Kids Birthday Party & Divorce

[badmouse]

Originally posted by: Stark
suck it up and do what's best for the kid, which is having both his parents at his bday parties.

she comes this year, you go next year.

Sorry, but the kid doesn't need both parents at his bday parties. He needs to have a good relationship with both parents, and he needs both parents to respect the other parent (at least in front of him).

You aren't going to be there for every single moment of your child's life - whether you're married, divorced or whatever. Face it, you're going to miss something. Even back during the brief period when I was a full-time stay-home mom, the kids would have events scheduled at the same time and I had to pick one or the other. (Idiot schools would schedule ALL back-to-school nights on the same night, ridiculous! but that's another rant)

It's more important to have a good on-going relationship and to avoid your ex if she makes you crazy. Crazyness isn't good for your child. Or for you.

 

[conjur]

Kick the ex to the curb.

I remember the bullsh*t she put you through. She wanted out...she's out.

Tell her to fvck the hell off.

She'll have time on her own to have a separate birthday party for your son. This is a consequence of divorce...separate lives.

 

[Armitage]

Originally posted by: conjur
Kick the ex to the curb.

I remember the bullsh*t she put you through. She wanted out...she's out.

Tell her to fvck the hell off.

She'll have time on her own to have a separate birthday party for your son. This is a consequence of divorce...separate lives.

Yea ... if it was just about her, there wouldn't be any question.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Your son is only 3 years old. He should have both parents there to celebrate his birthday if possible. I would invite her and just try to be cordial with your ex during the event.

Do it for your son.

 

[Klixxer]

Kids older than two months can sense hostility, get used to it and throw separate parties, i know how you should be doing it together for the kid and all that crap but you will end up bickering about something and one or both of you won't feel happy, for the kid it is better with one happy parent than two who are miserable around eachother.

Oh yes, i have been there.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: conjur
Kick the ex to the curb.

I remember the bullsh*t she put you through. She wanted out...she's out.

Tell her to fvck the hell off.

She'll have time on her own to have a separate birthday party for your son. This is a consequence of divorce...separate lives.

Yea ... if it was just about her, there wouldn't be any question.

That's just it. She's trying to *make* this about her. Playing up the guilt trip after all the bullsh*t she threw your way. Children are resilient. He'll remember his friends, his cake, his presents. He won't remember mom not being there...esp. if she has her own party separately.

What's going to happen come Christmas? Is she going to want to spent the night w/you every Christmas Eve night?

 

[AmericasTeam]

Speaking from experience, invite her and try to deal. I had the same problems when my first son was young, not wanting to be around his mother, but I got over it and you will to.

When she has him next year you will want to be invited to the party.

You think things a hard to deal with now, wait until she brings or has a 'friend' at one of the parties.

 

[Ogg]

Originally posted by: conjur

Originally posted by: Armitage

Originally posted by: conjur
Kick the ex to the curb.

I remember the bullsh*t she put you through. She wanted out...she's out.

Tell her to fvck the hell off.

She'll have time on her own to have a separate birthday party for your son. This is a consequence of divorce...separate lives.

Yea ... if it was just about her, there wouldn't be any question.

That's just it. She's trying to *make* this about her. Playing up the guilt trip after all the bullsh*t she threw your way. Children are resilient. He'll remember his friends, his cake, his presents. He won't remember mom not being there...esp. if she has her own party separately.

What's going to happen come Christmas? Is she going to want to spent the night w/you every Christmas Eve night?

Amen brother!

 

[Gurck]

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb
BTW, the kid will never remember that he/she was upset about one of you not being there....in fact, he probably won't even remember much of the party, period.

Not in the sense where later in life he can talk about it; on a deeper level than that. Kids do notice strife between those they love and it does embed itself in them, moreso than many things later in life as these are called the "formative years" for a reason.

 

[Chunkee]

search your heart on this one, i struggle with this every week. I love my son so much it hurts, but his mother is a controlling, not nice person (best way i can say it)

Have a separate party, you are the adult here and have to use good judgement. It will be something he will get used to and she can have a separate party with her or do something else. Tell you child you love them and that is why you are making the decision.

jC

 

[bozack]

I would say now is your time to shine....

you said:

I need to get out and met people, talk, have a good time, etc. This is a good opportunity for that, but in the frame of mind I'll be in if she's there, I'll be a wreck, and most of the people will think I'm some kind of antisocial nutcase. That and she is very outgoing by nature, and this whole thing was like water of a ducks back for her. She'll just end up being the life of the party.

And to me that really struck a nerve...don't know why but it did....

You should invite her over but try your damndest not to fit that mold which you described above as that is what she will expect you to do....try to ignore her as best as possible and be very outgoing, remember YOU are the one hosting the party, not her...

Hide your feelings and put on an act, not only for the Kid's sake, but also to show her up....show that you are strong willed and what not...I cannot imagine how difficult it would be, but I know that if put in the same situation I could do it.

good luck