I've got a problem

[ColdFusion718]

Originally posted by: Dari

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Dari
I'm supposed to get married next year. But I don't like jewelry; don't like to hold money; and don't like other people to touch me, unless it's my fiancee during sex.. I cannot imagine wearing a ring and I've let my fiancee know. She doesn't know what to say to this. I doubt that she has much of a choice on the matter but it won't look good when family comes around. They might think I'm cheating on her or something.

Is there a name for this problem I have?

Supposed to? Most people would say "I am getting married next year."

You got bigger problems than jewelry and money, my friend. Please get some counseling before you take your vows.

I think you're caught up on semantics.

Originally posted by: clamum
Why don't you want to wear the ring?

I don't like jewelry.

Your subconscious is telling you that getting married is a mistake. Perhaps you should try listening to it.

People who genuinely want to get married and stay married will basically run into a burning building if they had to (and I suppose they inherently hate running into burning buildings given normal circumstances).

<Russell Peters>Be a man!</Russell Peters>

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: Dari

Originally posted by: sixone

Originally posted by: Dari
I'm supposed to get married next year. But I don't like jewelry; don't like to hold money; and don't like other people to touch me, unless it's my fiancee during sex.. I cannot imagine wearing a ring and I've let my fiancee know. She doesn't know what to say to this. I doubt that she has much of a choice on the matter but it won't look good when family comes around. They might think I'm cheating on her or something.

Is there a name for this problem I have?

Supposed to? Most people would say "I am getting married next year."

You got bigger problems than jewelry and money, my friend. Please get some counseling before you take your vows.

I think you're caught up on semantics.

Originally posted by: clamum
Why don't you want to wear the ring?

I don't like jewelry.

do you like your future wife and the marriage that ring signifies less than the idea of getting used to a piece of metal around your finger?

id say you need to look deep inside you and realize that if youre not willing to compromise on a small issue like this youre doomed to a failing marriage (most likely, since marriage is a lifetime of compromise).

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: 49erinnc
Ignoring what could be some deeper issues, I will say that you'll get used to the ring. I had never wore a ring in my life prior to getting married. Hated jewelry of any sort, aside from a watch. We even had conversations about me possibly not wearing a ring because of the discomfort. But, I wore one and within a couple months, it was no big deal. And after a while, I actually felt really odd/naked without it on. I've been divorced for a while and every once in a while, I'll still catch myself feeling a bit odd without one on.

If your reasons go beyond just not liking the feeling of having jewelry on, then you may need to have those issues addressed before walking the aisle.

Edit: Beat me to the punch, Dullard. I too, get that same exact scare of having lost my ring at times, despite being divorced for a while now. Kind of freaky when it happens.

same here, only been 10 months or so since we split, feels really weird to not have that ring i wore for 14 years on.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: allisolm

Originally posted by: Dari

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Dari
The problem is not committment in any way, it is jewelry in general. I have a strong aversion to them.

Like I said, be a man and after 2 weeks you won't have an aversion to it. That has nothing to do with committment. But if you can't be a man you shouldn't get married. Again, not a committment thing, but just a society thing.

What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?

If you don't want to wear a ring and it's okay with your fiancee, go right ahead. If it's a big issue with her, you might have to find a way to compromise. Not all men wear rings. My husband doesn't. It's in the lockbox. I don't consider him any less of a man or any less committed or any less of a father or husband because he doesn't wear it, and we've been married more years than most of you have been alive.

If you have an issue with even wearing it for the ceremony because of your touching quirks, then that is another matter.

PS: I wouldn't worry too much about Dullard's Rules of Manhood - he's divorced. 🙂

because that HAS to be the mans fault, right? sigh.

 

[vi edit]

I was the same way. I went with a small titanium band that weighs absolutely nothing. You don't even know it's on. It was weird the first few weeks but as Dullard said, you get used to it.

I jammed the hell out of my ring finger a few months ago and haven't been able to wear my ring since. I feel naked now after wearing every day for 4 years.

If you can't do something this trivial for your marriage, I fail to see how something significant will be handled.

 

[AnyMal]

I don't wear the ring. I only wore it during the ceremony and have put it away since. I don't a piece of jewelry to remind of of my commitment and I could care less about other people's perceptions.

 

[dpert1]

Originally posted by: Dari
Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?

Answer: Hell yes

/300 rocked my world

 

[AkumaX]

tell her you've got a Smeagol-Phobia

 

[elektrolokomotive]

Just put it on.

It will be the first of many things you'll dislike doing, but have to do anyway once you're married.

 

[Allanv]

Originally posted by: Dari

Originally posted by: dullard
Few men are ever initially comfortable with rings. Put the thing on. It'll be a nuisance and it'll be itchy for the first two weeks. But after that, you'll definately miss it when it isn't on.

