Just heard the following jokes on Youtube. Guess whose.
Joke 1:
I have a kid in Africa. I feed him. I clothe him. I inoculate him.
For 75 cents a day.
That's nothing.
Nothing compared to what it took to send him there.
Joke 2:
For some reason, my wife gets really mad at me. I just keep quiet and listen most of the time. But sometimes, even though I should know better, I tell her things I shouldn't. Like last night, we got hammered. Got drunk out of our minds. So we wake up in the morning with a huge hangover and I know I shouldn't tell her anything but I say to her, "Ummm..I'm sorry but I think I slept with your mom last night". She goes nuts, "What the hell are yout talking about??? That's impossible!". So I think about it for a minute and I understand what happened so I tell her, "You know, you should wear make-up ALL the time".