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Jesus's middle name is Hume! Caution: Some NSFW images within!

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Just heard the following jokes on Youtube. Guess whose.

Joke 1:

I have a kid in Africa. I feed him. I clothe him. I inoculate him.
For 75 cents a day.
That's nothing.
Nothing compared to what it took to send him there.

Joke 2:

For some reason, my wife gets really mad at me. I just keep quiet and listen most of the time. But sometimes, even though I should know better, I tell her things I shouldn't. Like last night, we got hammered. Got drunk out of our minds. So we wake up in the morning with a huge hangover and I know I shouldn't tell her anything but I say to her, "Ummm..I'm sorry but I think I slept with your mom last night". She goes nuts, "What the hell are yout talking about??? That's impossible!". So I think about it for a minute and I understand what happened so I tell her, "You know, you should wear make-up ALL the time".
 
blackangst1 said:
PSA: how to survive a kangaroo attack

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Guy I used to dive with was from Oz. He told me best way to handle them is to catch one of their feet and just starting dragging them backwards. When they drop, put the boots to 'em. Make them understand human = assbeating

He had a scar on his leg from a kangaroo so I assumed he knew what he was talking about, though maybe that explains the kicking part. He's just bitter.
 
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Fritzo said:
Korean cuisine is sweeping the planet right now- Anthony Bourdain predicted it would because it was undiscovered and underutilized. That was 10 years ago, and here we are today...
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I recall Ruth Reichl saying this well before that; though her argument at that time was general perplexity that it wasn't already long popular in the US, because it focuses on the things that Americans already love.
 
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