I was married for 6 years. I hated the ring for the first two weeks. But now that I'm divorced for 2 years, I still occasionally have a brief panic when I realize the ring isn't on and I think I lost it. Then I quickly realize it shouldn't be on. What I'm trying to say is that you get accustomed to it and it becomes a part of you. After 2 weeks it will NOT bother you at all.

Be a man and suffer for those 2 weeks. If you can't do that, you shouldn't get married.

The problem is not committment in any way, it is jewelry in general. I have a strong aversion to them.

Originally posted by: Allanv
i am married and dont wear a ring or any jewlery.

My wife is fine with it. She said she would get miffed if i started wearing it but didnt wear the ring.

Is there a reason why you don't wear yours? Did you have to wear it during the wedding ceremony?

Originally posted by: 49erinnc
Ignoring what could be some deeper issues, I will say that you'll get used to the ring. I had never wore a ring in my life prior to getting married. Hated jewelry of any sort, aside from a watch. We even had conversations about me possibly not wearing a ring because of the discomfort. But, I wore one and within a couple months, it was no big deal. And after a while, I actually felt really odd/naked without it on. I've been divorced for a while and every once in a while, I'll still catch myself feeling a bit odd without one on.

If your reasons go beyond just not liking the feeling of having jewelry on, then you may need to have those issues addressed before walking the aisle.

Edit: Beat me to the punch, Dullard. I too, get that same exact scare of having lost my ring at times, despite being divorced for a while now. Kind of freaky when it happens.

Do I really have issues that can be "fixed"? I'm not a dog, man, just a person that doesn't like certain things. Everybody's not the same.

i used to wear a ring before we married and other jewlery but one day woke up and hated wearing it. that was after we married so i did in the ceramony.

so the other ring + wedding ring + necklace had to go. i have never had piercings though

 

[Jeff7]

It doesn't have to be a problem. A ring is symbolic - the only meaning it may have is what is assigned to it. It's just a piece of metal with some crystalline rock on it. As far as symbols go, you could decide that a paperclip is a symbol of your love - it always keeps things together, is resilient and adaptable. Who's to say you're wrong?
My mom grew tired of wearing her ring, as it just got in the way too many times. The marriage and the love is what's truly important, not the ring.

Just so long as your fiancée understands that your aversion is to the ring itself, and not to the marriage, I'd think that it shouldn't be a problem.

 

[fire400]

in high school I liked wearing rings, just because I bought several LOTR bookmarks, only to rip the metal-gold-colored rings off to pretend that I was wearing the 'precious.' it was funny 'cuz I'd sometimes wash my hands with it and the gold shine just washed off of the ring. then it was silver, but it still had the LOTR writings on it, and yes it was funny.

I got my friend a ring, she wore it around her neck. So if you want to try the same, go for it. As long as your wife knows the ring is with you, it will help her understand that you want for the marriage, but have to show it in other ways. Whatever helps you show love, do it.

You don't like being touched. Exercise more, it relieves stress. We all have a form of stress that causes a disorder if it's not released effectively. Sometimes this causes us to not want to let certain things come our way, clear example, touching. Make more friends and stop hating the touch thing. A relative will want to shake your hand, pat you on the shoulder for a few seconds, tap you on the arm to get your attention, and if you freak out, what a terrible image you will be setting as a married man.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions though. You're not exactly married yet, so don't be afraid to ask yourself if what you're doing isn't enough, or what you're doing too much of. Working hard is one thing, but don't work too hard for the wrong reasons. Good luck`

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: Allanv
i am married and dont wear a ring or any jewlery.

My wife is fine with it. She said she would get miffed if i started wearing it but didnt wear the ring.

Same here. I hate wearing jewelry, I don't even wear a watch.

I did wear it for a few years but we had it resized a number of years ago because it was a tad tight but then the band cracked where they resized it and a while after that I must have whacked it on something because now it is bent and where it was cracked digs into my finger. We keep saying we'll get a plain band for me at some point but haven't done it yet.

No big deal.

 

[Allanv]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: Allanv
i am married and dont wear a ring or any jewlery.

My wife is fine with it. She said she would get miffed if i started wearing it but didnt wear the ring.

Same here. I hate wearing jewelry, I don't even wear a watch.

I did wear it for a few years but we had it resized a number of years ago because it was a tad tight but then the band cracked where they resized it and a while after that I must have whacked it on something because now it is bent and where it was cracked digs into my finger. We keep saying we'll get a plain band for me at some point but haven't done it yet.

No big deal.

oh yes i dont wear a watch either

 

[BooGiMaN]

you will have to get rid of this aversion to people touching you when/if you have kids....they are sorta touchy feely critters...

and when they are mere babys they tend to barf up baby formula on you ....enjoy!

 

[Mxylplyx]

I suspect your marriage might go down in flames over something really stupid. Suck it up and wear the ring.

 

[Kadarin]

You know, I don't wear jewelry at all either. However, if I were married, I would have no problem wearing the ring because I wouldn't consider that to be frivolous jewelry.

