? Wouldn't it be nice if there was a place in the mall where you could go and have a certified shoe-wearer break in your shoes for you? No more pain, just the unadulterated glory of new shoes!

Clearly the employees of WAMIYS would need to be carefully screened and checked daily for clean feet. Or would wear some sort of special sock. Whatever.

Okay, your turn!

I just got a pair of eccos and they're very comfortable from the start, no breaking in period. Yes they're new

 

[ultimatebob]

Originally posted by: The Cornballer
self healing auto paint.

Good idea!

The caffeine detector is cool, too!

I got a awesome biz idea, though... I want to build a super-blender that's so strong that it can blend crowbars and other inferior brand name blenders!

I'll then make a weekly web show called "We can blend that!", with Bruce Campbell as the host!

 

[Corbett]

I would like to create an online test that people have to pass to be able to use the "U-scan" at the grocery store. Once they pass the test, they receive a code they can type in the u-scan machine to allow them to use it. The code could also be linked to their phone number in case they forget it.

This would cut down my wait time in the u-scan line dramitcally because it always seems like there are 4 machines and all 4 have complete morons with 3432 items.

 

[fire400]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: fire400
I am so touched by your wonderful comments. I didn't know you take business so seriously.
"List some unrealistic but awesome business ideas."
How about a job, pontifex? I come up with business ideas and posts on forums, and you evaluate them. Your routine will include logging onto Anandtech everyday and checking out anything that I write.

Here's your new job title. Someone picks out a member from a forum, you. And you are paid to see if the user is posting effectively. We can work this out with paypal if you want. I'll offer a couple pennies every decade or so. How does that sound?

maybe we need someone to read thread titles to you...it says unrealistic but AWESOME

Oh well, I guess I'll never be as awesome as you. Teach me oh wise one.

How about a service where you have people who don't care about their lives to test food if it's poisened or not. That way, if they should ever become poisened, they've just saved someone's life!

 

[ultimatebob]

Originally posted by: Corbett
I would like to create an online test that people have to pass to be able to use the "U-scan" at the grocery store. Once they pass the test, they receive a code they can type in the u-scan machine to allow them to use it. The code could also be linked to their phone number in case they forget it.

This would cut down my wait time in the u-scan line dramitcally because it always seems like there are 4 machines and all 4 have complete morons with 3432 items.

:thumbsup:

 

[eLiu]

Originally posted by: Kaido
Fat-free, sugar-free chocolate. That tastes like real chocolate.

/instant billionaire

I have a chemical engineering friend here at school who is working on efficiently growing a sugar-substitute that actually *fights* cavities (grown in yeast). I don't know about how unhealthy it is otherwise, but my understanding is that the stuff should be pretty badass if they can get the process working efficiently.

 

[EKKC]

yahooglesoft