 

[fLum0x]

Originally posted by: Jeeebus
You got a problem yo I'll solve it

haha

 

[yowolabi]

Originally posted by: dullard

Originally posted by: Dari
What you just did right there isn't even fair. You defined what it was to be a man and you used your own definition against me. So long as I love my wife, work hard and pay the bills, WTF does a ring have to do with it. Besides, what if, instead of wearing a ring, you had to have one of your toes cut off, would decapitating yourself be considered manly?

I see I need to make myself more clear.

Husbands and especially fathers (if you have children) need to be able to confront their fears in order to have a functional family. You need to have a strong presence with the ability to make good decisions AND to act as necessary for the fitness of your family. If you are too afraid to confront even minor fears, you'll be a horrible husband and a dismal father.

Yes, you have an aversion to jewelry. Many men do (although this is becomming less common with the recent use of male jewelry in pop culture). We confront it, wear it, and move on. We solve the minor problem like that in preparation for confronting the much bigger problems down the road.

Quick: your wife is giving birth, you are too far from a hospital, and you have an aversion to blood. Do you leave them to suffer and maybe die? Or do you be a man and confront your aversion?

I am harsh, because you need it. A ring is just another piece of clothing. Put it on, suffer for 2 weeks, and then you'll be prepared to confront bigger problems down the road.

Good thing Dullard doesn't define manhood for you, me, or anyone else but him. There is nothing manly about caving into pressure for something that doesn't benefit anyone. Personally, I think that being a man is more about standing up for yourself and charting your own course through life. You should be a man and not do something you detest simply because everybody else is doing it. What you should do instead is help your fiancee to understand why it is you won't wear jewelry and come to a compromise with her. That's what a man would do.

You'll find that many people in life will try to make you feel bad about not being a clone of themselves. This is not a failing in you, it is a failing in them. Personally, i'm okay with wearing a band. What i'm not okay with is buying or wearing diamonds. I'm not even engaged yet, but I have discussed my thinking with my girlfriend, and she agrees that other stones can be just as good. Problem solved. I'm sure you can discuss this with your girl and everything will be okay.

IMO, no girl worthy of marrying would reject getting married over anything to do with the rings. She's marrying you, not the ring. Elevating the "symbol" above the thing it symbolizes is either a devestating lack of logic, or a peek into what her true priorities are. Continue to work on being the best boyfriend/husband you can, and make sure you get a girl who's more interested in being happy than the appearance of being happy.

 

[moonbit]

IMO, a ring is not really a big deal. Many men don't wear a ring because they don't like jewelry, or because it's a work hazard. My dad almost lost a finger because of his wedding band. On the other hand, my husband planned on not wearing his ring, but tried it, and liked it. Then there's even very religious folk out there (not talking about Amish) that don't wear any jewelry, including wedding bands, because of the materialism. This is men and women both.

As for the symbolism....well the symbolism is only as meaningful as the person wearing the symbol is willing to put meaning into it. There are plenty of married people wearing rings who screw around, and plenty of married people without rings who don't.

Now, if this is a cleanliness issue, you might want to look into professional help, especially if you plan on having children. Kids are so NOT clean. 😛

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: yowolabi
What you should do instead is help your fiancee to understand why it is you won't wear jewelry and come to a compromise with her. That's what a man would do.

Continue to work on being the best boyfriend/husband you can.

I agree 100% with those underlined parts. Now compare that to these:

Originally posted by: Dari
I've got a problem...

don't like other people to touch me, unless it's my fiancee during sex.

I cannot imagine wearing a ring. I doubt that she has much of a choice on the matter

She doesn't know what to say to this.

but it won't look good when family comes around.

Refusing to allow the woman to have a say in the matter is NOT "coming to a compromise". Doing things that you know "won't look good when family comes around" is NOT "being the best boyfriend/husband". Only touching your gf/wife when she is sexually pleasuring you (ie no kisses, no hugs, no handholds) is often not "being the best boyfriend/husband".

He is doing the exact opposite of what is needed in a relationship, the exact opposite of your advice. And yet you come here to defend him.

You completely misunderstood my post. Being a man is NOT wearing a ring. Being a man is not caving to pressure. Being a man is doing what you want when you want. However, being a man is also confronting your problems and solving them instead of gathering excuses to avoid them. The ring is just one of probably many examples of his avoidance. No, one example is not important. It is the sum of all the examples that leads to a pattern; and that pattern is what is important.

 

[Squisher]

Never bought a ring for myself and I've been married 23 yrs.

 

[ch33zw1z]

I hate wearing jewelry, but after a 1.5 years...I've gotten used to mind. SO SUCK IT UP B!TCH.

 

[Azraele]

I don't like foreign objects touching me, aside from clothes and other appareils.

Consider it an "other apparel."

Really, you're going to hurt her feelings terribly if you don't want to wear a ring. Can't you even try for her?